"I bollocksed it all, didn’t I? God, I should have stopped it! We can’t go back now. Everything’s changed, and it’s my fault. What must she think of me?...I knew she was innocent, that she trusted me…If anyone discovered, she would be ruined. What we had—it was so different from the others. She is so sweet and honest and all I can think of is my dirty hands taking pieces of it away. But I needed her. God help me, I still do. I want more…I keep having this nightmare. She and I—we’re in Paris sleeping in some boarding house I could never afford... In the thinly veiled hours just before dawn, she leaves me in bed to look out over the balcony onto the Champs, her golden hair shining in the sparkling lights of the city. I rise to retrieve her, grasp her shoulder, turn her—and find myself looking into the cold eyes of the demon woman I never found, Darla…Her dressing gown is stained with blood, and she smiles wickedly as she says “At last, William”, reaching for my hand…”
From the diary of William Wells; November 16, 1685
~*~
The kiss they shared existed on a wholly different plane from the sweet, chaste one he’d given with her permission. Their lips met in pure, passionate, unabashed need. Throwing her insecurities and anxieties to the wind, Elizabeth gave in completely to exquisite sensation as his mouth opened, parting her lips with the tip of his tongue. He tasted musky and sweet with a hint of hickory from the pipe that he occasionally smoked, much to Giles’ disdain. Purring lightly in the back of her throat, she savored his warmth as he explored the cavern of her mouth. Tentatively, and in her opinion rather clumsily, she slid her tongue back over his, following his rhythm, allowing herself to become lost in it. Soft moans escaped his mouth and fell into hers as he began to softly roll his hips against her thigh; a slight movement, as if he were purposefully willing himself to be still. The only coherent thought that traveled through Elizabeth’s mind was that she somehow needed to feel him closer, if that were even a possibility. So she wrapped her legs tightly around his hips and clung to his neck with all her strength.
She gave a little squeak of surprise when he suddenly flipped over, pulling her with him until she sat astride the cradle of his thighs. Desperately needing to draw in a breath, she broke their kiss.
“Your hair…So beautiful, Elizabeth,” William panted, his lips freshly swollen.
Understanding his desire, she pulled on her braid until her golden locks tumbled loose down her back and fell in curling tendrils about her face. The look of rapture he wore as he reached his hands up to tangle in her mane made her belly quiver and moisture pool from a secret part of her—a most curious sensation.
“Please,” she murmured, grinding her hips torturously against his in an instinctive rhythm.
“Please what, luv?” he grunted.
When she could not find an answer, he pushed her back lightly, the unexpectedness of the gesture sending her sprawling backward. She was only bewildered briefly, until he jumped to his feet and bent down, swooping her up into his arms. After placing her gently on her feet, he fiercely pushed her back against a wall, his mouth crashing over hers, and this time without any pretense of holding back. At first she didn’t realize that the muffled, insistent cries filling her ears sprang from her own throat. When he broke contact with her lips, she whimpered at the loss, finding that she needed it as much as the air in her lungs. Taking a moment to breathe, to grasp a sense of control, he gently let his forehead rest against hers. He seemed to be shaking with the will of it.
“Don’t wanna do anythin’ wrong, kitten…Gotta tell me what you want.”
“You,” she replied simply and honestly, without any hesitation.
He chuckled lightly, puffs of his breath causing her hair to blow away from her cheek. “I can give ya that.”
His hands glided over her body smoothly, lingering on the curve of her breasts supported by the stiff bodice. Moving to her waist, he gathered the material of her chemise up a bit to reveal a touch of bare skin at her hipbone where his breeches hung low. With his thumbs, he traced lazy circles there that sent a chill up her spine. Slowly, cautiously, his fingers trailed up to the laces of her bodice.
“Yes,” she whispered.
After being assured of her permission, he began loosening and pulling on the laces hurriedly.
“Christ, how do you wear this shite?” he muttered in frustration as he fumbled with the binding garment.
When she was finally free, they both sighed in relief. Slipping his fingers under her chemise, he caressed her belly, sending sparks of pleasure coursing through her. Carefully his touch traveled up over her ribs to settle on her small, firm breasts. She caught her breath at the new and unexpected bliss in that touch, her eyes fluttering closed. He covered her with his warm hands, kneading tender, soft flesh. Allowing her head to rest back against the wall, her mouth fell open as a stream of little cries escaped her lips.
She gasped when she felt his mouth descend on her neck, licking and sucking on her thudding pulse. His teeth grazed her skin lightly and she shivered.
“Need to see you, luv. Let me see you?” he murmured.
