Buffy waited inside her room until she heard Spike leave for work. At the sound of his key bolting the lock into place, she felt a combination of relief and sadness wash over her. Relief because she wasn’t ready to face him yet but also sadness, and yes hurt, that he hadn’t knocked on her door to at least check on her or even called out to ask if she was coming.
He was obviously still mad at her and truthfully, she didn’t blame him. They needed to talk, she knew this, but she just couldn’t bear the thought of having to endure the tension that would surely be present while working beside him all day until they’d had the chance to have that talk.
So she played hooky, phoned Snyder to tell him she didn’t feel very well and wouldn’t be coming in. It didn’t matter to her what Spike thought once he discovered this, she needed some time to figure things out, come up with a way to smooth things over with him… if it were even possible.
As the morning slowly dragged by, she sat in the living room with the TV turned on, though she paid no attention to it. Sebastian had clawed his way up the side of the couch and onto her lap after eating and she mindlessly stroked his fur after he curled into a ball on her thigh to fall asleep.
Staring off into space, her brain was busy… thinking, reasoning, rationalizing and everything else there was in between. She couldn’t make things right until she figured out exactly what went wrong. One thing was sure, she no longer faulted Spike for anything that had happened last night; she placed all the blame on herself. Somehow, she’d unknowingly given him certain vibes, or-or signals that spelled ‘go’ inside his head. There was no other explanation because he acted perfectly normal up until the ‘happy ending’ discussion which – once she figured it out - made her try for a hasty exit. Even then, he acted as if he could read her mind, knew her secrets, understood… which was more than just a little spooky.
He’d tried so hard to reassure her, too, over and over unlike the old Spike who would have simply tried to molest her on the spot, not talk. And even when he ultimately became frustrated, got in her face, kept the door closed and made her listen, he hadn’t said anything that really wasn’t tru… “Oh-my-God,” she groaned aloud, realizing just how right he was… about everything.
She was scared of herself, of what she wanted. And much to her surprise, she was doing the very thing he said she needed to most right now… face herself. Her eyes instantly grew wet as the truth sunk in… she was falling for him, hard, and it went way past the point of like already. However, fear still had its firm grip on her heart. Facing him was going to be difficult and not running away from what she felt even harder.
Ever since Riley, she’d closed herself off. And this, this ‘thing’ with Spike, the very idea of letting someone in and letting herself care again was scary after so many years spent alone, especially because she hadn’t known him that long. Long enough for him to worm his way into my heart, though.
It was almost funny that here she was, the supposedly older and wiser of the two of them yet he saw things more clearly than she did. She could admit to herself now that she wanted him, but she couldn’t admit it to him, at least not verbally… yet. It was still too early to tell if he felt the exact same way about her as she did about him. The changes she saw in him seemed genuine enough, but he was still young, he could change his mind, get bored with her, go back to the way he was befo-
The phone suddenly rang, startling her so bad she jumped, sending Sebastian to slide off her thigh with a tiny mewl. Thankful he hadn’t fallen to the floor; she reached for the cordless phone and looked at the caller ID. Oh-God, oh-God! Her heart seized in her chest. It was the direct line to her office which meant it had to be Spike. She panicked, she wasn’t ready to talk, but she couldn’t not answer it for fear of making him any angrier with her than he already was. Going with her gut instinct, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind after pressing the ‘talk’ button.
“I’m sorry.”
“Buffy?”
“Y-yeah?”
“It’s Angel.”
“Angel? Oh, I-uhmm... what’s up?” Yeah, Angel, remember him? The nice guy you’re technically still seeing. The guilt that consumed her was crushing, it felt like she’d cheated on him because you went and kissed your roommate last night!!!
“I stopped by your office to see you and discovered you were out sick today.”
“Yeah. I-I’m not... feeling too well.” Emotionally speaking it was true.
“Nothing serious I hope?”
“N-no. Just... a migraine.” Swift thinking. Hopefully he’d buy the story and hang up soon. Her plan was to break it off with him face to face, not over the phone. “I get them every now and then but it’s no big. I have medication and just need some rest.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to interrupt you if you were sleeping.”
“It’s okay.” Please hang up now, Angel, please! It made her cringe to hear him call her ‘baby’, especially when the use of any pet names only sounded right coming out of Spike’s mouth.
“I’ll let you rest, but before I let you go, I was wondering… if you’re not doing anything could I take you out on, say… Thursday, when you might be feeling better?”
