“It seems different.” Buffy said in wonder, as she drug her fingertips along the old splintered grains in the wood that served as the walls of the aged tree house. She and Spike stood quietly in the large wooden play house, on opposite sides of the room, Buffy with her hands pressed up against the cool wood, and Spike with his hands on his hips.
It had been three days since Buffy had arrived in Sunnydale, two since Spike brought Giles home, and seven days until the wedding. Time sure was quickly flying by for Buffy, and she wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse. On one had she couldn’t wait until this whole thing was over, and she could return to life in New York, but on the other, she absolutely dreaded the day when Spike and Cordelia would be married, and she would lose any chance she had at being with him once again. Either way, life was definitely going to change in a few days, whether she wanted it to or not.
“How’s that, pet?” Spike wondered from near the doorway, hands still on his hips in a casual stance.
Her head snapped up quickly, hazel eyes locking with blue. Everything was still for a moment, then a smile slowly formed on her face. “I don’t know, it’s just…whenever I was up here before, I’d always think of our childhood. You know, when we met, our silly play dates, unbelievably time-consuming homework sessions…”
They both chuckled softly at that, as she tried to articulate what she wanted to say next. “Now, all I can think about is-” But she quickly cut herself off there before she revealed more than she wanted him to know about how she felt.
Spike already knew what she was going to say though, and he smiled lovingly at her even as she turned away from him in embarrassment. He took a step toward her, and leant against the wall adjacent to the one behind her. His voice was low and rough when he spoke. “That last night?”
She turned around and met his eyes again, nodding slowly, as the beginning of a smile curled her lips. “It’s weird. So many things happened here, so many important life changing things, and the only one I can recall right now is that night.” She laughed nervously and ran a hand through her long hair.
“Well, it ‘was’ a pretty big life changing thing, pet. ‘S only natural for it to be something you think about often.” Spike said, unconsciously taking another step closer to the woman across from him.
“I know.” She breathed heavily, leaning back and resting her back and head on the wall behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Losing my virginity was a very big life altering event for me.”
A sliver a pride and a bigger slice of lust shot through Spike’s body at her words, and he couldn’t help but be reminded of their night together, and how it felt to be inside her. He almost shook with the intensity at which the vision of them together hit him, and he hardened in his jeans. Standing straight and dropping his arms to rest in front of his body, trying to hide his erection from her wondering eyes.
She laughed gently, standing up straight herself, and making it a point to look anywhere but directly into his eyes when she spoke. “But not because it was my first time.”
“Then why, ducks?” Spike asked, curious, his brows furrowed.
“Because it was my first time with you.” Buffy’s whispered words sounded so sincere to his hopeful ears, and he found he wasn’t in control of his body anymore as it took another step toward her, then another and another, and didn’t stop until he was standing directly in front of her petite form.
The small blonde suddenly realized how close they were, and her eyes slowly raised to his. She drew in a sharp breath, her chest heaving, drawing the attention of the man before her downward.
“First and only time.” She heard him say, and his voice was deep and husky, filled with something she recognized as lust, and desire.
“Doesn’t make it any less special.” She told him honestly, and her voice was starting to sound a lot like his now, she noticed. Her own brain was fuzzy and lust altered, and she involuntarily licked her full pink lips, hazel eyes darting back and forth from Spike’s eyes, to his own lips.
“No.” He whispered, wondering how they were still managing to keep a real conversation going. The heat definitely still existed between them, and it had a way of making him forget that he was, in fact, engaged and going to be married in just a few days time. Taking another step forward, he placed his palms flat on the cool wood, one on each side of her head, as she leant back against the wall for support. “It was very special, alright. Couldn’t think of anything else for weeks…months after.”
“Oh?” Buffy raised an eye brow in surprise. She never really let herself think about whether or not Spike would be all that broken up about their parting. Sure, she knew that he really did mean it when he told her that he loved her, but she figured that once she was out of town for a few weeks, that he would have dub the whole relationship-that-wasn’t a lost cause and move on.
“Was hard not to, pet. It being the best and worse bloody night of my life, and all.” Spike confessed, leaning down a little bit toward her face, eyes never leaving hers.
