Buffy could almost convince herself they were about to watch a normal movie. Spike had been incredibly nonchalant about the whole thing, even popping popcorn before leading her up to his bedroom.
That illusion started to slip when she realized the only place to sit in his room was on his bed – and faded away completely as soon as he popped in the DVD.
Cheesy music started playing immediately, and Buffy couldn’t look at the screen. Instead, she sat stiff-backed at the edge of the bed, her cheeks flaming as she intently studied Spike’s carpet.
“Come on up here, pet,” Spike said from where he was lounging against the pillows at the top of the bed, popcorn bowl resting in his lap.
Buffy turned towards him, watching as he popped a piece of popcorn in his mouth and winked at her. How could he be so calm about this?
Spike patted the pillow beside him. “Come on, Summers. Show a little backbone.”
Immediately, she was moving up towards the pillows, and Spike smirked to himself at how easy she was to manipulate.
Buffy tried to settle back against the pillows, though she couldn’t fight the stiffness in her muscles. She looked at the television, deciding the opening scene was innocuous enough. It was just a guy in a hospital bed, and he wasn’t even naked.
A few moments later, a blonde woman with disproportionately large breasts walked into the room. She wore an overly-tight nurses uniform, the zipper pulled down far enough to show off the top of her bulging chest. Her blonde, teased hair was topped by a white hat and she strutted across the room in white, strappy platform heels. She carried a clipboard, angled just right to accentuate her breasts even further, and approached the “patient” while sucking on the tip of a pen.
She ran her tongue along the pen before she lowered it and said in a breathy voice, “I see here on your chart you have some uncontrollable swelling in the…area.”
Buffy tried to bite back her laugh, but she couldn’t.
Spike grinned at her. “Told you it would be amusing,” he said before chomping on a handful of popcorn.
“This is what these movies are like? Seriously?”
“The ones with a plot, yeah.”
“This is a plot?”
“Compared to the ones that just open with naked people going at it like crazed weasels, yeah, there’s a plot.”
Buffy scooted closer to Spike and grabbed some popcorn for herself. She snorted as the nurse continued to ask about “the area” and asked the patient if he had “massaged it to reduce the swelling.”
“If people are watching this just for sex,” she said with a mouthful of popcorn before swallowing, “then why even bother with this ridiculous attempt at dialogue?”
Spike shrugged. “I guess it’s supposed to set the mood or something.”
“And there’s no question what that mood is,” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes. “God, just look at those horrible shoes. Can you imagine if a nurse tried to wear them to work? She’d fall on her ass trying to make it to a code.”
“Nah. She’d probably just stand there, sucking on her pen and trying to figure out where that beeping was coming from – and if it meant someone needed an ‘area’ massage.”
“See, that’s another thing. I mean, I assume they’re going to start doing it at some point in this movie. If they’re gonna show sex anyway, why not just say ‘penis?’”
“They think they’re being coy.”
Buffy snorted. “They’re delusional then.”
The oh-so-helpful nurse batted her eyelashes at her patient as she offered her own massage services in hopes that they would alleviate his pressing problem. The patient, of course, agreed, and the nurse lifted the sheet and pushed up his flimsy hospital robe to reveal his penis. Buffy shifted uncomfortably at the movie’s first bit of genuine nudity, but when the cheesy music from the beginning started again, she started laughing, too.
Spike grinned to himself at the success of both of his brilliant plans – Buffy was as amused as he’d hoped she’d be, and the bowl of popcorn covered up what he didn’t want her to notice. Sure, the movie was horrible and way beyond corny, but he was still watching porn with Buffy – and his body was more than aware of that.
The movie started heating up, the nurse moving from a simple “massage” to a blowjob. Spike expected Buffy to blush and turn away again, but instead, she continued to stare at the screen with rapt fascination. “Have you ever done that before?” Spike asked softly, hoping he wouldn’t spook her again.
Buffy shook her head, though her eyes didn’t leave the television. “I was always scared to, but she makes it look so easy. She’s not gagging at all.”
“Well, she is a professional.”
“I don’t think I could do that.”
“Well, we’ll work on that.”
Buffy turned sharply towards Spike. “I am not sucking your…”
Spike held up his hand. “Never said you were, Summers. We decided to do this with no touching, remember.”
“Right, I just thought you meant…” Buffy trailed off and blushed yet again. “Sorry.”
“It’s all right. It was a logical conclusion.”
Buffy nodded silently. It was the logical conclusion, but since that wasn’t what he meant… She had to wonder how exactly Spike was planning on teaching her how to give a blowjob.
And why was she actually a little disappointed that he hadn’t meant he wanted her to practice on the real thing?
