Often I find my mind drifting pointlessly, thinking about all those grand things like life and death and what comes after…I know nothing of theology, though something tells me that the universe exists in scales and balances: if there are demons, there should also be angels…I think of the people in my life…it sounds quite bizarre, but those closest to me—it’s almost as though…I knew them before I knew them. Often I wonder if the traditions in the East are close to truth. Do we return to this world again and again until we finally get something right? And do we return alone, or do others share the same journey? Susan, Cecelia, Mum, Rupert…Elizabeth. Who were they to me before, and who will they be should we meet again? Family, friends, lovers…enemies?
~From the diary of William Wells; December10th, 1685
~*~
William and Elizabeth remained on the rocky hilltop through the rest of midday. They sat comfortably on cool stone enjoying the lunch of bread, fruit, and dried venison that William had packed in his satchel. When the sun began to move westward, they picked up their belongings and began the descent into the trees below. Much to Elizabeth’s relief, going down wasn’t quite as frightening as going up, since it did not involve precarious climbing. William traveled in front, because, as he explained, if she stumbled and fell she’d take him right along with her. The sentiment failed to instill much confidence.
With the hill behind them, the land ahead lay shrouded in a dense forest. Shadowed, rolling hills crept up in the distance, leading to the confluence of the Appalachian and Catskill Mountains beyond the horizon. The terrain appeared rugged in patches, etched with steep trails. Crunchy, dead leaves blanketed the earth all around. It seemed to Elizabeth as though the world were preparing itself for a long sleep, since her surroundings were still and quiet, with bright autumn hues fading to browns and greys.
“Here we are,” William declared, gesturing across a small, rippling brook that snaked before them.
Just ahead in a clearing, there stood a fairly dilapidated structure. It looked far more primitive than the home at Raven Pond, though it did seem larger.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Don’t know for sure…I found it with—with Susan, when we first got here. Figured it belonged to some early settlers who left it abandoned a good while ago.”
“It was a house, then?”
“Nah, foundation of the house is over that way. This was a barn, I think.”
A path made of large rocks formed a little bridge across the stream; but instead of simply walking over, William chose to jump most of the way across in a clear demonstration of his athleticism. Unfortunately, he landed just short of the bank, and his left leg ended up soaked to the calf. Elizabeth giggled uncontrollably at his morose expression of failure.
“This is funny to you, is it?” he complained, his voice dripping with disdain, “I’m gonna hafta walk around for the rest of the day with one squishy boot! Fine then. Go on and laugh at my pain. Sadistic wench.”
“Would you care for some cheese to go with your whine?” she replied when she finally caught her breath.
He glared back at her sullenly for as long as he was able until he too broke down in laughter. To restore a bit of his male pride, she allowed him to help her over the slick rocks, and then followed him to the door.
The interior of the barn was not what she’d been expecting. It was actually quite tidy, though mostly empty but for a couple of old trunks and a stack of blankets and pillows. The center of the floor was large and open, and the roof was higher than it had appeared from the outside. She looked up into the rafters to see a tiny finch perched near the ceiling.
“Why did you bring me?” she asked, her eyes sweeping over the simple details of the large room.
“No one knew this was here ‘cept me and her. Now it’s just you and me. I come here sometimes to be alone…to think, to write. When I’m feelin’ particularly introspective, I’ll bring my journal. It’s not much, but it’s a special place. And I wanted to show you.”
Elizabeth nodded, understanding what it meant to him. The alcove in Nenna’s kitchen was the same for me once. He studied her reaction to his hideaway for a long moment. She wanted to thank him for inviting her, for allowing her to see one of his secrets, but she didn’t quite know how best to convey how moved she felt. After her silence, he cleared his throat uncomfortably and shifted his feet.
“Well, like I said, it ain’t much. I just thought—I thought maybe we could train here if you wanted. There’re some weapons I keep hidden, and without furniture to get in the way, there’s a lot of open space for dancing.”
Elizabeth looked up in amused disbelief. “Dancing?”
“Learning the fight. Susan used to call it dancing. Really that’s all it is once you get the steps down.”
“Oh.”
“But then again, I know you’re fond of the other kind.”
