IDENTITY CRISIS

*Heather Martin*

Disclaimer- I do NOT own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is a story with characters created by Joss Whedon. I am only borrowing them.

Spoilers- This will have many spoilers. It occurs after Wrecked, and will refer to everything before that also. But mostly, Fool for Love.

Summary- A spell has a far greater impact than Willow or Spike counted on. The vampire is split into two separate embodiments: the demon and William. But there’s still Spike, who has to decide who he really is, the demon or the man. And time is running out.

“Poor Spikey! Can’t be a human, can’t be a vampire.” ~Wrecked

But what if he had a choice?

AN- To clear this up, Spike is Spike, both the demon and William still. It’s just that there is a separate William and the demon out there. Kind of a hard concept I know, but try to bear with me.

The song lyrics are from the song Electric Blue Eyes. Can’t help it, makes me think of Spike *L*

Chapter 5- Triangle

Buffy came downstairs to see William staring at the wall. “Hey, what are ya doing?” she asked.

“Nuthin, that’s the problem. I’m rather bored. Do you have an idea of what I could do to pass the time?” he stated.

She thought for a moment. “Well there’s always the TV or radio,” she suggested.

“Radio?”

“Yeah.”

She went over to her boom box that she had received for Christmas, and turned it on. A man’s voice came on, talking about the search for BinLaden. William perked up at the information. “Is there a war going on?”

“Well, sort of. Some terrorists are after the US. But you don’t need to worry about that. Let’s find you some music,” Buffy said.

He was excited to hear the songs of the current year. He winced as the loud sound of some singing boys hit him. “What kind of bloody music is this?”

“Oh, um, that’s Backstreet Boys. Dawn is like in love with them. I know, I don’t get it either.”

The tuner was turned to another station. This one let out twangy country music. Buffy groaned. She shut off the stereo.

Buffy held up a finger. “Wait just one sec. I’ll be back.”

When the slayer returned, she held up a case. She opened it up to reveal a CD. William eyed it in fascination. He had never seen anything like it. The round disk gleamed in the light. Buffy opened the player and laid the CD in. She pushed a button. All of a sudden a soft group started to sing.

“That’s amazing,” William said. He listened to the song for a moment. “They aren’t bad.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I like The Cranberries.”

William held out a hand. “Care to dance, my lady?”

A giggle escaped her. Why not? “Sure,” she replied, taking his hand.

Electric blue eyes, where did you come from?
Electric blue eyes, who sent you?
Electric blue eyes, always be near me
Electric blue eyes, I need you
(refrain)
Domine, domine deus
Domine, adiuva me
Domine, domine deus
Domine, adiu adiuma me
Hey, ay, Hey, ay
If you should go, you should know, I love you
If you should go, you should know, I'm here
Always be near me...guardian angel
Always be near me
There's no fear
None at all....

Buffy caught herself being sucked into his eyes. The song went along with them. She sighed in contentment. This is nice, she thought.

William twirled her around. She was so beautiful. His heart beat faster. There was a pang in his chest, that he hadn’t felt since Cicely. Oh God, he dreaded, am I starting to like this girl? He didn’t want this. What if she broke his heart? He couldn’t take another rejection. But then he looked at Buffy’s smiling face, and all his fears washed away.

++++++++++

Spike stood outside, puffing away at a Marlboro cigarette. He put his hands in the pockets of his duster. He looked once again in the windows of the Summers household. He couldn’t make anything out in the living room because the curtains were drawn shut. He noticed a light in the Nibblet’s room, though.

He wanted to go inside, see what had become of William. But he couldn’t do it. The last encounter with Buffy and his other self had been disastrous. He didn’t want a rehap.

Spike saw the light go off in Dawn’s room. He crept along to the other side of the house. Then he peered into the kitchen. Nobody was there.

Suddenly somebody tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around, arm going out.

“Oooof!” Dawn exclaimed. She landed on her butt. “Couldn’t you hear me coming up with your sharp predatory hearing?”

“I was distracted.“ He frowned. “Platelet, what are you doing out here?”

“I saw you outside my window. I could ask you the same thing.”

He stomped out his smoke. “I was. . .” He smoothed down his hair.

“You were trying to spy on Buffy,” she accused.

Defeated, he said,” Well, yeah. I’ll admit it.”

“You don’t have to lurk about. Come in and see her for yourself.”

He shook his head. “Nah, don’t want to start a commotion.”

