Pandora’s box had been opened now. Her dreams had all featured Spike of late but now they were starting to get raunchier every night. Because she couldn’t have him properly in her real life, her dream world more than compensated and after the night at his crypt, she wasn’t surprised when it got even worse. And it just kept getting worse – or better, she guessed – with every day that passed and with every heated exchange between them.

Keeping their hands off each other had become a rarity and the hours spent locked away in his crypt never seemed enough to satisfy the desire she felt for him. He pleasured her again and again, and all she could think of was how good it would be if she could have him instead of his hands. One of the worst things was that he wouldn’t let her touch him, claiming that it would make it even harder for him to control himself around her. Even when she tried to distract him, he stopped her before she could start anything, always giving her a soft kiss and telling her he loved her but that it was dangerous.

She hated it. They were so close but it wasn’t enough: she wanted all of him. She had known it would come to this one day, but it didn’t make it any easier once it did. She was tired of fighting her desire, tired of not having everything she dreamed of with him. But she forced herself to accept it, to accept his decision because the alternative… well, there wasn’t one, in her eyes.



Maybe tonight she could convince him to let her be as good to him as he was to her. Surely it wouldn’t be that bad. When she contacted him though – on the cell phone her mother had presented him with as a housewarming gift – to talk to him about meeting up that evening, it seemed like he was hiding something. He claimed that he had something to do but wouldn’t tell her what, only saying that he’d have to meet her a bit later. She finally agreed and hung up, wondering what he could be doing that he was so secretive about.

For a split second, she considered the possibility of another woman, but dismissed it the next. That wasn’t Spike. It was hours until she could meet him though and with her mother working late at the gallery, she was feeling distinctly neglected. Maybe a trip to Giles’ would cheer her up – even if all he ever talked about was slayer stuff. She smiled and pulled on her jacket, heading out into the darkening night and across town.

She would spend a few hours of quality time with her Watcher and then she’d spend some better quality time with the vampire she lo- the vampire she really cared for. With a wide smile, she sped up, a bounce in her step as she made her way through the centre of town towards Giles’ house.



She skipped through the courtyard and through Giles’ unlocked front door – when would he ever learn? – and stopped dead, looking between her Watcher and her vampire in confusion.

“What are you doing here?” she asked Spike in surprise, moving inside and shutting the door behind her.

“I was just, err, visiting the Watcher here,” he replied, eyes darting to Giles’ and then back to her, “We were talking about, err…”

“England,” Giles finished, “The mother country.”

She frowned, looking between the two of them, and then she crossed her arms across her chest.

“I don’t know if it’s a British thing or what… but you’re both really bad liars.”

They shared another look that made her frown deepen and she spoke up again.

“What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

“No, of course not,” Giles said reassuringly, “There is nothing for you to worry about.”

Her Watcher wasn’t going to crack and she turned to Spike, levelling her hard gaze at him. She saw him dart another look at Giles and then he sighed.

“I was just doing some research.”

“Research into what?”

He hesitated for a moment but then met her eyes.

“The soul.”

“What about it?”

He paused again, glanced at Giles, and then turned to her.

“Wanted to see if… if there was a way to make it permanent.”



She said nothing for a long time, absorbing this fact, her mind reeling with questions and thoughts and hopes.

“Permanent?” she asked in a small voice.

“It seems Spike has a desire to secure his soul,” Giles explained, his piercing gaze passing between them.

“And… and can it be done?” she asked breathlessly.

“Quite possibly, yes.”

Her eyes flew to Spike’s and she saw the determination there and it took all of her self-control not to throw herself into his arms there and then.

“So, you’d never… you’d never lose it?” she whispered, eyes fixed on Spike’s, her heart seeming ready to burst when he shook his head. She quickly remembered Giles’ presence and turned to him, raising her eyes to his.

“What do we need to do?”

“There’s nothing you can do, Buffy. I’m going to contact a shaman friend of mine and see if he can help.”

“I really appreciate it, Rupert,” Spike said genuinely.

“I’m sure,” Giles replied, “As does Buffy, I imagine.”

They exchanged a surprised look and she turned wide eyes towards her Watcher.

“What do you mean? I… I mean, it’d be… cool. For Spike.”

Giles actually laughed then and she started in surprise.

“You must think me quite stupid,” he commented.



She shared another confused look with Spike and rose to her feet.

“Giles, do you mean… do you know?”

“About you and Spike? Apparently so.”

“How?” she blurted out in surprise.

He smiled and removed his glasses to polish them before he spoke up again.

“I had an inkling. It has only been confirmed just recently though.”

“Did you talk to my mom?” she asked, wondering how on earth Giles had discovered their carefully-hidden secret.

“I didn’t need to. The others told me about the happenings at the Bronze last week and when Spike came to see me, it became quite evident as to the impetus behind his visit.”

He sent an amused smile in the vampire’s direction and then turned to her with a gentle smile.

“I would have told you,” she got out quickly, “I just… we didn’t tell anyone. Because of, you know, before.”

“I understand.”

“You’re not mad?” she asked uncertainly, knowing that he had every right to be after what had happened to him – and the woman he loved - last time she had been involved with a vampire.

“Buffy, this vampire is willing to give up any possibility of returning to his former ways… for you. It would take a much crueller man to be mad in the face of that.”

She smiled warmly at her embarrassed vampire and moved to sit next to him, lacing her fingers through his.

“So, when do we meet the shaman guy?” she asked, earning a laugh from both Brits.



When she was finally alone with Spike, walking towards his crypt, she snuck her hand into his and sent him a soft smile.

“Are you really going to do this?” she whispered, “For… for me?”

He stopped, drawing her to a halt alongside him and brushed a hand over her hair.

“Yes. I want to give you everything you deserve, Buffy,” he murmured in a low voice that sent tingles straight up her spine.

“But this… this is huge, Spike.”

He smiled and shrugged abashedly and then placed his hands on her shoulders, rubbing them gently.

“Thing is, I know you need this… this reassurance. I… I know I would love you still without the soul,” he murmured, running his thumb over her jaw, “But if this is what it takes, then this is what I’ll do. I want you to feel safe.”

“Spike,” she breathed, stepping forward and into his embrace, overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings, his devotion.

“I don’t want you worrying, thinking every second that you might lose me… and I want to make love to you properly,” he added in a low, husky voice, “Show you how good it can be… how good you can be.”

Uncaring of the fact that they were standing in the middle of a graveyard, in plain sight, she drew him close and kissed him hungrily, pouring her relief and her gratitude and her wonder into her kiss.





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