Neither noticed the gravitational pull that slowly, oh so slowly drew them inexorably closer, lips so near they could already feel the power of the kiss they were about to share that would undeniably change their lives forever.
Until the phone rang………
The interruption truly couldn’t have come at a better time. Despite her own longing, Buffy knew this was not something that should happen yet, not until she’d had more time to think things over. It would only complicate matters if she let her heart take the lead without seriously weighing the risks in her mind and they’d had the chance to really discuss, well, ‘them’.
Reasonable-Buffy was once again calling the shots and she decided swooning-Buffy, the one still staring deep into those cerulean depths with pure want, needed to get off the couch and answer the call.
Spike wanted to say forget the bloody phone but knew their moment was already gone, ruined. He felt the instant she tensed in his arms, the spell that had held them captive crumble. Reluctantly, he let her go so she could answer, figuring it wasn’t meant to be. At least not tonight, mate, he said to himself with hope. After pausing the movie, he pushed himself to sit up straight while leaving his legs in their original position for when she came back.
Willow’s number lit up the screen on her cell, so naturally Buffy assumed her friend wanted to talk about wedding stuff. She answered with a cheery ‘how are you’ as she sat down on the couch next to Spike – flashing him an apologetic smile after mouthing ‘Willow’ - and scooted to lean back, balancing the elbow of the hand holding her phone on his kneecap.
Spike wasn’t planning on paying any attention to her side of the conversation until she frowned then raised her voice, repeatedly pleading for Willow to calm down and tell her what was wrong. And when Buffy went silent, he swore he could hear the sound of crying coming from the other end of the line.
Suddenly, her eyes went wide and she stuttered out questions in a frantic manner such as ‘when… h-how’. It was only seconds later when she went deathly quiet, and to his horror, he watched her face turn white as snow, the phone slipping from her motionless hand to drop in her lap as she stared straight ahead.
“Buffy?” he asked, more than a little concerned. But she didn’t speak, didn’t move a muscle, didn’t even blink which instantly made him panic. “Buffy?!?!” He tried again, but shouting her name had no effect. She sat there like a statue; either couldn’t or wouldn’t look at him. He reached out slowly to touch her, but when he faintly heard her name being called over and over he hurriedly picked up her phone. “`Lo, Willow?”
After explaining he was here watching a movie with her friend, he begged Willow to tell him what was wrong because Buffy appeared to be in shock and wouldn’t talk to him. And as he listened to her friend give him rough details of the bad news between choked sobs, he carefully moved Buffy to lie down and quickly covered her with the small quilt that was folded over the back of the couch.
He raced into the kitchen to get a glass of water, unable to think of what else to do for her and then rushed back into the living room.
“H-hold on for jus’ a sec,” he quickly told Willow and set the phone aside to kneel before Buffy. “Buffy? Baby, sit up. Here, have a sip. Please?” When she finally looked at him, he breathed a sigh of relief that she was responding. Setting the glass in her limp hand, he had to make her hold it by positioning her fingers around it. “I’ll be right back, luv, I promise.” He kissed her forehead, grateful that she gave him a slight nod despite the vacant look in her eyes.
Taking the phone with him, he grabbed a pen and pad from the kitchen counter so he could write down the answers to any questions he might have to ask, taking matters in his own hands because Buffy was obviously in no condition to even think straight right now. He headed out onto the balcony where he could keep an eye on her, but when he brought the phone up to his ear again, he found himself talking to Willow’s fiancé who explained that she was too upset to continue discussing it anymore.
Oz explained that because of the nature of Xander’s death – one of Buffy’s friends she’d grown up with - his parents thought it best to have the funeral right away after the body was cremated and were arranging a small ceremony for this upcoming Thursday. And Spike had to agree after hearing the particulars of the accident.
Apparently while Xander was working at a construction site, he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. A cable that was lifting a heavy steel support beam four stories high suddenly broke and when the beam fell, it landed in such a way that it crushed his body from the chest down to his knees. He died instantly, but the condition of his body didn’t allow for an open casket.
Spike took down notes on the time of the funeral and the gathering they were going to have on Wednesday evening. When he finally hung up, he knew from looking at Buffy through the glass door right now that he couldn’t let her go alone nor did he expect her to be able to make the necessary travel arrangements. He felt the need to take charge of the situation but he was desperate to go back inside and be with her.
Thinking quickly, he opened her phone back up and searched through her contacts until he found the number he was looking for and pressed call.
“`Lo, Cordelia? `S William Giles. Look, I know `s kind of late, but I need a really big favor… `s for Buffy.” And after relaying what was going on and the state her friend was in, he was relieved that Cordy was completely willing to take care of everything from booking the flight to the rental car and even reserving a room at the nearest hotel. She even offered to inform Snyder what was going on and to take over their schedule for the next two days as well as check in on Sebastian if need be. She’d distribute his workload and the meetings he had planned to other salespeople so he wouldn’t have to worry about getting behind either. After he gave her his credit card number, he thanked her over and over until she cut him off.
