“I know quite well I shouldn’t think this way. Surely it will knock me out of my head if I don’t ‘move past my personal tragedy, do what I can with the resources I have, and continue the mission.’ His sodding words, not mine. Every night I see it happen—in my dreams, with my waking eyes…I’m running on a moonless eve, running so fast I can’t breathe, so fast I can’t feel anything but my own blood pounding in my veins. Just before I reach the clearing, my boot catches under a tree root, and I tumble to my knees. Brambles and thorns snag holes in my breeches, drawing blood. Then she screams my name. After that it is always the same. And I wonder…could I have done something differently? What if I had arrived thirty seconds earlier? What if I hadn’t fallen on that bloody root?...What if I were stronger? Every night I wonder…”
~From the diary of William Wells; April 14th, 1685
--
“Elizabeth, hold still. I’ll never get these pins in place with you moving your head every which way,” Jenny sighed in exasperation.
The morning was off to a late start, though Elizabeth was quite shocked to find that anyone deemed six a.m. “late”. Jenny and Nathaniel had accidentally overslept, no doubt due to their late-night conferencing of which their niece had caught only a tidbit. Naturally Jenny seemed quite put out when she remembered that her niece required a dress and bonnet to borrow, and grew even more irritated when Elizabeth meekly admitted to having difficulty tying her hair into the proper bun.
“Oh honestly, this is a mess. I’ll have to start again,” the elder woman seethed.
Elizabeth flinched, trying desperately not to yelp as her aunt brusquely pulled hairpins from her scalp. Gradually her abundant hair cascaded past her shoulders and fell in silken waves down her back. Tears welled in her eyes as Jenny pulled the comb through her locks in preparation to start with the pins again.
Be still be still, Elizabeth chanted to herself as her nose began to twitch, begging for a scratch. The girl staring back from Jenny’s dressmaker’s mirror looked like a distant relative of her former self. The black dress she had borrowed from her aunt fitted like a burlap sack. The sleeves and hem were far too long for her petite frame, and the bust was quite large, causing Elizabeth to look like a little girl under the bulky fabric.
“There,” Jenny said, sliding the final pin in place. “You should find a white bonnet in the top drawer of the bureau. Join us outside when you are ready.”
Bonnet in place, Elizabeth stood before the mirror, turned sideways, and observed her shabby new reflection. What would you say, Mother, if you could see me now?
--
“We sit in back with the other women and children. There will be reading responses in the service, but you mustn’t read aloud. Remember, we aren’t supposed to speak at all. Just don’t say anything and you will be fine,” Dawn whispered loudly, reiterating her warnings for the tenth time before they filed into the chapel.
“Yes I know, but you never explained why—“
“Lizzie—quiet. As in no sound,” she chastised with a smirk.
Jenny turned sharply at their hushed chatter and threw each girl a glare that could cut stone. Placing her hands firmly on Elizabeth’s shoulders, she guided her niece into a pew as if she were herding cattle. Once seated on the cold, wooden bench, Elizabeth sat up so straightly that her back ached; and she balled her hands into fists in a conscious attempt not to fidget. She’d had enough of her aunt’s corrections for one morning. A soft nudge from the elbow beside her nearly caused her to jump out of her skin. Elizabeth quickly looked up to see the sympathetic, smiling face of a young woman around her own age. Relieved at the prospect of discovering a potential friend in Wethersfield, she returned the warm smile and nodded a polite greeting. But before she had a chance to introduce herself, both girls were forced to resume formal posture when Reverend Nathaniel’s normally raspy, soft voice boomed from the pulpit.
“Our first reading is from John chapter three. Please retrieve your bibles and follow accordingly.”
--
Despite her attempts to sit up straight, Elizabeth felt herself slouching more and more as the service dragged on. Each time her aunt threw a stern glower her way, she did her best to appear attentive, though her mind drifted elsewhere of it own accord. When at last the Reverend began his sermon, it required all of Elizabeth’s willpower to listen to his words carefully instead of slipping into a doze. Since she assumed she would likely be asked to comment on the contents of the message, she definitely did not wish to go unprepared. After an introductory line or two, Reverend Nathaniel abruptly slammed the bible shut on the lectern, instantly garnering the attention of everyone present. Elizabeth flinched, her innate apprehension of him growing.
