Teardrops On My Guitar by SpuffyGirl729

Spike let out a huff and rolled over onto his side. He glanced over at the clock and groaned, it was now 5am and he still hadn't been able to sleep, even after all he had drank. After having a serious talk with Angel, they both decided he was in no shape to drive, so Angel drove him back to his house. And now here Spike was camped out on Angel's floor trying to keep himself from running to Buffy and waking her up. When they came in her and Darla were passed out on the couch. He could see where the tears ran down her face and his heart broke. He was an jerk, and he knew it.

*I may have lost her completely* Spike thought sadly.

Tears started to sting his eyes again when images of a life with out Buffy came to his mind. They were to much for him to handle. Spike got up off the floor and quietly walked out of Angel's room. Making his way to the bathroom he wondered how he was going to fix this. Spike looked at himself in the mirror. When did things become so complicated? Before any thoughts he had of Buffy he could lie to himself about, say they never happened. But now, he couldn't do that. They were there all the time. Spike splashed cold water on his face, he was so confused. Deciding a cigarette would be best he made his way out of the bathroom and down the stairs. When he reached the doorway of the leaving room he stopped and just watched her sleep.

She looked so peaceful. So beautiful. But he knew as soon as she woke up all the bad memories of their fight would come floating back to her and she would be heartbroken again. Spike walked over to her and kneeled in front of the couch. He brushed a stray piece of hair out of her face causing her to stir a little.

"I'm so sorry kitten," he said softly.

Praying that somehow those words could erase what he did. But they couldn't. He watched her for a couple minutes more before making his decision. He had to make it up to her. Spike quietly moved over to Darla and shook her lightly. "Darla," he whispered.

Darla stirred a little but didn't wake up. He shook her shoulder again. "Darla, wake up." Darla's eyes began to flutter open. She looked up at Spike confused.

"Spike? What's the matter?"

"Shh, I need your help," Spike whispered.

Darla looked around then saw Buffy laying at the other end of the couch. "What time is is?" She asked as she sat up slowly, not wanting to wake up Buffy.

"About 5:15." Darla looked up at him like he was crazy. "What the hell do you need my help with at 5 in the morning!" Darla hissed.

Spike explained what he wanted to do for Buffy and Darla just nodded. "Fine. But you soooo owe me!" Spike just chuckled and nodded.

Darla got up off the couch and they walked out of the living room. "If I'm up, you're friend is getting up too. I'm not going to be the only one doing this with you," Spike just nodded and they both made their way up the stairs to wake up Angel.

***

Buffy stretched her arms as she started to wake up. *Not my bed* she thought as she opened her eyes. She opened her eyes and saw her living room. Then all her memories from the day before came floating back to her and she had to use everything in her to keep herself from crying. She sat up on the couch and started to move her neck around when she smelled something delicious.

*Mm, pancakes* she thought happily.

Her stomach immediately started to growl and she licked her lips. Buffy quickly jumped up off the couch and hurried to the dinning room.

"Hey, who made bre..." Buffy trailed off when she saw the dinning room.

The table was full of delicious food. Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, fruit, pancakes, toast. Anything and everything that was made for delicious breakfast. Angel and Darla were sitting on one side of the table eating and on the other side was Spike.

"You're awake!" Angel exclaimed with a smile.

Spike looked back at Buffy with a blank expression. She walked up to the table and looked around. "Wow, who did all this?" She asked as she sat down at the end of the table away from Spike.

"I did," Spike said softly. Buffy stopped herself from grabbing a plate.

"Oh. Well I'm not really hungry," she said as she started to stand up. Spike shoulders sagged.

Angel grabbed Buffy's arm and made her sit back down. "Yes you are. Now eat. Mom left already and gave me specific to make sure you eat. And as your older brother I'm calling in that right."

Buffy looked over at Angel with a glare. "I'm not hungry." she stated again. And in that second her stomach choose to deceive her and growl. She looked down embarrassed.

