Chapter 11- The Road Less Traveled Always Has Poison Oak
A chin where
barbed wire bristles stand
is bound to be
a no-ma’ams land
Burma-Shave
Buffy, towel wrapped securely around her dripping body, sat in the plastic deck chair. “Alright, I’m out of the pool and although not dry, I’m ready to listen. So, let’s start with the basics.”
She crossed her arms and stared at the strange man in the royal purple suit sitting across the table. “Just who are you and why have you drug my sister and this annoying vampire into my quiet Buffy time?”
“I am the emissary for the Keeper. I have been given instructions for the Slayer, the vampire and the key.”
Buffy stared at the man. “How do you know about my sister? No one knows that.”
The man stared back. His eyes were nearly black. It made his pale face appear ghost- like. “The Keeper of the abyss is attuned to all portal keys, and knows much. He has followed your progress from the beginning and it is very important to him that you succeed in your venture. He has a stake in the outcome.”
“Okay, so he’s been watching us. Why step forward now?”
“Because it has been brought to his attention that you and your companions have fallen under the protection spell of the portal keys. If this continues you will not be successful in your final attempt.”
Dawn looked at her sister triumphantly. “I knew something was wrong with everyone.” She turned to the emissary. “Buffy and Spike, I mean the Slayer and the vampire, are under the spell, too, aren’t they?”
The emissary nodded. “Yes. However, they are strong enough to break the spell with a concentrated effort; the humans with them can not. They will only return to their original paths once the keys have been connected.”
“We’re not supposed to connect the keys, my orders are to turn the balls over to the Council unconnected and safely in their little box.”
“Then the humans will remain as they are now, controlled by the spell.”
Spike lit a cigarette. “I want to hear more about this spell. I don’t feel any differently than I ever have.”
“The portal keys are bewitched to protect them from being collected and used. The spell takes many paths, but in essence an overriding trait or emotion of the bearer is twisted into an unrecognizable compulsion to behave in a contrary way. It becomes stronger with each passing hour until the bewitched becomes so fixated that they can no longer function outside of the spell.”
Buffy frowned. “So you’re saying that to some extent we’re all acting differently that we really would normally?”
“That is correct and by the time of the last manifestation, none of your contingent of humans will be able to control their compulsions long enough to be of any aid to you.”
He looked solemnly between Spike and Buffy and continued. “There is something else which I am to impart to the Slayer. The Keeper has discovered the reason why you have been so successful up to this point.”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” Buffy looked skeptical. “We’ve fought several demons to get those keys.”
“Have you not noticed that the demons have been less and less active as you’ve collected the keys? Several of the strongest demons have made a treaty with each other. They plan to attack as a united front at the last manifestation site. They will then overcome your group and own the portal keys together.”
Buffy turned to Spike and muttered. “I just love it when they grow up and learn to share.”
He snickered. Turning back to the emissary, Spike raised an eyebrow. “If the Slayer and I are both under this spell, how do we break it?”
“You do that which is the opposite of the compulsions you now feel.”
Spike shook his head. “I’m not understandin’ you, mate.”
Buffy added. “I don’t get it either.” She looked confused. “I don’t feel any differently than I have all along. What do we have to do?”
Dawn nodded. “I know.” She turned to the two blondes and said, “You guys have been fighting like cats and dogs. You have to stop that.” She looked over at the emissary. “That’s their overriding compulsion right now. They want to kill each other.”
The man nodded gravely. “Then they must do the exact opposite to break the spell.” He stood up. “My time has drawn to a close and you have much to decide. The Keeper and our small force will be on hand tomorrow night at the manifestation site to assist you. However you must understand that our goals do not coincide. We wish no one, man nor demon, to have control of the portal keys and would request that you relinquish them. It is the Keeper’s destiny to protect the keys from both men and demons.”
The Slayer watched him close the pool door behind him. “Come on, we need to talk about this some more, but Buffy needs dry clothes first.”
Spike snickered. “That drown rat look really suits you Summers.”
“I’m not surprised you know all about rats. Tell me Spike, are they super yummy?”
Dawn watched Spike stop and raise his chin while Buffy stood with her hands on her hips. Here we go again and they think they’re not under a spell.
Spike’s eyes flashed yellow and he growled. “I’ve never eaten a rat in my entire undead life. Oh wait, you’re confusin’ me with your ex. He always knew a gourmet meal when he saw it twitch its whiskers.”
Buffy’s mouth tightened, anger glinting in her eyes. “You keep Angel out of our convo or you’ll go back to Sunnydale in a little brown bag.”
He circled her. “You started this convo as you so inelegantly called it.”
“Yeah, and I’ll end it, too.” She lifted her fists and matched him step for step.
Spike changed to game face. “Bitch.” he spat out.
“Bastard.” She retorted.
“Come on Slayer, let’s do this. Now.”
“Fine by me.”
“Okay, that’s enough!” Dawn moved between them. “This is exactly what I was talking about. It’s the spell doing this. You two have got to stop this right now, because it’s getting worse all the time. You sound like a couple of elementary school kids fighting out on the playground, but with way nastier vocabularies. That guy is right; we’ll never get the last key like this.”
She took them both by the hand and tugged. “Come on, we need to get back to the room and figure this out,” she said pleadingly.
Reluctantly, they both acquiesced and allowed her to pull them away from each other.
*****
“Oopsy.” Willow touched the hole in the wall. “I guess I missed a little.”