“Is that right?” She posed, tilting her own head back to bring her open lips closer to his.
Something about the way she said that last sentence, voice all low and seductive, like a wanton woman who knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it, just about had Spike cumming in his pants. His hands slid lower down the wall, coming to a stop just above her shoulders, itching to grab her and haul her to his lips. “Mmm Hmm. Finally got the chance to make love to you, only to loose you in the morning.”
Buffy sucked in a ragged breath at his words, and let her eye lids fall close, concentrating on the feelings coursing through her. Her heart was thudding violently against her chest, and tiny beads of sweat were starting to form on her brow.
“So, yeah.” Spike continued, leaning down closer yet. “It was the best and worse night of my life.”
“What does that mean?” Buffy questioned, eyes wide and hopeful.
Spike smiled lovingly down at her, and leaned in to met her lips with his. “It means…” He whispered. “That I still-”
“Spike are you up there?”
Cordy’s loud shrilling startled them, and they jumped apart, already hearing the other woman’s expense heels on the wooden pegs that served as a ladder up the trunk of the tree. When she reached the landing, she brushed herself off, and checked her heels. “God, that ladder sucks beyond the telling of it. What the hell are you doing up here?” She asked, finally looking up at them. “And with her?”
Both blondes looked extremely nervous, guilty even, and Cordy was not stupid. They wouldn’t even look at each other, let alone at her. Putting her hands on her hips harshly, she huffed. “Okay, what the ‘hell’ did I just walk in on?”
Both heads snapped up to look at her simultaneously, and she quirked an eye brow expectantly. “Well?”
“N-nothing.” Spike rasped, then stop to clear his suddenly fry throat. He was partly glad that Cordelia showed up when she did, but a bigger part of him was mightily pissed off that she interrupted what was clearly turning out to be one of the hottest experiences of his life. “Nothing happened, pet. We were just up here, you know, taking a trip down memory lane, and all.”
Cordelia still didn’t look convinced as she looked back and forth between the two blondes, but didn’t push the issue any more. Spike let out a long shaky breath, and ran a hand through his slicked back locks. ‘Thank God she has no idea what happened up here.’ He thought, knowing that no one who knew would tell her about the last time he and Buffy were alone up here.
“How’s your day been going, Cordy?” Buffy suddenly spoke up, voice raspy from a dry throat. Cordelia gave her an odd look, as if to say ‘why are you talking to me?’, then opened her mouth to respond.
“Fine.”
Buffy nodded nervously, wrapping her arms around her small frame, as if to shield herself from something, and smiled awkwardly. “T-that’s good. Real good.”
“Yeah, okay…” The dark haired woman answered slowly.
“I should probably be going.” Buffy told Spike, smiling kindly. “I was gonna stop by my dad’s and see if Dawn wanted to go to the beach with me. Gotta take advantage of that California sun while we can, right?”
“Yeah, right.” Spike nodded, giving her a small smile. “Bit’s pro’lly just itchin’ to get out there and get a tan, eh?”
Buffy laughed softly. “You betcha. Although it been so long, I’m pro’lly gonna haveta teach her how to swim again.” She joked.
“Well, I learned how when my uncle took me out on his yacht, and threw me off the side of it.” Cordelia interjected, stepping closer to Spike, and giving Buffy a challenging smile.
“He wasn’t trying to teach you how to swim, Cordelia.” Buffy said straight faced, which earned a deep chuckle from Spike. Cordelia smacked his chest, scowling at him.
~*~*~*~
Entering the three story suburban house that used to be her own home, Buffy was greeted with silence as soon as she stepped over the threshold. The hallway, and entrance landing were empty, the stairs being the only thing occupying the entire front foyer. Walking further into the place she once called ‘home’, Buffy saw that both the dining room, and living room were also vacant, and they only sound was the loud clicking of her boot heels against the glossy wooden floor.
“Hello?” She called, wondering where everybody had gone off to. She started down the hallway leading to the kitchen. “Hel-lo?”
“Buffy?”
She jumped around sharply, surprise evident on her face. “Jesus, dad, you scared the hell outta me!”