“Listen, you just go and keep an eye on Buffy. I’ll call you back as soon as I finish making your travel plans and give you all the information.”
“Thanks,” he told her again, his breath now ragged from talking so much.
“And William?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“I don’ understand.” Thank him for what? She was the one making all the plans for Buffy and him.
“For doing what you’re doing, for taking care of Buffy. She needs you right now and… Look, it may not be my place to say this-” she let her serious voice take over. “-but I know you're the one she wants.” Cordy knew now beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly how much he cared for her friend and vice versa. So she said just enough and hoped he did the right thing with that knowledge. “I’ll call you later. Goodbye.”
She’d hung up before he could say anything more and her words rolled around in his head for a minute as he wondered exactly what she meant by it. But right now he didn’t have time to think of anything other than Buffy’s welfare, so he came back inside and immediately went to sit on the edge of the couch by her side.
He stroked her hair away from her face and spoke softly. “Hey, kitten, how’re you doin’?”
“I… I spoke to him, t-to Xander just last week,” she said weakly. “He was over at Willow’s when I called and-and he sounded… we talked about…”
At the first sign of tears forming in her eyes, Spike bent over her small frame and picked her up. He slid back on the couch and brought her rest on his lap so he could hold her. Her arms wound around him, and she gripped him tight as if he were her lifeline while burying her face in his neck to begin crying.
“Let it out, luv. Jus’ let it all go. Spike’s got you, baby.” He rocked her like a child as she soaked his shirt with her sorrow and wrinkled it in her fisted hands. But he didn’t care about any of that. His own heart broke for her. To lose a friend that was perfectly healthy and she’d spoken with only a week ago… it just wasn’t fair. He wished he could erase her pain but knew that was impossible. The most he could do was to be there for her, and be there for her he would, every step of the way no matter how long it took or what she needed from him.
It took a while before she finally calmed, her body slumped in his arms from exhaustion, needing him to hold her up. When she finally pulled her head back to look at him, her eyes were lined in red, her face awash in grief. She opened her mouth to say something when her cell phone rang again.
“That should be Cordy,” he told her and pulled her phone from his front pocket to confirm it was. At Buffy’s look of confusion, all he said was he’d explain later and answered the call.
Cordy informed him that she’d handled everything and sent all the information to his work email address, knowing he could access it from home. He quickly thanked her and hung up before turning to face Buffy again. “Cordy made our flight arrangements so all you have to worry about is packin’ your things.”
“Our? Y-you’re going with me?” At his nod, she asked, “Why?”
“`Cuz I care. And I don’ think `s a good idea for you to travel alone right now. I promise I’ll stay out of the way durin’ the ceremony and such, but… I jus’ wanna be there for you and support you, if tha’s okay?” At the first sign of the smile forming on her lips, he breathed easier, knowing she was alright with it and he hadn’t taken things too far by including himself in her plans.
“Thanks,” she whispered then gave him a quick hug before pulling back to comment on his clothes. “Sorry I got you all wet.”
“`S only a shirt, luv.” He shrugged. “Tell ya what.” An idea came to mind when seeing it was going on ten o’clock already. “Why don’ I go change real quick like and then make us both some tea. It’ll help you to get some rest. We don’ have to be up `til nine, so you’ll have plenty `f time to pack tomorrow.”
“Okay.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek then got off his lap to let him up.
By the time they’d finished their tea, Buffy was more than ready for bed, but when Spike stood and offered his hand to her, she shook her head. “I… I really… don’t wanna be alone tonight,” she whispered.
The pleading look in her eyes was all it took for him to ask, “Want me to stay with you? Here on the couch?”
“Only i-if you don’t mind.”
As if she had to worry about that! “Be more than happy to, pet. Jus’ gonna grab a blanket and some pillows and I’ll be right back.” And as he went to do that, it occurred to him that while he was indeed getting to spend the night with Buffy in his arms, he really hated the circumstances under which it was occurring.
Buffy spread out the blanket while he threw down the pillows and then waited for him to lie down first before joining him. They left only the small light over the stove in the kitchen on but it was enough that they could see each other as she turned on her side to face him. Raising her hand, she gently ran it down the side of his cheek, smiling softly at him. She didn’t need any courage to tell him what was on her mind this time. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Though stunned by her admission, he never let it show. Instead, he took her hand and kissed her palm before telling her something that came straight from his heart. “And you’ll never have to find out… if I have any say in it.”
It was in that moment she was able to set aside her sadness and recognize that this man had bravely laid his hopes bare at her feet, for better or worse. And the look in his eyes, the anticipation she found there swimming in the blue depths that held her gaze made her realize how much he’d come to mean to her. Leaning in, she kissed him gently on the lips; her feelings for him growing that much more as he tenderly kissed her back. When at last they pulled away from one another, she gave him his hope, his crumb. “You will.”
