Chapter 32: An Angel To The Rescue
“About?” Buffy asked, as she watched Angel order himself a drink.
“You want something?” He offered, as the bartender waited impatiently.
She shook her head no.
“How ‘bout Spike?” Angel asked, answering her question.
Buffy swiveled around on her chair and stood, grabbing her purse. “How ‘bout not.”
Angel reached out and grabbed her arm as she turned to go. “Wait, Buffy.”
“For what?” She asked, eyebrows rising in question.
“I want to talk to you.” He told her like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“I don’t want to talk about Spike.” She told him warily, sitting back down cautiously.
Angel nodded. “Alright then. We won’t. About Cordy then.”
Buffy huffed. “What the hell is your problem. I said no!
Angel laughed, shaking his head. “You know, now I remember why I had such a crush on you in high school. You’re quite a feisty thing, aren’t you?”
Buffy’s hazel eyes went wide. “You a crush on me? You’re kiddin’ me?”
“Nope.”
She chucked, amused at the irony. “I used to have such a thing for you as a kid.”
“Until Spike.”
She nodded slowly. “Until him.”
“I always remember you being so intimidating. You knew exactly what you wanted, and what you needed to get it. Like guys just weren’t your main priority.”
She nodded again. “That’s right.”
“I only realized that I liked you when you become completely enamored with my little brother. Oh, the irony.” Angel smiled dramatically, before sipping his drink almost thoughtfully.
Buffy chuckled, channeling her inner valley girl. “By then, I was so over you.”
Suddenly Angel grew serious. “He really loves you, Buffy.”
She stopped, giving him a strong glare, before looking down at her hands to find them shaking. She used to believe that, but now? How could she believe that after everything?
“Angel-”
“Buffy, just hear me out.” He waited until she nodded to continue. “There has not been a single girl in Spike’s entire life that has held him like you do. Ever since that first meeting we all had in your front yard so many years ago, he was hooked. I know he’s made some pretty stupid mistakes. You both have. That’s life. But if anyone knows about needing forgiveness, it’s me.”
He paused, and looked away. Buffy could tell that they were about to tread into serious territory here. This looked almost painful for him.
“I was so angry at him for being the one to find my mother. She was my mother, you know? I should have been the one. So I took it out on myself. Started staying out late, hanging out with the wrong crowd, doing the wrong things. And when that wasn’t enough, I went to Faith. She offered me the world, and I was stupid enough to believe her. She also offered me a chance to get back at Spike.
“So I took it. I figured if I could hurt him bad enough, that I would feel some sort of satisfaction knowing that he felt what I felt. Betrayal. Well, I succeeded in hurting him, but I also hurt myself. that I had lost my only brother and best friend, and so I ran away like a coward to the one person that had never done anything for me. My father.
“Things just went from bad to worse after that. Then when I met Darla, she captivated me in a way that nothing had ever before. She was so good, and full of life. She saw the good in everyone, and saw something in me that I didn’t even know was there. I knew that I had to become a better man for her. So I did, and things gradually got better. My relationship with Spike now is better too, but we still have our trust issues. He’s a good man, though. And when he feels I deserve his forgiveness, I’m sure I’ll get it.”
Buffy listened to him attentively, all the while in complete amazement at the realization that all those words had indeed come from Angel. He didn’t usually have the reputation as a thinker. He was the good boy, turned bad, turned good, and most of the time came off as someone who just went with the flow of things. He had grow up so much since high school. My, has Darla really gotten to him. Buffy thought.
She tried to focus when she realized that he was still talking.
“Look, Buffy, all I’m sayin’ is give him a chance. Throughout both of your lives you’ve always held back a little. As kids, it was just a crush. As teenagers, he always felt he needed to change to please you, and you always thought that you’d ruin the friendship. Then when you both really fell in love, the distance became too much, and both of you lost faith in each other. And now, between the wedding from hell, Cordy’s antics, and the incredibly strange strip-tease you did the other night, everything’s just as confusing again.”
Buffy glared at him when he mentioned the little show she’d put on for nearly two dozen guys. She was really trying to repress that particular memory.
