Spike is walking home from Warren’s house with the Buffybot as the she is holding onto him and rubbing up against him. He tests her by asking her a series of questions about herself.
Spike: So where do you live…Buffy?
BuffyBot: Why I live in Sunnydale silly.
Spike: Uh huh, so what is it do you do?
BuffyBot: (excited) I’m a Slayer. I’m the Slayer of evil things.
Spike: What does being a Slayer allow you to do pet?
BuffyBot: Why being a Slayer I have all these strengths and abilities and can use them any way I desire.
Spike: And what is it that you desire?
BuffyBot: (looks at him) You, Spike and only you. I want you so much. You’ll all that I desire.
Cut to:
After Spike has some fun with the BuffyBot in his crypt he wants to make sure it is just like how he wants Buffy to be. He stands circling the BuffyBot asking her questions.
Spike: You like it here don’t you Slayer?
BuffyBot: I do. I love being here with you. That’s why I’m always finding reasons to come here.
Spike: That’s why you are always coming here asking for my help or information about this and that. But I know the real reason you come here.
BuffyBot: Oh you found me out. I can’t lie to you anymore. I always find a lame excuse to be with you.
Spike: You trust me Slayer?
BuffyBot: I trust you Spike. More than I do my own friends because they are so weak and stupid.
Spike: My thoughts exactly. You need someone like me in your life. You like the danger.
BuffyBot: You are so dangerous Spike. You scare me so much because you’re so bad and evil.
Spike: But isn’t your mission to kill evil demons and what not.
BuffyBot: My mission is to make you happy.
Spike: No not that one. Your other mission.
BuffyBot: (excited) I’m the Slayer.
Spike: I know that one. So why haven’t you tried to slay me?
BuffyBot: You’re too strong. I could never defeat you.
Spike likes what he sees so far from the BuffyBot. The BuffyBot is responding how he had her programmed. He decides that he is going to the store for some food.
Spike: I’m going to be right back I’m going to the store for some food. You want anything?
BuffyBot: I don’t eat food.
Spike then remembers that he is talking to a robot.
BuffyBot: I like cheese (smiles).
Spike: (to himself) I don’t remember putting that in there. Well just stay here until I come back.
BuffyBot: (excited) Can I come with you?
Spike: No. (tries to come up with an excuse) I want to keep our love a secret.
BuffyBot: (smiles) I can keep a secret.
Spike: Good just stay put and hide if anyone comes knocking.
BuffyBot: What should I do while you are away?
Spike tries to think of something to keep her occupied.
Spike: Why don’t you watch some TV while I’m gone.
BuffyBot: Ok.
She plants herself in front of the TV and Spike puts on his jacket and leaves.
Cut to:
Spike comes back from the store and the BuffyBot jumps when he comes back.
BuffyBot: You’re back and I missed you while you were away.
Spike: Don’t worry luv. I’m back
BuffyBot: Did you know that Diet Coke is refreshing?
Spike: What? You drink Diet Coke?
BuffyBot: I saw it on TV (smiles). Do you want to hear the other stuff they have on TV?
Spike: I don’t want to about it right now.
BuffyBot: (speaking like a robot) Should I store this information or delete it.
Spike: I don’t bloody care what you do with it.
BuffyBot: Ok I will store it then.
Spike: I’m going to eat so since you can’t join me than you just have to watch.
Cut to:
Spike is eating his dinner and the BuffyBot is sitting across from him just smiling. She just sits there watching him eat. It starts to make him uncomfortable.
BuffyBot: I like watching you eat.
Spike: Yeah I know that. (tries to start a conversation) I know that you can’t eat but if you could what would you like?
BuffyBot: (excited) I only want to eat you Spike.
Spike: No I’m talking about food. If you could eat something other than me what would it be?
BuffyBot: (confused) I don’t know what I like to eat. No one programmed me with that information.
Spike is annoyed at her response. He continues eating and she just stays smiling at him. He tries again to talk to her.
Spike: (sighs) So is there anything else you would like to talk about?
BuffyBot: Whatever you like to talk about because you are so interesting.
He has had enough and realizes that he can never have a real conversation with her. He tells her that he wants to have some fun. She’s very excited at the news.
Spike: (gets up) I’ve been a very bad boy.
BuffyBot: (stands) You need to be punished. I’m the only one that can do it.
Spike: So what are you going to do about it.
The Buffybot tackles him and is on top of him holding a stake.
Spike: What are you waiting for? Aren’t you going to stake me?
BuffyBot: I can’t stake you. I want to but I can’t. I feel wrong trying to kill you.
Spike: (smirks) Why is that?
BuffyBot: Because you are an evil fiend and (whispers) I kinda like it.
