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She hadn’t thought much about temptation before, had never felt it gnawing at her as it did now, making her restless and uneasy. Her lust for Angel seemed like a distant memory now, faded into colourlessness in comparison with the burning-hot desire she felt for Spike. And living under the same roof as him day-in and day-out just compounded the problem.

And the worst thing of all? Now she knew what he tasted like; she knew how it felt to be in his arms, kissing him. And that made it so much harder to fight what she felt, what they both felt. It had been building for weeks now, just waiting to be unleashed and now that it had been, she wondered how she had possibly lasted those long, long days without kissing him. All those times when she had been wrapped up in his arms, when he had been holding her close, soothing her, were treasured memories now. Because they could not go there again, she realised that. Whenever she was near him, it was all she could do to keep her hands from reaching out and touching him.

It was agony, but she bore it out, forcing herself to look away when their gazes locked, to move away when he was standing too close, to spend as much of her time away from him as possible. They still patrolled together but she was more than relieved on the occasions when her friends joined them, relieving the tension that could not be broken between them. Because she knew the wonder of his kiss. And it was destroying her, slowly but surely.



Sometimes, in the moments of her greatest doubt, she wondered what was so very bad about this but in a moment, her mind – her conscience – reminded her of the very real danger of falling for a vampire whose soul hung by a thread, easily displaced. They both knew the danger at hand far too well, had both suffered as a result of the last time she had made that mistake and she couldn’t bear a repeat, however much she yearned for one more kiss, one more touch. It did not comfort her in the slightest when she noticed Spike’s sleepless nights – and days – or when she saw the troubled look in his eyes; that look of despair that she had caused.

Their friendship danced a fine line of tension and awkwardness, strained every day by the mere presence of the other. Yet neither of them could give up this sweet torture, because it meant they got to be close, even if it was not in the way they really wanted. Every minute together was relished, despite the tension, because they had become a partnership of sorts, in far more ways than a simple romantic relationship might have prompted. They had once been reluctant allies but now they were partners, friends, fellow warriors. It was to maintain this bond that she forced herself through every encounter with him, thinking that maybe, just maybe, it got easier every time.



“I think we’re Bronzing tomorrow,” she spoke up, breaking the silence that had fallen over them for the last twenty minutes of patrol, “If you wanna come.”

“Might make an appearance,” he answered nonchalantly, taking a drag on his cigarette.

She couldn’t help but notice that his intake of nicotine – and of whiskey, not that her mother knew of his secret stash – had increased of late.

“Gee, you’re too gracious, your Highness,” she replied with an affectionate smile and he grinned back at her, their eyes holding for an almost dangerously long moment, before they both looked away.

“Thought the Scooby snacks were joining us tonight?”

“You know, you really have to stop calling them that. Bit too much like Happy Meals on legs for my liking.”

He smiled softly and they moved on again, enjoying a moment’s almost-comfortable silence.

“They’re gonna bump into us at some point.”

“Probably literally,” Spike murmured, “Knowing Harris.”

She giggled helplessly but forced her expression into a serious one.

“Now that’s not… necessarily true… always.”

She couldn’t suppress her smile for much longer and he smirked, letting out a long stream of smoke from his lips. Those lips that were so deceptively soft, so cool, so-

“So, I was thinking for my mom’s birthday we could do something nice. Take her for a meal or something,” she blurted out, hoping to ignore her wandering thoughts.

“Sounds good.”



They passed into the next cemetery and she instantly felt a shock zing up the back of her neck – and not the Spike-related zing that had been on the edges of her consciousness through the whole patrol. She saw him stiffen as well, bright eyes surveying the darkness.

“Think we’re in for a bit of luck,” he murmured lowly, slipping into game face, his eyes shining.

They crept along silently, both tensed, ready to fight. He held up a hand as they paused behind a crypt and she stopped, waiting for his signal. Golden eyes locked on hers as he held up three fingers and then he nodded and as one, they moved. She rounded the crypt one way, while he went the other, and they pounced on the unsuspecting vampires simultaneously. She punched away the first vampire and turned to the second, and froze for a split second. The vampire growled at her and jumped her, sending her toppling to the ground. But all she could do was stare at the little girl wearing a vampire’s face.

She had never seen a vampire so young. She kicked the girl off and was soon distracted by the first vampire as he threw a punch that she dodged quickly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Spike dust his vampire and he righted himself, eyes fixing on the girl as he growled – and froze in exactly the same way she had. The vampire girl took her opportunity and leapt at him but he was ready, using her momentum to send her flying into a nearby gravestone.



Her attention was ripped from them as the vampire she was fighting kicked her legs out from underneath her and she fell to the floor with a dull thud. She quickly rolled as he went to stamp on her and flicked her leg out, tripping him. She caught him, trying to pin him, and they rolled around for a moment, before she was able to send him flying over her head. She quickly got to her feet and followed, grabbing him before he could rise and driving the stake through his heart. She quickly turned and saw Spike still battling the vampire girl. She had no real style but had speed on her side and Buffy could clearly see the girlish features of the vampire were putting Spike off.

Suddenly the girl tripped though and she saw him pause for a moment, before kneeling and staking her. He stayed on his knees and even from here, she could see him trembling. She watched him for a long time and then quickly moved to his side, crouching beside him.

“Spike.”

He raised his head and when she saw the despair in his eyes, she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and touching his cheek.

“She couldn’t have been more than thirteen. Just a little girl,” he whispered in shock, his eyes on the ground.

“Look at me,” she coaxed, stroking her fingers over his cheek.

He raised his head once more and met her gaze, swallowing hard.

“You can’t feel bad about everyone, you know,” she whispered, smiling a strained, tight smile.

“She was just a bloody kid, Buffy.”

“I know,” she soothed, reaching out to rest her other hand on his shoulder, “And it’s horrible. But… it’s better now. She’s dead.”

He nodded uncertainly and closed his eyes for a moment, sighing.



She brushed her hand over his cheek and felt him moving into her touch but she couldn’t bring herself to stop.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

He opened his eyes and nodded slightly.

“I’m fine.”

They were so close, too close and she snatched her hand away, not missing the flash of disappointment that tainted his expression.

“We- we should-“

“Buffy,” he murmured desperately, reaching out for her hand, halting her. What was so easy about this again, she wondered.

“Err, guys?”

They both looked up, surprised to find the Scooby gang looking down on them in mixture of confusion and amusement. Buffy quickly got to her feet and smiled.

“Post-fight pow-wow,” she explained.

“Shouldn’t the pow-wow come, like, before the fight?” Xander asked with a half-smile.

“Guess the cheerleader in me can’t resist extra pow-wows,” she exclaimed with a smile, glancing at Spike as he finally stood up by her side.

Her friends smiled and then soon launched into news and anecdotes as the group set off. She hung back for just a second, touching a hand to Spike’s arm. He forced a smile though and moved on and after letting out a shaky breath, she caught up, wondering just how much longer she could take this.





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