“Actually, I can’t.” No way was she going to say yes to that, it was bad enough she’d deceived him into thinking she was ill.
“Oh. That’s okay. Well, since I was going to ask you today anyway, I was hoping maybe we could go to the ball together on Saturday? I’d like to introduce you to my father.”
“I…” There was no getting out of it, she could see that now. As much as she hated to do this over the phone, it would be even more deceitful if she came up with another excuse that would more than likely make him suspicious. It’s now or never, she conceded before taking a deep breath to steady herself for what she was about to do.
“Angel, I have… things that I’m currently dealing with and… it just isn’t a good time for me to-”
“Oh, you don’t have anything to worry about. I’m positive he’ll like you and hopefully you’ll like him too, once you get to know him.”
If he only knew how his father had already tried to ‘get to know her’. She grimaced at the memory but forged ahead. “No, you don’t understand. What I’m trying to say is that… that you’re a really, really great guy and because of that, it wouldn’t be fair to you for me to keep seeing you because I really do need to settle my… my personal affairs. I’m sorry, I truly am and can only hope you understand, and-and that you’re not too upset with me?” There was a funny clicking sound and then a long pause before he spoke again.
“Baby, if this is too soon…”
He paused for a second and she thought she heard a snort from his end of the line but dismissed it and cut him off so he couldn’t continue.
“It’s—it’s not too soon, Angel, I just feel like this isn’t going to work for me right now. I’m sorry.” She was using what her friend Willow called the ‘resolve-o voice’, hoping he wouldn’t press the matter more.
“Ok, Buffy, I won’t insist. We can still be friends though, right?”
Sighing with relief, she replied, “Of course. There’s no reason why not and I’d like that.”
“Good. And, Buffy? I hope whatever you’re dealing with turns out alright for you.”
“Thank you… for being so nice about it. Goodbye, Angel.”
“Goodbye.”
Thankful he took her rejection so well, she felt some of the weight she’d bore on her shoulders lift… some, but not all. Standing up to stretch from sitting for so long, she figured a nice hot soak in the Jacuzzi was in order. It would relax her, take her mind off things for awhile and afterwards, she’d hopefully be able to think more clearly about what to say to Spike when he came home.
~~~*~~~
“Seems the lass is playing hard to get,” Angelus mused aloud, though he now regretted he had his conversation with Buffy on speaker phone. He did it to rub his ‘budding relationship’ with her in Spike’s face, but it backfired on him and the embarrassment he’d suffered as a result only made him more determined. A simple change in strategy was in order… be her friend, her good friend, and play the waiting game.
“Sod off, you wanker. The lady clearly isn’ interested in the likes of you.”
“And you would know that how, my boy? She doesn’t even give you the time of day.” Angelus scoffed.
Spike had to bite the inside of his cheek in order to keep from talking about the weekend he’d spent with Buffy and how that might - or at least he hoped - be the reason she dumped Captain Forehead. “I know her, alright? Jus’ hope you realize now she’s out `f your league and leave her alone.”
“Now why would I do that?” he asked slyly. “She said it herself she’d like to remain friends, so I’m thinking there’s nothing wrong with a little… friendly fuck, now is there?”
“`S never gonna happen,” Spike told him with certainty in his voice. “So you may as well forget it.” If there was ever a time Spike wanted to quite literally murder someone, it was now as he watched Angelus hop down from having sat on Buffy’s desk with an evil grin and heard what came out of his mouth next.
“The game is still on, boy, and you can bet I’ll be winning it.”
This time, Spike made sure the git understood once and for all. “She’s not a bet or a conquest to me, Angelus. She’s a lady, and you’d do well to remember that.”
Throwing him a smirk over his shoulder as he opened the door to leave, he retorted, “Not when I’m through with her.” When Spike stood up, his face red with rage, he added, “May the best man win.” And then he left. No way would Spike ever back down from one of their bets, it wasn’t in his makeup. Competition had always run thick through their blood… their genes.
It took a lot of self restraint on Spike’s part to sit back down rather than jump over his desk to strangle the tosser. What held him back was that he no longer gave a rat’s arse what Angelus thought. All Spike cared about was what he’d heard Buffy say over the phone. And as he replayed it in his mind, he wanted to whoop for joy.
