Chapter 14 – Yesteryear
Buffy and Will visited with Joyce after grocery shopping. Xander gave Dawn a ride to the hospital after school and picked up Will. Buffy didn’t want Will spending too much time at the hospital and she was sure he would get bored there too, so she had arranged for Xander to hang out with him back at the house for a few hours.
When Buffy and Dawn got back later that evening they were exhausted and hungry. First they got something quick from the kitchen where they were soon joined by Xander telling them how things went with Will.
“How did he do?” Buffy asked.
“Fine. Little guy got tired about half an hour ago and I read him a story and put him to bed.”
“Aww,” was the next thing heard from where Dawn was sitting at the counter.
Then Buffy said, “He had a long day. Maybe tomorrow I can take him out and do something. We didn’t really do a whole lot today, but it was still a long day.”
“Yeah, and maybe you can call Spike too,” Dawn suggested obviously.
Buffy smiled, “You know, I could do that.” The two sisters shared a look which Xander caught on to and commented on too.
“Well then, I think that’s my cue to leave.”
“Oh, no Xand…” Dawn began.
“We didn’t mean that,” Buffy finished.
“Really? Cause I think things just got a little awkward in here.”
“No, no…” Dawn began again.
“Dawn just thinks I should be spending more time with Spike,” Buffy finished again.
“Oh?” Xander questioned. “How much time are you two spending together anyway?”
“Some,” Buffy said.
“Not enough,” Dawn interjected.
“Plenty,” Buffy added.
“Yeah, it’s late… I’m gonna go,” Xander said.
“Oh,” Buffy grumped.
“Do you hafta?” Dawn whined.
“I think Anya will want me back before it gets too late,” Xander said.
“Ok, that’s a good excuse,” Dawn conceded. “Will you give me a ride to see Mom again after school tomorrow?”
“Sure thing Dawnster,” Xander said with a grin. “Night girls.”
“Night Xand,” they said at the same time.
“Well, I think I’m going to turn in too…” Dawn said a moment later. “And maybe take a shower first and get a little studying done,” she added to appease her sister.
“Alright,” Buffy said exasperatedly.
“Night Buff,” Dawn gave her a hug and a kiss before heading upstairs.
“Goodnight Dawnie.”
Buffy watched Dawn go upstairs before she went into the living room and turned on the TV. She then looked at her phone and saw she had a text message. It was from Spike.
She read: When do u want me 2 come over?
She replied: Give me 30 minutes… & come 2 my window again.
She read: See u soon.
30 minutes later
Dawn had taken a shower and fallen asleep on one of her school books all within 30 minutes. Buffy couldn’t believe it, but she smiled and tucked Dawn into bed.
Now she was back in her room, thinking about Spike. She looked around her room and stared out her window. Only when she stood to look at her reflection in her long mirror did she hear something outside. She’d left her window open so he could climb in without much trouble.
Suddenly she felt the urge to close her eyes and she did. She took a deep breath in and she knew he was close. She could sense him. It was like he was right next to her, but… Then she felt his arms snake around her waist. She smiled and leaned her back against his chest.
She felt his hot breath on her neck and it tickled. It also made her all warm and gooey inside. She could barely think straight from just being held by him right now, so when he whispered, “I love you” she was gone. There was nothing left of her self control.
“Spike,” she gasped, desperately wriggling in his arms.
He ran his hands up and down her sides soothingly and was happy to see she calmed. Then he rested them on her hips where he could still rub small circles on the soft skin just beneath the hem of her shirt. “What are we doin’ here, love?”
She took a deep breath before speaking. She knew he wasn’t talking about where they were as in her room. “Finding our way,” she murmured.
“To where?” he asked softly.
“I…” she started. She wasn’t sure where they were headed, but she didn’t want to give him another ‘I don’t know’.
“Buffy, what is this to you?” he asked instead. He had to know. He knew she loved him. She’d said that much, but he’d been afraid to ask what this was to her. Afraid because she had the power to throw it all away right now, in this very moment.
She slowly turned in his arms and looked deep into his eyes. He was searching for something here and she didn’t want to disappoint him. “Love.”
That was it. He let go of the breath he was holding in and smiled a little nervously.
“What did you think I was going to say?” she asked seriously.
“I had no clue,” he whispered as he moved to sit on her bed.
Buffy watched him for a second. He looked like some weight had been lifted from his shoulders. She then knelt between his legs at the edge of the bed. “William, my dear William,” she said adoringly, caressing his cheek with her palm and running her thumb along his defined cheekbone.
His eyes met hers but he remained silent, waiting for her to say something, anything.
“I love you with everything that I am,” she spoke candidly. “I will never stop loving you. I know I haven’t been so easy to…” she paused, “well, to be with lately, but I’ve been fighting with myself. I’m not doing that anymore. I know that I want you. I want you in my life and I’m not letting you leave again.” She smiled at him, having conquered that fear for now. “There is an ‘us’. I want to work on us… whatever that means.”
That did him in. He got a silly grin and pulled her from the floor to him. “God Buffy,” he murmured as he kissed her.
