“I couldn’t even get in the cabin,” Roc complained to his boss. “That vampire and his nasty Grundy refused to let me in.” He clenched his fist. “They definitely need an attitude adjustment.”

“Don’t do anything to draw attention to yourself. The Captain might discover that Savana changed your duty roster and start asking questions we don’t want to answer. Wait until they’ve left for the evening and then do a fast search. If you find nothing of interest, we’ll ignore them. The plan is more important than some rich couple playing around with the ship’s weapons rule.” He glanced at his watch. “I have to go; I’ve a meeting to attend and then I’m going to invite my new girlfriend to have dinner with me.”

Roc smirked at the handsome ship’s officer. “It’s amazing she hasn’t tumbled to you yet, but you’ve always had a way with the ladies.”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll finally figure it out.” He carefully straightened his uniform, picking a few pieces of lint from his shirt. “Especially when she discovers her pretty has disappeared and we’re long gone.”

****

Buffy stared in the mirror, tugging at the short blue bubble skirt. The netting definitely looked a little crooked. She reached down and straightened a seam on her fishnet tights. At least they were straight.

Biting her lip, she fluffed her bangs once more and grimaced at how stiff they felt. She’d used nearly an entire can of White Rain to achieve big hair. Some blue eye shadow and her look was complete.

Stepping back from the mirror, she fixed a slipping spaghetti strap on her black camisole and tugged the entire top into place. She hadn’t realized how much too small the borrowed top was until now. It pushed her breasts up until they looked as if they were being served on a platter. At least the myriad necklaces looped around her neck helped to offset the effect and the ship would be dark anyway.

She slipped into her heels and pulled on the black fingerless gloves. Madonna, eat your heart out.

Adding six bangle bracelets including the bracelet, she took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. Humming Girls Just Want to Have Fun, she strolled into the living room.

Spike was staring out the window when he heard the musical stylings of Cyndi Lauper hummed slightly off key. Turning around, he chuckled. “That’s the perfect look for you, Summers, I know I’ve always thought of you as a material girl. But shouldn’t you be warbling Into the Groove?”

She danced a couple steps before replying. “I don’t know all the words. You know this could be fun after all.”

Eyes lingering on her chest, Spike ran his tongue across his teeth. I’m havin’ fun already. “As your boyfriend for the evenin’, I’ll need to keep a close eye on you.” Because she’s bloody gorgeous.

“Fine, you can be my boytoy for the night.” And in those clothes I don’t think I’ll mind a bit.

Buffy ran an appraising eye along Spike’s costume, starting with his Puma tennies- where does a vampire buy vintage tennis shoes?- followed by the pair of tight, acid washed jeans that hugged his very nice butt. The look was completed with a white tank that not only highlighted Spike’s muscled arms, but emphasized his washboard abs. Simple custume, but very hot. He was carrying a short jacket slung over his arm. The vamp had even combed his hair differently; it was styled like he’d walked straight out of a John Hughes movie. How does he do that without a mirror? Buffy suddenly wondered what other clothes Spike had brought with him and how had she never noticed what a hottie the vamp was?

“You look great Spike; sort of Lloyd Dobler-ish, but without that enormous boom box.”

Spike shook his head. “That’s a bird’s movie. Cusack was better in Grosse Pointe Blank.

Buffy grinned. “It figures you’d go for the one with all the violence or maybe it’s Minnie Driver.”

“Minnie’s alright, but you’ve got to admit that bit with the ink pen was bloody brilliant,” Spike countered, looking around for Empress. The Grundy tended to run haphazardly when she was excited and it caused her fur to get all bollocksed up. Spike caught a flash of fur beneath a chair and hauled her out.

Empress protested loudly. She didn’t want to go anywhere right now. She’d just discovered the chair bottoms had extremely interesting smells.

Buffy tried to flatten the Grundy’s fur. It was sticking up all over. “Well, yeah, the pen was inventive. I sure wish Sunnydale High had had a furnace like the one in that movie back in the day. It certainly could have made cleaning up bits and pieces a whole lot easier. Hey, I’ll bet you didn’t know that Willow did the same thing once to a vamp, only she used a pencil. She’s every bit as good as Cusack”

Spike grinned. He was pretty sure the Slayer didn’t realize that she’d just favorably compared her best friend to a stone cold hit man.

