“I know I should. I think of all the things he’s done in my life…Without him, I would surely be dead twenty times over; but sometimes the hurt is too great to ever mend…Though the furious pain has melted away to a festering ache… Bestowing forgiveness is one of my greater flaws. I cannot bring myself to forget.”
~From the diary of William Wells; undated.
~*~
“I don’t understand you!” Jenny seethed, “What on earth were you thinking?!”
Elizabeth sighed and looked away, avoiding the accusatory glares from her aunt and uncle. Just keep pretending…
“I just, I wanted…to see him locked up, is all. To know that he’s…paying for his sins.”
“Good Lord, Elizabeth! Is it not enough to have the knowledge that he’s rotting in jail and will likely hang for his transgressions!? Explain to me why it was necessary to leave your bed when you’re ill and ride into town by yourself in the snow to see that the man still suffers?” Jenny exclaimed, crossing her arms.
The dark-haired woman looked to her husband for affirmation and support, but the Reverend remained silent, continuing to glare daggers at Elizabeth. Jenny threw up her hands in aggravation.
“Not only did you commit a sin in running about without permission, but you also led your young cousin to lie for you! She is supposed to look up to you, Elizabeth! How do you explain yourself?” her aunt asked, lips pursed in anger.
“I…I have nothing to say for myself,” Elizabeth declared resolutely.
“Nathaniel!” Jenny tried once more, raising her eyebrows for his reply.
“She already knows my displeasure, Jenny. And I am certain that nothing like this will ever happen again. Am I correct in that assessment, Elizabeth?” he asked pointedly with an all-too-knowing eye.
She longed to throw the man a well-deserved comeback but somehow managed to restrain herself. I have to cooperate with him. I can do it…it’ll be over soon.
“Yes,” Elizabeth answered through clenched teeth.
“Fine. You are to get in bed at once, and do not even think of arguing about it—you look dreadfully pale,” Jenny snapped.
“Yes, ma’am,” Elizabeth answered tightly before turning and walking up the stairs with an exaggerated footfall.
She shut the door behind her and collapsed on the bed, refusing to give in to pain and exhaustion. Reaching down into her boot, she pulled the knife out and felt its weight in her hand. It wasn’t much of a weapon, but maybe…
Whatever I have to do. I’ll get him out.
She curled over on her side, and when she closed her eyes, she could almost see Susan there, beside her, watching her with large, dark eyes. The brunette looked right through her—she could see something Elizabeth couldn’t touch.
Tell me what to do.
You already saved him, Liz. Every day you saved him.
Am I strong enough to fight?
I already told you, you don’t hafta worry about it yet. Not up to you, blondie.
We’ll be out of here soon.
Yeah. You’re almost free, little girl. You’re almost free. Snow’s stopped falling. Rain’s comin’ soon.
“Lizzie, are you asleep?” Dawn whispered.
“No,” Elizabeth sighed, opening her eyes when Susan faded away.
“Were you talking to someone?” the girl asked curiously, tilting her head slightly as she glanced around the room.
“Nobody here except you and me,” Elizabeth sat up and pushed locks of wild hair behind her ears in an attempt to tame her appearance.
“You seem mad. Are you mad? Because I didn’t tell Mother you were gone, honest, she just found out on her own when you weren’t here and then I got in trouble and had to repeat the commandments over twenty times and explain why the one about not lying is so important and now my throat hurts.”
Elizabeth smiled despite herself.
“No, I’m not mad. Not at you anyway; and I’m sorry that you were punished because of me.”
“No matter, I’ve had worse,” Dawn replied, shrugging.
“So…did you want to speak with me about something in particular?”
“Oh right, yes. You have company. Mother sent me to wake you and tell you to dress.”
“Company?” Elizabeth snorted, “She ordered me not to get out of bed.”
“Well, this is worth it…Lizzie, Mr. Finn has come to call on you!” the young girl exclaimed giddily.
“What? Why?” Elizabeth groaned.
“I suppose to inquire over your health. You are promised to him, after all.”
“That’s absurd. I am not promised to anyone. I’m a person, not a horse, thank you very much,” Elizabeth snapped, “Dawn, you may go downstairs and inform your mother that I will not be marrying Mr. Finn, as I believe I could have a more stimulating conversation with a coffin.”
Dawn crossed her arms, firmly shaking her head. “No. Uh-uh. Not this time. Tell her yourself.”
Elizabeth groaned inwardly, knowing that she had no choice but to handle the situation.