~~~*~~~
Wednesday………
Buffy couldn’t remember the last time she’d ever needed to depend on anyone other than herself. And truthfully she hated the very idea of it. She was strong, resourceful, a take charge and get it done kind of woman no matter the problem or situation.
Not last night.
She never could have anticipated her reaction to the news Willow had given her, or lack thereof. While she just sat there unable to move, unable to wrap her mind around what had happened, Spike stepped up to the plate, setting everything that needed to be taken care of in motion. And afterwards, he was at her side to offer her comfort, reassurance and the guarantee he’d be there to support her emotionally without interfering during the gathering or funeral if she didn’t want that.
She didn’t want that. She needed it, needed him. And she meant it when she said she didn’t know what she’d do without him. He’d held her together in more ways than he could have imagined, especially on the plane ride to California.
She didn’t feel much like talking during the first hour of the flight and he didn’t try to make her either. But when she finally gathered the courage to ask exactly how Xander had died, he explained it briefly and – gratefully - without much detail while holding her hand. She felt like weeping again, but the tears weren’t forthcoming. Instead, she leaned her head against his shoulder and began telling him random stories of her close knit group of friends, how they’d grown up together from Kindergarten through graduation. It felt nice. To be able to reminisce, to verbalize her best memories of Xander through the years and to have Spike simply sit there and listen.
After they landed and got their rental car, Buffy insisted he drive while giving him directions to Willow’s house. With the amount of time it took them to get to California and then to Sunnydale, there was forty minutes to spare before having to be present at Xander’s parents’ home. So going to the hotel to change wasn’t an option at the moment. She called Willow quickly to let her know she’d be there shortly and then hung up so she could guide Spike around her old neighborhood.
Spike was in awe of the town she grew up in. It was quaint in that suburban sort of way. The pace seemed slower, the houses nicely spaced apart allowing for large front and back yards. Some even had the proverbial white picket fences. Yeah, a nice ‘fifties’ feel to it, a safe environment where there was probably a sense of community, the kind you wanted to raise children in. He wondered why Buffy would leave all this behind for a grueling, competitive city atmosphere like New York. Maybe between her mother’s death and her nasty breakup with Riley she didn’t want to linger in a place that held such painful memories. Maybe.
Now they were standing on Willow’s front porch, each holding their own suitcase that contained the appropriate clothing for tonight’s get-together while waiting for someone to answer the door.
It was Willow who greeted them, a small smile on her face at seeing her friend again before inviting them inside. She ushered them into the living room where Oz sat on a sofa next to Anya, Xander’s high school sweetheart and wife. Spike could feel the air around them, thick and oppressive, making it difficult for him to breathe as he focused on the faces he recognized from Buffy’s photo album all sharing the same somber look. The silence seemed to stretch out as he just stood there at Buffy’s side until he became painfully aware that everyone was staring at him, causing him to cough and shift uncomfortably. He never mentioned to Oz that he was coming, only that he’d take care of getting Buffy here.
The lack of noise seemed to bring Buffy to attention, too, and she realized that no one knew who Spike was or even that she was bringing anyone with her. But before she had a chance to speak, Willow embraced her for a long hug. Once they separated, she glanced at Spike to politely ask who he was.
Buffy looked up at him and must have seen the lost expression on his face. She hesitated momentarily while everyone awaited her answer… then did something that blew him away. She smiled, linked her hand in his and spoke without ever turning to face them.
“This is William Giles or Spike, as he prefers to be called, and he’s…………… he’s my friend.”
It wasn’t the soft look in her eyes or the quick squeeze she gave to his hand. It was that she used the term friend. She easily could have told them he was her roommate, her boss, anything else… but she didn’t. He was deeply moved by her words and could see within her beautiful green gaze that she honestly meant them, remembering that she’d told him what a relationship really boiled down to was friendship.
Thinking back to when they first met, he was well aware it’d been nothing more than a physical infatuation he had for this woman that - due to his wounded pride from her rejection – turned obsessive rather than fizzle out. Over time, however, it blossomed of its own accord into something far more complicated. It became something he didn’t understand, had never felt before and even fought along the way until only recently. But now that he acknowledged his feelings for her, he realized just how right she was.
No relationship could survive if the fundamental elements of friendship weren’t present: a combination of mutual respect, trust, loyalty, communication, understanding and support. It meant valuing that other person. According to this definition, yes, they were indeed friends and had forgiven each other for all the ugly moments they’d gone through in order to move beyond them.
To hear her say she considered him a friend also meant she recognized their potential to evolve into something more. She’d said as much on the day he’d cornered her in the Jacuzzi, though not in those exact words. But it was there - the foundation on which they would hopefully build a future together.
All he could do for now was to continue to be patient, not an easy feat for him, but he knew she’d be well worth the wait. And when love finally beckoned, he would follow with no reservations.