Raising her arms to assist, he pulled the chemise over her head, leaving her exposed to his hungry gaze. Never in her life had she been so vulnerable; but offering herself to him was not a difficult choice. His eyes swept over her as if she were a goddess, as if she were his; and she felt no shame in it. It felt, well, incredibly good.
“My god, you’re so bloody gorgeous.”
“Touch me,” she whispered, shocked at how easy it was to ask.
More than willing to oblige, he was on her in an instant, worshipping her mouth and neck with sweet, fervent kisses. Dropping lower, his lips trailed over her breast, his tongue swirling around the rosy peak. At that moment, she became overwhelmed with the desire to caress his face, to see into his eyes, so she pulled him up to devour his lips and tongue. While their kiss deepened, growing more frantic, she delighted in the feel of his soft curls running through her fingers.
One of his arms wrapped around to pull her close into his chest while the other trailed down her belly to the rope that held his breeches in place about her waist.
“Tell me to stop,” he panted hoarsely.
“No,” she breathed.
“Then I won’t, luv. Can’t…Sure you’re all right?”
She nodded, tilting her chin up to meet his lips. With his free hand, William pulled the knotted rope, sending the breeches to the floor. Sliding beneath the band of her linen drawers, his fingers brushed through the dusting of light hair over her mound, causing her to shudder and arch into him.
“Ahhh,” she groaned, aching for more of his touch.
Slowly dipping his fingers into her folds, he caressed her moist, silken flesh, and rolled his thumb over a tiny place that caused her to jump and buck in surprise.
“William!” she cried.
“Still okay, luv?”
“Yes! Oh god, yes..”
Gently, he thrust one of his fingers inside her opening while the other remained on the place that caused her to writhe and moan in passion. Testing carefully, he inserted another finger inside and began to pump lightly in and out. Elizabeth felt her body stretching for him, but instead of causing pain, it fulfilled a delicious ache she never knew existed within her. Muscles she didn’t know she had gripped and clenched onto him.
Momentarily ceasing his ministrations, William knelt before her. He wrapped his arms around her waist in a firm embrace, his head resting against her lower belly.
“Elizabeth,” he murmured, “Don’ wanna do anythin’ wrong by you, sweetheart. I don’ want you to regret this…with me.”
“Oh William, I could never regret this.”
“But when you leave—“
“Shhh. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise?” he whispered, kissing a tantalizingly slow line down her belly.
“I prom—“ she barely got out before her breath caught in her throat.
He paused when his mouth reached the cloth of her drawers. Elizabeth felt the room spinning as her body buzzed with raw need. When his nose brushed against her mound, she felt him shudder as he inhaled her scent. His breath was hot and ragged against her thigh.
“Wanna taste you,” he groaned, hooking his thumbs into the sides of her drawers to peel them from her.
Once she realized his intent, her heart rate nearly doubled. Oh god please, her lust-addled brain screamed. But the more sensible part of her—the part that remembered all of those lessons she’d received over the years regarding the proper behavior of a lady, caused her to flush in frustrated embarrassment. The thought of his mouth on her there was simply intoxicating, but the inherent shame in it held her back.
“No,” she answered softly.
He broke away from her instantly and looked up, panic and guilt in his eyes.
“No—I mean, it’s not that I don’t want—you did nothing wrong. I just, I think I need more time…”
“Of course, luv. Only want to make you feel nice.”
“I do—you are,” she stuttered.
A devilish grin spread over his lips as he stood.
“I’ll take care of you another way then, yeah?”
“What do you—“
He covered her mouth in another heated kiss, his tongue coaxing its way back inside while his hands wandered over her body groping, massaging, and caressing, until he had her writhing all over again. Deftly he slipped one hand beneath her drawers, sliding through her wetness; and his fingers returned to fill the empty place inside. With his other hand, he massaged her breast, rolling its tip between his fingers. Gradually his movements grew faster, increased in fervor, until she felt something incredibly intense and powerful and overwhelming hurriedly building inside her. It seemed that she could feel it everywhere, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, though it swirled around her center and aching breasts. The exquisite dizziness increased tenfold, and for a moment, she feared it meant that she was either going to faint or wet herself like a child.
“Will—I, oh god, I think—“
“That’s it sweetheart. That’s it. Keep breathing,” he chanted huskily.
His fingers returned to touch her there—that exquisite secret place; and in that moment, she thought she’d left her body. She screamed his name as she crashed over the peak into a brilliant light that made her toes curl. When she came back to herself, he was fluttering delicate kisses over her face, his palms cradling her cheeks.
“So beautiful…Don’ deserve you,” he whispered.
In her wonderfully relaxed state, her body slackened like a rag doll supported in his arms. As he patiently held her, she became keenly aware of his hardness pressing into her belly. A glance downward revealed a rather large protrusion in his trousers.