Spike: So why don’t you want to admit it or tell anyone?
BuffyBot: I think it would be embarrassing to tell my friends and I don’t think they would approve. They think it’s wrong for a Slayer to be with a vampire. (emphatically) Especially an evil one like you.
Spike knocks the stake away from her and then flips her over so he is on top of her.
Spike: How do you want it Slayer?
BuffyBot: Anyway you want it Spike. Just take me now.
Spike: I know what I want but I’m asking you what do you want me to do.
BuffyBot: (confused) I don’t know what I want. I was only programmed to do what you want me to do.
Spike finally takes her to shut her up because he’s not getting the responses that he wants.
Spike: How was it Buffy?
BuffyBot: (emphatically) It was fantastic. You’re the most amazing lover I’ve ever been with.
Spike: What about the others you’ve been with? How they stack up?
BuffyBot: Angel was bloody stupid. He didn’t know what he was doing. Riley was too weak to get the job done. Are you ready to try again with alternate programming?
Spike: No, I need a bit of a breather. You tired me out Slayer.
BuffyBot: I’m always ready for you. You can take me anytime you want.
Spike: You know you really are starting to repeat yourself and sounding like a bloody broken record. Don’t you have anything new to say?
BuffyBot: (excited) I do. Did you know that Diet Coke has zero grams of sugar?
Spike: (annoyed) I don’t care about Diet Coke. Don’t you have anything else to say besides TV commercials?
BuffyBot: (thinks for a second) Tabitha on Passions is a very evil woman.
Spike: What? Bloody Passions is what you’ve been watching. Look how about you practice not speaking for awhile.
She nods and stands there smiling. Spike shakes his head and realizes that she is starting to annoy him almost as much as she turns him on.
Spike: I forgot to pick up some smokes so stay here until I come back. I’ll only be gone a minute.
BuffyBot: Ok (smiles).
Spike leaves to pick up some cigarettes and as soon as he comes back through the door she jumps on top of him.
BuffyBot: Are you ready to make love to me again?
Spike: Look I’m tired (pushes her off of him) I’m gonna go sleep for a bit.
BuffyBot: (disappointed) Do you not desire me anymore?
Spike: Not every second of the day. I need to rest too. Can’t go at it every time you want it.
Spike lays down to rest and the BuffyBot stands over him.
Spike: Look how about you watch some more TV. Just don’t tell me anymore details about what you saw.
The BuffyBot plants herself in front of the TV again and is taking in all of what she sees. Spike is sleeping needing a break from the obsessive robot. About an hour later the BuffyBot jumps on top of him waking him up.
BuffyBot: I watched TV like you asked but then I missed you. I can’t go that long without you touching me.
Spike: Look just get off me…now. (she refuses and tries to kiss him) You know you are making me unhappy.
The BuffyBot finally gets off him trying to make sense of the situation.
BuffyBot: (confused) I don’t understand what’s wrong.
Spike: You need to listen because you aren’t listening to me. You have to start doing exactly what I say from now on.
BuffyBot: I’ll do whatever you ask me to do.
Spike: I’m going to make love to you when I bloody well feel like it and not you. You don’t go and tell me when we do it. Right now I’m tired and going back to sleep. Don’t go about trying to wake me up anymore.
BuffyBot: I’m sorry for upsetting you Spike. I won’t do it again. Please Spike don’t leave me alone anymore because I miss you every time you go away.
Spike: I’ve got things I need to do and I can’t just do it to your schedule. You bloody want it at all times of the day. Whenever I’m sleeping you go and do something else. I don’t care what it is as long as it doesn’t wake me up.
He goes back to sleep thinking about the BuffyBot and how he wants to change her to be more like Buffy instead of a sex crazed robot. He feels empty knowing that he can’t re-program her since Warren is gone so he will have to deal with it for awhile. He first thought it would be fun to have a robot that is completely in love with him and wanted sex all the time. He starts to realize that he really wants Buffy instead. The robot is not responding in the ways his idealized version of Buffy should.
I think it would have been interesting to explore his relationship to the Buffybot more. I think eventually it would have annoyed him so much he would eventually shut it up and tell it to never speak again. He wanted the Buffybot to be this idealized and fantasy version of Buffy that he thought he could duplicate. It obviously didn’t work out. So tell me what you thought. Was it any good or was it bad? Any and all feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Spike: This robot is driving me nuts…I never thought a robot could be this way…it can be a lot of fun but…all the time she’s asking for sex…and is always smiling…sometimes I wonder what is she really thinking when she looks at me…still something else too is off…it doesn’t seem to want to listen to me…it does what it wants…and it keeps on using that damn word program or programming…I just want it to be Buffy…o well…this will just have to do…for now…