Darla chuckled and said, "It's really good sweetie."

Buffy looked up at the food. It all did really look good. Buffy glanced over at Spike who was looking at her with hopeful eyes. Buffy let out a sigh and rolled her eyes.

"Fine." she said softly. Spike smiled softly and looked down at his food.

"So what's everyone doing tonight?" Darla asked trying to get rid of the awkward silence in the room. Buffy just shrugged her shoulders as she chewed softly on a piece of pancake.

Spike coughed and said, "Ugh, well I was ugh, actually wondering if we could all hang out. You know, maybe watch a movie or something." Buffy kept her eyes down to her plate.

Darla smiled and said, "That sounds like fun. What do you think babe?" Angel nodded and said, "Yeah. Sounds great. What about you Buff?"

Buffy let out a sigh and looked up at her brother. "I'm kind of busy." Spike frowned. "Really, cause I was hoping we could actually watch those movies you got yesterday."

Buffy clenched her jaw together at the mention of yesterday. "Yeah come on Buffy. It'll be fun. We'll get the guys to watch chick flicks." Darla exclaimed.

Spike looked over at Darla and gave her a thankful smile. Buffy finished chewing her food then said, "Actually. I have this class to go to." Spike looked at her confused.

"A class?" he asked. Buffy nodded and said, "Yeah. It's for people who are imperfect, you know a sort of group thing. Sorry."

Spike looked down at his plate. Angel and Darla kept quiet. "Buffy, about yesterday..."

"And my appetite's gone." Buffy said as she slammed her fork down.

"Buffy please," Spike pleaded.

Buffy shot up out of her chair and stormed out of the dining room. Spike looked up at his friends completely broken.

"Go." Angel said softly.

Spike just nodded and followed Buffy upstairs.

Buffy raced up the stairs trying to hold back her tears. How dare he try and think he could just make breakfast and offer a movie night and everything would be better. Buffy opened her bedroom door and gasped at the sight she saw.

There was two bouquets of white and pink roses. One on each bedside table. A huge white bear holding a heart that read 'IM SORRY' in big letters and a single red rose on her bed with a note under it. Buffy walked up to the bed and picked up the note with tears running down her face. Her hands trembled as she opened the piece of paper.

If I could take back
Everything I said
I’d do it in a heart beat
Retracting every single thread

If I could erase the words
And place them where they belong
My eraser would then dissipate
As I feverishly erase the wrong

If I could turn back the clock
And reluctantly go back into time
I would think about the consequences
Of writing a hurtful rhyme

But reversing time isn’t an option
So I’m searching for another mode
To be able to say to you “I’m sorry”
I give you this single pleading ode

Buffy put her hand to her mouth as she cried softly. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever read.

"Do you like it?"

Buffy turned around and saw Spike standing in her doorway, leaning against the frame with his hands in his pockets. She nodded and looked back down at the note.

"I'm really sorry about what I said yesterday." he said softly.

Buffy shook her head and looked up at him. "Why are you doing all this?" she asked as she gestured to the room.

Spike let out a breath and shrugged his shoulders. She bit her lip as she shook her head. The tears were still coming.

"You can't keep doing this Spike," she said softly as she sat down on the edge of her bed.

"If you only knew how much this.. what it feels like."

Spike stood up and took a step towards her. "If I only knew what." Buffy just shook her head and looked down. "Just forget it."

"I don't want to forget it."

Buffy didn't say anything for a few seconds then looked up at him with a stern look. "I'm not sorry for what I said about Dru. She's changed you. You're not the same Spike " Spike just nodded. "And it hurts that you think so little of me..." Spike immediately moved to infront of her getting down on his knees. "No. I was wrong. I was mad, and I said something stupid. Buffy, you're the most amazing person I have ever met. Dru doesn't hold a candle to you."