“William,” she began hesitantly, “I want to do that for you.”
“S’okay. You don’t have to do anything.”
“No, I want to. Only I’ve never—show me how to touch you.”
Elizabeth couldn’t help feeling nervous as he looked into her eyes and released a shuddering sigh. Softly, gently, he covered her small hand with his and lowered it to the bulge in his breeches. For a moment, she allowed her hand to simply rest there, feeling the straining heat beneath the thin fabric. It felt harder and…larger than she’d imagined. And so warm…he felt so deliciously warm. He squirmed a bit beneath her touch, so she began to rub tentatively, stroking her fingers lightly over the straining laces at the front of his breeches. Reaching his own hand between their bodies, he untied the laces and slid her hand over his bare flesh as it sprang forth. She jumped a little at the sudden contact and shyly looked down, desperately curious to see him. His organ was large and flushed, bobbing outward toward her. Lightly, her fingers grazed over the heated column of velvety skin as he groaned, leaning into her. Unsure of what exactly to do, Elizabeth gave him an experimental squeeze.
“Careful with that, luv,” he hissed, but she could hear the smile in his voice.
“I’m sorry, I…I don’t know how to…I’m not any good at this.”
“No sweetheart, no. Do you know how long I’ve wanted this…with you? Anything you do is perfect.”
Keeping her motions gentle and cautious, she explored the folds of skin at the end of his length and became surprised to find the head, flushed a dark pink, hiding underneath. He made a small choking noise at the exposure of sensitive flesh, a little cry escaping his throat.
“Oh no! I—I hurt you. William, I’m sorry! Is this not the way I…?”
He laughed breathily. “I’m not gonna break, luv. You’re doin’ just fine.”
With his reassurance, she grew bolder. As she stroked and massaged him, she marveled at how he pulsed and hardened, lengthening in her hand. She adjusted her pace and the intensity of her touch with the changes in his breath and the escalating sound of his cries and groans. With three fingers, she returned to explore the folds of skin, finding their shape and softness somewhat fascinating, and lightly pulled them up and back down again, all the while watching his face to be sure it was all right. As his breathing grew more labored, pleasure-filled gasps catching in his throat, she quickened the pace of her movements. He buried his head in her neck, and she shivered when she felt his hot, moist breath against her pulse.
When he moaned, she delighted in the sounds of his passion—that she had the power to do that to him. She found her own breath growing ragged, a pulsing need entering her body once more simply by watching him, by feeling him lose himself in her caresses. Her thumb swirled over the rosy head at the end of his column, causing her to marvel at how it darkened to nearly a plum shade. Grunting forcefully, he jerked and quivered against her; and suddenly she felt a spill of hot liquid over her hand before he sagged into her body, his head resting on her shoulder.
For what felt like a very long time, they simply stood in the silence of the barn, holding one another. And then his words, just a little over a whisper…there was vulnerability in them, and perhaps fear. He sounded different—very young.
“Elizabeth,” he said, “Elizabeth, I love you.”
A lump closed over her throat, swelling it shut, and she couldn’t speak. So she wrapped her arms around him more tightly and held him as if he were coming apart. But instead of returning her embrace, she felt him tense; and suddenly there was a distance between them where there had been none. Briefly she thought she only imagined it until abruptly, coolly, he broke away. Turning his back to her, he quietly cleaned himself and dressed.
Elizabeth felt bewildered and fretfully confused at the quick turn of atmosphere.
“Did I—William, I…”
“Past time to head back. We stayed here too long,” he declared thinly.
He didn’t look at her.
--
Much of the journey back passed in silence. They spoke about practical matters when necessary; but for the most part, they walked with a tangible distance between them. Elizabeth studied him carefully out of the corner of her eye and became unnerved to find him blank, completely unreadable. Usually William tended to wear his heart on his sleeve where she was concerned. It’s my fault. He thinks I don’t…
“William—“
“It’s been a long day, and you’ve hunted nearly every night this week. I think it’s best if you actually get some rest tonight,” his tone was stiff, business-like, and he did not acknowledge her as he spoke.
“You wish for me to stay behind,” she said softly, dropping her chin.
“I think it best.”
“Will you be going far?”
“Maybe,” he shrugged, “I might patrol the borders of Wethersfield. It’s been awhile since I’ve been down.”
“And you won’t need any help? I can be useful now, William, after what you’ve taught me.”
His pace grew brisker, and she briefly considered stepping in front of him to shake him out of this strange trance. The drastic shift in his demeanor from what had transpired in the barn to his cool, detached manner now made her chest ache with hurt and worry. Maybe it’s more than the fact that I couldn’t…Was it all me? Was I that terrible? What did I do?
