Chapter 7
“Pull over, Faith.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, sweetie.” Once the car stopped on the side of the road, Willow got out into the darkness. “Are you okay, Officer?”
“No, I’m not. Do you have a cell phone I can use or can you take me back to the station? I have a criminal to report.”
“Criminal? Who?” Willow helped Charles into the back of their car. “It wasn’t that kidnapper guy was it?”
“Yes. He knocked me out and stole my money. He’s a lot bigger than I thought he would be and he may have another guy that’s working with him,” Gunn pointed at his eye. “That knows karate or some shit.”
“Hmmm, don’t worry we’ll take care of you, Officer. Officer?”
“Gunn.”
***
“What are you wearing?”
“Oh, you’re up.”
“Are you going through their things?”
“Yes.” Buffy continued to search through the living room, peeking in boxes and checking for hidden objects in shelves. Bending over and jutting out her ass, Buffy intentionally proved to William just how tight her new white pants were and that she was wearing nothing underneath them. “If you ever go into the bedroom, be sure to check the last drawer on the left side.”
“Where are you going?”
“To make breakfast.”
***
“You cook?” William asked before sitting at the kitchen table, yawning with his notebook in his hand.
“I do.” Buffy pulled a few cans from the pantry and put them on the counter. “I may have not worked a day in my life but I can do some things other than just shop and sit on my ass.”
“That’s good to know.”
“You’re stiff.” Buffy announced with her back turned as she used the can opener.
William stopped rolling his head and shoulders and froze. “What?”
Buffy smirked at his horrified tone. “From sleeping in the chair, William.”
“Oh, right. Of course.”
***
“I’m going to call Hank today.” Buffy sat across from William. “All we have is canned fruit and vegetables and lots of soup. You want chicken noodle or vegetable?”
“Whatever you don’t want will be fine. Why are you going to call him? I can probably handle phoning him…maybe.”
“Trust me, I need to call. I’ll do it later but if you’re going to be picking up ransom money, we’ll have to get you ready.”
“Ready?”
“Yeah so you’ll come back alive.”
“I’d like to. What do I--.” William nearly swallowed his tongue at the sound of a knock. “Did you hear that?” He whispered and closed his eyes at the second knock on the front door “Shit. Stay in here.”
“William--.”
“Stay.”
***
By the time William had reached the door, there had been three more knocks; each made him panic more than the last. Looking down at his outfit, William rolled his eyes realizing he was still in pajamas and with a bare chest. Before opening the door, he ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it.
William’s nose wrinkled at the man’s musty odor. “Can I help you?”
“Good afternoon.” He was tall, heavy and haggard, but with a surprisingly gentle voice. Several days’ worth of stubble covered the man’s face. A long, worn raincoat reached his ankles and creased black leather boats coved the rest of his body.
“Hi,” said William, forcing a smile.
“I’m Todd Johnson. I live up the hill.”
“Please to met you.” William relaxed slightly, thinking the man was on an innocent social call. He offered his hand and Todd looked at William questioningly, as though wondering what purpose his hand could serve. William drew back his arm as casually as possibly with a little grin.
What a nut this guy is…
“I see most things from up there.”
“Oh? That must be nice, yeah?”
“Saw you arrive. Big car in the middle of the night.”
“Right.”
“Wondered: who’s that?”
“Perfectly naturally question.” Kill me, now.
“So I asked Felix.”
“Felix?” God, who the hell could that be, an acronym for a bloody FBI computer?
“Felix is my friend, but he’s never been the same since the war.”
“Of course.”
“So I said, Felix, tell me, are they good or evil? One bark for good and two for evil.”
“Oh. Felix is a dog.” William laughed a little, relieved. Thank all that’s holy.
“You think talk to a dog? You think I’d ask a dog whether you were good or evil? What do you think I am? Some sort of backwoods lunatic, with a barn full of human skulls and a scythe that I sharpen ever day in readiness for Armageddon?”
“No, no, not at all. I’m sure you’re a regular guy.”
“Damn right I am.” Todd’s voice was no longer calm as he sputtered in William’s face. “But the real question is: Who are you?”
“Well, I’m...” What do I say? A janitor? An immigrant? A regular guy? A victim of circumstance? A kidnapper? “I’m…”
“We’re newlyweds.” Buffy opened up the door completely and stepped into view. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed William on the cheek, her arms wrapped around him. “Aren’t you coming back to bed, honey?”
***
“I woke up and you weren’t there.” Buffy was loosely wrapped in only in sheet as she pouted and leaned into William’s body. “That wasn’t very nice. I missed you.”
William and Todd both stood wide-eyed before Buffy’s beauty. Her hair was ruffled and her smile was ear to ear as she pawed at William while speaking in a sultry voice. Humming, her hand slid under the waistband of the front of William’s pants, the tips of her fingers brushing against his coarse pubic hair.
William jumped and struggled to think clearly. “Ah…Pet, this is Mr. Johnson.”
“Pleased to meet you ma’am.”
“You may call me Lucille.” Buffy took her hand out of William’s pants and offered it to Todd. She giggled as the man’s meaty hand encased hers and when he kissed her knuckles. “Awww, you’re so sweet.”
“The pleasure’s mine, Lucille.”
“Are you from the papers?” Buffy let her sheet fall dangerously low, almost exposing her nipples as she held William’s hand in both of hers.
“No. I live up the hill.”
“You mustn’t tell the newspapers. They never leave us alone because of Richie.” She smiled proudly at William and nuzzled his shoulder with her face, deeply inhaling the scent of him.
“Richie?”
“You recognize Richie, don’t you?” Richie Vanderlow: six gold albums, three platinum, and fourteen consecutive top-ten singles?” She sighed and played with William’s fingers. “Biggest-selling artist worldwide for the past twelve months…and all mine. Isn’t that right, baby?”
