Buffy’s legs throbbed in pain as she pushed herself the whole way home at full slayer speed. She didn’t want to stop for anything. The back porch, her only sanctuary, proved to be the only place that she could sit and think. She could see the girls in the living room from the front yard, and she didn’t want to go in yet. So she made her way back around the porch, escaping the crushing scene she had just witnessed. How could this happen? He was supposed to be hers. How could he fall for Faith’s tricks? She sat down and held her head in her hands. Someone opened the back door a few minutes later and she heard the soft footfalls on the boards of the porch.
“Buffy?” came Giles’s voice.
“Giles, not now,” Buffy said, softly. “I need to be alone.” And she didn’t have anything to say to Giles. He would jump for joy at what had just happened. His precious slayer wouldn’t be involved with a vampire now. She didn’t want it rubbed in her face and she didn’t want to hear any lectures.
Giles sat next to her. “I’m sorry.”
“I need to have Spike on our team, Giles. He’s one of our strongest warriors,” Buffy told him. “And you have to accept that.” The words were almost choked as she forced them out of her mouth. She almost wanted to just make sure that Giles knew that he wouldn’t have to worry, and to finally back off, but she had to keep the front up. There was no time for weakness, not with the First getting stronger everyday.
“Have you been crying?” he asked, taking in her swollen face.
“I’m okay,” she assured him with a fake smile that she had mastered the year before. “Just had a rough night on patrol. Decided to turn in early.” It wasn’t a total lie. She did have a rough night, just not for the reason that she gave Giles.
Giles looked at her for a few moments but he got to his feet and left her with her thoughts. She felt so run down and exhausted. Maybe she was finally going to have a breakdown. However, she didn’t know what any of them could do to help her.
***
When Buffy finally opened her swollen eyes the next morning, she wished she hadn’t. All she wanted to do was stay in her comfy bed. She dressed quietly in black jeans and a black sleeveless turtleneck before heading downstairs. The girls had left a nice mess of the kitchen and, as usual, left it for her to clean up. What a bunch of pigs. There was a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and she turned on the faucet to get a head start on them. She didn’t even look up when she heard the basement door open.
“Morning, Buffy,” came Spike’s soft voice.
“Morning,” she said, not looking at him. She didn’t want to talk to him and she wished he would leave the room so she could be by herself. She knew if he looked at her, he would ask her what was wrong and she wasn’t sure how long she could lie about her pain. She couldn’t stand to look at him after what she had seen last night. It was too heart-breaking. All she could picture was he and Faith hooking up. However, things got worse. She saw Faith saunter into the kitchen out of the corner of her and the brunette slayer immediately went to Spike’s side. “Good morning,” she said, in her deep sexy voice. Buffy never said good morning like that.
Spike smiled down at her. “Good morning, Sweetness,” he replied. Buffy tried to ignore it, find some relief in the fact he hadn’t called her “luv” or “pet”, but she didn’t like how close Faith was getting to him. Spike had never called her ‘Sweetness’ so she wasn’t sure if she liked that Faith got her own nickname, or if she was glad that Spike hadn’t give Faith one of his nicknames for her.
Buffy scrubbed the plate faster, even though it was squeaky clean, and she could hear them giggling and whispering to each other. Tears welled in her eyes as she turned off the water. She dried her hands before she left the room. She had to get away from them. She practically ran upstairs, pushing past a few remaining potentials and headed to her room. Angrily, she wiped her tears away as she flopped on her bed. This wasn’t happening. Spike was supposed to be the one that she could count on, something that she didn’t have to share with anyone.
***
Downstairs, Faith looked up at Spike after Buffy had rushed from the kitchen. “Is she okay?”
“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out,” Spike answered, leaving the brunette slayer in the kitchen. Something was wrong with his slayer, and she needed him. He followed her muffled sobs to her room and knocked on her door. “Buffy?” His heart ached to see her in pain, and all he wanted to do was make it all right again.
“Go away,” Buffy yelled. That didn’t sound good. She was definitely upset about something. She had never yelled at him like that before. Not in a long time anyways. Somehow he had managed to screw things up already. He didn’t know what he did, but he wasn’t going to let it stew.