He laughed softly, having witnessed the first time his daughter had swore in front of him or her mother. “Sorry, huney. Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”
She looked away for a moment, then meet his eyes again. “It’s fine. Is Dawn around. I was gonna spend the day at the beach. Thought she might like to go with.”
“Oh, actually she’s not here.” Her dad informed her, waving his hand in the air to gesture toward Dawn’s room.
Buffy’s brow furrowed and he frowned. “Where’d she go?”
“Cecily had to go the mall to find something to where for her big work dinner. Dawn decided to tag along. Those two seem to have bonded over the last three days. They’re inseparable.” Hank said, beaming like the proud father he was. He was very excited to know that his youngest daughter and new fiancé were getting along so well. ‘Now if only I can get Buffy to get along with her…and me, fro that matter…’ He thought.
‘Oh, God, no. It’s all my fault. I let this happen.’ Buffy thought, saddened, but strangely sarcastic. ‘I left Dawn alone for three days, and the uber step-mom from planet Cosmo got her. She’s turned my baby sister into one of them. What am I gonna do now. I may have lost her forever.’
“Oh.” She said, disappointed. “W-well, that’s okay, then. Looks like it’s just me, a beach towel, and my sun block.” She smiled, trying to cheer herself up.
“You could stay here for a while. I mean, if you want to. We could hang out, be civil, and just talk. It’ll be just like old times.” Hank smiled, hoping that it would be contagious and she’d want to stay and spend time with him. When he saw that she was about to turn down the offer he added, “Come on, I’ll even do the girl thing with ya. You know, sit around sharing a pint of chubby hubby and talk about boys.”
The petite blonde gave her father an odd look, wondering how he could possibly know she much about a typical girl’s night. It sounded as though he participated in many a chubby hubby fest in his time. Buffy almost laughed out loud at the thought.
“You know, I think I’m just gonna go ahead and go to the beach. Don’t wanna miss out on all the sun.” She smiled uneasily, slipping a strand of hair behind her right ear, before slipping past her father, toward the front door.
“Well, you know if you ever need anything, or even to just talk…I’m here, right?” He asked her softly, sincerely…lovingly.
Buffy half returned the smile, reaching for the door knob. “I know, dad.”
And then she was gone.
~*~*~*~
Smiling a thousand watt smile as she exited one of the many shops in downtown Sunnydale, Anya clutched her purse in one hand, and her numerous shopping bags in the other. It was like sign from above, really. All those sales, all on the same day, in all of her favorite stores. Clearly proof that God loved her. He must be rewarding her for all her patriotism.
She continued walking briskly down the sunny street, happiness written all over her pretty face. Glancing sideways, she noticed Buffy walking down the street in the opposite direction, on the opposite side of the street. Her good mood immediately dissipated when she saw the frown that marred the younger blonde’s face. Quickly making up her mind, Anya made sure the path was clear, and hurried across the street.
“Buffy! Hey, Buffy, wait up!”
~*~*~*~
Buffy slowed down when she heard Anya’s voice behind her, letting the other blonde catch up. “Hi Anya.” She greeted, smiling friendly.
“Buffy.” Anya breathed, clearly out of breath from running to catch up. “Geesh, where’re you headed in such a hurry? Say, are you meeting someone for many orgasms?”
Buffy slowed her pace even more at Anya’s over cheerful words. “N-no, I don’t think so.”
“Well, you should try it. It might cheer you up a bit.” She smiled, trying to help.
When she finally earned a smile from the shorter female, she laughed softly. “Know I could get a laugh outta ya. So, what’s up? You looked incredibly depressed back there.”
Buffy looked down at her feet, slipping a rebellious strand of hair behind her ear with a nimble finger. “It’s nothing, really.”
“Oh, please tell me. I’ve very good with these types of delicate situations.” Buffy looked up at her strangely, and raised an eye brow. Then after realizing that this was just Anya’s weird way of trying to help, and shook her head, willing herself to open up to the older blonde.