Briefly she thought she’d misunderstood, because how could he possibly know of her passion for dancing? Surely she’d never mentioned it. She never told anyone, especially no person in this tight-laced colony.
“Excuse me?”
He dropped his gaze shyly and stuffed his hands into his cloak pockets.
“One night around second harvest, you were in the woods near the church. It was some Irish jig, but there was grace and precision to it, almost like the French Ballet of Louis’ court. Your hair came loose and sorta glowed when it caught the moonlight…It was like—it was like you were a spirit almost. One of Shakespeare’s faeries brought into the world of men.”
Oh dear Lord! That night I was drunken…behaving like a depraved wild thing. No one was there, I looked—I…
Instantly she felt her cheeks burn scarlet. It was both unsettling and terribly embarrassing that she had been watched without her knowledge during such a private moment. And by William no less…
“You saw me?!”
“You’re angry with me.”
“No, I just…why were you there? Did you follow me?”
“No,” he replied quickly, “No, I was there on the hunt. Townsfolk gettin’ sloshed late at night? Perfect snacking opportunity for a vamp. But I saw you, and I…I stopped.”
“And you call me a spy,” she scoffed, before pausing as her expression grew serious. “It’s all right, William. I’m not upset with you.”
Her heart fluttered away inside her chest, though she tried to appear calm and unconcerned. He saw me. He saw me and he did not think it sinful.
“Good. I’ve seen you pissed off and I wouldn’t wanna go through that again. Still got the battle scars.”
“Ponce,” she said, grinning.
“Nope. My word. Doesn’t count when you say it, luv.”
He knelt before one of the old trunks and pulled out a large bag, emptying its contents on the floor. Various knives, stakes, and bows splayed out in a heaping pile. William beckoned her over and offered her first pick.
“I have large weapons.” he proclaimed, before muttering “ponce” in a scoff under his breath.
--
“Right. Now most important thing to remember here is power. You gotta know how to use it, and you hafta recognize who has it. That’s lesson the first, and you must understand it before we even try hand-to-hand. Pretend I’m the vamp, yeah? You’re the Slayer—Chosen One—defender of the people. For you to survive, you gotta get me here,” William said, patting his heart.
Elizabeth held the stake awkwardly in one hand as she chased after him. Each time she tried to lunge with her weapon, he dodged her swings expertly.
“This is basic attack strategy. I haven’t even started to fight back yet, but for the time being, we’ll say you’ve got the upper hand. Upper hand ain’t the same as power. I’m a demon, and I’m strong. Stronger than you. Know your limitations. I’m running you in circles purposefully. Don’t follow or you’ll get tired. Wait for me to slip up, get too close, and then you take the opportunity to catch me off guard. Like this.”
William ran for Elizabeth, catching his foot lightly on the back of her leg as if to trip her; and then grasped her arm to pry the stake out of her hand. Instead of completing the movements, he held her in place with her back pressed firmly against his chest. Through their clothing, she could feel the steady pounding of his heart. His voice was soft and heavy in her ear when he spoke.
“I’ve made a bad call. Let my guard down completely on my right side. What are you gonna do, Slayer?”
“I—I don’t know,” she stammered, chest heaving.
Abruptly, he spun her around without breaking contact. Never been this close. His eyes were dark, watching her steadily. At once her mouth felt completely dry while her breath grew shallower, and her tongue darted out instinctively to lick her lips. Their gaze never broke, but she heard his breath catch slightly.
“It’s your call. What do you do?” he whispered huskily.
“Show me.”
Eyes still trained on her, he took a step back and lifted her arm in his warm hands, causing a bend at her elbow. When he pulled her close again, he pressed her elbow into his ribs and slowly doubled over.
“I’m down, but only for a second, if that long. Make your move.”
Elizabeth glanced at the stake in her hand, reached underneath his body, and tapped it against his chest.
“Do you have the heart?” he asked without looking up.
“Yes.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“Wrong. Gimme your other hand.”
When he took her hand in his firm grip, she realized she was shaking. Flipping her palm over so that it was facing up, he placed her fingers against his breastbone.
“Find it,” he directed.
She ran her palm over his chest, noticing vaguely that his sweat caused the thin cotton tunic to stick to his skin in an intriguing manner. Exploring with her fingers, unable to see where she touched him, she searched for the rhythm of his pulse.