Buffy saw the fleeting grin cross the vamp’s face. What did I say? She shrugged and continued her original line of thought. “But what’s really brilliant is the way we match tonight, like a real couple. I wasn’t sure once we were out from under the Council’s thumb that you’d be up for the retro thing. I was honestly expecting you’d be dressed for the eighties without any of the actual eighties part.”

“Don’t want to hurt that bird Aria’s chance of gettin’ out of this mess in one piece.” Spike hid a smile as he bent down to attach the Grundy’s leash to her collar. He didn’t want to admit out loud that he’d wanted to make Buffy happy and if dressing up like some berk on this trip would accomplish that, he’d do it in a New York minute.

“Besides, I’m not plannin’ on anythin’ more than just different jeans and a couple of shirts.”

“That works for me. I just don’t want to do the whole dress up thing solo.” Buffy continued to examine the hyper Grundy with a critical eye. Something was missing. “Spike, where’s her bow?”

“No bloody clue. She wasn’t wearin’ it when I finished dressin’.” Spike caught the smug expression that crossed the Grundy’s face. “Lost it huh? Don’t think it’s quite that easy.”

He looked over at Buffy. She was combing the Grundy’s furry tail. “We’re going to have to mount a search, she’s hidden it somewhere.”

“That’s okay; I’ve got something else for her anyway.”

Spike chuckled at the Grundy’s crestfallen expression. “Told you so. If we’ve got to look stupid, so do you. Remember, the quicker we get dressed and movin’, the faster we all get to eat. A little word to the wise, luv. If you follow the program, I’d bet the Slayer will make sure you get some of the ship’s fancy wood for dessert.”

The Grundy drooled. This floating town did have very tasty snacks. She supposed she could deal with the uncomfortable stuff tied in her hair. After all, it was their mission. And besides, wood.

Buffy came back in the room carrying a length of blue ribbon that matched her skirt. “I think we should carry weapons tonight, too. I feel odd without even a knife.”

“Sounds like a good idea, especially if we find that Aria bird and there’s trouble.”

Catching Empress’ eye, Spike spoke clearly. “Empress,reveal- first save.”

The Grundy obediently unhinged her jaw as she dropped her head. Since her first attempts at safeguarding items, Empress had been taught how to control what dropped out when. She’d been shown what comprised each grouping, or ‘save’ and obediently allowed two knives to drop to the floor. She rehinged her jaw and looked up, tail wagging.

“That’s my good girl,” Spike murmured while tucking away the small knife.

Buffy kneeled down and looked the Grundy straight in the eye. “This is part of our disguise Empress. It needs to remain on.” Empress instantly stilled.

Spike hid a smile behind his hand.

Buffy tied the ribbon around the Grundy’s ears at a jaunty angle, finishing with a large, full bow. “Now you match with us, sweetie. What a good girl. Did you see how still she stood, Spike? I think that deserves a treat after dinner. ”

He nodded solemnly. “She was very good.” When Buffy reached down to pick up her knife, Spike winked at the Grundy. She winked back.

Empress danced around Buffy’s legs, crooning softly. Now she really wanted to get moving, there was dinner and wood in the offing and maybe bad guys to destroy. Besides the faster they located their objective, the sooner the dumb bow could be enjoyably shredded.

“Okay, let’s go.”

“I think you mean ‘let’s book’, don’t you, pet?”

“Damn skippy.”

“I’m impressed Slayer.”

“Why? Can’t a girl do her homework and be completely prepared for an assignment?”

“Willow looked up slang terms for you, didn’t she?”

“Well, yeah. But I memorized a few of them. That counts.”

“That it does, pet, that it does.” Spike followed her to the door. “So what others did she give you?”

“You’ll see when I insert them appropriately into the conversation.”

Spike watched Buffy lean over to pick up the Grundy’s leash. “Wearin’ that outfit, every straight man in the room is goin’ to be thinking of appropriate insertion.”

Throwing her hair back, she grinned at the joke. “Then it’s probably a good thing I’ve got a gorgeous boyfriend on one side and a Grundy on the other.”

“Gorgeous, eh?”

Buffy rolled her eyes at the smirking male. “Now don’t go getting a swollen head.”

Spike grinned at the blonde’s unintended double entendre and followed her and the Grundy to the door. Watching you walking around all night in those clothes? Impossible request, pet.