“Brothers and sisters, I needn’t remind you that we have entered an age of darkness that Christ our Lord shall dispel upon his second coming on this Earth. But until we see that glorious day, let me caution you to take care. There is evil in this world. The forces of Lucifer are unrelenting, and they will do anything in their power to ensnare you. But be comforted…because through prayer as well as through our own deeds, we have the power to protect ourselves. Many of you have expressed fears that the devil’s followers walk among us; that through a series of bad omens, the dark arts are encroaching upon our homes. To that I say this: the devil works his will in many ways, gossip being one of them. I will not tolerate any further inquiries, accusations, or useless speculations. This behavior is sinful, and your Father shall not stand for it. I will not say there is nothing to fear. Instead I will say this: as long as the Lord is with us, what can be against us? I will also add that there is no reason for any of you to be out of doors after seven in the evening. Anything you might do outside your homes at that hour will be considered sinful and you will be justly punished.”
He then transitioned immediately to the topic of the gospel lesson as though nothing were amiss. Elizabeth didn’t bother to pay attention as she tried to wrap her mind around his warnings. He’d said something the night before—strange occurrences, something coming…And why should he enforce a curfew for such an arbitrary hour unless there was a specific—
Just then she received a sharp poke in her upper arm and turned to see her aunt mouth the word “listen.” Realizing that the church service was probably not the best time or place to ponder and daydream, Elizabeth resigned to question the matter later.
After the benediction was finally given, the congregation began to disperse. Although she felt odd about the gesture, Elizabeth imitated the line of women before her and shook her uncle’s hand on her way out into the churchyard. The Reverend offered his niece the same cold “good day” he’d given to the other parishioners as if she were not a member of his own household. Surprisingly the morning was clear and fresh, showing no evidence of lingering rain from the night before. Crisp, early autumn sunshine glittered through branches of ancient oaks, and the sky shone an icy blue. The brighter weather gave Elizabeth a sense of renewed hope. Maybe she could be happy here after adjusting to the peculiar way of life. America would never be beautiful like her Bermuda, but it possessed a sort of regal loveliness in its own right.
While she waited for Jenny and Dawn to emerge from the chapel, she shyly glanced about the clumps of strangers surrounding her, speaking in small groups about such matters as “the Royalists”, “working the onion fields”, and “the new school”. She thought she caught a hushed whisper regarding something about a “Townsend family”, but those engaged in the conversation grew silent as she drew closer. Across the grassy yard, Elizabeth spotted the girl who had sat beside her in the service standing alone, appearing as lost and awkward as she herself felt. Quickly milling through the crowd, Elizabeth raised her arm to grasp the girl’s attention, and the two young women met before the front stairs of the church.
“Hello, I wished to introduce myself after the service, but I found you’d disappeared. My name’s—“
“Aye, I know who you are. The Reverend’s niece, Elizabeth Summers,” the girl said timidly, dropping her blue eyes.
“Oh really, I—I only just arrived yesterday evening. I’m surprised you would recognize me,” Elizabeth replied, a bit flustered.
“Word travels quickly in Wethersfield. Is it true that you came all the way from Bermuda?” the girl asked, her voice full of awe.
“Aye it was quite a long voyage.”
“I could hardly dream of a place so exotic! Oh I’m sorry, I um, my name is Tara. Stephen Maclay’s eldest daughter. My family recently moved from the Bay, so um, I know what it’s like to be new here. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything…”
“Thank you for your kindness, Tara. I would like very much to have a friend.”
Tara smiled, “Good then. Well, I suppose I should find Pa before he wonders where I’ve run off to. You’ll be at the bible study, I presume?”
“Bible study?”
“Young women’s bible study meets every Sunday afternoon at one of the houses in town. Dawn attends regularly, so…”
“I guess I’ll see you there then,” Elizabeth said, repressing a groan. Honestly, how much bible studying was she expected to do in a day?
“Till then,” Tara replied with a nod before stepping into the swarming group of church-goers.
--
Wrinkling her nose in bewilderment, Elizabeth again leaned over to whisper in Dawn’s ear, “A conversion? But if women are unable to speak in church, how on earth am I supposed to—“
“Elizabeth Summers, if you have any confusion regarding the lesson, I would ask that you please address your question to the group,” the leader of the discussion, Miss Eve Thompson, interjected haughtily.
The bible study had scarcely begun, and already Elizabeth couldn’t help but despise the woman, with her pointy chin and sparkling green eyes as wicked as a cat’s.
“Elizabeth?” she crooned, pursing her full pink lips and drumming her fingers impatiently on the bible resting in the crook of her arm.
“Um,” Elizabeth began uncertainly, rising to her feet. Across the circle, Tara gave her a supportive half-smile behind Eve’s back. “I am having difficulty with the whole matter of conversion. In order to be accepted into the faith and Christ’s family, I must provide evidence before the church that the Lord has worked in my life.”
“Yes that is correct,” Eve answered sharply, “I do not see the difficulty.”
“My difficulty is…if I cannot speak in church, how may I present evidence to the congregation?”