When she hadn’t set foot out of her room this morning, he instinctively knew she needed some space so he respected that and left for work without a word. Upon discovering she wasn’t coming into the office at all, he could only guess she didn’t want to see him, was upset with him and not because of some ‘migraine’ as she’d told Angelus. But now… well now, all he wanted to do was to rush home and pray she would talk to him. He still stood by what he’d said to her last night, but more than anything, he just wanted to make right what had gone so terribly wrong after the massage… no matter what it took.
~~~*~~~
Bracing himself in case Buffy was in a foul mood, Spike cautiously entered the apartment. Looking around, it was obvious she was either in her bedroom, the bathroom or not there at all. Walking into the kitchen, he grabbed himself a glass and filled it with water, but just when he went to take a sip, he froze. Buffy suddenly came walking down the hallway wearing nothing but a yawn and a towel draped over her forearm.
Despite the immediate reaction of his lower half and wanting to stand there so he could drink in the beauty of the naked goddess before him, he quickly ducked under the counter’s edge to hide himself. If she caught him gawking at her goodies, she’d probably scream first then kick his bloody arse all the way back to the Mother Country.
He heard the balcony door swish open then shut and knew without a doubt she was going to use the hot tub. At least that bought him some time to slink his way out of their apartm… hold on. As long as she was in the Jacuzzi, she was covered… and cornered. No, he wasn’t about to leave. What he would do, however, was walk around and make it look like he’d just come home for lunch, then walk straight out onto the balcony where she’d have no choice but to talk to him. She could curse up a blue streak for all he cared, he wasn’t going to leave until he made things right.
As he raised his head up to see she was indeed in the water – and thankfully with her back to him – he stood up and made his way towards her.
The moment Buffy heard the door slide open she whipped her head around and screamed at the top of her lungs. She never thought for a second that she wasn’t alone and suddenly seeing Spike, she curled her body into a ball to protect her nudity while darting a hand out to reach for her towel. But she was too late. He’d snatched it away before she even got close to it.
“Spike,” she squeaked in shock. “What are you, wait… please give me my towel, I’m naked,” she begged in a hushed tone.
The scream he expected, but the quiet, desperate plea for her towel he didn’t. He thought for sure he’d see her fiery temper rise up, not this woman who was trembling all over with something akin to fear in her eyes. He sat down on the bench to give her some modicum of privacy but kept the towel and shook his head.
“I can’ give you your towel back `til we talk, Buffy,” he said quietly.
Oh God, this is it, the very thing she wasn’t prepared for, at least not until later when he came home and she’d had more time to think about it. And again, she said the first thing that came to her mind. “I’m sorry.” Tears she never expected suddenly sprang forth, but she didn’t have time to wipe at them before he’d rushed to her side, got down on his knees and began gently brushing them away with his thumbs.
“Hey now, wha’s all this?” Cradling her face in both hands, he tried to soothe her distress, confused over her behavior. “Please don’ do that, pet, I can’ stand seein’ you cry.” But the tears kept coming as her shoulders shook with silent sobs, making him wish he could pull her into his arms and make it all go away.
“I’m really sorry, Spike… please forgive me.” Unable to stop, she let out all the pent up emotions inside of her, lowered her head and closed her eyes, afraid of what she’d see in his face despite what he’d said.
“Sshhh-sshhh-sshhh.” He hated to see her so upset and if she didn’t stop, she’d make him break down. And regardless of their awkward positions, he laid a hand on the back of her neck and pulled her head against his shoulder. “There’s nothin’ for you to apologize for, luv… nothin’. Actually, I came home to apologize to you.”
“You, y-you did?” Looking up at him and seeing what lay in his eyes left her with no doubt he was telling the truth. “But… you were so angry last night, wouldn’t talk to me this morning and I thought, I thought-”
“Well, you thought wrong,” he said with a small smile while stroking her hair back and cupping her chin.
“So, you’re not…” Pausing to take a shaky breath, she asked the one question she needed an answer to most. “You’re not mad at me? Not even a-a little?”
At this he chuckled, he couldn’t help it even as she frowned at his reaction. He coughed a couple of times to get himself under control before telling her in earnest, “Oh, kitten, I could never be mad at you. Frustrated, yes. Mad, never.” She seemed relieved to hear him say this, her shoulders slumping from the tension she’d held on to.
“Thank God. I really couldn’t take it if you were.”
“I think-” he spoke softly, released his hold to her and rocked back on his heels. “-that there was some… miscommunication goin’ on last night. Am I right?”
Blinking back the last of her tears, she nodded. “Yes, but… I want you to know I blame myself for it. Not you.”
