The whispered word broke Buffy’s heart, and she wondered why she hadn’t foreseen this. Of course he’d want Drusilla… She was his wife, his love, the reason why he’d set out to find Angelus in the first place. And now, she was his sire – and that was a bond Buffy understood all too well.
Everything came crashing down on her, her exhaustion, the emotional strain, it was all too much. She collapsed in on herself, sobbing. Broken…
She felt Spike shifting on the bed, sitting up. “Buffy?” he asked, his voice hoarse and confused. “Buffy? What’s happening? I… I thought I saw Drusilla, and then… What’s happening to me, luv? Why are you crying?”
Buffy looked up and met his eyes. She saw something there, something she didn’t think could be there. Not after everything… “You did see Drusilla,” Buffy said in between soft, choked sobs. “She… She’s a vampire now, and she turned you.”
Buffy didn’t quite know what she had expected his response to be, but she didn’t think it would be the one he gave.
“Oh.”
Simple, devoid of emotion. Buffy frowned, her brow furrowing. “Oh?”
“Is there much else I can say right now?” he asked, running his hand through his hair.
“No, I guess not,” Buffy conceded. She sniffled, trying to gain control over herself again, even if nothing was making sense anymore. “I’m sorry, Spike. I…I shouldn’t have let this happen. I should’ve been faster, or smarter. I sat here while you were…asleep…and I thought it all out in my head, how I could’ve been better. What I should’ve done. I should’ve saved you.”
Spike moved to her then, pulling her against his chest. “Hush now, lamb. It’s all right. It’s not your fault.”
“But it is, Spike. I never should’ve let this happen. You didn’t want this…”
He brought her back from him then, though he kept his hands on her arms as he looked into her eyes. “Yes, Buffy, I did. I told you this morning, remember?”
“Actually, that was three days ago, but…” She shook her head. “You didn’t know what you were asking for, Spike.”
“I most certainly did!” Spike said, the sudden raise in his voice making Buffy flinch. “I know vampires, Buffy. In order to fight something, really fight it you’ve got to understand it. And I saw what I fought up close, knew all the darkness, and I wanted it. It’s been ten years since I’ve know peace, ten years since I’ve known anything but torment. To lose that…to finally be free of the torture of breathing… Yeah, Buffy. I wanted it.”
“But you fought our kind. You hated vampires…”
“I had to hate something,” Spike replied. “It was either that or hate myself so much I’d waste away into nothing.” He swallowed hard, his eyes cast downwards.
“But, Spike…”
His eyes shot up again, and his words came as almost a growl. “I wanted it, Buffy. I spent so long staring into the darkness, that I wanted to be a part of it. I needed to be a part of it. Nothing felt right anymore, but this…this feels right.” He cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. “I feel right with you. Like this is how things were always supposed to be.”
She was crying, her eyes haunted, and Spike felt a sudden rush of fear. “You still love me like this, don’t you, Buffy? Tell me you do, please, tell me you do…”
“Of course I love you,” she assured him, though her tears fell harder. “I’ll always love you, Spike. Always.”
“Then it’ll be okay, kitten – because we have always now.”
Buffy collapsed on him then, sobbing again, and Spike gathered her into his arms, holding her close against his chest. “It’s all right, luv. It’s all going to be all right now. You’ll see.”
She said nothing, only cried until she was too exhausted to cry anymore. When she was asleep in his arms, he brought them back against the mattress, holding her tightly against him.
Together they lay, still and unbreathing.
Buffy was still asleep, but Spike had slept long enough. For days apparently…
He brushed a soft kiss against her brow before he rolled her off his chest, grateful when it didn’t seem to disturb her. He was hungry, though he didn’t want to go out and feed. Not because it felt wrong – he hadn’t carried that over with him into death. He saw the world with new eyes now and knew he and humans were on different links of the food chain.
No, he wasn’t going to hunt because he wanted his first time to be with her…
He walked away from the bed, only to turn around and smile at his sleeping lover. He knew she was distraught over this, and he could certainly understand why, but he knew it would be okay. He didn’t love her any less than he had before. If anything the new understanding he’d gained of what she was made him love her more.
Nothing could break them apart now. Spike felt strong, invincible. He and Buffy could take on the world, live a life where they never had to answer to anyone or anything. They’d be legends, their love epic. He could see their future spread out in front of them, stretching endlessly. And he knew Buffy would see it that way, too, once things were calmer and she realized how much better it was like this.
And once they truly had Angelus out of the way…
Spike had no doubt he could take on the older vampire now. He’d come so close with human strength. As a vampire, he’d be unstoppable. And with Buffy at his side…
He looked her over again, his demon rumbling for something other than blood, though it was tempered by the man’s desire to let her have her rest. He knew the past few days had to be hell for her, and he’d let her sleep. He’d satisfy his desire for blood now and wait for her to wake to sate his deeper lusts.
