Giles watched her in silence for a moment before he spoke. “How are you, Buffy?”
“I’m fine.” Buffy smiled a little. “Things are going really well. Great, actually.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” The therapist returned her smile. “Mind telling me what you’ve been up to for the last couple of days?”
“Well...” Buffy thought about it for a moment. “There was the birthday party from hell...” She grimaced as she explained; “My mom threw me a birthday party. It turned out to be a disaster.” A pause. “But aside from that, everything’s been peachy.”
“I see.” Giles nodded in understanding. “What went wrong?”
“Oh, I’d say about everything.” She forced a laugh. “My dad showed up with his secretary – who I’m pretty sure he’s having an affair with. My friend Xander got drunk and apparently threw up on the back porch. Then my cousin Faith tried to make a move on Spike and he ended up punching her in the face, but I’m sure you already know about that. Oh, and my mom told me she and my dad are getting a divorce. You know, that kind of thing.” She shrugged in an attempt of acting casual, knowing that she was failing miserably.
“Oh.” Giles was quiet for a moment, looking slightly taken aback. Then he cleared his throat. “And how do you feel about all of this?”
A strained giggle escaped her. “Well, I feel kinda grateful that I wasn’t the one who had to clean up on the back porch.” Her plastered smile faded when she saw the serious look on Giles’ face. “I take it that’s not what you meant.”
“Let me rephrase my question...” Giles leaned back in his chair. “Of all the things that went wrong, what would you say affected you the most?”
“That’s easy. Faith, of course.” Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she recalled her cousin’s thoughtless actions in the kitchen. “Spike was doing so well, and then that heartless bitch had to come and put him in a position where he felt like he had no choice but to defend himself. And now she expects me to forgive her. Me! I could just kill her!”
Giles gave her a questioning look. “Are you saying Faith was aware of Spike’s situation?”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “No. Of course not. But that’s not the point.”
“I agree.” Giles nodded, patiently. “However, I get the feeling that what upsets you the most is the fact that Faith’s actions – whether or not it was intentional – affected Spike in a negative way. Am I correct?”
She gave it a moment’s thought. “I guess so. Yeah.”
“In that case,” Giles continued, “let us put Spike’s feelings aside for a moment and focus on the fact that someone you know tried to – as you put it – make a move on your boyfriend. How does that make you feel?”
“Well, it makes me furious, of course!” Buffy gave him a sharp look. “She must have noticed that she was making him uncomfortable. He told her to stop; she had no right...” Her voice trailed off as Giles raised a hand to stop her. “What?”
“Buffy, are you aware of that you’re still speaking of Spike’s feelings like they are the only relevant matter here?” She opened her mouth, but Giles wasn’t finished: “What about your feelings?”
“I...” Buffy stopped, suddenly confused. “I don’t understand.”
Giles gave her a sad smile. “I once said that you and Spike seemed to be rather close. It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong. The way I see it, you’re both lucky to have each other. But it worries me a little, how you always seem to put yourself and your feelings at second place. Don’t misunderstand me. I realize that you love Spike, and you being there for him as much as you have is probably the main reason why he’s been making so much progress over the last couple of weeks.”
Buffy smiled a little at his words. “You really think so?”
“Absolutely.” Giles nodded, firmly. “But right now, it’s just the two of us here. You can be completely open with me; tell me exactly what’s on your mind without having to be strong for anyone else. And still, you are not able to focus on yourself.” Seeing how Buffy’s face fell, he went on, softly; “Tell me something, Buffy. How did Spike react when you told him about your parents getting a divorce?”
“Um...” Buffy swallowed. “We haven’t really talked about it. I mean, so much has happened lately; there hasn’t really been a good time...” She hesitated, lowering her eyes. “Honestly, I don’t wanna bother him with my petty problems.”
“I see.” Giles removed his glasses and started polishing them on his shirt. “And you feel like Spike is such a selfish and egoistic person that he is bound to agree?”