Buffy laughed softly as she sniffled. "Spike please stop saying stuff like that." she begged.

"Why?" he asked softly. Buffy shook her head. Spike let out a sigh. "Why didn't you tell me you and Riley broke up?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. You were always talking about Dru, didn't think you wanted to know."

Spike shook his head at his own stupidity. "Buffy, you're my best friend. Of course I'd want to know. Plus I hated the wanker. I would have celebrated," Spike said with a smile.

"Yeah well that's not something I want to happen either." Spike stopped smiling and looked down.

*Time to do it mate,* Spike thought.

Spike let out a breath then said, "I was there Buffy."

Buffy looked at him confused and said, "You were where?"

"At the Bronze last weekend. I saw you sing."

Buffy's eyes went wide with horror. Everything made sense now. How he almost kissed her that night he showed up in her room, the way he acted the rest of the week. He knew how she felt. When Buffy didn't say anything Spike decided to talk again.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Buffy let out a bitter laugh and said, "What the hell was I suppose to say? 'hey guess what I'm in love with you'. ?"

"Maybe, yeah."

Buffy looked down at him and said, "Well I was going to tell you." This shocked Spike. She had decided to tell him and she didn't.

"When?"

"The day you told me about Drusilla. When I said I had something I wanted to talk to you about. I was going to tell you. But you were soo happy about being with Drusilla, what was the point?"

It all hit Spike at once. The flash of her face when he told her about Dru, the hurt, and the pain he hadn't seen then.

Buffy shrugged. "Doesn't matter anyway. You're in love with Drusilla and it's ok. I'm just going to have to move on."

Spike shook his head and looked down. "I don't know if I'm in love with Drusilla," he admitted softly.

Buffy looked at him in shock. "What do you mean?"

Spike ran his hand through his hair and said, "I mean, this past week has been confusing."

This should have made Buffy the happiest she's ever been. Spike was confused with his feelings for his girlfriend because of her. But it did the complete opposite, and it angered her.

"So you're confused because you heard a song?" Buffy asked as she stood up.

Spike looked at her confused then stood up, "Well, ugh. Yeah I guess." Buffy laughed and shook her head. "You're not confused Spike. You just feel sorry for me."

Spike took a step forward and said, "That's not true."

"Yes it is! God, you know. I've been in love with you, since the moment I met you! And everyone, i mean, EVERYONE knows it. Except for you. It took for you to hear a song to realize it? You don't even know how you feel about me! If you never heard the song then you'd still think of me as a friend."

Spike shook his head and said, "No. I'd be going to sleep every night dreaming of your face, then waking up and wishing when I was with Dru I was really with you"

Buffy looked at him with complete shock. Spike took another step forward and said, "I've been lying to myself for so long. But god help me Buffy, it's always been you."

Buffy just stood there trying to take everything in. Spike was trying to tell her something, but she wasn't sure what.

"What are you saying?" she asked softly.

"I'm saying that I'm confused. And I don't know what to do." Buffy nodded her head and looked down. “What do you want to do?” Spike asked softly.

*Run into your arms* she thought.

Buffy took a deep breath and said, “I think I want a little time to think about everything.”

Spike stood there in silence. He wasn’t expecting that, but truth be told, he didn’t really know what he was expecting. Spike nodded and said, “I can give you that.”

“It’s just, you really hurt me yesterday...” “And you have no idea how sorry I am. I’ll spend forever making it up to you kitten, I swear.” Spike pleaded.

Buffy nodded her head and said, “I just need a little bit of a break.. from you. It’s just you say you have feelings, or your confused. But you are still with Drusilla, so.. I just need a little time to think.”

Spike just nodded and turned to walk out, but stopped and looked back at her. “Do you still want me to come tomorrow?”

Buffy just looked at him for a second before looking back to the ground. “If you want to.”

Spike gave a tight lip smile and a small nod. He walked out the door but not before saying, “I’m so sorry luv.”

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