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It was the first time since he'd become human that William felt anything like Spike again.

And he wanted to hurt something.

Preferably a certain prominently-browed vampire.

William sat down on a bench outside, hoping he could find some comfort in the sunlight coming down on him. At least that was something his grandsire would never have. But that small victory was a hollow one. What did it matter if he could sit in the sunshine if he couldn't share it with Buffy?

William didn't know why exactly it surprised him that Buffy had pushed him away so quickly when Angel had showed up. If anything, he felt like an idiot for believing things would actually be good between them.

What kind of fool had he been to believe that Buffy would actually be happy with him now? Had he honestly thought that being human would make a difference to her? Nothing ever had in the past. He'd tried to change. He'd gotten a soul. It had never been good enough.

Now Angel, he could get away with anything. He could do things worse than Spike could even dream off, and Buffy would just forget about it; brush it off as if Angel and Angelus weren't the same person.

But with Spike, it never made a difference. Soul or no soul, vampire or human, everything he'd ever done was unforgivable. Angel could put Angelus behind him, but Spike would always be nothing more than the vampire who'd rolled into Sunnydale years ago hell-bent on killing his third Slayer.

He wondered if he should just leave then. Concede to the better man and let Buffy live her life without him. After all, Angel was the Champion—Buffy's first and truest love.

That thought made Spike jerk up. What was he doing? Ever since he'd become human, he'd let himself fall right back into the same thought patterns that had made William the Bloody Awful Poet so pathetic. What made Angel better than him? Nothing. So he'd had a soul first. What did that matter? He'd been cursed for inflicting unspeakable horrors on a young girl. That made him somehow worthy? And on top of that, he'd spent the first part of his soulful existence living in filthy alleys feeding off rats. Spike had helped advert two Apocalypses before the soul, and two shortly there afterwards. And his soul had never been a curse. It had been a choice—one he made for love. Angelus certainly couldn't claim that.

Spike stood, walking back towards Buffy's house. Human or not, it was time for the Big Bad to make his presence known once again.

*** *** ***

Buffy jumped up when the door to her house flew open. She gasped as the peroxide blond former vampire strode in, all sexuality and swagger. "Spike?" she squeaked, her voice barely able to function.

"We need to have a little chat, Summers."

Buffy felt her stomach flip. What had happened to the timid, sweet William who'd been in her bed for the past couple of days? This wasn't him. This was the man who'd fucked her until a building had come down around them. This was her Spike. She tried to force herself into an easy stance, though she could tell from the glint in his eye that he could still sense her nervousness. "So talk."

"I'm through with this."

Buffy's eyes widened, and for a second she wasn't sure she could breathe. "What?"

"I've had enough. From the beginning, I've been nothing more than your loyal dog, yappin' at your heels, desperate for a scrap. Well, I'm done. Your games, your lies, I'm sick of it all. You wanna hide whatever it is we had from Peaches, fine. Go ahead and be ashamed, Slayer. It's your problem, not mine. Not anymore."

"Spike, wait, I…"

"No. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I've always been your dark secret, Buffy, and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm not going to love you in the dark and then let you treat me like the dirt beneath your feet in the day. I'm a man now—not a monster. And if you really want to be honest about it, I've always been better than your precious Angel. But it doesn't matter anymore, cause I'm done."

Buffy didn't know whether to yell at him or burst into tears. She settled for both. "Fine! Go then!"

She expected something more from Spike. A sneer, a quip, anything. She didn't get it. Instead, he just turned, walking out her front door. Buffy fell to her floor in a heap, sobbing.

*** *** ***

Buffy was still crying when Dawn found her an hour later. Dawn stood in the doorway, hands on her hips. "Let me guess—you did something stupid and chased William off—again."

"Spike," Buffy whimpered.

"And it's Spike again. That man really needs to make up his mind on what he wants to be called."

Buffy shook her head. "He didn't tell me to start calling him Spike again, it's just, well, that's who he was when he came in here. He…he was so mad, Dawnie. And…and he left me!" The last sentence was punctuated with a wail as the sobbing began anew.

"Oh for the love of all things holy…" Dawn muttered. "And I'm the younger one here. Buffy, what happened?

"I…I told him I didn't want Angel to know about our relationship. He…he left, and then he came back and told me he was tired of being my dirty secret, and it was over. I didn't mean it like that, I just, I didn't want to have to put up with Angel being a jerk about the whole thing. He can be so difficult sometimes, and it wasn't something I felt like handling."

"And did you consider Spike's feelings in all this?"

Buffy looked down. "No."

"Now, seeing as I apparently got all the brains in the family, I'll tell you where you went wrong. Spike, William, whoever he is this week, is still hurt from how you used him before. Therefore, you telling him that Angel—Angel of all people—couldn't know about the two of you was like rubbing salt in the wound. He's insecure about this, and you just basically screamed that all that insecurity was validated."

Buffy traced a swirl in a panel of wood on her floor. "Oh."

Dawn rolled her eyes. Her sister could be so pathetic sometimes. "Do you get it now?"

"I think so."

"What are you going to do?"

Buffy looked up timidly. "Let Spike know I love him, and I'm not ashamed of him?"

"And?"

"And?"

"Yes, and."

A sigh. "And tell Angel that I'm with Spike now."

Dawn clapped slowly. "Very good. Now get up before Spike gets away—again."