She decided to blame the movie. It was putting funny notions in her head. Still, she turned back to the screen, frowning at what she saw. “Wait…I think it missed something. Rewind it.”
“Rewind it?” Spike asked with an arched eyebrow. “Are you worried you missed an important plot point? They’re fucking.”
“Yeah, but she’s jacking off two other guys while she’s riding the patient. Where did they come from?”
Spike shrugged. “I was watching it the whole time, and I don’t know.”
“Oh.” Buffy frowned. “That’s weird. I mean, if I were having sex with someone and then two other guys just walked up and stuck their penises at me, I’d be pissed off.”
“Well, yeah, but pornos are based in an alternate reality where everyone’s a rabid nympho,” Spike explained with another handful of popcorn.
“Oh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” The scene faded into another with a poorly-done transition effect, and Buffy tilted her head to the side as she tried to figure out exactly how the woman had managed to twist herself into the position she was now in. “Okay, that looks painful. I didn’t know people could bend that way.”
“Again, professional,” Spike said.
“Right.”
Buffy’s attention was captured by the television again as she wondered if being a contortionist was a prerequisite for starring in porn. The woman had both of her legs parallel with her head, which Buffy just didn’t think could possibly be natural.
A knock on the door caused her to jump and let out a squeak. She turned to Spike, wide-eyed, but he just shrugged. “Probably my uncle.”
Sure enough, Spike’s uncle’s voice came through the door a moment later. “William?”
“I’m home, Uncle Wes,” Spike called back. “Just watching porn with the neighbor girl.”
Buffy turned the reddest she had yet her mortification reaching new heights. How was she ever going to be able to look Spike’s uncle in the face again? And wasn’t he going to be angry now? Would he tell her mom?
Oh god, she was going to be grounded. For the rest of her life…
“Oh. Um, that’s…nice,” Wesley replied, keeping the door firmly shut. “Well, I’ll just be…downstairs. If you need anything.”
“Okay, Uncle.”
Buffy listened carefully until she heard Wesley go back down the stairs. She turned to Spike then and smacked him on the arm. “What is wrong with you? He’s going to tell my mom, and then I’ll be dead!”
Spike rolled his eyes. “No he’s not. We’re both eighteen. Wes doesn’t care we’re watching porn.”
“Oh.” Buffy was silent for a moment before she smacked him again. “But it’s still embarrassing!”
“Nah. It’s just natural curiosity. Besides, he spends all his time over at his boyfriend’s house. I haven’t seen him in days.”
“His boyfriend?” Buffy asked. “Your uncle’s gay? I thought he was dating that lawyer woman, whatever her name was.”
“He ditched her, thank god,” Spike said. “And I guess he found himself or something, because now he’s with Frank or Fred or something like that. I’ve never met the guy, but Wes has talked about him some, and it seems pretty serious.” He shrugged. “I don’t really care as long as he doesn’t bother me too much. I got into a lot of trouble back in England in my early teens, which is why he moved us here. For the first couple years we were here, he was constantly on my back, wanting to know what I was doing all the time. I guess I kind of brought it on myself, but I’m still glad he’s backed off now.”
Buffy had always wondered how Spike had come to live in the States with his uncle. Their previous status as mortal enemies hadn’t really given them a lot of chances to have deep talks.
“What kind of trouble were you in in England?” Buffy asked. “You were only like, fifteen, when you came here.”
Spike picked up the remote and turned off the television. “It’s getting late, Buffy. Don’t you have a test to study for?”
So apparently they could talk about sex for days, but Spike’s personal history was completely off limits. Buffy didn’t quite know why that bothered her so much either, but her feelings were hurt nonetheless. She’d thought they were having a pretty good time that afternoon, despite all the uncomfortable subject matter, and now he was just throwing her out?
Suddenly, she remembered why she disliked him so much.
“You know, Spike,” she said as she got off the bed and snatched her bookbag off his floor. “A simple ‘I don’t wanna talk about it’ would’ve sufficed. You don’t have to be such an asshole.”
“Me? You’re the one who was prying into my personal business.”
“Says the man who has every detail of my very embarrassing sex life!”
“That’s different. You were willing to be open with me on that one.”
“And I thought maybe you were with me, too, but apparently, I was wrong.” Buffy stopped and shook her head. “God, what am I even doing here? This is insane. I’m insane.”
As she started towards the door, Spike realized he’d let his temper get the best of him and made a potentially-fatal misstep. He got off the bed quickly and ran to intercept Buffy before she could leave his room. “Buffy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get defensive there, I just…” Spike sighed. He didn’t want to reveal much more, but he’d put himself in a situation where he knew his best shot of keeping her where he wanted her was to prey on her sympathy.