“It’s just…” She paused, trying to find the right way to articulate her thoughts. “I’m just feeling a little lost right now, I guess. I mean, I don’t think I really fit here anymore. Maybe too much time has past for me to just come back here and expect everything to be the same, ya know? And now Dawn’s gone all Stepford child with the new step-mommy, and it’s really starting to wig me out.” Buffy paused, running a hand through her hair roughly, irritated beyond belief. Anya kept quiet, letting her get this off her chest. “Plus this whole wedding thing is just too bizarre. With the whole Spike marrying Cordelia and everything. It’s just not the natural order of things. The whole world is falling apart and somehow, I’m the only one who sees it.”
By the time she was finished, Buffy was breathing hard, and Anya felt as though she should too. “So, you’re upset because Spike’s marrying Cordelia, while you’re still in love with him, and want him for yourself. Plus the fact that you’re too afraid to do anything about your feelings, and his refusal to admit his own is really not helping matters. And now since Dawn is making nice with Cecily, he feel left and replaced, thus leading to feel lost and questioning why you even came back here.”
Buffy stopped dead in her tracks and stared wide-eyed at Anya. “Has anyone told you that you would make a great therapist?”
“All the time.” She told her, waving her arm, piffling the whole thing away. “I’m not therapist though. That’s Xander’s thing. I’m more into the fondling of the money thing.” She smiled brightly, and they continued to walk.
“But the whole Spike and me thing…and the feelings, which are so not there anymore…” Buffy began, trying desperately to weasel her way out of it.
“Oh, for crying out loud, Buffy.” Anya shouted, startling Buffy and making her jump. “Why don’t you just tell the man you’re still in love with him?”
“Because I’m not still in love with him.” She reply quickly, maybe a little too quickly.
“You are.” Anya told her firmly.
“I’m not.” Buffy replied just as firmly.
“Oh, you so are.”
“Really, I’m not.”
“Are to.”
“Are n-” Buffy shook her blonde head, trying to clear her mind of all the confusing thoughts, but to no avail. “Look Anya, I appreciate your help, really I do, but I don't need advise on my love life right now.”
“But you do.” Anya interjected, undauntedly. “You obviously need help telling Spike how you feel about him.”
Buffy was about to say that she didn’t have any feelings for him anymore, but then remembered how that turned out just a moment ago when she’d done that. “Look, it doesn’t matter anyway. Say I do still have feelings for him, which by the way, I don’t, but if I did, it wouldn’t make a difference. Spike’s taken.”
But Anya just piffled that away too with a wave of her hand. “Please, Spike’s not taken.”
“Anya, he’s engaged!”
“So!” She replied, and Buffy’s eyes went wide again. “So he’s engaged. Rule number one, Buffy, a man isn’t ‘taken’ unless he’s married…or duct taped to his girlfriend’s radiator.” She paused, as if going over what she had just said, and then: “But even then she better watch her back.”
~*~*~*~
The cool gritty grains of sand were welcomed as they pressed softly against the bottoms of Buffy’s feet, while she walked the shore line, shoes in her hands. The beach was beautiful at sunset, and Buffy was fully enjoying the sight of the sun going down on the horizon that over looked the sparkling clear waters of the ocean.
Lost in thought, Buffy smiled in the cool evening air, and kept trudging through the thickness of the sand. Anya had brought to her attention some very important things. Maybe all hope wasn’t lost as far as she and Spike were concerned. If Anya of all people thought that she had a chance at snagging Spike back, then chances are that she really did. The older woman may be very blunt and sometimes rude, but she knew her stuff when it came to relationships, having been in at least dozens during high school.
But did Buffy really have it in her to ‘snag’ Spike back from his fiancé? Did she really want to? She would be breaking up a possibly happy, and long-lasting marriage for something that may or may not last between her and Spike. She would be a home-wrecker. Would she be able to live with that?
She closed her eyes, and a memory assaulted her senses. It was of them, three years ago, right after they had learned of Joyce and Hank’s divorce. Joyce had accepted the job offer in New York, and they would be on the first flight there in two day’s time. Spike had come to her bedroom window, disheveled and distraught beyond any other time before. He had been babbling, pacing back and forth in front of her bed, trying to come up with some sort of plan to keep her there, with him.
“Marry me!” He cried, coming to her and kneeling at her bedside as she sat back against the headboard.
“What?” She whispered, not believing her own ears.
