Interlude: Cordelia
The red mustang hit the freeway like lightning, yielding briefly at the merging of the on-ramp and the interstate before taking off once more, dodging the traffic left and right, making illegal passes without using a turning signal. The other cars honked and yelled, cursing at the personalized plate on the rear end of the car, ‘Queen C’.
“Outta my way, creep!” Cordelia Chase yelled at the car in font of her, who was currently preventing her from passing him. “Jeez, other people do have important places to be.”
She was still fuming over her little spat with Buffy, who had just come barging back into Sunnydale and decided to move in with Cordy’s fiancé. Just who in the hell did she think she was, anyway? Coming back after three years, expecting life to have not changed one bit from the time she left. It was completely insane on the petite blondes part. Did she really expect to left for three years and assume that no one else in town would realize how much of a vision of hotliness Spike was?
It’s not my fault Spike asked me to marry him instead of her. She thought, offended.
As Cordy’s thoughts rounded the subject of marriage, and her own wedding, she sighed loudly. Was she really gonna do this? Was she really gonna married William Giles, whom she constantly tormented for years, whom she had despised and envied, whom she had found comfort in the arms of when her heart had fallen apart?
None of it seemed real. It was as though she had went to sleep one night, and in the morning, when she’d woken up, she found herself in bizarro world. She was confused and disoriented, unsure of her place, her role, and completely terrified of actually going through with the whole ordeal. And after much thought and consideration, she had pinpointed the source of her troubles. It all came down to one question:
What in God’s name had possessed William Giles to propose to her? And why had she said yes? Okay, not so much just one question, but…
Why would someone like Spike ask her to marry him? Guys like him always fell for the girl next door types. The Buffy type.
Sure, they were fuck buddies, and sex with Spike was so amazing she didn’t have words, but weren’t people supposed to get married only if they were in love? She was pretty sure that Spike wasn’t in love, hadn’t been in love since Buffy, and probably wouldn’t be again. And she-well, she did care for Spike, really she did. She would not have said yes if she didn’t, but was that a valid enough reason to marry him?
Cordy had only ever knew what it was like to be in love once, and that had been in senior year of high school, when she met Scott Hope the first day of Chemistry. He had been sweet, charming, and handsome. All things that appealed to any woman with eyes, and Cordy, fresh off the rebound from that cheating prick, Angel, had fell hard and fast. They had spent the entire school year together, and life couldn’t be better. But as Summer quickly approached, it had ended just as swiftly as it had began. Scott left to go to college back in Ohio where his mother still resided, and the two were forced to try the long distance thing. When she had decided to surprise him with a visit two weeks later, Cordelia was devastated to find him with his old girlfriend.
She had returned home on the first flight out, and after drowning her sorrows in as much free alcohol as the frat boys she knew, had, she ran into Spike, who was coincidently nursing his own broken heart from a trip to New York. They two spent the next few weeks losing themselves in each other, and trying, unsuccessfully to repair the damage that had been done to their broken, battered hearts. They gave each other solace, helped them each make a decent attempt at moving on.
And it had worked…at first.
But the fact was, now that Buffy was back in Sunnydale, Cordelia didn’t really fit into Spike’s life anymore. Buffy had always been his world, and Cordy had just been his way of getting his mind off the petite blonde. And while Spike could easily drop her and go running back into the arms of his ex, where would she go? She had no one to run to now, and she definitely didn’t want to come out of all this the loser, now did she? She was better than that.
Her mother had seen to that.
But things were only bound to get worse now that both her father, and her mother were pushing her to marry Spike as quickly as was possible, and she was really starting to feel the heat from it. It seemed that whatever she did, nothing would ever be enough to satisfy them. All she ever wanted was for them to accept her, but the more and more she tried, the less and less they gave her. It seemed as though she was doomed to always be just Lilah Chase’s little sister.
Lilah was Cordy twin sister, born just two minutes before the younger Chase daughter, and therefore secured her place as daddy’s little princess, and mommy’s little angel. She had always been the favorite, since the day she had come into the world, up until the day she left it, and Cordy was never able to escape her shadow.
Things didn’t seem to get unbearable until right after they Chase family moved to Sunnydale, seven years ago. Lilah and Cordelia were thirteen, and had just started middle school at the town’s only all girls school around, and things had finally started to look up for young Cordy. She was doing well in school, had made tons of friends, and was destined to be one of the most popular girls in the whole town, along with Lilah, of course.
But it all had changed in one tragic night.
The family had been driving home from one of their many Christmas parties that they attended every year, and a drunk driver failed to stop at a red light, crashed into them in the back left side of the silver Mercedes-Bens-Lilah’s side, and killed her on impact.
No one else in the car was injured, a fact that Cordelia was sure that her parents hold against her to this day. They unconsciously blamed their surviving daughter, because she was still here, while Lilah wasn’t.
The next seven years were spent transforming Cordelia into the new Lilah. Her mother, Christine, spared no amount of money on everything Cordy would need to become the replacement for her long lost first born. They played with her, as if she were putty, molding, and shaping her into someone that she wasn’t, until she had forgotten who actually lived underneath the designer clothes, French perfume and makeup, saucy attitude, and bitchiness that now defined Queen C, as she was called to her ‘friends.’
If that’s what you could call them. They didn’t know her, not really,. And how could they truly be her friends if they had no freaking idea who she was? She had never let anyone know they ‘real’ her…not until Scoot.
And look how that turned out! She thought, sarcastically, spinning the wheel as she coasted off on the right exit ramp.
She hide behind her image, the queen bitch of Sunnydale, and it became her safety net. ‘Hurt them before they hurt you’ became her motto, and she lived by it religiously. She had treated everyone she ever met, friend ore not, like crap- a defense mechanism she was still using today- because she was so terrified that they would be able to see right through her front, and into the real her. The lost and lonely little girl that still did everything she could to try and obtain her parents praises. The one who only wanted to be loved as she was, and not for what she could be molded into.
Pretending was just much easier. If people knew, they would just pity her. And she didn’t want that. She would rather be hated than be pitied.
Which lead her back to her original question.
Why had she agreed to marry Spike? Because her parents wanted her to, and she would do anything to please them? Because she didn’t want to end up alone? Because she wanted to prove that she could mold somebody into feeling what she wanted them to feel, and finally be worth of Lilah’s pedestal?
Maybe it was a little of all of those.
Or maybe it was still the reason it had always been.
Because she was tired of being Cordelia Chase, Queen bitch of Sunnydale high. Because she wanted to finally be someone else besides Lilah Chase’s little sister. Someone more likeable, more loving.
Someone like Buffy.
And if Spike married her, then it would be because she was someone he could spend the rest of his life with.
Someone like Buffy.
And in Spike’s eyes, Buffy was perfect. And all Cordy ever wanted was to feel perfect.
Perfect, just as she was.
She absentmindedly pulled into the large driveway that lead up to her parents’ estate, and turned off the engine.
She blew out a deep breath, one she had been holding since she was thirteen. Here we go again…
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know, not really a full chapter, since the only character in this one is Cordy, but I felt I needed to work on redeeming her character a little bit. She was starting to get really evil ;)