Chapter 8 – Home Sweet Home
Buffy’s apartment
It was earlier than usual for Buffy to be getting up, but she still had to pack and get Will ready before going to the airport. It was going to be a long day, and Buffy still didn’t know what was going on. All she knew was that Dawn needed her, their mom needed her.
Sunnydale was the last place Buffy wanted to go. She never thought she’d have to go back. No, if she was honest with herself, she always knew that she would make one fateful trip home to put everything behind her. The only difference now was that her past had come to find her in San Francisco, so going home wasn’t going to put that to rest. Maybe she could let all the pain and hurt go thought, she thought.
In 30 minutes Buffy surprised even herself by having everything together including the 5 year old who loathed being organized. He was her little boy alright. He wanted to run wild, all the time. But he listened to Buffy and he was a good kid, he just didn’t like to be bottled up so much. Buffy smiled at him as she let him play with his toys for a few more minutes while she took their bags out to the hall.
Before she left she wanted to let Fred know a little of what was going on. On the way to the airport she would call her boss, Lorne, and let him know that she would be out of town for a while. She would also need to call Lilah and let her know that things would be delayed a bit, but that she could reach her through email or on her cell.
A few minutes later Buffy had spoken to Fred and was gathering up Will. She held his hand in one of hers and their few bags in the other as they descended the stairs, leaving by 8 am. Two hours later they were on their plane headed to Sunnydale and Buffy had called all the people she needed to… except for Spike. In all the madness she’d completely forgotten to call Spike to let him know what was going on.
Spike’s house
It was morning again and all Spike could think about was her. She’d invaded every part of his life since they’d run into each other just a few days ago. He couldn’t believe all the parts of his life she was already creeping into. She was in his dreams. She was all he thought about. He had other dreams coming true, his dream of making it big with his own band. They had a new album set for release in January with the signing of the band and then there’d be a tour, but he wasn’t thinking of that.
No, Spike lay awake after a night filled with dreams of Buffy and thought of only her. His head was comfortably propped up, his arms folded under his head as he stared at his ceiling and thought of her. A glance at the clock told him it was still relatively early. It was too early to call, he thought. But he desperately wanted to call her. There wasn’t really a reason he wanted to call. He just wanted to hear her voice, to know that she wasn’t a dream; that she was really back in his life. And he’d be damned if he would let her scamper out of it again.
So Spike continued to lie in his bed for the next hour, until it was nearly 10. ‘She’d be up by now,’ he thought, ‘with Will running around the apartment.’ A smile curled his lips as the image of his son came to the fore of his mind. He still couldn’t believe he was a father. He wanted so much to be a good one, and yet he’d missed out on the first 5 years of Will’s life. Despite the fact that he was a great kid even without him, it hurt to know he’d missed out on so much. The first word. Learning to walk. The things he liked. He didn’t know his own son.
Spike grumbled as he thought about that for a minute. He slowly got out of bed, making his way to the phone. He picked up the phone and dialed Buffy’s number. He listened to the ringing and heard the answering machine pick up.
“Hi...” he fumbled for a second before saying, “I just wanted to call and say good morning and see what you and Will were doing today. I guess you guys are out, um, yeah, just give me a call when you get this. Bye.”
He hung up the phone, feeling like a right git the way he sounded on the phone. “She’s reduced me to a bumbling schoolboy all over again,” he grumbled with a small smirk.
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Guess I’ll hit the gym to relieve some tension…” he mumbled as he headed for his dresser to pull out some workout clothes.
Hours had passed and Spike didn't want to seem like a stalker, but he’s concerned that Buffy hasn’t called him back. ‘Did I scare her off?’ he wondered. ‘No, she was fine when I left. I didn’t scare her off. She’s just out of the house.’ He sighed. ‘Then why hasn’t she called me back yet? It’s been hours.’
He couldn’t come up with any good reason, so without reason he grabbed his keys and headed to his car. ‘I’ll just drive and see her. Then I’ll know if she’s just avoiding my calls or not.’ He thought decidedly.