He subtly shifted his tight jeans and concentrated on dinner.

*****

“So, what did you think of the meal?” Buffy waited while Spike picked up the little demon before walking out of the dining area. Empress was so stuffed she could barely waddle. It was probably a good thing they’d removed some of their weapons earlier. Physics dictated that there just couldn’t be much extra room inside the Grundy with everything she’d eaten tonight.

“The blood fountains were a bit over the top, but the demon bint was right about their freshness, and my steak was pleasantly undercooked, so I’d give it a good review.”

Besides I was sitting next to my two favorite girls. That made it perfect.

“Me, too. The fettuccine actually had a decent sauce. Considering the caliber of employees we’ve run into so far, it was surprising that the waiter was so efficient, although I didn’t know the names of some of those dishes, especially the desserts.”

“I think they were mostly demon.”

“That’s what I thought, too, so I stayed away from them. It was nice that Empress was allowed to sit in a chair at the table. I was surprised when they offered her three different types of dog food and two types of imported wood for dessert.”

She smirked at the little demon. “Although not as much as when she actually ate all of it. Up until tonight I was fairly sure we had a Grundy with us, but I think it’s possible that she’s actually a pig in a fur and scale suit.”

With great effort, Empress raised her head and sniffed.

Lowering her voice, Buffy asked, “I wonder how many of the Grundies we saw in there tonight are carrying weapons?”

“Lookin’ at that crowd, I think it’s all about guardin’ expensive jewelry.”

“I sure hope so.”

Walking into the library, they found Xander and Willow hunched over the computer screen.

“Hi Willow, we’re back. Hey Xander.”

“Wow, you both look like you’re ready to be interviewed by Martha Quinn for one of those classics shows.”

Buffy struck a pose and giggled. “We’re definitely VH-1 Classic tonight.”

Xander peered at the little demon still lolling in Spike’s arms. “Empress, you look really really round.” He looked quizzically at the couple. “What’s wrong with her?”

“Too much dinner and waaay too much dessert.”

Xander nodded sagely. “The food’s the only decent thing here. Just don’t order anything called ‘Mariner’s Delight’. I assure you from personal experience, it’s anything but delightful.”

“The waving tentacles definitely make it less delight and more ooh,” added Willow.

Buffy grimaced. “Since I enjoy my food the most when it lies quietly on the plate, I’ll remember that. So what did you guys find out? Is it a big nothing or a something?”

“How about a medium something?”

“Okay, so what exactly does that mean exactly? Willow?”

“The symbol on the employee’s wrist belongs to a demonic religious sect from the middle ages known as the ‘Followers of Hothis’.”

“Are they a problem?”

“That’s just it; I have no idea. The members of the sect are supposed to be pious. Their main tenet is belief in a supreme being, Hothis, who will lead them to a new homeland. They get those tattoos after a year as an acolyte and completion of a final grueling initiation ceremony, so any member with that tat would be the real deal.”

“What’s wrong with the homeland they’ve got now? And why would some of them be on the ship?”

“That’s the part that’s a little murky, although they don’t have a homeland right now; the sect has been nomadic for decades. But as a rule, they all travel everywhere together and there are well over four hundred members. So why there are just a couple onboard, your guess is as good as mine.” Willow sighed. “I’m sorry that’s all I could find with these resources.”

“We don’t know how many are actually onboard either. There might be more among the employees.”

“Buff, having spent many non-quality hours with the bar and wait staff I can say with certainty that unless the Hothis are heavy drinkers and nonstop complainers, none of my fellow coworkers qualify.”

Xander indicated the short sleeves on his uniform. “Not to mention that not one of them has a tattoo like that. I would have noticed, especially when they pass out drunk after their shifts and I have to drag them away from the bar by various appendages- and I do mean appendages.”

“Not everyone wears the same uniform. The wanker that tried to get in our cabin earlier had long sleeves. I didn’t notice the tat until I started to help him see the error of his ways.”

Spike set the protesting Grundy on her feet as Willow nodded thoughtfully. “That’s true. Various sections have different uniforms, and some of us don’t wear one at all.”

“Xan, go ahead and make a few inquiries among the workers anyway, find out if anyone has noticed any Hothis onboard, either as employees or guests.”

“Will do. I’ll ask around once they’re drunk again. I guarantee they won’t remember any questions in the morning. ” Xander looked excited at the prospect. He’d scored a secret mission!