“But the point is, all you both have of each other are pieces. And a real relationship can’t live on that, not for long anyway. No matter how much in love both of you are, you can’t just expect to pick and choose what you give and take. It doesn’t work that way. It’s all or nothing here.”
Buffy had tears in her eyes, his emotional words having done their job, and pulled on something deep inside her. It was true. Neither she, nor Spike had fully trusted the other enough to let their whole selves out. They were both afraid. No real lasting relationship could come from that. In order for this to work, they both had to give it their all, for good or for bad. Question was, were either one of them ready to do that?
“I’m also letting you know right now, that Spike left the choice up to Cordelia, after he confessed to whatever happened between you to last night.” He say the words as though he really had no idea what had occurred between them, but his eyes said a different story.
How did he know all this?
At her questioning gaze, Angel continued. “Despite the fact that we used to date and currently hate each other, Cordy and I are still friends.”
Buffy blinked a few times, not really understanding that last remark. Angel and Cordy logic. She mused. I’m not really meant to understand it.She suddenly grew angry when she realized what Angel was telling her. Spike was too scared to make the choice, so her left it up to his fiancé, not wanting to hurt anyone.
He couldn’t even choose me when it counted, could he?
“He’s scared, Buffy.” Angel told her, knowing instinctively what her mind was working around. “He’s been cheated on by Faith, felt cheated on you, even though both of you know it isn’t true. He’s also been in a serious relationship with a woman even more jaded than he is. Cordy’s went through some stuff, believe me. Not only with her parents but with Scott Hope.”
Now Buffy was really confused. “That gay guy from Ohio?”
Now it was Angel’s turn to looked confused. “Scott’s gay?”
She shrugged. “Last I heard. Some guy in my film class went to prom with him in his hometown.”
“Don’t let Cordelia know that.” Angel cautioned, a little bit amused. “It’s one thing to be cheated on with another girl, but a guy? That could scar her for life.”
Buffy smiled, amused at the thought.
“I know you’re hurt by what he did.”
“Who? Scott?” Buffy looked ever the part of dumb blonde.
“No, not Scott. Spike!” Angel was beyond irritated now. “I know that when he left the choice up to Cordy, that hurt. But Buffy, he needs to learn to make that choice on his own. Even if you can look past the fast that you’re hurt and be with him, he has to be the one to do it.”
“What did she choose?” Buffy interrupted suddenly.
“What?” His brows furrowed in confusion.
“Cordy.“ She clarified. “What did she choose?” She posed, curious.
Angel sighed loudly, pausing his lecture to take a long drink, finishing what was left in his glass in one gulp. “She broke it off. She knew he didn’t love her.”
“She knew?” Buffy inquired, not understanding.
“She knew there was only you.” Angel told her softly. “She just called me, in fact. Right before I came in here. Said she had just left her parents house. It apparently didn’t go too well. She’s on her way to L.A. to go on her honeymoon with Harmony.”
They both laughed at that.
“Does she love him?” The blonde wondered softly, not really sure it she wanted to know. It would probably make her feel even more guilty, and that was something she really didn’t need right now.
“She does.” Angel confirmed, keeping his eyes on her to watch the emotions play across her face.
Buffy nodded, solemnly. “What did you mean Spike has to make the choice, not me?”
“I mean that if he isn’t forced into making this choice, he won’t. He’ll leave everything up to you, or he’ll just give up like he did when he saw you with Riley in New York. He needs to learn to fight for what he wants.”
“So what do I do then, Angel?” Buffy wondered, waving her hand in the air exasperatedly.
“Give him an ultimatum.” Angel told her, seriously.
She gave him a puzzled look.
“You have to leave him, Buffy.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
It took me a long time to really decide the direction I wanted to go with this chapter. I knew how I wanted to end it, but this chapter was the major pivotky point for the ending, and I was completely stuck on it. I hope you enjoy it. Summer's here, so I'm sure I'll be able to finally finish this one up in about a week or so. Thanks to anyone still reading this. I'm sorry for the snail like updates. Tell me whatcha think!