“Look, it’s just there was this girl involved, and she really broke my heart. I still have a hard time talking about it.”
Buffy’s face immediately soften, and Spike breathed an internal sigh of relief. He still had her…
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have freaked out on you like that. This is just all really difficult for me. I mean, it’s embarrassing, really, and I feel so vulnerable with you now, and then you wouldn’t open up, too.” She looked down shyly. “I keep being afraid that you’re going to suddenly turn around and use all of this against me or something.”
Spike supposed she wasn’t completely off-base there, though he didn’t intend to use this against her the way she suspected. He’d never use anything they’d done or discussed to publicly humiliate her the way Angel had. To get her upside down, naked, and screaming his name, sure, but never to humiliate her.
“It’s all right. I guess it’s sort of a difficult situation for both of us. Not exactly the sort of relationship they write handbooks for,” Spike replied with a shrug, his hands shoved in his pockets.
Buffy looked up and smiled at him, noting with some surprise how absolutely adorable he looked at the moment. She didn’t quite know what possessed her, but she leaned up and lightly kissed his closed mouth.
When she moved away, Spike was staring at her in shock. “What was that for?”
“Just to say thanks,” Buffy replied with a nervous shrug, not really sure what it had been for herself. “You know, for helping me out here and not being as much of an asshole as I know you’re capable of being. Hell, sometimes I think you might almost like me.”
“I do,” Spike said, the answer coming out a little too quickly for either of them to be comfortable with it. He cleared his throat. “You know, in a neighborly sort of way.”
“Right. I knew what you meant.” An uncomfortable beat of silence past between them before Buffy pointed towards the door. “I really should go. I’ve got that test to study for and all.”
“Yeah. I guess you probably should. I’ll walk you out.”
“Thanks,” Buffy replied, her hand wrapping tightly around the arm of her bag as she let Spike lead her out of the bedroom. They passed Wesley on the way towards the door, and Buffy’s face flamed again.
“Hello, Buffy,” he said with a nod, his face making it clear he was just as uncomfortable with the situation as she was.
“Hi, Mr. Wyndam-Pryce,” she replied, wishing the floor would swallow her whole.
Wesley cleared his throat. “So… Are you and William dating, or…?”
Spike glanced at Buffy before he gave a quick answer, hoping she’d find him chivalrous. Chivalry would score him points he could later trade in for getting laid, right? “We were just working on a project together for school. The whole porn thing was just me being a wanker, trying to rile Buffy up.”
Wesley sighed in relief. “Oh, good.” He looked quickly at Buffy. “Not that I don’t like you, Buffy. You’re a lovely girl, and I’m sure William would be very lucky to have you.”
“I’m sure Buffy knew what you meant, Uncle,” Spike said when Buffy continued to stare at the floor, redfaced. “I’m going to take her home now, and then I’ll be back.”
“All right. Have a good evening, Buffy.”
“You, too,” Buffy said with the best smile she could muster before continuing out of the house with Spike.
“Thank you for that,” she said once they were outside and walking across the lawn to her door.
Spike shrugged. “No problem.”
They both stopped on her front porch, and Buffy turned to look at him. “So tomorrow…we do what we did today? Pretend to date at school and then, uh…”
“Private lessons afterwards?” Spike filled in for her, unable to keep back his teasing leer.
“Right. That.”
“Yeah.” Spike looked down at her and felt his heart constrict in his chest. He knew he needed to get out of there before he did something stupid like kiss her.
Really kiss her…
He cleared his throat. “So I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yeah, tomorrow.”
God, her lips looked delicious… Spike shook his head, called out a quick good bye, and sprinted off the porch.
Buffy moved just as quickly to get back into her own house.
It was quiet and empty when she got inside, but that wasn’t unusual. Her mother worked a lot of late nights, and had started taking buying trips with increased frequency. Buffy supposed it was good since it meant business was good, but she got lonely sometimes.
She went upstairs to her room and dropped her bookbag on her bed. She unzipped it and went for her history book in order to start her studying, though another object in the bag caught her eye.
A ruler.
She slowly slid it out of the bag, her hand trembling as she wrapped it around the last three inches to cover them, giving herself a visual representation of what exactly constituted “nine inches.”
Her eyes bulged and she tossed the ruler back on the bed as if it had suddenly started to burn her hand.
Buffy had a sinking suspicion she was already in over her head…
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Chapter End Notes:
No, I’m not dead – just my muse. Sorry I’m not posting very much. I’m just not writing very much.
Reviews would still be lovely.
Reviews would still be lovely.