“There,” she said
His face was flushed and glistening with light perspiration when he straightened.
“Right, but if I was a real vamp, you wouldn’t have that luxury. You must know your target. It was only an inch away, but the difference is life and death.”
Learning to defend herself the proper way proved far more difficult than Elizabeth had anticipated. She knew that beginning slowly was necessary and that skills would only come with time, but she couldn’t help feeling discouraged. Part of her had wanted so badly to prove her strength and show him that she did not need his help—that she could be his match. Simply fighting (or rather, chasing) William had been exhausting. There was no telling what fighting a real vampire would entail. She feared that if her life was at stake—or worse—someone else’s—that she would be paralyzed with fright and weakness at the worst possible moment.
“Whew. You wore me out, pet. I think that’s enough of the lessons for today, yeah? It was a good start.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be any good at this,” she muttered.
“Oh you will. A little practice under your belt, and you’ll be fine. You got the strength and the passion for it. If you didn’t, you’d be back in Wethersfield with the rest of ‘em.”
Back in Wethersfield…she really had entered an entirely new world. Never in her wildest dreams would she have ever thought that she’d be alone with a man (who’d been a stranger only days before) learning and discussing combat strategies. A degree of innocence had been lost with her knowledge, and there would be no going back. She was glad for that.
“So what now? Do you have anything else to teach me?”
“Yeah, we got a ways to go, but not today. I say we head back. If we make it to the pond in time before dark, I think I’d like to take Sunshine out for a ride. Poor girl’s been cooped up for too long. She deserves to stretch her legs. Care to join me?”
“I would like that very much,” Elizabeth replied, a smile playing across her lips.
--
“Hello there. You’re a pretty girl, aren’t you?” Elizabeth spoke gently to the mare as she lightly caressed the white streak than ran between the horse’s eyes and down her nose.
The animal was calm and gentle, quite unlike her panicked behavior in town. Sunshine blinked tiredly and nuzzled into Elizabeth’s touch.
“She’s old, isn’t she?”
William turned from saddling up Giles’s white gelding, who had been introduced to Elizabeth as Sassafras.
“Yeah. We got her cheap cause she’d already been worked.”
“Where’d you get her?”
“Traded with natives up north after we got off the ship from London. I picked her, cause she was the sweetest they had. She’s smart too—good judge of character…She likes you.”
“Well, tell her I like her too,” Elizabeth said, placing a light kiss on the flash of white hair.
“Would you like to ride her? I’ll take Sassy.”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“Course not. We should get started soon though, to be back before sunset. ”
Elizabeth shivered. In the light of day, it was so easy to forget the vile things that woke with the dark.
“Maybe we shouldn’t risk it then,” she suggested nervously.
“It’ll be fine. We’ll stick to the trails close to the pond.”
--
For a long while they rode in silence, side-by-side, enjoying the last touches of late afternoon sunlight before the sky darkened to a rosy hue and the stars came out. The air became colder as the day grew late, a reminder of the winter chill that waited around the corner.
Elizabeth was able to simply sit and take pleasure in the smooth ride; since Sunshine naturally followed William’s lead. The slow, even clop of the mare’s hooves could’ve lulled her to sleep considering how exhausted she felt after the long day. She tilted her head back to admire the pale blue sky framed by gnarled and wiry branches. In the day, the forest was open, alive, and beautiful; quite unlike the ghostly maze it became at night. Turning her gaze to William, she found him lost in thought, his brow furrowed in contemplation.
When he caught her watching him, he smiled. “Would you mind stopping in this clearing for just a moment? I usually let Sunshine rest for a bit here before we head back.”
“I wouldn’t mind at all.”
They dismounted, allowing the horses to graze about the patch of grass.
“Tell me about one of your far off places, William. Somewhere I’ve never been.”
“Which place?”
She thought for a moment and sighed wistfully.
“Tell me something more about Paris.”
“What would you like to know?” he asked softly.
“Tell me about what sorts of things you did there. How you passed your days.”
“Like what I did to get by? Lots of odd jobs, mostly. I loaded at the docks, manned a printing press, and lit the street lanterns at night for a time.”
He hesitated then and looked away, almost as if he were intentionally hiding his face from her. His voice was quieter, almost under his breath, when he spoke again. “Did a lot of things there. Not everything I’m proud of…Even fell in love once.”
