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The entire group was gathered at Willow’s bedside and as soon as she walked in, the room fell silent, worried eyes flying to her.

“Buffy! Are you okay?” Xander asked, rising to his feet.

Biting her lip to suppress her emotions, she nodded, forcing a weak smile.

“The spell worked,” she explained, gaze turned on Willow.

“Oh God, really?” the witch whispered, sitting up in the bed, “Is Angel-“

“He’s back at the mansion. I thought it was probably best.”

The room fell silent again and she forced her gaze to Willow’s once more.

“Thank you,” she murmured, feeling herself getting teary even as she did.

“It was nothing.”

“No. You stopped me from having to…”

Willow nodded and gave her a weak smile. Tired now, she moved over to a spare chair and wondered how on earth she was going to tell them what had happened. She raised her gaze once more, her eyes flicking over her Watcher and turning back to Willow again.

“In fact, you get like twice the congratulations.”

“Huh?” Willow got out in confusion.

“I don’t know what happened here… but when you did the spell… I mean I’m sure that wasn’t what you meant to do… but-“

“Buffy,” Giles interrupted with that exasperated tone she knew so well and she gave him a sheepish smile.

“Sorry.”

“What happened?” Willow asked, “Did something go wrong with the spell? Is Angel okay?”

“Oh no, he’s fine,” she reassured her friend, “Well, you know, kinda… troubled. But yeah, he’s Angel again.”



“So what’s the problem?” Xander asked.

“Angel wasn’t the only one the spell affected,” she finally got out, looking around at her friends.

“What do you mean, he wasn’t the only one?” Giles asked incredulously, “You mean other vampires were affected?”

“One other vampire,” she replied, “Spike.”

The room was completely silent and as she looked around at her friends, she noted the complete shock etched on each of their faces.

“Spike?” Giles repeated, the first to shake himself out of his daze.

She nodded, an image of the broken vampire flashing before her eyes.

“Are you sure?” Xander asked, “I mean, he could just be faking it.”

She saw him again in her mind’s eye, keening, curled up tightly and hiding his face.

“Really not faking it,” she murmured, “He’s…”

She looked down at the floor and bit her lip, squeezing her eyes closed as she fought with her emotions.

“Buffy?” Giles prompted.

She forced her gaze to her friends and sighed.

“Have you ever thought what it must be like? To suddenly have a conscience forced upon you and to remember every horrible thing you’ve done?”

Once again, she saw Spike before her, those blue eyes so tortured when he had met her gaze.

“I never thought it would be like that. I guess I just thought, you know, it was kinda painful for a minute or so but then you dealt with it.”

She had been so wrong, so foolish. Even knowing Angel had suffered with his soul, she had never imagined just how much. There was still silence and she could feel all eyes on her as she twisted her hands together anxiously.

“He’s so… so broken,” she whispered, “It’s… kinda scary.”



The silence continued for a good minute until she raised her head again.

“But I… I’m going to help him.”

“Buffy!” Xander exclaimed, the first to react, wide eyes looking at her disbelief, “What do you mean you’re going to help him?! He’s a vampire!”

“I know that,” she answered, “But he… he’s in so much pain. I can’t just let him suffer like that.”

There was a pause and then Giles spoke up and she turned to him, knowing that his opinion would mean everything.

“It must be exceedingly traumatic, I’m sure,” he mumbled, half to himself, removing his glasses and polishing them on his jumper, “And he is only the second vampire in history to have his soul restored. It’s all quite fascinating.”

“It’s not fascinating,” Buffy answered firmly, surprising herself and Giles, “It’s horrible.”

“Well, quite,” he answered embarrassedly, replacing his glasses, “But, Buffy, are you sure it’s a good idea to get involved? After everything you went through with Angel.”

“I have to help him, Giles. It’s my fault-“

“Buffy, do not make yourself feel bad. This is a blessing in disguise.”

Somehow she doubted Spike would see it like that.

“Though he is suffering now, I am sure Spike will learn to cope, as Angel has done… and do you realise what this means? It means the Slayer of Slayers has been tamed.”



By the time Giles had finished, she was seething inwardly and at the same time, embarrassed. She rose awkwardly, clutching her hands together.

“I really should get back. I left them both and I’m sure that’s not really going to be good for either of them.”

She was already at the door when Giles spoke up, halting her momentarily.

“Are you not going to see your mother?”

She faltered, a rush of emotions threatening to overwhelm her, but she forced them down and shook her head.

“Apparently she doesn’t approve of my calling,” she said bitterly, “So I’m staying at the mansion.”

“Buffy-“

She was already out the door when Giles called after her and she didn’t stop as she called back to him over her shoulder.

“I’ll phone you tomorrow and let you know what’s going on. Look into what happened with the spell.”

She sped up her steps then, needing to get out the hospital and into the fresh air where she could think clearly. As soon as she was outside, she stopped and took a deep breath, trying to clear her head. Finally, after a few minutes, she righted herself and set off across town. She realised both vampires would need blood and stopped at one of Sunnydale’s increasing number of all-night butcher’s to pick up supplies.



As she walked back through town, she passed her house and couldn’t help pausing for a moment, gaze flicking longingly to her mother’s window. She shook her head and forced herself onwards, noticing as she did that the sun was just starting to come up. Was it really morning already? It seemed to have been the longest night of her life. At the beginning of it, she had been despairing but at the same time confident in the knowledge that she would not let Angelus get away this time. And now… now her emotions were so confused, so jumbled.

She was so relieved to have Angel back but she was so torn up inside: half of her was still desperately in love with him but half of her couldn’t help but hate him for what he had done to her and her friends over the past few weeks. And then this whole thing with Spike. Her heart ached for him, for his pain. Needless to say, she wasn’t exactly feeling peppy when she finally reached the mansion and let herself in.





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