Whatever it takes—even if it means being civil to that man. For William, I will do anything…
“Fine then. I will,” Elizabeth replied, not bothering to tidy herself before marching downstairs.
The tall, handsome and well-groomed young man stood at the bottom of the stairs smiling broadly. He blushed slightly, dropping his eyes as she approached. Elizabeth soon realized that he was greatly embarrassed at seeing her hair loose.
Good God. Is there anything that’s not scandalous here?!
“Miss Summers,” Riley began shakily, “Please forgive my intrusion. I hope—I do hope you are quite well. I have been very eager to see you since your return.”
“Why are you here, Mr. Finn? You hardly know me, so it can’t be because you missed me.”
“I am here because I—I wanted to see that you are well, and I also wanted you to know that despite your long absence, I would like to continue our courtship. And I did—you know—miss you. Perhaps I do not know you exceedingly well, but that is the reason I desire more time with you. So that we may become properly acquainted.”
The words that she should say were on the tip of her tongue. She knew she should placate him, bide her time and pretend to have interest…but she found the stubborn lies catching in her throat and refusing to spew forth. I can’t do it. I can’t deceive him. He’s dull, but honest…It isn’t fair to either of us…or William. I cannot act against my heart. But what else can I do other than risk my uncle’s wrath?
A thought occurred to her then that should have been glaringly obvious. She still had family here—a woman whom her mother had loved and trusted. Jenny. I still have Jenny. Willing to bet everything on a teetering hope, Elizabeth drew a refreshing breath and prepared to finally speak truth.
“I don’t,” she said simply.
“Excuse me, you do not…what was that?”
Elizabeth strained her neck to glare up at him.
“I am not interested in your advances, Mr. Finn.”
“What…advances? I have offered you the proposition of being my wife. It’s an important position and would raise your standing considerably.”
“My standing is perfectly fine, thank you. I do not need you, or any man for that matter, to feel better about myself.”
“Wait a moment…I’m sorry, surely I misunderstood. Did you just refuse me?”
“Kind of. Yes.”
The words tasted as sweet as honey when they dripped off her tongue.
Riley released a small chuckle as he stepped away from her, his eyes darting about awkwardly.
“That is quite amusing, Elizabeth. You’re a peculiar girl—always keeping me guessing, aren’t you?” he laughed, placing his hands on his hips.
“You have a lot to learn about women, Mr. Finn. Here’s some help for you: ‘peculiar’ is not often flattering…Actually, you know what? Maybe it is. So thank you.”
“Uh, you’re welcome?” Riley looked at her dumbly, and Elizabeth tried not to burst out in laughter at his confusion. Maybe I’m being a tad unfair to the poor man. Well, no. He needs to hear it.
“I’m actually content being peculiar here. Adjusting would be the true nightmare,” she continued lightly, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
“So you’re accepting my offer?” he asked slowly, clearly not following.
“No!” she exclaimed, rolling her eyes.
“What do you mean? Why not?! No woman has ever—“
“Oh, get over yourself. Propose to Emma. She’s incredibly dense—she’ll say yes.”
“But why, Elizabeth?” he asked softly, his hurt at her rejection evident in his downtrodden expression. And now with the guilt…
The playful gleam that the conversation had brought to Elizabeth instantly faded from her eyes when she whispered, “Because my heart belongs to another. I’m sorry, Riley.”
She turned and walked up the stairs, leaving the mayor’s son standing alone, dumbfounded at the banister.
--
“What did you do?” Jenny hissed from the doorway.
Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder and sighed before quickly turning her attention back to the dead fields outside the window.
“It hasn’t snowed in a few days. It’s strange to think that soon the rain will come and wash it all away. And then everything will turn green again. I’ve missed the sun,” Elizabeth said idly.
“Mr. Finn just left. He seemed quite upset indeed and would not tell me what troubled him. What did you say to him?”
Surely I can trust her…the truth is all I have.
“I told him I wouldn’t marry him. I know the Reverend wants it. He made me swear to it, actually. But I can’t. I don’t think he’d keep his word anyway.”
“What in Heaven’s name are you prattling on about, Elizabeth? How could you possibly refuse the mayor’s son?!”
“Because I do not love him,” she replied plainly.
“You’re acting like an ungrateful little child. Do you understand the honor—“
“Yes, I understand it, and I don’t want it.”
“Grow up, Elizabeth. Let me tell you something about love. It doesn’t exist.”