She giggled. Her happiness was evident in that giggle and he was happy too. It was plain to see how happy he was with her little speech. “Well…” she prodded, still giggling.
“Well what?” he said a little puzzled.
“What do you have to say?”
He leered at her and tucked his tongue behind his teeth in that sexy way that always made her swat him in high school. “Can’t I just show you?” he murmured against the soft skin in the crook of her neck.
She wriggled against him but was still giggling until he asked her that. Then she pushed at him seriously. She waited until she could look him in the eyes. “Spike…” she said apprehensively. “Are you suggesting that we…”
“What do you think?” he waggled his brows suggestively.
“Well,” she began slowly and saw him retreat which only tugged on her heart strings. She grabbed his hand. “Wait!” she said a little louder.
He stopped in his retreat and looked back at her with apprehension.
“It’s not that I don’t want to…” she said softly. “Because I do, I really do,” she said with a look that told him just that. “I’m just not prepared to do this right now, are you?”
“Oh,” was all he said. He looked down. He hadn’t thought of that. After all they’d been through he couldn’t believe he’d come unprepared for this. He shook his head regrettably.
“Baby,” she said as she tugged on his hand to get him to look at her. “It’s ok. It’s not like we’ll never do it again. Just not tonight, okay?” she said reassuringly.
He looked up but was still disappointed with himself.
She got up from the bed and tugged his hand again. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”
He eyed her carefully and could tell she wasn’t giving up, even on this idea of a walk. He smiled at her and went through the window first. He watched as she climbed out and down the tree with no problems.
“Seems I still have a knack for that.”
“So it would appear,” he said with a light chuckle.
“Come on,” she said moving ahead of him a few steps.
“Alright, alright,” he said trying to appease her.
She turned around and gave him a look that meant he was asking for it and she was going to dish it. He put his hands up in defense even though his face was saying that this was funny and his eyes were telling her how much he loved this.
“Catch me if you can,” Buffy challenged as she took off down the street.
He ran after her but not at full speed. He was right behind her the whole time until she suddenly stopped and he ran into her. She laughed as they both fell to the ground. Then she stopped as she looked into his eyes.
“Like what ya see?” Spike asked with a smirk.
“Mmmm.”
Spike chuckled at that. “Anyone home?”
“Oh.” A blush crept onto her cheeks.
“You amaze me Buffy Summers.”
His words only made her blush more. She crinkled her brows and asked, “How’s that?”
“A single parent, pretty fearless…” He waited for the look and added, “despite the talking about it. You’ve made something of yourself and I just wish that I was more like you, hardworking, determined, successful…”
Buffy looked at him as he spoke and only grew more puzzled. “What about your band and all the hype about ‘Spike’?” she asked.
He sighed. “We had a successful album about 5 years ago. That’s how I was able to move into my own place, and I’ve saved the money pretty well… investments and the like but we haven’t done much since then. Something hasn’t been clicking since then.” Spike sat up and ran his hands through his hair, scratching his head thoughtfully.
“I had no idea. I heard about the band’s success with the first album, but I just assumed that it had continued since then. I guess not paying attention to all the gossip really does keep you out of the loop,” she smiled. She was happy when he smiled back and she looked around them. “Do you realize where we are?” she asked.
It took him a moment but he suddenly recognized the place. “The old park. Man… I haven’t been back here since…”
“Since you left,” she finished.
“Yeah.” He bumped into her playfully. “Let’s talk about the last 5 years. I want to know everything that’s happened to you and Will.”
“Ok, where do you want to start?” she asked with a smile.
“How about the beginning… what happened after I left?”
“Alright, but let’s walk and talk,” she said, standing up from their place on the ground. She waited for him to stand too before she started walking back to the street.
It took her a few minutes to find her words, but Spike remained silent patiently.
“Well, it was only about 3 weeks after graduation that I found out I was pregnant. I’d been feeling sick and I thought about the possibilities. I called Willow and she took me to the store to get a test. When I told Mom that night she was amazing, no yelling, no ‘I’m disappointed in you’ speech. Nothing like that.” Buffy remembered that day so clearly now.
Spike had to smile at how she spoke of her mom. She was a strong Summers’ woman.
“I’d been working at the gallery a few days a week to save up some spending money for school. The rest of the summer flew by with doctor’s appointments, plans for school, taking all my vitamins, stuff like that. Then I was in school in the fall. Willow and I ended up rooming together which kept too many people from knowing about the pregnancy. Like I told you before my friends and family knew. I’d taken some courses on pop culture and design and decided that I wanted to go into fashion. Sunnydale didn’t have a lot to offer in that realm though so I found a school that did. That’s when I decided to move to San Francisco. Mom, Willow, and Xander helped me move over winter break and I took online classes during the spring. I had Will in March. Mom and Willow came right before the due date and stayed in my teensy apartment with me. Mom stayed for a few weeks after he was born but Willow had to go back to school.” Buffy took a deep breath before continuing. “It wasn’t easy, being a single mom and going to school full time, but I managed somehow. It’s kind of a blur now. There were lots of sleepless nights and I tried to take a lot of online courses. My school actually had a really cheap daycare available just off-campus. Mom helped me out with money for a while, and then I found a job that I could have flexible hours with. It’s actually the same place I work now. Lorne, that’s my boss, he was my saving grace. He saw me with Will heading out of the daycare one day and offered me a job. Neither of us had a clue that it would work out so well. He owns a design firm and hired me on to help with secretarial stuff to start. School went on. I actually managed to graduate a semester early and got a full time job in Lorne’s firm. Now I’ve been taking Will to the daycare that the firm pays for just down the street from the office, and I got the new apartment about a year ago. And Will starts school… well, he would be starting about now. I’ll have to do something about that.” She looked up at Spike as she finished.
