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She just stood there in stunned silence, wide eyes taking in the howling, keening vampire. It was only when Angel took her elbow that she snapped out of her daze, her eyes flying to his.

“What happened to him?”

Even as she asked, she remembered the cry that had echoed through the mansion at the same time as Angel had dropped to his knees. Angel confirmed her suspicion the next minute as he spoke up.

“The same thing that happened to me.”

She looked between the two vampires - the one cowering and the other looking close to normal – and frowned. As if picking up on her silent question, Angel turned his attention on his grandchilde.

“It’s much worse the first time round,” he explained, his face softening into a compassion she wouldn’t ever have imagined him feeling for Spike.

She turned back to the younger vampire and knew her expression too was one of compassion, and at the same time, horror. Was this what Angel had gone through when that gypsy had cursed him first time round? She couldn’t even imagine what either of them had suffered. Having all that bad history suddenly forced on you – and caring about it for the first time in hundreds of years. With this thought, she knew what she had to do and it galvanised her into motion. With a glance at Angel, she began to edge towards the other vampire, careful not to frighten him.

“Buffy-“ Angel hissed but she held up a hand, silencing him as she edged forward.



She finally stopped about two steps away from the blonde vampire – who still seemed too caught up in his misery to notice her – and crouched down. She reached out a shaking hand and laid it on his arm.

“Spike,” she whispered.

He jerked away from her touch, curling up on himself even more and now she was this close, she could hear the pained words he was repeating over and over.

“Didn’t mean… blood… didn’t want to hurt… dead…”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat and reached for him again.

“Spike.”

Her hand rested just on his shoulder and even though he tensed with her touch, he didn’t pull away this time.

“It- It’s okay, Spike.”

He cowered then and a sudden thought occurred to her, making her pull back slightly.

“William?” she whispered and she didn’t miss the flash of attention it gained, before he went back to his pained mumbling. Before she could say or do anything else though, Angel caught her by the arm, pulling her to her feet and guiding her to the other side of the room. She looked up at him then in a mixture of anger and confusion.

“It’s not safe,” he murmured, flicking a glance at his grandchilde.

She took a deep breath and let it out and shook off Angel’s arm.

“He needs our help.”



She glanced back over at Spike and her face twisted in sympathy as he let out a low keen.

“The only way we can help him is by putting him out of his misery.”

Her head snapped back to Angel then and she couldn’t help but gasp, astounded at what he had suggested.

“How... you… You went through this. How can you say that?”

“Because I went through this. It’s nothing but pain for years.”

“That’s because you didn’t have anyone,” she got out angrily, turning away from him, still reeling from what he had suggested.

“Buffy,” he called, catching her arm again and stopping her, “Why do you want to help him so much? He’s tried to kill you.”

She decided not to point out that he had been trying to do the same thing not twenty minutes ago and took a deep, calming breath.

“I want to help him because it’s the right thing to do. And because he helped me.”

“He what?”

“The only reason I knew about Acathla was because of Spike,” she bit out, shaking off his hand and turning away from him. She had been so happy and relieved to have her Angel back, but already those feelings were changing into something different, something new. If she hadn’t already realised it, his time as Angelus would change their relationship forever.



She edged her way over to Spike again and knelt down beside him. She restrained from touching him this time, hoping not to spook him but moved closer, lowering her voice.

“William?”

He curled up further, his face pressed to the wall but she wasn’t going to give up that easily.

“It’s okay. It’s me, Buffy. I’m not going to hurt you.”

She paused, unable to resist glancing back at Angel, who was watching her with a plain expression. She turned back to Spike and moved so she was in his eyeline.

“I want to help you.”

The only sign that she was getting anywhere was the fact that he had stopped that awful keening and was silent now, although he was still huddled up protectively, his hands twisted in his hair, rocking himself slightly.

“William,” she said again, unable to stop herself from reaching out and laying a hand on his arm.

“Take it away… too many… can’t… make it stop…”

In the middle of his ramble, his eyes suddenly flew to hers, blue locked on hazel for a full few seconds.

“Take it away.”

But then he looked away again, lost in his pain and his misery. And she was lost as to what to do. She couldn’t take him home because even she wasn’t welcome in her own home anymore. And she doubted Giles wanted to be anywhere near a vampire right now.



Knowing Angel would not like it, she gave a sigh and turned to him, even as she stayed close to Spike.

“I think he’ll have to stay here,” she commented quietly.
Angel had been looking at the wall but now his eyes flew to hers and he frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t… there’s nowhere I can take him. I understand that you… maybe you don’t want to stay…” she trailed off, thoughtful as she looked at Spike and then turned back to Angel, “I’ll stay here with him.”

“Buffy, no.”

She forced her gaze to Angel’s, her anger almost completely disappearing at the softness in his voice. God, she had missed that soft tone.

“I have to.”

“You don’t. I… I’ll help him.”

She was more than surprised by Angel’s sudden about-face and her eyes widened.

“I don’t want you to get hurt, Buffy.”

She was silent for a moment, nodding slightly and then she gave him a wry smile.

“I kinda have to stay anyway. My mom kicked me out.”

“What?!”

“She knows I’m the Slayer and she didn’t like it. And I had to come here and she told me if I left, I should never-“

She couldn’t continue as a sob burst from her and she turned her face away awkwardly, hand wiping at her eyes.



She jumped, startled, as a hand rested on her shoulder and she quickly spun to face Spike. His eyes met hers for a moment, but then he looked away, pressing his face against the wall again. She wiped her eyes again and forced herself not to think about her mother. After all, she had bigger things to worry about now.

She took a calming breath and shook her shoulders to ease the tension in them. She reached out to run a hand gently over Spike’s hair but recoiled as he suddenly turned to her in full game-face. And for a moment, she was sure this was all a trick, until she saw his eyes. Even now, yellow and angry, she could see the pain in his eyes and she knew that it was an unconscious reaction, his demon probably reacting to the nearness of a Slayer.

“It’s okay,” she whispered one last time before rising to her feet and turning to Angel. “I need to go talk to Willow… find out how this happened. But then I’ll be back.”

“Do you want me to…”

“No,” she answered quickly and then smiled sadly, “I think it’s probably best if I go alone.”

Angel nodded, that pained look back in his eyes, and she stepped forward, stopping within inches of him. She reached out awkwardly and pressed her hand to his chest.

“Angel, please look after him. I know it’s hard for you… but, please, do this for me.”

He was silent but then his expression softened and he nodded, a hand reaching up and brushing over her hair. She closed her eyes with the tenderness of his touch, relishing what she had missed for so long. Finally though, she forced herself away, knowing now that any touch could be dangerous.

“I’ll be back.”

He nodded and with one last look at Spike, she left the room and made her way through the darkened mansion and out into the street.





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