Elizabeth turned swiftly at her aunt’s remark. The elder woman stood across the room leaning against the doorframe. There was sadness in her eyes, and Elizabeth felt a swell of sympathy for Jenny due to the constrained, repressive lifestyle in which she’d been trapped her whole life.
“I feel sorry for you—that you can believe that. I don’t know how you can live like this. Hiding everything, pretending you don’t feel. You say that you live for God; but why would a loving God want this? Religion shouldn’t be a punishment. And love—love is the greatest part of everything. I know, because I’ve found it.”
“You’ve found love?” Jenny snorted, “With whom?”
“William,” she murmured, “Nathaniel said if I told anyone, he would hang, but…I don’t think the Reverend ever intended to spare him.”
“The witch? William Wells? Dear God, Elizabeth! You’re lost. Just like your mother—you’re truly lost,” Jenny’s eyes filled with tears, reaffirming her belief in the sentiment.
“No, listen to me,” Elizabeth begged desperately, her own voice growing thick and shaky as she hurriedly crossed the room to take her aunt’s hands, “I need you, Jenny. You’re my blood. Mama’s sister…That should mean something. Help me, please. I promise you—I swear on my life that William is innocent. If you could just help me testify—“
“I most certainly will not!” Jenny exclaimed, breaking away from Elizabeth, “And you cannot testify either. Now that I know you’ve allied yourself with that vile creature, your word is meaningless.”
“Jenny, please help me. We’ve done nothing wrong…” Elizabeth sobbed, sinking to her knees as she became overwhelmed in hopelessness and grasped her aunt’s skirt like a child might have done.
In that moment, she felt an intense need to merely be held, to be soothed, for someone to tell her that everything would be all right in the end, and that no one she loved would ever die. She wanted her mother. The ache of that fruitless desire made her sobs intensify. Her arms drifted up, seeking Jenny’s embrace, her compassion, her understanding, anything…but instead, Elizabeth’s aunt pried herself out of her niece’s grasp and quickly fled the room.
--
After the dark cloak of night engulfed the loft in silence, Elizabeth laid awake, piecing together what options remained before her. The sting of her aunt’s betrayal was still fresh and painful though not altogether surprising. Elizabeth’s natural instinct was to collapse in sorrow, with the weight of William’s life on her shoulders, but she could not allow herself to succumb to weakness. So another of her plans had failed; there were still plenty of choices to make and more than one path to take. True, it was doubtful now that she could save him entirely on her own, since her testimony would most likely be ignored at this point. She needed someone strong, intelligent, resourceful. Someone who would do anything it took to save William. Mr. Giles is the only person I have. If I could simply find out where he is, I could go to him. Surely he has a plan. He’ll know what to do. Between the two of us, we will escape this.
Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, Elizabeth tried to will a vision to come to her. Whether it be a glimpse of the future or riddles from dead people, she yearned for any form of possible guidance. When nothing surfaced from the blackened depths of her sight, Elizabeth bit her lip to keep from screaming in frustration. She squeezed her hands into fists until her nails made crimson crescent moons in the flesh of her palms. I’m supposed to be a seer, damn it! Show me something! God or whoever lets me look—please! Show me…Lead me to the end or the beginning…anywhere…
~~
Exhaustion seeped over her limbs, swallowing her body like quicksand before the room darkened. Soon the midnight colors surrounding her brightened, shifting together like watercolor to form a new picture. Elizabeth stood slowly from her bed and walked around this new room—or old room, rather. It was a place she’d never been—a place where she didn’t belong.
She stood in an enormous study. The grand room encompassed two separate levels with gothic-style windows that stretched from floor to ceiling framed in draperies of royal blue velvet. Must, mildew, and the aroma of old, brittle pages permeated the air; and as she looked closer, she realized that the walls were comprised entirely of bookshelves. Two wrought-iron desks stood in the center of the library with papers, quills, and stacks of books cluttering their surfaces. As Elizabeth focused her sight, a technique she’d slowly begun to comprehend, she perceived two figures flickering in and out. Once she could see them clearly, she immediately knew who they were.
The two boys sat facing one another. The elder one appeared to be an adolescent while the other was perhaps ten or eleven years of age. Both had sparkling hazel eyes and disheveled dark hair and were dressed in the awkwardly stiff attire of noblemen. Eyes buried in a book, the teenage boy stared intently at the page while his hand scribbled notes in a journal unceasingly. The younger one simply stared ahead and yawned dully, occasionally slipping a peek at the manuscript sprawled out before him.
“I’m sick of being trapped in here like a bird in a cage! I wish to go out with the others!” the younger boy whined in a prim British accent as he slammed one of his books shut.