Xander put his hand on her shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry about it; it’s not a really big hole. Some more wallpaper slapped up there and you won’t even be able to see it.”
“Giles bought travel insurance and I would think errant knife throws would be covered.” Anya volunteered.
Willow picked up the knife from the floor where it lodged after falling from the living room wall. “I really need more practice.” She appealed to the other woman. “Do you really think holes are covered?”
“If not, we’ll just pay for the damages when we check out. Go ahead and practice.” Anya waived her hand airily. “It’s only drywall.”
“Drywall is cheaper to repair than plaster.” Xander added.
Buffy ignored the antics in the living room. “I’m going to change clothes. I’ll meet you in your room in a few minutes, Spike. We have to sort this out.” She turned to her sister. “See if you can get them interested in something other than destroying the room.”
Dawn nodded. “Hey, everybody, let’s watch a movie on the big screen.”
*****
“Come in, Summers.” Spike opened the door and gestured toward the bed. “There’s really no place else to sit. I guess nannies aren’t allowed much down time.”
”That’s alright, I don’t mind.” She sat gingerly on the edge. “Now, about this spell.”
“Yeah, I guess we better do somethin’ about it right away, if we ever want to have another civil conversation.”
“I don’t know exactly what to do.” She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “How do we stop all this arguing? It sorta takes on a life of its own.”
“I guess by doing the opposite, like that emissary said.” He leaned forward. “Move a little closer.”
Suddenly nervous, Buffy asked “Why? What are you going to do?” She looked suspicious. “This isn’t going to be some sort of warped vampire thing, is it?”
“No, it’s not ‘some vampire thing’. I’m goin’ to kiss you.” Spike looked disgusted at the thought.
“What?!” Buffy was definitely squicked. “Why?”
“I can’t think of anything that’s more the opposite of arguing than that, can you?”
“That’s true. Okay, so does it have to be on the lips?” She tried to suppress the automatic shudder that occurred. “What about one of those Hollywood air kisses? Do you think that might work?”
He shrugged. “I dunno. Believe me, Slayer, if you can come up with another plan...” Suddenly an idea struck. “Wait a minute. Let’s try a hug first and maybe that’ll be enough.” Maybe that will work. I certainly don’t want to kiss the bitch.
Buffy brightened. “Yeah. There’s nothing that feels less like hatred that a good ol’ hug. Way better than a kiss on actual lips.”
Spike gave her a cursory inspection. “You don’t have a stake in your pocket do you?”
“No, but get on with it, or that can be arranged.”
“Fine, let’s bloody do it.”
They both leaned forward and awkwardly hugged, each trying not to actually touch the other. It resembled two people hugging an invisible person between them.
Backing away quickly, Spike asked. “Well? How do you feel now?”
“Like I want to smack you for wasting my time.”
“Me, too.” Spike agreed mournfully. “It looks like only a kiss is goin’ to work in this case, but we can start out slow.” Got to suck it up and be a man.
Buffy sighed. “Starting out slow sounds really good.” She leaned forward and Spike quickly pecked her cheek. He tried to control the feeling of wanting to wipe his lips with soap and a washcloth.
Buffy wondered wildly if there were any alcohol wipes in the nanny’s bathroom and tried hard not to scrub her face with the back of her hand.
Spike raised an eyebrow. “Well? Feel any differently?”
“Uh, no. I still want to haul off and hit you really hard.”
He nodded. “Me, too. Except exchange the word “bite” for “hit.”
“You want to bite me?” She glared at him. “Than change "hit” to “stake.”
“We’re doin’ it again.” He shook his head. “This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.”
“It sure is.” She slumped. “I guess it has to be on the lips, huh?” Well, crap
“I don’t think we have any choice.” Bloody hell.
“Then let’s get this over with.” The bathroom better have a jumbo bottle of Listerine.
“Wait a minute, Slayer. Maybe that’s the problem.”
“Huh?”
“Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way. We aren’t givin’ the spell enough time to break.”
Thoughtfully, Buffy nodded. “That could be true.” She sucked it up. “Okay, this is the last try, so let’s do it right. I, for one, don’t want to ever do this again.”
“Right.” Spike reached for her. “Okay, we’re goin’ to kiss and hold it through a mental count of ten. Got it?”
She nodded firmly. “A count of ten. Got it.”
Spike moved closer. “I’m going to put my arms around you, too.”
She nodded. “If you can do that, so can I.” Scooting closer, she added. “Okay, I’m ready.”
“Me,too.” Spike grimaced and put his arms around Buffy. He pulled her tightly against his chest.
Reluctantly she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Okay, let’s do this.”
“Right.” He carefully pressed his lips to hers and started a mental count. One, two, three… how much longer before I can stop?… four, five….. she’s so warm…six… why was I so mad at her?…seven……I’ve got Buffy in my arms at last… eight……she’s so soft, this feels wonderful……nine…… Buffy, Buffy, Buffy!…… the hell with it. He pulled her tighter and deepened the kiss.
Buffy began her count at the same time as Spike. One ,two,……this had better work or I swear I’ll stake him……three, four…… we’ve got to get that key……five… why was I mad exactly?…six, seven…wow, Spike’s a great kisser… eight……I’m finally kissing him- I’ve wanted to for awhile… nine…… Spike, Spike, Spike, Spike!! She felt him deepen the kiss and responded, moaning and running her hands through his hair.
Dawn pulled away from the closed door of the nanny’s room satisfied. Walking into the living room she looked at the group in front of the television screen. “So, what did I miss?”
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