“Buffy?” He turned the knob again, finding it unlocked. He hoped that she didn’t throw a stake at him or something. “What happened?” he asked, sitting next to her. She was curled on her side, her back to him, but he could see her flushed cheeks. Tears were slowly making tracks down her face, and she hadn’t bothered to hide them, but she was trying to keep them quiet, not wanting to alert anyone that she was in pain. Such a strong girl she was, but he could see her rapidly fading façade.
“Please go away,” she whispered. He frowned and turned more toward her. He wanted to touch her, but it seemed like she was mad at him personally, not something in general. He had obviously done something that had really hurt her, but he couldn’t think of anything.
“Did something happen on patrol?” he asked, reaching out to touch her. He wanted to reassure that he hadn’t done anything, or that he was sorry for whatever she was upset over. He wanted to make it up to her, no matter what it was. They had worked so hard to rebuild their relationship, whatever it qualified as, and he didn’t want anything to ruin that.
“Don’t touch me,” Buffy said, getting out of bed. She glared at him the best she could before leaving her room. He saw the pain in her eyes, and he had seen it twice before, when he had shown her what White Bread was up to: betrayal. That was the worst thing for him to see in her eyes, especially directed at him, again. He had tried so hard to forget that look since he had… since the bathroom. The way she was looking at him now was enough to almost drive him to his knees and beg her forgiveness all over again.
Angrily, he stood up and followed her down the stairs, calling her name. “Buffy.” She could just run away every time they had a problem and this one was killing her. He wasn’t going to let her close in on herself. They were past that. He thought she trusted him, and he didn’t want anything to ruin that.
Faith looked up from the living room as Buffy came downstairs with Spike close behind her. “B?”
“I hope you’re happy,” Buffy said angrily. Spike touched her shoulder and she flinched. “I don’t want you touching me,” she said, glaring at him. She walked out of the house into the sunlight, preventing Spike from following her.
Faith frowned and Spike sat next to her on the sofa. “I’ll talk to her later,” he sighed. “Something must have happened last night.” Something he had done. But he hadn’t seen Buffy all night, so he couldn’t even imagine what was going through her mind.
“Where’s Buffy?” Dawn asked as she paused in the doorway of the living room.
“She went out. She’s upset,” Faith said.
“I can’t understand why,” Dawn growled in sarcasm.
Spike looked down at Faith before going over to Dawn. “You know why she’s upset?” Dawn looked like she was going to set him on fire, like she had promised if he ever hurt her sister again, which he had managed to do.
“Yeah,” Dawn said, going to the kitchen.
He went after her. “What happened? She was fine yesterday,” he said. His eyes were wide, begging for information about what happened to his slayer. Yesterday morning he had watched her move around the kitchen as she pouted at the mess. He poured her a glass of orange juice, made her drink that and said goodbye to her before she went to work. He didn’t see her after that.
“You weren’t all snuggly with Faith yesterday,” Dawn rasped at him, angrily.
“Buffy and I are just friends,” Spike said. “Just like me and Faith.” There had to be another reason. He hadn’t done anything with Faith other than hang out with her. “Did she tell you something?”
“That’s why she makes googly eyes at you and she came home crying last night. The only thing I could get out of her was ‘I hate him’,” Dawn said. “She went looking for you and Faith but she came home in tears. So I know you did something to her.”
Everything made sense now. Buffy went looking for him when she had gotten home. However, he never saw her, or said anything to her, so she must have seen something and taken it the wrong way. The only thing he could think of was when Faith fell on him, and she thought it was more than it was. He would have to go find her if she didn’t return home, and then explain what happened.
*
After leaving the house, Buffy had wandered for hours, not knowing what to do. Nightfall came, and she headed towards the cemetery. She cursed her feet for taking her to Spike’s cemetery, but she wasn’t in the mood for patrol. Her boots made clicks on the paved path and she collapsed on a bench, deep inside the cemetery. She couldn’t hold her own body up anymore. She needed some rest, but she couldn’t bear to go home right now.
She could have screamed when Spike appeared by her side. “Buffy?” he whispered. He was starting that pattern of being around when she didn’t want to see him.
Buffy raised her swollen and angry face to his. “Go away.” She crossed her arms and looked away from him. He just didn’t get it. But she couldn’t figure out why he cared all of a sudden. Everything she had worked for, trying to repair their relationship, he seemed so willing to throw it away. She thought they had gotten closer ever since she brought him back from the First. They had spent a lot of time together, starting the healing process for them both. And for Faith to just replace her like that was killing her.