Sunnydale Airport
Buffy and Will got off the plane and got their luggage. Then they made their way to the front of the airport where Buffy saw Willow. The two friends flashed big smiles at one another and met in the middle, Buffy holding tight to Will’s hand and their luggage.
“Here, let me take some of your bags,” Willow offered, taking two of the bags off Buffy’s hands.
“Thanks, Wills. I really appreciate you picking us up.”
They made their way to Willow’s car and drove to Revello Drive. Willow helped them settle in a little before taking them to the hospital to see Joyce.
“Dawn’s in school right now, but I’ll pick her up after and bring her here. K?”
“Yeah…” Buffy trailed off.
A moment of silence passed between the two.
“Thanks again Willow.”
“No problem Buffy.” She smiled at her friend. “It’s good to see you, and the little one too. It’s been too long.”
“Yeah, it has. I’m sorry I haven’t been home. I just… you know.” Buffy smiled a little and asked, “So, how’s Xander?”
“He’s good. All serious with a girl named Anya. She runs this bookstore that Giles took over after the library burned down at the high school. He likes it better, I think.”
“Nice.” Buffy was quiet again. “Anya? Is that the same girl that transferred in senior year and kinda broke Xander and Cordy up?”
“Yup.”
“Weird.”
“Totally.” They shared a look. “But weird is the definition of Sunnydale.”
“Yeah…” Buffy trailed off again.
Back in San Francisco
Spike had already been knocking on Buffy’s door for 5 minutes straight when he started knocking more vigilantly.
It sounded more like banging to Buffy’s neighbor Fred who opened up her door to see what all the ruckus was about.
“Can I help you with somethin’?” she asked in her native Texan drawl.
“No…” he said at first.
Spike just looked at her for a moment. He reeled in is temper and a little of his concern as he conceded that the woman could help him if she knew what was going on with Buffy.
“Yes… maybe…”
“You gonna make up your mind?” she asked, clearly annoyed with the noise he’d been making.
“Yes, yes you can help me.” He breathed a sigh, trying to calm his anxious nerves once more. “I’m here to see Buffy. I’ve been trying to reach her all day, and I’m getting a little,” he scratched the back of his head as he realized he sounded a bit strange, “worried about her.”
“Oh,” she said quietly. The man did appear strange to her, but he looked genuinely concerned. Fred wondered who he was to Buffy. “What’s your name?”
“Spike, but I can’t imagine she’s talked about me…”
He was cut off by Fred saying, “Talked about you? She told me your story not too long after we met about a year ago. We were sittin’ down and…” Fred fumbled with her words for a moment. “Well, let’s just say it all came pouring out.” Fred stopped there and looked at the concerned man standing before him.
Spike just looked at her. He didn’t know what to say, and as it turned out he didn’t need to say anything right now.
“She must’ve forgotten to call you when everything happened. She only told me this morning as she was leavin’. She was in a bit of a rush,” Fred rambled for a minute. When she looked back up at Spike she smiled and refocused. “She went home to Sunnydale, said somethin’ about her mama bein’ sick and she had to go see her.”
“Oh God…” Spike said suddenly. “I’ve got to go. Thanks pet.” He kissed her on the cheek before leaving a blushing Fred on her doorstep.
“You’re welcome.”
Sunnydale, California
Buffy was just outside her mother’s hospital room. Will was outside playing with Dawn. They’d all had some time to visit together earlier, but now Buffy wanted to be alone with her mother.
“Hi Mom,” she said softly as she entered.
“I’m so glad you’re back Buffy. I just wish it wasn’t like this.”
“It’s ok Mom,” she said tenderly. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes. Buffy sniffled and tried to wipe them away as she stood a few feet away from her mother’s bed.
“Oh, Buffy, come here dear.”
Buffy crawled onto the bed with her mother and lay there beside her tears down streaming down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them and was soon wracked with sobs.