Elizabeth flinched when he said the word. She felt shocked at how intensely the notion bothered her, that he had loved another woman. Do not be ridiculous. He is a man, and older than I…of course he should have loved before.
“Where is she now?” she asked carefully, wincing at the possible answer. What if she’s waiting for him to return?
“Hell if I know,” he said bitterly, his words colored with the ugly scars of remembered pain.
“What happened?” Elizabeth inquired gently.
“She left me.”
“I’m sorry…Do you, do you still—“
“No. I don’t…feel that way about her anymore,” he sighed shakily, “It was only a few years ago, but I was quite different then. More naïve. She was the first—the only one I loved. Didn’t really believe in it till I met her. And that’s not something you just forget…But you know what I mean. I’m sure you’ve broken a few hearts in your day, pet.”
“No…and I’ve never loved anyone before, I mean, that wasn’t, you know…”
“What about that guy?” he asked timidly.
“Who?” Elizabeth questioned, her brow wrinkled in genuine confusion.
“The one in town. Finn. You really engaged?”
“No. Well, yes, technically, but…I’m not going to marry him,” she declared, for the first time with absolute certainty.
“Good,” he said shortly, unable to hide his relief.
They stood, quietly watching the horses for a few minutes with unspoken words resting heavily in the air between them.
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes?”
“There’s something I—I wanted to do all day, but I couldn’t quite work it out. So maybe it would be better to just ask.”
“What would you like to ask me?” she asked, anxious anticipation creeping into her tone.
“I don’t expect anything from you, and I know you can’t hide forever. You have another life—you deserve a better one. I just—may I kiss you?” he uttered the last part so quickly that the words ran together, and she wasn’t sure she’d heard correctly.
“I beg your pardon?”
“May I kiss you?”
The question surprised her; she never expected him to ask such a thing, even though she’d nearly kissed him once before. A lump swelled in her throat when she saw the fear and doubt in his eyes. Clearly he believed that she would refuse him. How can he not know? If she could have found her voice at that moment without the threat of tears, she might have said something, perhaps found the right way to reassure him. She wanted to promise not to leave, though she knew that was impossible. So she simply nodded.
Softly, without a word, he moved close, breaking the distance between them. Elizabeth felt nervous as her pulse thudded rapidly in her ears. She’d never done this before, and while it seemed there were no specific skills involved, she feared making some sort of mistake. He cupped her cheek with his palm, drawing her in, and when his lips first caressed hers, all thought fled from her. She closed her eyes and experienced something completely new, both exhilarating and frightening. The kiss was sweet, slow, and chaste. His lips were warm and full, and as they brushed hers, she desperately wanted more of him. When she raised her hands to tangle in his chestnut curls, trying to deepen their contact, he lightly pulled away. Elizabeth flushed in embarrassment for fear that she’d done something wrong, but after looking into his eyes, she knew that she’d given something perfect.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“For what?”
“For trusting me.”
--
That night Elizabeth did not succumb to rest easily. She tossed and turned in her cot, unable to find a comfortable position. With Giles out on watch by himself, she and William were left alone in the dark, silent cabin. He was in his bed, sleeping directly above. Or perhaps he does not sleep at all. What if he lies awake thinking of me, just as I am thinking of him? She sighed in delicious frustration and wondered idly what he would do if she entered his room now, unbidden, and crawled into the sheets beside him. No, the sensible portion of her mind screamed in protest. He is not my husband, and I am not promised to him. Such a thing would be wrong. Morally reprehensible. Women have been called whores for less.
But she allowed herself to dream of it anyway. Delicately she brushed her fingers over her lips, where she could still sense his soft kisses. She remembered the feel of him…the thud of his heartbeat against her skin, the firm warmth of his hands, the dark intensity of his eyes. Her fingers lightly abandoned her lips and clumsily trailed over the curves of her own body, imagining that it was his hands that touched her. I have to stop this. Confused and embarrassed at herself, she jerked her hands away and folded them under her pillow.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry updates have been taking a bit longer. I'm in the middle of a run of A Midsummer Night's Dream and will get back to writing as soon as I can! Again, thank you all so much for the reviews!