Unbeknownst to either of them their every movement was being watched. Snape’s blood was at a boiling point to know that he had lost the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor to those two. Those two who were teaching them hand to hand combat, which was surely ridiculous. From the moment Dumbledore had introduced them as new members of the staff, Snape had vowed to do what he did best: try and get the blonde duo fired.
About a week into term is when Snape noticed that the pair often walked the grounds late at night. Sometimes they would practice their combat moves, but a lot of the time they would just walk and talk. The couple of times that Snape tried to get close enough to hear their conversation, it was as if they could sense him. He could actually see them as they noticed him. Their heads would snap to attention, Spike’s head would cock towards where he was standing, concealed by magic, and both of their stances would stiffen and settle into a more aggressive manner.
So Snape had never gotten the chance to hear what they were speaking about. He ached to know. He knew that there must be a reason for them to go on these walks every night. Knew that there was a reason they wanted such privacy. It was these conversations that held the key to them being dismissed. He was maddened at being so close but unable to do nothing to seize his triumph.
He had begun to watch them every night that they went out, obsessively. Tonight it had taken them longer to appear outside than usual. Snape cursed himself, thinking that maybe they had discovered him and moved their meetings to another location. But no, they appeared as they always did.
If only he could figure out what they were doing. Dumbledore wouldn’t be able to ignore his protests any longer.
Spike left Buffy knowing, or rather hoping, that she would feel hurt at his dismissal of her. If she felt hurt, than that meant that she really did want something with him. She would eventually come after him. Until then, he would keep his distance.
Spike was so focused on his own thoughts, he almost missed the presence of another. He slowed his steps, but didn’t stop completely. He was being watched. Whoever it was, was concealed well, but he was always able to feel wizards when they were around him. They made his skin buzz.
Wondering why he was being watched by a wizard, but not caring enough to put much effort into finding out who it was, Spike returned to the castle thinking he would go to the kitchens and get some blood.
Snape let out a long breath. He had noticed Spike’s steps slow down and knew that it was because of him. He hadn’t been prepared for Spike to leave so abruptly like that and was standing right in the path Spike would take back to the castle. Snape berated himself silently. He should always be prepared. He was getting to used to their routine and therefore falling into one of his own. He knew better than most that routines may feel safe, but they very rarely actually are.
Buffy watched Spike walk away, feeling as if her heart had just been gripped in Glory’s fist and given a few twists. She had ruined it. Ruined it before she even accepted the fact that there could be an it. And it hurt.
After a few moments she began to walk again, following the usual route that she and Spike took. Spike never walked away from her. He was always walking after her, lurking behind trees and buildings, just wanting to be close to her. And now that she wanted to be close with him, he walked away. Stupid vampire.
She shook her head at herself for saying that. He wasn’t a stupid vampire. He was a stupid man. They always walked away. They always left her. And she always let them She let her father go and he wouldn’t even come back after her mother had died and she and Dawn really needed him.
She had let Angel go. Her first…her first everything and she let him go. But that was really for the best.
And then Riley. Riley had said that he really loved her, just like Angel said. Just like her father told her. But then she wasn’t good enough. He had to get his jollies off somewhere else. With vampires. And Xander and Willow still adored him. So why couldn’t they adore her if she wanted to be with Spike? Why couldn’t they accept it, if it were making her happy.
“If you really think that you can love this guy- I’m talking scary, messy, no emotions barred- if you’re ready for that, then think about what you’re about to lose.”
Xander had said that to her right before Riley left and she had gone running. She could have gotten to him. It was something that she had never confided to anyone, but she could have made it in time if she had wanted to. About halfway there, while running, she had begun to think of Spike. Which, at the moment, she had found extremely weird. But the thoughts were overpowering. Things that he had said to her. Why he had showed her something that hurt her so badly. It was a few moments before she realized that she had stopped running completely.
She could have made it if she really wanted to. But her subconscious was trying to tell her something. She had been running in the wrong direction. She didn’t want to be running to Riley. She had wanted to be running to Spike. Because he wasn’t beneath her. He never was.
Xander had wanted her to be happy. But he wanted her to be happy with a person that he thought was acceptable. Someone that, at first, he hadn’t even liked. Xander had mocked Riley relentlessly and Riley hadn’t ever really warmed to Xander either. But then Riley lost everyone, all of his friends and the initiative. That’s when they really started to get along.
Willow had liked Riley from the beginning. She had even helped Riley in his efforts to win her over. And Buffy knew that Willow hated Riley on principal because that’s what best friends were for. But also, if Riley ever came back, she knew that Willow would be very happy to see him.
But they wouldn’t ever accept her being with Spike. No matter what Spike did. But why not? Couldn’t they see what she could see? That he loved her with everything that he was? Wasn’t that what mattered? Spike would never go to some vampire whorehouse if they were together. He would never say that she wasn’t giving him everything. He’d find a way to make her give everything. To make her want to give everything.
And he would never really leave her. He was perfect. But he had walked away. Well…for once…Buffy would be the one to chase him. And she broke off in a mad dash back to the castle.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
thanks for the reviews!!!!! i know that i've been a bad bunny with updating. i have started a seond job and have less time...but the story will keep coming 'cause i like making you guys happy >:+)