Buffy rose shakily to her feet. "Do you think he'll forgive me? He was really mad…"

"Do you know him at all?" Dawn asked. "That Big Bad thing, it's all talk. You convince him that it's worth it this time, and he'll be your hot little love slave in no time flat."

"Dawn!" Buffy exclaimed. "Don't say things like that!"

"What, 'hot little love slave?' Come on, Buffy, I'm a grown woman. I have sex all the time." She gave her sister a wicked grin. "With Andrew. Hell, just last night…"

"Ahh! Stop! This is your way of making me hurry out of here, isn't it?"

"Is it working?"

"Big time."

Dawn smiled. "Then shoo. You got some major groveling to do."

Buffy started out the door, before turning around, giving her sister a hug. "Thank you. For finally making me see the light."

Dawn hugged back. "I just gave you the final nudge. Probably wouldn't have taken so long to sink in if you didn't have the hardest head in the world."

"Hard head, huh? Must be a Summers trait."

"Stop stalling and go get your man. Unless you want to here about what I did in the utility closet on the third floor…"

"NO! I'm going!"

Dawn smiled as she watched her sister run off. "Maybe those two will work it out after all," she said with a chuckle before going to the kitchen to see if Buffy's fridge had anything worth raiding.

*** *** ***

Spike groaned as he walked into the garage, finding Angel looking over the fleet of cars the Watchers had acquired. "Shoulda known you'd be in here, Peaches. You've always been a sucker for a shiny ride."

Angel didn't turn to look at the other man. "Spike."

"You know, you could show a little more courtesy. Doesn't helping you save the world at least grant me some civility?"

"This is civility."

"No, it's you acting like a big spoiled baby because Spike's human now and you're not."

Angel and Spike both whipped around as Buffy walked into the garage. "Buffy?" Angel asked in surprise.

"Yep. Look, Angel, we need to talk."

Spike felt a whole new wave of pain hit him. Was Buffy going to tell Angel she still had feelings for him while Spike stood right there and watched? "I'll…I'll just be going," Spike said.

"No, you won't," Buffy said, grabbing Spike's arm. "You need to hear this."

"I really don't want to."

"Yes, you do. Trust me." She slipped her hand from his arm down to link her fingers with his. Spike looked at her in surprise.

Angel glared at the blond couple's entwined fingers. "Buffy, what is this?"

"I'm in love with Spike. And before you say anything, I want you to listen. No, it's not just because he's human now, and yes, I know what I'm doing. I've loved him for a very long time, and the only thing that kept us apart was stubbornness and stupidity. But I've done some growing up since then, and I've realized exactly what he means to me. Spike is the one man in my life who has stood by me no matter what, and one of the few people to truly love me unconditionally." Buffy smiled, recalling something Spike had said to her years ago. "He's seen the best and the worst of me, and he knows who I am. He loves me—all of me—in a way no one else ever has, not even you. And I love him, too. I look at him now, and all I can think is how proud I am of all he's done to get where he is today. He's the only person I can imagine spending the rest of my life with."

Angel stared, his mouth falling open and closing several times before he spoke. "You're…you're serious about this? You actually love Spike? You do realize who you're talking about, don't you?"

"Yes, Angel, I do," Buffy snapped. "I know exactly who Spike is. You're the one who needs to learn a few things about him."

"Buffy…"

"No. I'm not sixteen anymore. You're not part of my world. I've grown up, and I've outgrown the love I felt for you. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."

Angel scowled. "Fine. But don't expect me to help you patch things up when you find out what he really is."

"What, you mean if he suddenly goes psycho and starts trying to kill all my friends and their pet goldfish? Oh, wait—that was you."

Angel looked at Buffy with hurt shock for a moment before the scowl returned. "I hope you two are very happy together," he spat before going back inside the main building.

Spike looked down at Buffy, her hand still in his. "Did…did you actually mean that?"

"Well, yeah. Sorry for being such a bitch earlier. What I was asking of you was completely out of line and unfair to you. I made a snap decision to keep myself from having to deal with something potentially difficult, and I didn't consider your feelings in the process. That was wrong of me, and I'm sorry."

Spike pulled his gaze from her, and began to glance frantically around the garage, as if searching for something. "What are you doing?" Buffy asked.

"Looking for pods."

Buffy smacked his arm. "Stop it. This is the real Buffy." She winked. "I'm not even robot Buffy."

Spike groaned. "Please, don't go there."

"What, don't want to be reminded of some of the lamer wild and wacky adventures of Spike?"

"Not really."

Buffy giggled. "You're cute when you're sulky."

"I'm not sulky."

Buffy smiled. "Yes you are." She reached up, stroking his face. "I love you."

"I'm not sure I can believe that, Buffy…"

"Oh no, we are so not going there again. Do you have any idea how much your little stunt in the Hellmouth pissed me off? 'No you don't but thanks for sayin' it.' Grr. You wait how long for me to finally say that, and when I do you can't even believe it? You're infuriating, you know that, don't you?"

Spike smiled slightly at that. "I'm only infuriating 'cause you are."

"See, there you go again."

Spike moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her hips. "So you love me, huh?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"'Cause you're the one."

"I thought you were the one."

"You're the one for me," Buffy said softly. "Sorry it took me so long to realize it."

"Better late than never, I guess. So no more keeping this in the shadows?"

"Nope. I'll stand on the rooftops and scream it to the world. Wear a shirt that says 'Spike's Girl.' Anything to prove to you I mean this."

"How about kiss me?"

Buffy grinned as she stood on tip toe and captured his lips. That was something she could definitely do…





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