“William, will you look at me?”
“No time, Elizabeth. It’s getting close to sundown.”
“We have plenty of time! Now explain to me why you really think it best that I remain in the cabin tonight.”
“Fine then. I just wanna be alone for a bit,” he said shortly.
Elizabeth ceased her questions at the sting of those clipped words. It seemed that all he had wanted was to spend every waking hour with her, and now…something had changed dramatically. He sounded like he had when they’d first met. Sullenly, she trailed after him in silence.
--
The quiet was so overpowering, it had an almost numbing quality. Elizabeth stood to pace around the ground floor of the cabin so that the sound of creaking floorboards might fill the void. Giles and William had left hours before; Giles scouting the surrounding woods, and William and Sunshine bound for Wethersfield. Thoughts swirled around her mind at a frantic pace. She thought about her family back in town and if she could really hide forever. She thought about demons and if she was really meant to fight them…But mostly, she thought about William and the three words he’d confessed to her.
What am I doing? Biding time, fighting vampires. William and I…could we even make a life like this? What happens when the snows come and go; what happens a year from now?
With nothing left to do and the hour growing late, she curled up on her cot in defeat and fell asleep with tears glistening on her cheeks. That night, as if in answer to her fears, she dreamed.
--
She stood in the cabin, and yet it looked unfamiliar. Light brighter than day bathed the dull wood and made it glow so brightly that Elizabeth had to shield her eyes at first. When she could finally see, she glanced out the window into a foreign world. No trees, no water…a desert. Outside in the wasteland, a shadow flickered in and out. Dark and ancient, it hissed when it saw her.
“You don’t hafta worry about it yet.”
She whirled around to find the source of the voice. A young woman about Elizabeth’s own age stood calmly in the center of the room. She had long wavy dark hair, sparkling chocolate brown eyes, a pretty heart-shaped face, and delicate cheek bones. Strangely, she wore nothing more than a dirty, tattered shift that only covered the tops of her thighs, leaving her long, shapely legs bare and exposed. One of the sleeves was torn so that the garment hung low, exposing one shoulder and the top of her chest. Deep purple bruises marred the smooth skin at her neck and collar bone.
“What are you doing here? I thought I was alone,” Elizabeth said.
“Thought we might have a few words. You and me, we could understand each other. And a little company’s better than being alone, don’t you think?”
“I can’t talk now. There’s so much to do. I have mending to finish…for Dawn.”
Elizabeth glanced down to find an apron in her hands. It was only half-completed. She’d been working on it when William took her.
“That’s easy. Let me help,” the woman offered, extending her arm.
Together, they sat on the stairs to the loft with the cloth draped between them. Taking up a needle and thread, they each began to sew the strings on opposite ends.
“I hate sewing. They used to make me do it, just cause I’m the girl. Shagging Council put me in finishing school, but the demons of the world don’t give a good goddamn if I’m a lady,” the woman snorted, rolling her eyes.
“I know you…Susan.”
“Good guess.”
“But you’re dead.”
“Yeah. It happens…You’re wearing my dress.”
She nodded to the fashionable, pale pink gown that the other young woman wore. Noting Susan’s near nudity, Elizabeth felt a sharp surge of guilt.
“Hey, it doesn’t bother me. It looks better on you, anyway. Pink was never my color. Giles bought it for me in London and made me wear it.”
A dark blur flashed at the window, causing the pane to rattle.
“I feel like I should be doing something,” Elizabeth sighed listlessly.
“It’s outta your hands. Outta his, too. He just doesn’t want to admit it yet.”
“Maybe I should go.”
“That’d be easy, wouldn’t it? You might save yourself a world of hurt. Just pretend we were all a dream.”
“I could never do that.”
“Yeah…I know you, little girl. Know you like I know myself. The scars will fade. Bruises will change color and disappear. They always do.”
“It’s just that…I’m not helping anything…being here.”
“You don’t know that, Elizabeth.”
“And you do? You know?”
“I can see a lot from where I am…You just gotta have a little faith.”
.
Susan dropped the needle and thread and stood; and in a flash, a large, elaborately decorated knife appeared in her palm. For a moment she simply admired it, turning the brightly polished steel in her hands, before she walked over to the door.
“Will I see you again?” Elizabeth called out to her.
“I reckon you might…Take care of him, okay? Someone needs to show him how to live again,” she said, before murmuring under her breath, “311 ahead stained with red.”
Susan opened the door, sending the blinding light, filled with dust motes, sweeping inside. Raising the knife in her right hand, she stepped out, preparing for battle.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This one made me nervous lol. I hope you like it : )