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Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: The characters are owned by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Never mine.

A/N: This is a comedy/ very light drama road picture, an homage to Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour, idols from my childhood. The locations, other than state names are completely of my own invention or changed to suit the story. As always, thanks to my lovely beta EnigmaticBlues.
Chapter 4- Alfred's Place of Rest

Henry the eighth
Sure had trouble
short-term wives
long-term stubble
Burma Shave

“Wow, talk about your Bates Hotel.” Xander, his voice amused, turned around from the front passenger seat and looked at the others.

Spike chuckled. “For once I’ve got to agree with you Harris. It definitely has that feel about it.” He stared through the windshield at the old two story motel quietly decaying alone on the hilltop. “So Slayer, everybody, what are we doin’? This is the only place we’ve found with a vacancy sign for the past ninety minutes. I can keep drivin’ or we stop here.”

“I’m exhausted and I’d really like to stop. This is our only chance, too. The next key thingy appears tomorrow afternoon.”

Willow bobbed her head in agreement. “Tara and I vote to stop.”

“It will be very nice to have a shower, and it won’t impact the budget much since it’s old and worn out.”

Spike pulled into a parking place. “Amazin’. This is the first thing we’ve all agreed on.”

Buffy looked at the leaning building with the peeling paint in front of them and grinned. “Hey, what’s not to like?”

Reaching in to grab her suitcase, Dawn poked Xander. “What did you call this place earlier?”

“Oh, it’s a reference to the movie-.”

“Xander!”

“Oh. It was just a movie reference Dawnie. No big.”

*****
“Here are your keys. It was really cheap so we can spread out this time. Spike, you get your own room. The rest of you are paired up and Dawn’s in with me.” Buffy passed out the old fashioned room keys and picked up her luggage.

“No twenty-first century key cards here. Xander’s right, this is beginning to feel more and more like psy-.”

“Willow!”

“Oops. I mean what a historically rich building. I bet it has lots of stories to tell.”

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Would it be okay if I came to your room tomorrow before we leave? I think we need to discuss tactics before the next key.”

“Uh, sure, just knock loud. You know early mornin’ isn’t my best time.”

“We won’t have to get up that early.” She looked to Willow for confirmation. “Will we?”

The witches conferred. “Actually, no. We only have to drive about fifty miles and we have until early afternoon to do it.”

“So sleeping in late goodness.” Buffy turned back to Spike. “I’ll be there sometime later in the morning then.”

“Works for me.”

****
Buffy threw her suitcase on the bed, opened it and rummaged for her favorite sushi pajamas. There are only four pairs of shoes in here. Stupid vampire.

“Dawnie, you have the first shower. I’m supposed to call in and report to Giles.”

“Okay.” The teen grabbed her shower stuff and disappeared through the door.

Buffy pulled out the cell phone the Council had provided and punched the speed dial number for her Watcher. While the phone rang, she looked around the room.

The View Top Inn was definitely lacking in the amenities department. Although reasonably clean, the furniture hadn’t been new since the Eisenhower administration and the bed’s mattress had a lumpiness the suspect quilt couldn’t quite hide. Detecting a slight musky scent, Buffy wrinkled her nose.

“Hello?”

“Hi Giles. One Slayer reporting in as requested.”

“Buffy. How’s the trip so far? Did you have any problem with the first key?”

“No, it showed up just like it was supposed to. We had a group of ewoks that showed up, too, but we ran them off pretty easily.”

“Ewoks?”

“That’s what Xander called them. I think it’s from Star Wars. They looked like short, really ugly brown bears with serious teeth and claws. They were isort of in a pack.”

“Ah, that would be the Candlerisse. They’re from Mexico and generally fairly non violent. Unfortunately that confirms some information that I received today from the Council. It seems they’re getting reports from the field of larger than normal groups of demons traveling toward the manifestation sites.”

“Huh. So the candles bears were only the beginning?”

‘Um. Yes. You will need to be very cautious from here on out.”

“No problemo. Spike and I are getting together tomorrow morning to discuss tactics.”

“How is it working out with Spike and the others?”

“Good. We had to dust two vamps tonight that were messing with Dawn, but that was really her fault. Everything else is okay, I guess. Spike is being a big help so far, especially with the driving.”

“Good. He’s being paid enough; he needs to hold up his end. Did you place the portal key in the specially equipped locker?”

“Uh huh. It’s safely locked away in its special box.”

“Just remember that it’s extremely important each time that you procure a key, to place it in its designated location within the locker immediately.”

“Uh huh. Got it the first ten times. The balls go in the box. No playing with them. Giles, I’m really beat; can I call you tomorrow?”

“Of course. I’ll let you know if I hear anything important before then. Take care of yourself, Buffy. I’m being led to believe that some of these demons are rather fierce.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve got the group to watch my back. Good night Giles.”

“Good night.”

Buffy hung up the phone thoughtfully. Spike was right; it’s starting to get interesting. The vampire’s face suddenly floated across her mind. He loves the action, too. Well it sounds like we’ll have plenty of it.

“Buffy? I need help!”

Dawn’s frantic voice snapped her from her reverie. And the fun just keeps comin'. She called through the closed bathroom door. “What’s the matter?”

“I can’t get the door open.”

Buffy twisted the doorknob. “Unlock it.”

“It is unlocked. The door won’t budge.”

“Hold on.” She leaned her shoulder against the door and pushed. The door swung open, the hinges protesting loudly. “Wow, that was really stuck.”

Dawn scurried through the door. “Okay, can I say that I hate old motels?”

“I’d say you’ve got a right.” Buffy picked up her own shower bag. “I’m going in to take my shower and then get some sleep.”

“Thanks for the super strength. Good night.”

“’Night.”

Buffy carefully closed the door and looked around. The sink had a cracked mirror above it and there were a few tiles missing around the room. This certainly wouldn’t win any House Beautiful awards, but I’m so tired it could be a candles bear’s cave and I wouldn’t care. She reached over and turned on the shower. At least the shower works and there’s lots of hot water.

The Slayer shrugged off the shower scene from Psycho and stepped through the curtain. I would’ve just beat the crap out of Norman Bates.

In the room next door, Spike was lying across the bed with his hands behind his head. Unlike Buffy, he wasn’t sleepy and was watching television when he heard Dawn shout through the thin walls.

Concerned, Spike concentrated on listening to the activities in the next room. He heard both Dawn‘s plea for help and Buffy forcing the door open. Spike shook his head. Even exhausted and in her own room, the Slayer still has to save someone.

Once tuned to the room next door, he couldn’t seem to stop. Spike heard the Slayer walk into the bathroom herself, shed her clothes and turn on the shower. Oh no. He groaned and punched the TV remote, ratcheting the volume up higher.

He threw the remote on the adjacent bed, rolled over on his side and closed his eyes, hoping the loud sounds of Jay Leno’s uproarious studio audience would muffle the sound of Buffy in the shower.





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