“You may make your conversion before this group when you are ready. As women, we may not fully become members of the congregation as punishment for the first mother’s great transgression.”
Elizabeth felt fury bubbling within and gritted her teeth to contain it behind her lips. “I am sorry, but that concept makes little sense to me. I, nor any one of you, should be held responsible for what Eve may or may not have done.”
A cacophony of shocked whispers erupted around the circle.
“You would do well to mind your tongue, Elizabeth. I am sure your uncle would not want to learn that you have questioned the church.”
“I am not questioning the church, I simply do not—“
“I think I understand,” Tara interrupted boldly. All eyes flew instantly to the typically quiet girl. “E—Elizabeth has never before encountered our faith, and she will need guidance in learning. I was a Quaker in Massachusetts, and the transition to a new path was not an easy one. As our Lord teaches us, we must not be quick to judge.”
Elizabeth met Tara’s gaze and smiled a “thank you”. The comment seemed to take Eve by surprise, and she responded with less confidence, “You do present a good point, Tara. In the future Elizabeth, please do not interrupt a lesson with unrelated questions.”
Realizing that her inquiries would never receive logical answers, Elizabeth returned to her seat and opened her bible to the correct chapter.
“We will now continue our reading from the Gospel of Mark. Elizabeth, go on from verse nine, and we shall recite clockwise around the circle.”
Elizabeth scanned a finger down the onion skin page and read aloud, “And Jesus asked him, what is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea …”
Once she had finished the passage, she paused to wait for Dawn to continue; but instead of reading the next verse, her cousin averted her eyes from the page and nervously twirled an errant strand of her dark hair around her finger. Eve cleared her throat to break the silence, and the girl seated on the other side of Dawn startled to find the correct line. Elizabeth studied her cousin in astonishment. A girl of her age should be proficient in reading English and Latin texts, and Dawn seemed both intelligent and intuitive. The fact that she should have such apparent difficulty in reciting a simple…Elizabeth’s confusion soon turned to incredulity as the situation suddenly grew clear in her mind.
--
“I’ve never heard anything so absurd in my life! He refuses to let you attend school?” Elizabeth cried in disbelief.
She paced about the small, loft bedroom while Dawn watched her from the bed.
“Sit down or you’ll wake Mother and Father with your stomping. Not to mention, you’re making me dizzy, Lizzie,” she giggled, “Dizzy Lizzie.”
Elizabeth flopped onto her bed and swiveled around to face her cousin. “All right, I’m calm. Explain this to me.”
“Father believes that it is useless to educate a woman, since she only needs to look after her husband’s home and bear his children. He says God intended for men to care for women, since males are the stronger and superior sex, guaranteeing them a place in Heaven—unlike us. A woman who knows more than she aught is dangerous—that’s what Father believes, anyway.”
“I could strangle your father, you know that?” Elizabeth drew a deep, shaky breath to keep her fury in check. “I’m sorry, Dawn. I understand that people here think differently than what I’m used to—and I’m trying to learn, to be accepting, to fit in, I really am; but some things are simply wrong despite perspective. You must agree with me in that. Can you honestly say that because your father is a man, he is somehow better than you and your mother? Should that give him the right to an education and to take that right away from you? And how can he presume to speak for God? I was taught to believe that we are all equal in God’s eyes.”
Dawn sighed, “You’re right. I know you’re right, but what am I to do? He’s my father Lizzie, and I must abide his rules while living under his roof. I can’t just go to school because it’s what I want.”
“Maybe not, but…wait a minute!”
Giddy with excitement, Elizabeth bounded to the foot of the bed to dig through the contents of her trunk.
“What?” Dawn asked, crawling to the edge of her bed.
Grinning at her scheme, Elizabeth lifted a heavy book from the bottom of the trunk and placed it on her cousin’s lap.
“What is this?”
“My favorite story. It’s called The Odyssey—a legend of the ancient Greeks. The tale is very exciting; it’s about monsters and lovers and wars and a long voyage at sea.”
“That sounds wonderful! We don’t have books like that here; everything we study is about the Lord…will you read it to me?”
“No. You’re going to read it to me.”
“But I can’t, you know that!”
“You will. I’m going to teach you. We will start with reading and writing your letters and then keep practicing until you can read every word in this book.”
“When would we do that? If Father ever found out—“
“He won’t find out. We can have a lesson every night before bed, how does that sound?”
“Oh Lizzie, I would be so grateful—but it would be such a burden for you. I do not wish to impose…”
“Don’t be ridiculous! It was my idea, was it not? And how about this, if it would make you feel better: in exchange for me teaching you how to read, you teach me how to sew.”
Dawn pondered the offer, and then beamed, extending her hand. “Deal,” she said.
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