Willow opened another screen. “I’m going to email Giles and see if either he or the Council can come up with any more information.”

“That’s a good idea, but be discrete. We don’t know if anyone is reading the email.” The Slayer rose. “They don’t sound like a problem, but we need to make sure.” She glanced at her watch. “I guess at this point Spike and I go desperately seeking Aria.”

Spike looked amused. “I bet you’ve been waitin’ all evenin’ to say that one.”

“Well, yeah. I still haven’t worked in the last one though.”

“Which is?”

“Gag me with a spoon.”

“That one’s easy. Just ask for anythin’ from the late night dessert menu.”

She grinned and reached down for the Grundy’s leash. “Come on Forrest, it’s time to hand out some chocolates.”

He fell in step beside her and scowled. “I told you, don’t call me Forrest.”

****

Roc cracked the cabin door and peered down the hall. Empty. He slipped out, relocking the door with his master key card. Satisfied that no one had noticed, he hurried toward the stairs. Arriving at his destination, he opened another door and slipped inside where Zahn waited impatiently.

“Well, what did you discover?”

“Their luggage is full of nothing but clothing for the trip and not much more, although there are a couple things that don’t add up.”

“Such as?”

“For one thing, they have very inexpensive luggage. The vampire is using completely worn out Samsonite that looks like it belongs in a dump and an army surplus duffle bag. The girl has some moderate priced luggage that was sold several years ago. It’s just odd. Not to mention the clothes they wore on board are very inexpensive for “A” guests.”

“That’s it? Perhaps they’re just thrifty. It would certainly be surprising, but not completely unheard of. Is there anything else?”

“Not at this time.”

“I’ll have Savana keep an eye on them. You’ve told me enough for a niggle of doubt and we have to be certain there’s no one on board that will interfere with our plans. I may need to check them out personally, especially the girl.”

****

Opening the door to the ship’s casino, Buffy tried to adjust her eyes to the nearly total darkness and her ears to the old school heavy metal blasting loud enough to shake the walls. Obviously demons preferred losing their money accompanied by the sound of wailing guitars and dual drum kits. Wishing for a decent set of ear plugs to cut off Black Sabbath screaming from speakers directly above her head, Buffy squinted through the gloom to read a large notice posted inside the door warning that she’d just entered a magicks- free zone.

The cruise line doesn’t trust their demonic customers not to cheat. Huh. Imagine that.

Glancing around the room, she wondered how they could possibly enforce their rule when the only employee present was an elderly white haired demon. Feet propped on the counter, he sat in the change cage with eyes closed and ear buds firmly in place, wearing a derby and a beatific expression. Buffy tried to decide whether it was his choice of music or total neglect of the guests that made him so serene in the midst of all the chaos. Probably both.

I wonder what he’s got recorded in there. White noise? Gregorian Chants? Squirrel Nut Zippers?

She rapidly walked the casino floor, scanning the faces hunched over each machine. Staring intently into brightly lit monitors, the gamblers paid no attention to her at all. They were too busy expecting a complete row of cherries or a straight flush to show up on their very next pull.

Other than tinglies when she strolled by a group of vampires steadily losing at Black Jack, Buffy didn’t notice anything worthwhile. No Aria. Disappointed she headed back toward the door.

Oh well, I knew the idea was a gamble.

Giggling at her pun, she closed the heavy sound proof door with a happy sigh, sealing inside both Ozzie’s wail about blood on the walls and the myopic demon gamblers.

She looked for a good spot to wait for Spike. While she searched the casino, he’d agreed to take sleepy Empress back to their room for a nap until after the activities. They’d both agreed it was a good idea to get a feel for the types of things they’d be required to do before introducing the hyper, sometimes stubborn Grundy to the mix. Empress didn’t always play well with others unless she chose the game.

Restlessly tapping her foot, Buffy waited for Spike to make his way back across the ship. After another five minutes, she decided to continue searching the area around the casino and headed for the next door.

Double French doors opened into an enormous space with a soaring ceiling painted sky blue. White walls decorated with vibrant splashes of color made everything feel bright and airy. Piped through a quality sound system at a discrete volume, Celia Cruz and Tito Puente sang a duet backed by a talented steel drum band.