“Why are you mad at me?” he asked, going to sit next to her.
“I’m not,” Buffy snapped, getting up and moving away from him. Her body trembled, as she hurried to put as much distance between them as possible. Even when he was near her, all she wanted to do was tell him how much she hated that he had chosen Faith over her, but she didn’t want to give him that satisfaction.
“You haven’t been this bitchy since last year. Obviously, I did something to make you mad,” Spike said, standing. “Where were you last night?”
“I was running a little late and you guys weren’t home when I finally got home,” she said. “So I went looking for you and Faith but you guys had everything under control.” She walked away from him. She could already feel the words bubbling out and she didn’t want to give him that satisfaction either.
Spike grabbed her arm. “Buffy would you just talk to me?” he pleaded.
Buffy didn’t face him. “Spike, I don’t want to hurt you so please leave me alone.” He was making it really hard for her not to smash her fist into his nose, but she wasn’t that girl anymore. She didn’t want to abuse him. He didn’t really deserve that. She thought he did, but some time later, she would regret hitting him. She knew it.
He did let go of her arm, but moved in front of her path. “Buffy, we haven’t had a fight in a long time. I don’t want to have one now. Please tell me why you’re upset,” he pleaded again, softly.
“Fine, you wanna know what’s bothering me? Faith has taken everything from me and it’s tearing me apart. She took Angel, my friends, my job, Riley, you, and now she basically kicked me out of my house. But you know what? I don’t care. She can have it all. I quit.” Buffy said it all in a rush, tears in her eyes as she left Spike. She needed to get away, and she didn’t want to return. She wouldn’t be able to watch them everyday and try to do her job; it was too hard.
Spike went after her. “Buffy, wait a minute,” he said, grabbing her arm. “What are you talking about? You are totally wrong.”
“Nothing,” Buffy whimpered, pulling her arm from his grasp. “Just leave me alone.” She felt like a weak little girl and she hated that. She was the slayer. A better slayer then Faith could ever be so she wasn’t a blubbering little girl.
“No, Buffy, stop,” Spike said, grabbing her arm again. “Let me explain.”
“Let go of me,” she flared. There was nothing to explain. She got his message loud and clear the night before and this morning. “You go home to your new slayer and leave me alone.”
This time when she walked away, Spike let her. There was nothing he could say that could explain what she had seen or the way the two of them had acted together. She almost ran away from Spike, but settled for a fast paced walk, looking over her shoulder every now and then to make sure he didn’t follow her. But she saw him drop his head and leave the cemetery. Good. She could be alone.
Buffy made her way to the only place she could think of that she could be safe. She pushed the door open to the mansion and scrunched up her nose at the dust. She couldn’t quite care at that point. Pulling out her cell phone, she called the one person that she thought could make this right. She dialed the number for the hotel and waited.
“Hello?” Angel’s soft voice came through her cell phone.
“Angel?” Buffy asked, and wished she hadn’t whimpered his name. He had to fix this. Make Faith get out of her life; make her stop taking over her life. It was his fault that she was here, so he had to fix it. “Why did you send her here?! She ruined everything. Take her back!”
“Buffy?” Angel asked. “Are you okay? What are you talking about?”
“No, Angel!” She screamed into her phone. “I’m not okay. You made Willow bring Faith here and Faith took everything!” How didn’t he understand her the first time? “Take her back to L.A.”
“Wait, Buffy,” Angel said, patiently. “Slow down. Where are you?”
“The mansion,” she told him, trying to calm down. “I don’t know what else to do. I just want her to leave.” Angel wouldn’t understand why, and she hoped if she had to tell him he wouldn’t be judgmental on her.
“Don’t go anywhere. I’m on my way,” Angel said, hanging up.
Buffy hung up her phone and waited for Angel. She didn’t expect him to come right away. She knew once he got here and found out the real reasons behind her anger toward Faith, he’d rip Spike a new one. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She could feel her body draining of energy as she collapsed on the couch. She could care less about the dust, as she curled her hand under her cheek. Her eyes fell closed, no longer able to stay open, as she fell asleep.
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