William smiled and gave a modest shrug, his body buzzing from all the attention it was getting from Buffy and her loving caresses. “Yours.”
Todd studied the couple, his eyes coming back to Buffy. “You have to understand, ma’am, that I watch mainly the Biblical channels.”
“We were married in secret, in a castle in Scotland.”
Todd looked lost.
“That’s in England…near Paris?”
“Ah, Paris.”
“It was so very romantic—we made love for seven days straight.” Cupping William’s face, she kissed him deeply, carelessly letting her sheet drop in process. William moaned, surprised and quickly covered her body again for Todd was exposed to too much, not breaking their kiss. Buffy pulled back from William and smiled embarrassingly at Todd, adjusting her sheet and biting her lip. “Our honeymoon wasn’t long enough so we came here for the sake of a little privacy.”
“I see.”
“Would you like to come in?”
“No, no. Thank you, Lucille but I’d better be on my way. I need to feed Felix.”
“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Johnson.” Buffy turned and sauntered towards the bedroom, her sheet showing all her back and slipping slowly as she walked. Todd and William watched her go, both transfixed.
“You take care now, Richie.”
“Right.” William wasn’t listening when he closed the door.
***
“That…that was…” William stood in the doorway of the bedroom and smiled. “You’re amazing, Buffy. Thank you for saving me back there.”
Buffy said nothing and picked up her folded clothes off the floor and walked out of the bedroom, past William. With her back to him she dropped her sheet and began dressing, not caring that William was watching. “You can have the shower now. I think you have something to take care of.”
William looked down and blushed at the sight of the bulge in his pants.
***
“Have fun?” Buffy asked, not lifting her head up from the pages of a book.
“Shut up.” He gathered his things and began writing, sitting on the living room floor.
“Need any help? With the story, I mean.”
William glared. “What else could you have meant? I’m sure you ran off looking for mouthwash after having to force yourself to kiss my ugly gob.”
“I never said that and I don’t think you’re ugly.”
“Because that night you had no problem snogging the life out of me.”
“Because I was drunk.”
“You were and I’m sorry about what happened.”
“You are?”
“Yes, isn’t that what you wanted to hear?”
“Shut up.”
“Gladly.”
***
“You have some strange hobbies, love.”
“Don’t call me that. You stand like this.” Buffy pulled the trigger, blowing apart some assorted fruit from a distance of twenty feet. Birds flew away from the clearing where she and William had set up their targets. “With your arms out like this in front of you, not like this, or like this. You’re not a cowboy. Like this.” She demonstrated once more before handing the gun to William.
He held it as she had shown, quickly remembering the last time and only time he had shot a gun: the shooting of her father. The gun didn’t feel comfortable in his hand. He squinted at the target, a large pumpkin.
Buffy raised William’s arm and kicked his feet farther apart. “That’s better. Now remember: never point a loaded gun at anyone unless you plan on killing him. Always keep the safety catch on unless you are about to fire. Wait until the last possible moment before firing: if they are more than a couple yards away, you won’t hit anything. Any questions?”
William shook his head. He tried to control his breathing and at an exhale, he pulled the trigger. He fired a few more shots quickly, never hitting his target.
“Ok, William, I think you best defense will be to run.”
***
Buffy cried hysterically as she screamed into the pay phone and explained in detail the gruesome death awaiting her if her father did not follow William’s demands and bring the ransom money to the designated location.
William watched Buffy’s emotional performance and felt as if he was being treated to an off-Broadway classic, his admiration for Buffy growing higher than he ever imagined or anticipated.
Once in the car and driving back to their new home, William broke the silence. “You’re fantastic.”
“Stop.”
“What? Why? I mean it, genuinely.”
“Whatever.”
“Buffy, we need to talk about why you’re so pissed…I know it has to do with, um, our date but is it more? I already said I feel horrible for taking advantage--.”
“You think that’s why I’m mad?”
“Yes, well, isn’t?”
“Pull over.”
***
Hank replayed Buffy’s disturbing phone call for Faith and Willow as they all listened on speakerphone. “I’ll get the money but you’d better make damn sure that he never touches it. Understand?”
“Sure, boss. We’ll get him. Don’t worry.” Faith smacked her gum as she spoke. “Everything will be taken care of. Just like we took care of the cop.”
“I don’t want to hear anything about that. My name will never be connected with that.”
“Alrighty then. Anything else? Will and I have a lot to do, lots of prep time.”
“Be on the look out for a moron named Riley Finn, he’s after Buffy too. He’s harmless but annoying as hell. I told him he could marry Buffy if he finds her. I won’t be too sad if he was accidentally extinguished too.”
“That would cost you a few thousand more, depending on just how annoying the guy is.” Willow giggled. “But if he gets in the way…oh well.”
***
To answer a question:
From real reviewer (who I love and adore for letting me borrow her review and for letting me repost it everywhere):
Ok loved the chapter. Love the story just one thing about it got to me. I dunno if it was deliberate mistake or not. But the geography thing. Scotland isn't in England. I'm from Scotland, and sometimes people just confuse it, but Scotland is not in England. It's just another country that makes up a group that makes the United Kingdom. Maybe you knew that i don't know, as i say maybe it was a deliberate thing. But i just had to point it out. But i do love the story, i think it's fab and ure a fab writer. Can't wait for the next chapter. Jo
Author's Response (aka me): I noticed that too but the entire Tod section is directly from the screenplay of A Life Less Ordinary (I added a few lines and all the groping...) and I think it was the character proving that she could tell Tod just about anything and he'd buy it. But as a whole it was deliberate. ;)
[Reviews - 57]
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