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Buffy rolled over, snuggled down into her blankets, and smiled to herself. In those first blissful moments between sleep and awake, everything was perfect. Her dad is sitting at the breakfast table reading the paper, while her mother scrambles eggs at the stove.

But the slamming of the door across the hall shattered the illusion and the memories come rushing back. The couch, the coroner, and the graveyard are all swarming in her mind, reminding her that she's alone. No mom with breakfast waiting for her, and no dad waiting for his kiss before she goes off to school.

She opened puffy eyes to stare at the room, her new room. Who is she kidding? This isn't her room, her room is in San Francisco, in a house she shared with her mother, the house where her mother took her last breath and left her alone.

She must be out of tears now, because none come, only an angry, bitter taste in her mouth. She got up and walked to the window, looking at the neighborhood around her. Full of life, and when they smile at each other it's genuine, not just going through the motions. They have a reason to get up and start their day, they have someone to come home to. And she hates them. She hates them because they have what she wants. She envies them, hoping they realize what they have before it's ripped away from them.

She turned away from the window and made her way across the hall to the bathroom. When she opened the door she was assualted by a rush of steam, and swiped at the air trying to see, and what she saw had her mouth on the floor.

"Bloody Hell, don't you knock?!" Came the reply from Spike, standing there clad in nothing but a towel.

"I'm sor- sorry, the door wasn't locked." Came the meek reply from Buffy as the tears from the morning finally fell.

Spike whirled around ready to unload on her, when he caught sight of her tears. The hateful remark never left his lips and an unreadable expression came to his face. He looked at the tiny girl crying in front of him and felt something twist in his heart. "Its- it's alright, forget about it. I was done anyway." And with that, he stalked past her and shut the door behind him. The trek to his room was stopped by the sound of her sobs, and he turned and looked at the closed door. He took a step toward it, froze, and shook his head, cursing himself as he walked back to his room, slamming the door behind him. Seconds later The Ramones blasted through the speakers.

Buffy slid to the floor, and let the sobs razor through her. Thinking if she had only got home sooner, if she hadn't stopped to talk to Riley, she would have saved her. The words instant death didn't matter to her, they meant nothing. Because no matter what they said, if she had been there, she would have helped her and she would still be here today. She wouldn't be living in a house with people she hardly knew, she would be home with her.

It was her own fault.

That was the constant chant in her mind as she got in the shower, soaping her body until the bar of soap was indented by her fingers. She dropped the soap and grabbed a wash cloth, scrubbing her body until it was raw and burning, tears falling the entire time.

She didn't know she had fallen to the floor, didn't feel the icy water pouring down on her, and she just dimly heard the door bust in. And when the shower curtain was ripped open, she didn't recognize the man standing there, the one moving his lips, because no words were coming out, all she could hear was sirens.

"Bloody hell, girl." Was all Spike could say as he turned off the freezing water, he looked down at the small girl huddled in the tub, and grabbed a towel to cover her naked flesh. When she was covered he picked her up out of the tub and sucked in a breath when her cold body pressed into him. She was like a block of ice, and his own teeth were close to chattering as he walked into her room.

He pulled the covers down and laid her on the bed, trying to keep her covered and dry her at the same time. Tears were still flowing from her eyes, but she was silent and unmoving, almost as if she were in a trance.

When he finally got the water off of her, he pulled the covers up to her chin and sat on the bed next to her. "Buffy." He said her name low, almost a whisper. "Buffy, love, come on." He stroked her cheek this time and tried to dry some of her tears. "Buffy." He said it louder this time and gently shook her.

Her eyes snapped closed, and when she opened them opened them, the soft green was drowned in tears. The sobs started anew, and she grasped his thigh, desperate for something to hang on to. He akwardly pulled her up against his chest, and held her as she wept.

He didn't say anything to her, he really didn't know what to say, so he just rubbed soothing circles on her back until the sobs dissolved into sniffles. When she pulled away from his chest, she averted her eyes, and shakily brought a hand to her face to dry her tears. Spike reached to the table and came back with a wad of tissues.

"Here, pet." He said softly.

"Thanks." She giggled to herself at the amount of tissues, and looked up at him when she spoke. There it was, that look. The one he gave her when he thought she wouldn't know. The softness in his eyes and touch, was not the punk she met last night at dinner. This must be William, sweet and humble, almost as if he knew what she was feeling.

"You're welcome." They sat there a moment, just silently enoying the others company, when Spike reached over and took her hand. She looked in his eyes and saw a sadness there, one so hard and deep that it could rival her own.

"Buffy, I- I understa-"

Suddenly the door burst open and Giles and Jenny ran in, looking around until they spotted the couple on the bed. Buffy was startled when the hand she was holding jerked away so hard it pulled her forward. She looked up at Spike, and gasped at the look in his eyes. Ice, where just moments before they were warm, sympathetic, and understanding.

"What happened? We heard banging and yelling, is everything alright?" Giles took a step toward the bed, and Spike was off and out the door in flash. The door to his room was slammed and the music on higher than ever before.

Buffy saw the look that passed over Giles face before he turned his attention back to her.

"Yeah, everything is okay now."

Jenny sat down on the bed and let some tears of her own fall, "Honey, I know it's hard, but it will get easier." She enveloped Buffy in a hug, and rocked her gently. Buffy looked at Giles standing by the foot of her bed, and watched as he turned his head towards Spike's room, a lone tear falling down his cheek.





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