“Hmm, have you thought about enrolling him here? Just to start that is. You don’t know how long you’ll be in town and you don’t want him to fall behind, even if it is kindergarten.”
“That’s an idea,” she said eagerly. “Actually that’s a really good idea.”
Spike smiled. “Or you could home school him. I’m sure you could do that for his first year.”
“When did you get so smart?” she asked as a joke.
“Eh,” he said with a shrug. “I just hide it really well.”
She smiled and tugged on his hand. “Your turn.”
“Right then…” he began. “After I left I moved in with the son of a friend of Jenny’s in LA. It wasn’t great, but it was a roof over my head. I managed to crank out some good songs and performed them in bars for a couple of months. Then I found Oz and Gunn, my band mates.” He smiled. “Oz had a friend with a recording studio and Gunn had a place we could practice. We recorded a demo and made money by performing in bars and some other small venues for unsigned talents. It continued that way for another month or so. Then this guy Johnny Walter found us. He wasn’t an agent perse, but he helped us find our way to recording and releasing a single and our first album. We got a good deal of success from that and made some money. I invested most of mine. Kept enough to buy a place for myself. The rest is still earning money for the future. That’s me until now.”
“All but the girl you’ve been with since… when did you two get together?” Buffy asked quietly. It was a sensitive subject but she wanted to know, felt like she needed to know a little more about this part of his life.
Spike cleared his throat. “You sure you want me to talk about this?” A small nod from her and he said, “Ok.” He took a moment to think about what to say about Harmony. “She was nice to me when I didn’t really have anyone, guess she liked something about me. Even managed to convince me to bleach my hair for more of a rocker look.” He paused for a moment to exhale loudly. This was more than a little stressful. “She… moved in with me… lived with me until recently… and I’m sure she’s right pissed and confused that I was the one who broke up with her.” He glanced over at Buffy to see how she took it and was surprised to see that she looked very calm and collected. “Buffy?”
“Yeah,” she said calmly.
“You gonna say anything about all that?”
“Nope.”
“Right then. Anything else we should talk about?” he asked.
“Not that I can think of…”
“Guess we’d better head back then.”
“Yeah, it’s getting pretty late.”
There was silence for a few minutes as they walked back to Buffy’s. They were only a few blocks away when he realized something. “What about you?”
“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, a little puzzled by his sudden question.
“The men in your life… who have you dated in the last 5 years?” he asked quietly. After sharing about Harmony he thought it only fair, but even he was a little dubious about wanting to hear about anyone she’d been with over the years.
“No one,” she said quietly but clearly.
Spike was quiet then. Neither said a word until they were standing under the tree back at Buffy’s house. “Well, guess this is your stop…” Spike began hesitantly.
“Yep.” She grew quiet for a minute.
“Goodnight Buffy,” Spike said, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. As soon as he backed away again and was ready to leave he felt Buffy’s hand on his arm. “What?” he asked, looking at her.
“Aren’t you going to stay?” she asked, nearly pleading with him.
“I didn’t know you wanted me to.”
“Well, yeah.”
“Then I’ll stay.” The smile he saw on her face lit up his whole world. She was his world.
They climbed up to Buffy’s room and Spike waited for Buffy to change, sneaking a peak or two at her half naked body in the mirror. When she said he could turn around again he did and asked, “Do you have a pair of shorts I can borrow? I don’t really fancy sleeping in my jeans again.”
“Yeah, I think I’ve got something.” She found a pair of old gym shorts in her closet and handed them to Spike. She then turned around without even being asked to.
He smiled as she turned around and a moment later he said, “Done.”
They both climbed into bed and Buffy snuggled up to Spike. He wrapped his arms around her and they both found sleep before too long.
I think I’ve walked too close to love
And now I’m falling in
There’s so many things this weary soul can't take
Maybe you just caught me by surprise
The first time that I looked into your eyes
There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I’ve never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
Feel like home
This life ain’t the fairy tale we both thought it would be
But I can see your smiling face as it's staring back at me
I know we both see these changes now
I know we both understand somehow
There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I’ve never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
They feel like home
(hold on, you're home to me)
There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I’ve never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
They feel like home
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I got some nice reviews & thought I'd update now! Thanks to everyone who reviewed & cordykitten for being such a loyal reviewer & to Cissi for the inspiration. :) And to Kiera for getting me into fanfic. :D
This one's just fluff... and some sexiness... enjoy!
This one's just fluff... and some sexiness... enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
So... did ya like it? I hope so.
Please review!!! It makes me update faster!!
Please review!!! It makes me update faster!!