“Marry me.” He said again, smiling desperately, reaching out for her hand, and squeezing it tight. “We could run away to Vegas, elope, and then your mum couldn’t make you go with ‘er. They can’t expect you to leave your husband, right, pet?”
But Buffy had calmly told him that she wasn’t ready to get married, wasn’t sure if they even could at their ages, and was very sorry. He told her not to apologize, and held her in his arms until she fell asleep.
She was broken out of her little trip down memory lane by a voice calling out her name. She turned around and came face to face with Spike, running up the beach, shoes off and shirt unbuttoned half way down his chest. He was a vision a pure masculine beauty, and Buffy felt her own body heat up. God, the things, feelings, this man could make her feel. It should be a sin, really.
She smiled at him as he came to stand in front of her. “Spike, what’re you doing here?”
He shrugged, running a hand through his bleached locks, and smiled boyishly at her, almost shy-like. She found it adorable. “‘M not sure, pet. Went to visit your da’ about some details with the wedding, and I remembered you mentioned coming to the beach. Thought I’d join you.”
“What are ‘you’ doing here?” He wondered aloud after a moment of silence.
“Just thinking’” She replied, looking back out to the glistening water.
“‘Bout what?”
She sighed loudly, turning to look into his beautiful baby blue orbs. She was quiet for a moment, searching his eyes for something. Whatever it was, she must have found it, because she answered his question with a single word.
“You.”
“Me?” He asked, confused, a frown on his handsome face.
“Well, to be more accurate, the wedding.” She amended, looking away again. “And about how much I’m gonna hate it.”
She laughed bitterly, not even bothering to look at his confused expression.
“Why’s that, pet?” He inquired patiently, wanting, needing for her to tell him how she felt. His eyes never left her form, and he wanted some much to just take her in his arms and never let her go again. Seeing that she was finally looking at him again, he remained silent.
“You know why.” She told him, reaching a hand out to cup his cheek, letting herself revel in the joy of feeling him so closely again. She continued to gaze at his chiseled face, but now her eyes weren’t focused anymore. She as looking, not directly in his eyes, but over his shoulder. She smiled sadly. “Sometimes I wish things could be different, ya know?” She wondered, tears beginning to form in her hazel eyes.
Spike said nothing, knowing instinctively that she wasn’t finished and needed to get this all off her chest.
She snuffled, and then took her hand away to wipe frantically at her face, as if she realized for the first time how vulnerable she was right then. “No, I guess you don’t, huh?” She smiled, dejectedly.
“Don’t I?” Spike asked, grabbing her upper arms, knowing intuitively that she would feel the need to run away in order to protect her heart. He lazily draped his arms around her waist and held her near, making sure she had no where to run.
“Pro’lly not.” She told him, even a her heart beat sped up. A familiar trickle of arousal raced through her body when she saw him wet his pink lips with his tongue. Sifting her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck, she slowly pulled his lips down to hers. Her eyes fluttered shut instinctively, all senses concentrating on the feelings that his soft lips provoked.
Spike inwardly groaned. She still tasted the same-strawberries, and vanilla, and something purely Buffy. The taste drove him mad with unrestrained lust. He just couldn’t get enough of it. Her lips easily fitted his and made his whole body come alive. He felt her bubblegum tongue flutter out and sweep across his lower lip, and he met it with his own. He kissed her deeply, feeling their tongues melt together and dance in the wet inferno of her mouth.
She moaned softly into the kiss, mover her body to press even more intimately against his, molding them together in a perfect fit. Tightening her grip on his neck, she shifted her head to one side, his moving to the other in a perfected synchronized motion. Tangling her fingers in his hair, she felt him pull her closer yet, deepening the kiss even more, as the sky opened up above them and rain came pouring down, soaking them through and through.
The cool, wetness didn’t faze the couple though, and the kiss seemed to go on for hours, days even. Thunder rolled in, and the heavens cracked loudly. The skies light up briefly as lightning flashed once, twice, thrice. The wind picked up quickly rustling trees, churning the sea higher and higher, waves rolling in toward their feet.
~*~*~*~
From the parking lot, in the safety of his car, Hank watched his eldest daughter and her best friend locked in a passionate embrace. He smiled fondly, started his engine up again, and drove toward Revello Drive.
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