“Buffy,” he said sternly. “I was outta line last night when I pushed you `gainst the door and `specially for slappin’ you back. You’ll never understand how sorry I am `bout that and can only pray you’ll forgive me for it.”
When he tilted his head to the side in that certain way, those blue eyes shining with hope while awaiting her response, she melted. “Of course I do. I started it and you didn’t deserve it. I shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have-”
“Stop right there,” he interrupted, shaking his head vehemently. “Don’ bloody care who started it and damn well don’ believe for a minute the blame lies solely on you. Understand?”
“Uhmm, o-okay. I guess I can deal with that.” She offered him a smile which made him instantly give her a brilliant flash of his teeth as he grinned from ear to ear.
“Good!”
“And, Spike?”
“Yeah, pet?” Seeing her tense up again, he wondered what else was on her mind.
“Those things you said to me last night?”
So that was it. Well, he’d apologize for that too, no matter how right he felt he was. “`M sorry `bout that, too. Never meant to push-”
“No, please don’t be sorry because the truth is……… The truth is… that-you-were-right. About everything.” There, she’d said it.
He just sat there, completely dumbstruck by her admission. Could it mean that he was finally getting through to her? That she did in fact want to be with him and understood he’d take care of her, do right by her? It almost seemed too good to be true.
“I just need some time to process what I’m feeling for… and-and understand it, before making any kind of decision.”
A lump formed in his throat and inside, he truly prayed that what she’d just said meant what he thought it meant… but he’d keep it to himself for now. The last thing he wanted was to scare her off by questioning her and possibly have his hopes crushed by her answers. “Take all the time you need, `m not goin’ anywhere.” Definitely not goin’ anywhere.
“Thank you.”
“Now… about that kiss.” Whoa, who knew her face could turn that red so fast… simply adorable. But he did feel they needed to talk about it.
“Uhhh-” Erghh, he just had to bring that up, didn’t he? Evil man. “Sorry?” she squeaked out her apology through lowered lashes. Although he certainly seemed to have enjoyed it as much as she did… if not more.
“Don’t be. `M not,” he said matter-of-factly, right before waggling his brows at her to lighten the mood which somehow, only made her blush even harder. And bloody hell, were her lips actually curling into a shy smile? He considered himself one very lucky bloke indeed. “Jus’… you know, kinda proved somethin’… to both of us. Wouldn’ you agree?” Please agree, or he’d start bawling like a baby, his pride be damned.
“It was…” She paused. The expression he held when she spared him a quick glance, well, she was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be disappointed when she told him the truth. “Amazing.” And didn’t his face light up brighter than a Christmas tree?
Right before that trademark, smoking-hot sexy, cocky smirk of his returned. I am so doomed.
“More like bloody brilliant.” He’d never felt such passion in a woman, for a woman… she was ‘it’ for him, no two bloody ways about it.
“Yeah, it really was.” She allowed herself a giggle before speaking again, “But we gotta, kinda-sorta not do that again.” At his crestfallen look, she quickly added, “A-at least not that… intensely for right now because, well… just because. For now, okay?”
“Okay, pet.” Yeah, he should have seen that coming, but even if it hurt a little, just to know she was indicating there would be a ‘later’ was all he needed to be happy.
Turning her head to the side, she kissed his cheek, grateful he didn’t push the subject. “So are we good? You and me?”
“Yeah, luv, we’re good.” Any time she kissed him, even as innocently as she had, he was more than good. Nancy-boy or not, he was well and truly smitten. “But… I really do need you at work today.” He hated to tell her that, but it was true. And then that bottom lip of hers stuck out to taunt him right before she started to argue her case, the adorable pout remaining in place.
“And I really need a day off. I have well over a month’s worth of vacation and sick days I’ve never used. I think I deserve it.”
Bloody hell! She really did have him wrapped around her finger, and tight! “You know what? You’re right. You do.” He nodded in agreement; having been unaware she’d accumulated that much time off.
“Huh?” Wow, it certainly didn’t take much to convince him. She was almost upset he didn’t put up more of a fuss, but then she probably would have given in and truthfully, she really wanted to stay home.
“Why don’ you take tomorrow off, too,” he said with a warm smile.
“Not to steal your lines but, who are you and what have you done with my roommate?”
Giving her a smug look, he asked, “Would you like your boss to make you come in to work right now?” She promptly said ‘no’ then splashed him teasingly with water. “Oi now! Don’ wanna have to change my clothes before headin’ back to the office.”
