He closed his eyes and sucked in a harsh breath.

"Spike, we don't have to do this now. We can wait a little while."

"No. I mean, I need to do this now. I need to get it out before- before I lose it."

She squeezed his hand, trying to ease his nerves. She made herself more comfortable on the couch, knowing she would be there awhile.

"I guess I should start at the beginning. When my dad was young, about eighteen, he got into alot of trouble. He was always kinda geeky, following in his father's footsteps, doing anything and everything he said. Well, when dad started university, he met this guy."

He pulled his hand away from her's and began fidgeting.

"Ethan Rayne. He was trouble. He was poor, well not exactly poor, but his family wasn't as well off as dad's. Ethan's father had to scrimp and save to get him into the school. He was dad's roomate, and he resented him. Because dad had everything he wanted. Anyway, he hardly ever went to class, got into trouble all the time. He would make fun of dad for always doing his homework and attending his classes. He kept on and on until he finally skipped class with him one day. They went to a pub and got drunk, not coming back until the next day. They started going to the pub more, and got into some drugs as well. They had called my grandparents and Ethan's parents about a hundred times, but nothing would help. They started getting into fights. I mean brawls, people would be carried away on stretchers."

He looked at her and could see the shock on her face.

"Well they finally got kicked out of school and their parents wouldn't let them come home. They found crappy little jobs, just to get money for drugs and booze, and they lived with some girl Ethan had been seeing. One night they went to the pub, they had been doing acid all night and when they walked in the owner told them to get out, said he didn't want any of that going on in his place. Ethan flew off the handle. He grabbed a chair and threw it at the guy, he started hitting him with it and when the chair finally broke, he started grabbing bottles. My dad didn't know what to do, I mean, there wasn't much he could do, he was so tripped out. The other customers were terrified and by the time someone finally called the police, and worked up the nerve to try to get Ethan off of him, the guy was nearly dead. They were both arrested and the guy almost died, he stayed in a coma for about a month. My dad got off easy. They only charged him with drug use, and he was on probation for about a year. But Ethan was charged with assualt and battery, drug use, and he also had drugs on him. He had been dealing them for a little while, so he was charged with that also. He got twenty years."

"It must have scared my dad to death or woke him up because he went to my grandparents and begged them to help him. He went to a clinic for awhile, and when he got out, he started back to school. He had to work even harder because of his reputation, people looked down on him, his professors, his schoolmates. So he just stayed in his room working on his studies. He graduated with honors, but he had a hard time finding a job. Everyone knew about his past, so he had to get a job as a librarian in the next town. That's where he met her."

He had a small smile on his face as he remembered his mother.

"She came in all the time. She would pick out a book and read it front to back. He said he just watched her the first few times, sitting there lost in the book. One day he finally worked up the nerve to ask her out, and before he even said anything, he said that she looked up at him and said yes."

He gave a little laugh, and glanced at Buffy who had a small smile of her own.

"They got married about a year later and I was born that following fall. We were so happy, my dad had finally gotten a better job, we were living in a great house, everything was perfect. Until the calls started. Dad didn't think much about them until someone came to house. They told him that Ethan was out on parole, and he was gunning for him. He had spent all those years in jail hating my dad. He had found out about his job and family, and was livid. He resented him for having what he thought he deserved, and for not getting in trouble when he was sent to prison. I didn't understand, I saw my dad packing his things and mum crying and I thought he was just leaving us. And that's when a part of me started hating him. I remember taking him to the airport and I remember how he nearly missed the plane because he wouldn't let go of us. He went to New York thinking that Ethan would follow him there. He didn't want him anywhere near us. That's why he left, I can see it now."

He got up and began pacing, tears falling.

"I couldn't see it before, all I could see was him leaving us. He was gone about three months. My mum cried every night, writing and calling him constantly."

He stopped and his eyes were a million miles away.

"I remember it, the day. That morning I kissed her goodbye and took off to school, we didn't live for from it so I walked. I had a good day at school, I had written a poem for her. I was reading over it on the way home and I didn't even notice the car speeding by, not until it slammed on the brakes.
I looked up and it was stopped right in front of my house. I saw my mum sitting there, she was on the deck, writing a letter to dad. And when the gun went off I looked at the car just in time to see them jerk the gun back inside and speed away."

His breathing was hard and he was nearly hysterical, he hit the floor with his knees.

"I looked back at her and she looked at me. She didn't look at the car, she looked at me. And when it hit her, she never looked away until she hit the ground."

She moved in front of him, grabbing his hands, but he wasn't with her.

"When I got there she was- she was still alive. She was just looking at the ceiling, still holding her letter. Sh- she never looked at me, but she talked to me. She said that she loved me and she loved dad, that she would never leave us. And she said that things- things happen for a reason."

He looked confused, and he was still staring straight through her.

"I don't know who called the police, don't know how long I sat there with her. The next thing I remember was my dad running into the police station."

She caressed the side of his face, trying to bring him back to her. His eyes snapped to her face and the dam broke.

She held him to her as he wept, her tears soaking his hair.

~~~

They sat there crying for hours.

He finally pulled away, and gave her a shy smile.

"God, we cry more than anybody should. I'm sorry."

She kissed his cheek, and playfully tugged on his ears.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, do you hear?"

He smiled as she repeated his words, running a shakey hand through her hair.

"I love you, Buffy. I love you so much. I don't know what I've done to deserve you-"

She cut him off with a sweet kiss.

"Hush now. I love you too, William."

He smiled and picked her up, sitting down with her on the couch.

She snuggled down into his arms and sighed, her next words making him cry all over again.

"I'm the lucky one."





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