“You heard the professor. We must transcribe today,” the other replied absently without looking up from his work.
“But it’s not fair! We’ve been forced to do this all week!”
“Such is the life we have inherited. Now hush up so I can finish.”
“It’s pointless, you know. We have to fill our minds to the brim with all sorts of rubbish for the small chance that we’ll be chosen to train her. One girl in all the world…I don’t want to spend my whole life following some stupid girl, anyway.”
“Mm-hmm,” the other answered, placating his companion.
“You’re not even listening! You never listen to me!”
“Because your voice irritates me,” the elder boy replied, the edges of his lips cracking in a small smile.
“I’m just tired of doing everything they say. For once I want to make decisions for myself.”
The older one sighed, finally looking up from his notes. “I’ll make you a deal. After one solid hour of work, I’ll challenge you to a game of chess.”
“Chess is dull! I wish to go outside!”
“Chess outside, then?”
“Well…” the younger boy said, considering the offer with a creased brow, “Very well then. I suppose I could survive an hour.”
“Thank heavens for that! I’d hate to write a eulogy for a death from boredom” the other replied, chuckling, as he reached over his desk to ruffle the younger boy’s hair.
“Stop it!” the younger one exclaimed before he began giggling.
Elizabeth examined the young boy closely. He had a cherubic, innocently round face with a spattering of freckles over his nose. Her gaze skimmed over one creamy apple cheek where a scar would appear later in life, sometime after his eyes turned dark and cold.
At once, she felt a powerful wind surge around her, pushing the image far away, back into the vault of time. She found herself forced into a dark, iron-coated tunnel, murky and chilled. Voices echoed off the walls all around—the same two voices. She heard the boys and listened to them speak to one another as they grew from children to men.
~~
It’s only magic. We’ve learned about the art since we were children! Why not use it? The power is at our fingertips. So simple, so easy…
Because it’s bloody wrong, that’s why! It is a power we are meant to understand, to study…Not possess!
But we have possessed it. You’ve tasted it for yourself. Don’t tell me you didn’t love feeling the demon crawl into your skin—its strength your strength, its knowledge your knowledge—
It doesn’t…What I feel no longer matters. It’s destructive and it’s wrong. Morally reprehensible…
Then why can’t you stop? Do you actually believe yourself to be a righteous man?
I am no different than you.
~~
Please listen to me.
Why should I?
Because I love you.
You’re not going to take it from me! I’m beyond you now. For the first time in my life, I have surpassed you.
Let me help you.
I don’t need your god damn help! Go be the righteous man.
~~
Oh dear Lord, you killed them! How could you…you killed them. You don’t understand what you’ve—
I don’t care. They deserved their fate. Every last one of them.
You’re lost now. You’re lost.
Are you going to kill me?
No. You know I could never do that.
Then I bid you farewell. I shall be on a ship with the Puritans come morning.
~~
Slowly, an image faded back in, piecing together like a jigsaw puzzle. Judging from the musty smell and overall dankness, Elizabeth deduced that she stood in a cellar of some sort. A man crouched low on the dirt floor, hovering over a ring of small stones that shone as bright as stars. She heard a low mumbling that she soon discovered was a soft, even chanting in some foreign language. Suddenly a crimson light appeared inside the ring, spreading and climbing toward the low ceiling like fog. A large, robust form materialized within the light, and once it took shape, Elizabeth’s breath caught in a silent scream. The beast stood there—the horned one that had appeared in the field. After the red light faded, traces of it remained, glowing in the demon’s eyes like hellfire.
“You mustn’t fail me. Do what I cannot. I am your master now,” the man said.
~~
The vision dissipated, leaving Elizabeth standing in the darkened loft bedroom. Though her mind had returned to the present, she still felt entranced by what she’d seen; and her feet began to carry her away. She felt intense urgency to arrive someplace. Her path carried her down the stairs, past the bedroom where her aunt and uncle slept, and into the kitchen. She walked immediately to the spice shelves above the cupboard, and using all her might, she pulled the piece of furniture forward slightly—enough to give her room to squeeze behind it. When she discovered the door there, covered in dust and cobwebs, she felt no surprise. Opening the passage a crack, she slipped in as if it were something she’d done a thousand times before. The narrow stairway leading to the hidden cellar was dark and dusty, so she braced herself along the wall until her feet hit the softened floor. A small window below the ceiling allowed the moonlight to peek in just enough so that she could examine her dank surroundings.