“Shh…” Joyce murmured as she rocked Buffy in her arms. “It’s going to be ok honey. I’m going to be ok.”
The sobs began to ebb and soon there were only sniffles. A moment later Buffy looked up into her mother’s eyes and wiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. I should have come home sooner.”
“It’s ok Buffy. I understand that you had a lot to deal with after you found out you were pregnant. I see you’ve done a wonderful job raising him. I couldn’t be more proud of you.” Joyce smiled brightly at her eldest daughter and brushed some hair out of her face.
Buffy beamed. “Thank you. He really is a great kid. He makes being a mom easy for me. I can’t imagine my life without him. And…” Buffy grew quiet.
“What is it Buffy?”
“Well, William is back in our lives… or at least he was before I came here. I didn’t even call him before I left. God, he must be so confused right now… I know I’m confused.”
“Oh, how did this happen?”
“We bumped into each other when I was in LA for a business meeting. I fainted, believe it or not. Then he took me out to lunch and I explained about Will. He was upset at first, but I can understand that. He told me he loved me…” A small sigh escaped Buffy and her mother remained quiet waiting for Buffy to get it all out. “I didn’t really know what to say to that, but I knew that he needed to meet Will so we arranged for him to come over the next day. He actually spent the whole day with us and even spent the night. I made breakfast and we went out to the park. It felt so much like it used to that I knew I was still in love with him too, and I told him that. But now…” She sighed again. “I don’t know what to do now.”
“You need to call him Buffy, and tell him what is going on in here,” she laid her hand over Buffy’s heart, “and not in here,” she pointed to her Buffy’s head.
Somewhere over California
Spike was looking out the window of the plane going over everything that had happened in the last few days. He knew that things were complicated. A child, for one, complicated matters more than most other things. Will was a great kid and Spike still didn’t understand how he could love someone so much after only just meeting them, but he did. He loved his son more than he loved anything else in the whole world. He would do anything for him. And yet, there was the mother. It was Buffy of all people. His childhood friend, his first love, and his first heartbreak, she was all of those things and he didn’t ever think she knew it.
It wasn’t hard for Spike to figure out that Buffy kept her heart guarded. When they’d bumped into each other a few days ago he could see her surprise, but the closer he got he saw how her walls pushed him out. Then when they’d had lunch and he told her he loved her, her walls were there. But when he’d gone to her home he’d seen how she wasn’t so guarded. And he knew, deep down, that it wasn’t because of him. She was open because of Will. The closer he got to Will the more Buffy opened up to him. So, he was beginning to figure it out. He wanted them to be a family, and if he was going to win Buffy’s trust and love, if he was going to tear down those walls she’d built he’d need to make her see how much he really wanted that. He’d have to show her that they could be a real family.
Sunnydale, California
Buffy settled back into her old room after putting Will to bed in the guest room. She sat on her bed holding the cordless phone as she pondered about calling Spike. One moment she had the nerve and the next she’d lost it again. There was a fear gripping her heart that he wouldn’t understand or that it just wouldn’t work out. She knew that it was all in fear of getting hurt again.
Before she lost the nerve she dialed his cell number. It clicked a few times before going to voicemail and she decided to leave a message.
“Hi… it’s me… I just wanted to let you know what was going on. I know we were supposed to talk today, but my sister called me last night and I had to fly home.” She took a deep breath. “It’s hard being back here. It’s hard for me to let you in, but I hope you can give me some time to figure it all out… to figure out what I want. I love you.” With that said she hung up the phone and set in on her bedside table before pulling the covers up around her. She tried to get some sleep.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
It's been a while. I hope I still have my loyal readers and maybe a few more picked up now. I apologize for the long wait in updates. I should be getting another one up in the next couple of days. I hope that makes up for the lack of them in the last few months. :)
Chapter End Notes:
I'd like to thank Cissi for the inspiration :) and the reviews. Can't wait to read more of your stories. And to cordykitten - thank you for always reviewing.