Spike opened the fridge and pulled out one of the packets of blood he’d stolen from the hospital. He knew it was probably less than fresh by now, but he needed something. He tossed it in the microwave, warming it up before letting his fangs descend and ripping into the packet. He moaned, the taste of the blood more delicious than anything he’d ever known before, savoring the feel of it on his tongue.
“Spike?”
Her voice was soft, weak, and Spike tossed the now-empty blood packet into the sink as he walked back to the bed. “Yeah, baby?” he said as he sat beside her.
“Why weren’t you with me?”
“I was hungry,” he replied, brushing her hair away from her eyes. “I got some blood out of the fridge.”
Buffy’s eyes widened, and she scrambled to get out of the bed. “Oh god, Spike, I’m so sorry! Of course you’re hungry. I…I should’ve taken you out as soon as you woke up. That’s what a sire’s supposed to do, and I know I’m not really your sire, but she’s not here, and…”
“Shh… Kitten, it’s all right,” Spike told her as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. “I’m fine. You’re upset, and you need to rest. It’s okay. We’ll go out later, yeah?”
“I need to make sure you’re taken care of…”
“I’m fine, sweetheart. All I need is to take care of you, okay? When’s the last time you fed?”
“Before you…” She stopped and swallowed hard. “Before.”
“I’m going to heat you up some blood, and then I want you to sleep more, all right?” He stroked her long, golden hair, a soft, smile on his face that made her forget he’d changed at all. “You’ve been through so much, lamb. You need to rest.”
Buffy nodded, wrapping the comforter tighter around her as she waited for Spike to come back with blood. She sat up when he was there again, and took the mug he’d fixed for her in her shaking hands. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, pigeon,” he assured her, tucking her hair behind her ear.
Buffy sipped slowly from the mug, needing the blood even though she was too emotionally drained to savor it. She looked at Spike, noting the change in his face, relearning familiar features.
“Your bumpies are sexy,” she said after a long moment.
“Huh?” Spike asked with a frown.
“Your forehead bumpies,” Buffy said, touching her own brow. “They’re sexy. Usually, I think other vampires look kinda ugly, but you’re…” She looked down shyly. “Yours are really hot.”
He grinned. “I’m glad you like them, kitten. I’ve always been a fan of yours, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah.” He licked his lips, a predatory gleam in his eye, and Buffy trembled, wanting to be his prey.
She slid into game face, letting Spike see her demon for the first time since he’d been turned. He reached out for her mug, cupping his hand around it. “Are you done with this?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“Can I shag you now?” Spike asked bluntly.
“I was kinda hoping you would.”
“Kinda?” Spike asked, the scar against his brow stretching.
She lay back on the bed and crooked her finger at him, beckoning him to her. She needed to feel him inside, to know without question that he was the same man she’d fallen in love with. She had no doubt that as soon as he was inside of her, she’d know for certain.
Spike set the mug down on the floor before he was on top of her, growling against her throat as he thrust against her, his erection hard and needy against the buttons of his jeans.
“No foreplay tonight,” Buffy said with a growl, her hands tangling in the blonde curls at the nape of his neck. “I want you inside.”
Spike groaned, lowering his head and scraping his fangs against her neck. Suddenly, he understood exactly why she’d always been drawn to bite him during lovemaking…
They wasted no time in getting rid of their clothes, wanting nothing between them. She raised her legs to his hips, grabbed his cock, and pulled him inside without preamble. Spike bucked, cried out in surprised pleasure, but Buffy sighed softly.
She knew now. She knew…
She kept her hands in his hair as she pulled his face to him, peppering his features with kisses, feeling the ridges of his brow with her lips and tongue. Spike moaned, pumping in and out of her, his arms hooked under her knees, keeping her close to him.
“Buffy, I love you,” he panted, breathing once again, not caring if it was needed when he was so deep inside of her. “I love you so bloody much…”
“I know, Spike,” she whispered in response. “Oh god, I know. I know…”
Already they were both close, the intensity of the moment not allowing for a drawn out coupling. Buffy pitched her hips up, urging him on, and Spike moaned her name over and over again, his thrusts growing in speed, proving he was something other than human now.
Buffy was close…so close…and she looked up at him, her body on the edge as her eyes centered in on his neck, Drusilla’s marks still red and angry against his skin. She growled, her demon rebelling at the fact that any other woman would dare to taste what was hers.
Spike came the moment her fangs were in his neck, roaring her name in animalistic pleasure as she erased the remnants of Drusilla from his flesh. He was hers, only hers. Forever hers…
Still coming inside of her, Spike’s fangs closed in over Angelus’s marks, and Buffy fell with him, stars bursting in front of her eyes. She was complete, whole, and she knew in that moment he was right.
Things were as they should be…