“Awwww.” She splashed him again, forcing him to stand and back away. “What’s the matter? Is the big bad afraid of getting wet?” Oooops, seemed like she’d said the wrong thing judging from the evil glint in his eyes as he walked towards her all cock and swagger.
“Not afraid at all, luv.” He dipped his index finger into the water, swirling it in slow circles, raising a mischievous eyebrow. “Could join you right now if you like? Clothes and all.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” Or would he? she wondered, her eyes growing wide when he lifted his foot and placed it on the side of the tub. Nope, apparently he would. Of course he never appeared to be the type of man who would back off from a challenge. “Spike, no! I’m naked in here.”
“Oh, so you want me starkers, too?” he asked innocently. “Alright. `S only fair.” And the second he reached to take his jacket off, she hurriedly backed herself up to the opposite side of the Jacuzzi.
“No-no-no. Go away, that’s not what I meant and you know it.”
He couldn’t help but laugh that she thought he was serious. But then again… “Relax, I was only kiddin’.”
“Erghh, you’re so, so insufferable sometimes,” she fumed.
“Yeah, but `s part of my charm and `sides… you know you love it.”
Rolling her eyes, she carefully scooted back over to him while concealing herself beneath the bubbles. “Maybe, maybe not.” It was all the confession he was going to get out of her before she warned him, “But don’t push your luck, mister.”
“Wouldn’ dream `f it.” After winking at her, he decided to change the subject and chose his words carefully in hopes she’d tell him herself that she’d dumped the Great Poof. “I gotta head back to the office now, but I’ll be home right after work. Do you wanna watch a movie after dinner? Er, that is if you don’ have anythin’ goin’ on tonight with Angelus.” The play of emotions across her face said it all before she uttered a word.
“No, I… he called today and I broke things off with him. As in permanently.” May as well tell him, she thought, so he can get all his gloating over with now.
“Really? Sorry to hear that, pet.” Oh, he tried to sound sincere, even though it was pointless.
“No, you’re not, so don’t even try lying about it.” He began laughing and it caused her to start giggling as well.
“Ya got me there. `M not sorry `bout it one bit. More like relieved.”
“Oh really,” she said with a hint of playfulness as she neared his face after he squatted down to her level. “And why’s that, Mister Giles, hmmm?” Maybe it was wrong of her to act like this, but she was curious as to what he would tell her, if he’d be bold enough to reveal anything concerning his feelings for her if she coaxed him by flirting just a ‘teensy’ bit.
Swallowing hard, he could only reiterate what he’d already told her. “Like I said, pet, there’s only one bloke that can take care of you right, and `s me.”
The deep purr of his voice as he said those words sent a chill down her spine despite the steaming water. “Is that so?” she stated rather than asked. He regarded her carefully, obviously thinking about his answer, but the confidence his eyes exuded was irrefutable, causing a rush of desire to flood her body. And as he moved a fraction closer, she could feel his breath against her face as he spoke.
“Yeah. If you let me, I would lo… take very good care `f you, for as long as you let me.” The near slip of the ‘L’ word for the first time in his life made for a startling revelation. He may not have said it, hoped she hadn’t caught it either, but knew in his heart there was no denying it was true. He loved her.
Not wanting to bollocks things up further in case she did notice, he averted his eyes and rocked back on his heels before standing.
Good answer, she supposed, even if it was the same thing he’d said last night. But that meant he ‘meant’ it, and was more than enough for her to think on for quite awhile. He’s still young, could change his mind, her fears came back to whisper, but she did her best to push them aside for now.
Time. That’s what she told him she needed and he said he wasn’t going anywhere. But how much time would it take her before he ran out of patience?
“Here ya go.” Placing the towel within her reach, he thought it best for him to leave now. “I’ll see you `round quarter after five, okay, pet?”
“Okay. I’d ask you if you want me to make dinner, but I know what your answer will be. So would you like me to order out instead?”
He smiled lovingly at her for the offer and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt concerning her skills… within reason and without any flames involved. “How `bout you make a salad and I’ll handle the rest?”
“Deal,” she beamed up at him then hurriedly asked, “Can we still watch a movie together later?” Well, if that didn’t sound too eager, she chastised herself. But she wanted to spend some time with him… without his nose buried in a book that was.
“You bet,” he answered happily. Bending over to place a kiss on her forehead, he bid her goodbye. And with a spring in his step, he left the apartment, more than anxious for the rest of the workday to go by as fast as possible.