She put her hands on her hips. “Then come in to see me. We can play poker or something and ignore Buffy all together.” She gave him a puppy-dog look. “Please, you never spend time with me anymore. I miss you.”

“Bloody hell,” he muttered. He could never resist the Little Bit. “Okay, I guess. But if Buffy gets mad, it’s your fault.”

Dawn jumped up and down. “All right!”

++++++++++

The two came in through the kitchen. Spike took off his coat and hung it on a chair.

“I’ll go get the cards,” Dawn said, heading to her room.

The sound of music and laughing came not far away. Curious, Spike headed in the direction. He peeked into the living room and spotted Buffy and William dancing. The slayer seemed really happy, her gaze never leaving the male. William was spinning her around.

Jealousy rose up in Spike. How could she be having so much fun with him? She hates me.

“Well now, aren’t we having a jolly good time!” Spike shouted as he stepped in.

The couple froze. Buffy turned her head to the vampire. “Spike?” she said. She went over and switched off the music. Silence fell over the room.

The two men gave death-glares at each other.

“What were you doing, mate?” Spike inquired.

William grinned. “Just passing the time,” he said.

“Yeah right,” Spike snarled.

Anger shot up through Buffy. She ventured over to Spike. “What the hell gives you the right to barge in here and disrupt us?”

“I was just going to play a game with the Little Bit. But then I saw this.”

“So, what? You decide to ruin it? That is always what you want to do, ruin my fucking life!”

At that moment, Dawn entered the room. She had a deck of cards in her clutch. She halted at the quarrel.

Buffy noticed her sister approach. “Sorry, Dawn, there won’t be any game.”

“What? That’s no fair!” Dawn burst out.

“Sorry, Nibblet, got into some trouble with the big sis,” Spike explained.

With a sigh, Dawn went back upstairs.

Buffy grabbed Spike’s arm. She pulled him toward the door. She glanced back at William. “Excuse me while I settle this problem.” He nodded back at her.

On the porch, Buffy started to shout. “I’m going to do that disinvite spell, I swear!”

He raised his scared eye-brow. “Really? And who’s going to do it? Willow?”

“I’ll do it myself if I have to!”

“Uh huh,” he said.

“I’ll put crucifixes up everywhere. I already did my room.”

He opened his mouth. Was she telling the truth?

“I want you out of my life, I already told you that. I don’t want you coming around anymore.”

“So you want me to stay away?” he questioned.

She snorted. “Haven’t I made that clear? YES! Keep away.”

“I can’t do that,” he said.

“Well you better!”

He inched toward her. He was so close that he could feel her warmth. He whispered into her ear,” I love you. It tears me apart to stay away from you.”

She swallowed. Why was it hard for her to breath? Comprehension came over her then. She threw him off her. “Go away and let me have my life back!” Her hands clenched into fists.

“Sorry, no can do. I won’t let you be seduced by that poofter inside,” he commented. He pointed to the door.

“I can dance with whoever I want to, Spike. And you don’t love me, you love how I make your adrenaline pump. I’m just the slayer to you, something to get you high. William sees me as a person. But you never will, because you forget what that is. Now your only a thing.”

Spike was speechless. His insides were twisting around with her words.

Buffy turned around. “I will never dance with you, Spike. You are beneath me in every way.” Then she left the vampire out in the cold night.

+++++++++

William heard it all. He had been near the door the entire time. Their voices had been so loud that it came crystal clear in the house. He had been all on Buffy’s side until he heard Spike confess his love. He listened in shock. Then she had to go and say that he was beneath her.

He moved away as Buffy stormed in. She stomped up the stairs to go to bed. She hadn’t even shut the door.

William looked out. He could make out Spike still on the porch. The vampire had fallen on his knees with his face in his hands.

That was when William finally saw, really saw for the first time. Spike was himself. He had been through the same things. Spike had loved Cicely. Spike had wrote her a poem. Spike had confessed his feelings. Spike had been rejected. Spike had come in contact with the vampire woman, saying she could make the pain go away.

They were the same. And they had yet again loved someone. This time, Buffy, the slayer. And they were beneath her, like they had been with Cecely.

+++++++++

The demon couldn’t take it anymore. Buffy was everywhere. Everytime he bit into a fresh vein, she was in his thoughts. He imagined that it was her white throat his teeth tore open.

His dreams were haunted of her. He ravaged her, corrupting her soul. Then he drained her dry.

He was not a fool. He knew what was going on. Spike had loved the slayer, and so he did too. But he would handle this much differently than Spike did.

He would find Buffy and make her his. Forever.