“What? No!” Buffy glared at him. “It’s not like that at all. Spike’s one of the most caring people I’ve ever met.”
“My apologies.” He put the glasses back on. “I just assumed that’s how you felt, since you don’t seem to think Spike would be interested in hearing about your – to use your own words – ‘petty problems’.”
“Stop turning my words against me!” Buffy was starting to get frustrated. “It’s not that I don’t think he’d care. I know he would. It’s just that he’s had enough to deal with on his own.”
“Is that why you decided not to fill him in on how you felt about your birthday?” Seeing the surprised look on her face, Giles nodded. “Yes, Spike told me about that. He also said that he didn’t mind me bringing it up with you. May I give you my opinion?” She just nodded, looking at him with big eyes, so he went on; “Buffy, we have already established that you are a kind, loving and caring young woman. But I believe you need to remind yourself that the ability of receiving love and strength is just as important as giving it away.”
“Oh.” Buffy frowned. “Sure, I agree. But I don’t think I...” She hesitated for a moment. “Are you saying...?”
“I believe you mean well.” Giles gave her an assuring smile. “Just remember that trust goes both ways in a relationship. Don’t forget about yourself and your needs. Maybe you need to allow Spike to be the strong one every once in a while. Give him a chance to be there for you, like you have been there for him.”
Her eyes went wide as his words started to sink in. “I’ve never thought of it that way. I just...” She swallowed, her bottom lip trembling. “Please tell me I’m not doing exactly the same thing I’ve accused Spike of for so long. Pushing him away. ‘Cause I never meant to. I was just trying to...”
“You were trying to spare him from having to add your concern when he obviously has a lot on his mind as it is,” Giles finished for her. “Your heart is in the right place, Buffy. But maybe you need to learn to give Spike a little more credit. You can’t keep protecting him from the world. It’s not fair to either of you.”
Buffy nodded, slowly. “I see your point. So, what do you think I should do?”
“Hey. Is Buffy around?” Xander looked a little nervous, glancing over Spike’s shoulder into the apartment.
He shook his head. “Sorry.”
“That’s all right.” Xander cleared his throat. “So, everything’s okay? Thought of giving you a call, but...” He shrugged. “What happened the other night? Faith didn’t give you too much trouble, did she?”
Spike wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Although he definitely felt more comfortable around Xander these days, he wasn’t about to get into any details about what really happened the night of Buffy’s birthday party. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
“Good.” Xander let out a nervous laugh. “Felt kinda bad about just leaving you with her like that.” A pause. “Look, about that night... I may have been drunk at the time, but I do remember some of the things I said.” Spike just looked at him so he went on; “Personal things. Just wanted to make sure...”
“Already forgotten.” Seeing the somewhat uncertain look on the other man’s face, Spike added; “Don’t worry ‘bout it.”
“Right.” Xander nodded in understanding, the relief evident on his face. “Appreciate you didn’t tell Buffy.” He hesitated. “Not that I’m ashamed or anything. It’s just something I wanna tell her myself, you know?”
“Yeah, I understand.” Spike tilted his head to the side, unable to keep from asking the next question; ”So, planning on filling her in any time soon?”
“Actually...” Xander gave him a sheepish grin. “You guys doing anything tonight? I was thinking maybe we could all meet up at The Bronze. Willow’s already agreed to come. That way I could tell both of them at the same time. Jesse will be there as well.”
Thinking about it for a moment, Spike then nodded. “I’ll check with Buffy, but I’m sure she’ll be up to it.” To tell the truth, he had hoped for a quiet night in, just him and Buffy, but he could tell that this was important to Xander. And he realized that Buffy would also want to spend some time with her friends every once in a while. Not to mention how the fact that they could all finally get along would mean a lot to her.
He supposed it was time for him to get used to the idea of hanging out with other people as well. Unlike him, Buffy came with family and friends – for her sake, he needed to learn to become a little more sociable. And in all honesty, the idea wasn’t completely unpleasant. If anything, it made him feel almost like a normal person. Maybe there was still hope for him after all.
TBC