Everything looked identical to what she’d seen in her vision, complete with the conjuring circle in the center of the earthen floor. Stone shelves full of jars with mysterious contents, stones, and books lined the walls. Elizabeth allowed her fingers to graze over the rows of books, until one in particular drew her focus. Evocare i Demoni, the cover read in silver leaf. Flipping the heavy book open, the first page Elizabeth glanced upon caused a gasp to choke in throat. It was an intricate, perfect drawing in faded black ink. From the details of the horns to the frightening glitter in the eyes, the beast glowered back at her so realistically that Elizabeth could smell the heat of its furious breath and hear the thunder of its hooves.
“Well now. Find something that interests you?” a soft voice growled from behind her.
Elizabeth yelped, the book instantly slipping from her grasp and crashing to the floor in a cloud of dust.
“You,” she whispered, “You used the power in the field to summon it. You wanted it to kill me. Why?”
“You’ve been a very naughty girl, Elizabeth,” Reverend Nathaniel murmured, a disgusting smile creeping over the thin corners of his lips.
“Answer my question,” she hissed.
“I couldn’t just kill you myself, could I?” the Reverend smirked, “Being my wife’s niece and all. It wouldn’t be the proper thing to do.”
“Why kill me?” Elizabeth asked coldly, narrowing her eyes to see him more clearly in the dim moonlight.
“You’re a perceptive girl. I think you already know the answer to that.”
“Your demon failed.”
“Yes, I know. Pity. When you first vanished I thought myself rid of a headache. I found evidence of Townsend’s presence on my property and assumed that he had killed you. But I should have known. Of course it was the two of them—the constant thorns in my side. So when the demon failed, I came up to retrieve you myself. I thought maybe if I had you married off, got you far away from Rupert and William…Without training, without guidance, you wouldn’t be …That field is a powerful place, Elizabeth. Far more powerful than you could ever imagine. For a year now, it has stood without a guardian, and was thus more accessible. But now you…I knew you came here to ruin me. To become another guardian, to take the power I’ve built. I was right.”
As Nathaniel spoke, his accent changed slightly, the pitch of his voice raising a bit, metamorphosing into something else. The deep, even confidence that typically defined his speech gave way to a wandering tone.
“Who are you?”
He laughed before replying, “I am not so very different from you. Not so very different from Rupert Giles. But he chose blindness while I chose sight. He believes in the inherent good of all men, righteousness, living in the light. I have always believed that the dark and light together is what truly makes a man whole. Giles is naïve, idealistic, while I know of something greater…The ignorant might call me a sorcerer or perhaps a necromancer.”
“You’re not even a Reverend, are you?”
“Elizabeth, I am not even a Christian. But they do not know that. And they never will. I’ve worked so very hard to build this life.”
“But it’s all a lie.”
“Not quite so simple. I fled here to escape persecution in Europe, as many others did. Only not for the same reasons.”
“Does Jenny know this? Dawn…”
“You are now one of three people in this town who know anything of my personal history. The women sleeping upstairs are innocents.”
“So I assume you plan to kill me now that I know,” Elizabeth replied simply, leaning back against one of the shelves in a conversational manner. Ironically, the terror that this man usually instilled within her was almost completely absent.
“No. That would not look good for me, I fear. If you cause any further problems, I can certainly bring witchery to your head, though. I have more than enough damning evidence. That pagan book you gave to my daughter, for instance. Yes, I know of it. You see things—visions of the Devil, they’d call them. You’re a whore. I have evidence of that, because I can see things too, Elizabeth. Of course I know about you and William Wells, but I also know that you carry his bastard in your belly.”
“What? No, I—I’m not…” she stuttered, crossing her arms in front of her as her gaze flittered to the ground.
“Tell yourself what you will, but it’s not something you can deny for very long. You should’ve agreed to marry Mr. Finn quickly so that he might believe it was his. A woman in your position will be thrown to the wolves in this town.”
He’s…he’s merely trying to upset me, catch me off guard. It isn’t true. And he couldn’t know, even if it were…
“So you see, I have plenty more to barter with than your life. And no one will ever take your word over mine.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” a familiar voice boomed from behind them.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know it's a bit late in the game for this story, but might anyone know how to make a banner? I'm computer-tarded. : ) Also if you're still reading, I'd love love love to hear what you think, even if you hate it. Also congrats to all the winners at Cradle of Humanity!
Update: The beautiful banner was made by the talented Edgehead73! Thank you so much!
Update: The beautiful banner was made by the talented Edgehead73! Thank you so much!