Several large paddle ceiling fans lazily moved sandlewood scented air, while sharing the ceiling with four large, yellow cages. Perched within each cage, live multicolored parrots watched the shoppers below. Buffy watched one parrot preen his feathers while another dipped his curved beak into a dish of seeds.

Entranced, she surveyed the room, trying to take in everything at once. Tagged items hanging from walls competed with merchandise artfully arrayed on painted wooden shelves. Floor to ceiling displays of herbs, candles and various other spell components filled one entire wall. Another wall of shelves held jars of various sizes and baskets piled high with foreign objects. Reading one of the signs, the Slayer realized it was imported demon foodstuffs.

Moving away from the strange edibles, she noticed the barrel of imported wood and made a mental note to come back and pick some up for Empress. Casting her eyes across the store, she also realized various things within the store had been magicked. A spinner rack of sunglasses spun automatically when a customer stopped to browse and a hand mirror appeared for the convenience of a customer who’d chosen a multi-colored silk scarf. The mirror steadily hovered in the air above the display table while the woman examined the vivid scarf draped around her neck.

This place is a cross between Kingston Jamaica and Diagon Alley.

Turning around Buffy nearly tripped over a small four tiered shelf weighted down with chains, manacles, studded collars and various weapons. She ran an appreciative finger along the blade of a long knife.

On the other side of a table full of delicate conch shells, she discovered a rack that held several vintage gowns. Carefully sliding the hangers across the rack, Buffy sucked in a breath. In front of her was the most stunning velvet gown she’d ever seen in her life.

“Hi Buffy.” Anya walked up and smiled at her friend holding the dress in front of her, staring into the full length mirror that had immediately appeared.

Turning over the price tag, Buffy reluctantly put the wine colored dress back on the rack. The mirror vanished.

Anya gently fingered the velvet. “These dresses are very expensive, although that one certainly complements your skin tone and hair and that style would be perfect, too. Are you here shopping for a dress or looking for me?”

“Hi Anya. I do need something to wear to that final dance if I decide to go, but it definitely won’t be this dress. I could afford it if I didn’t need to eat for the next six or seven years. Actually, I didn’t realize this was a store until I’d walked in here. I’m still looking for our contact.”

The ex-vengeance demon nodded. “I see. Well you’re right, you’ve entered the ship’s store where I and my co-workers toil for minimum wage while the supervisor receives much more compensation and toils far less. It is an extremely inequitable system. She can’t even keep the books straight. It pains me to watch her inadequate attempts at double entry accounting. I fear for the store’s bottom line.”

“Oh.” Buffy said faintly. She never understood half of what Anya complained about at the Magic Box, so she figured she was looking at about twenty percent aboard the ship.

Anya lowered her voice. “I haven’t seen her in here. She must not be a power shopper. Xander stopped by a few minutes ago and told me about the demon sect you’re interested in. I actually know a little about the Hothis. If you can wait a minute, I’ll tell you.”

At Buffy’s nod, Anya looked around briefly. “Bela?”

She’d called to a slightly orange woman with a beribboned horn in the middle of her forehead. Balancing on the top rung of a ladder, she was restocking a shelf with small glass boxes teeming with tiny eight legged creatures that resembled cowrie shells.

Buffy watched the creatures attempt to climb the smooth sides of a box, only to slide back to the bottom frustrated. Stoically, they made the attempt again with the same result. She wondered at the store’s logic of stocking them on such a high shelf. If they ever discovered that they could stand on each other to climb out the open top, they’d immediately fall on everyone standing below. Shuddering, she made the decision not to linger near that particular set of shelves. Ever.

Anya waited patiently until the sales woman finished stuffing the last box on the shelf before speaking to her again. “Bela, I’m taking my ten now.”

“Fine by me,” Bela agreed, nodding at Anya.

Mesmerized, Buffy watched the brightly colored ribbons tied to the demon’s horn bobble up and down along with the motion of her head. They matched the woman’s dress perfectly. She idly wondered if Bela had chosen her accessories based on clothing ideas shown in some demonic high fashion magazine. Remember dear readers, matching horn accents to your dress is this year’s style winner!

Anya steered Buffy to a bench in the corner of the wide hall and glanced carefully around before speaking. “When I was still a vengeance demon, I had a close friend that joined the Hothis sect. She wanted to join because they were strict vegetarians who disavowed material goods, didn’t imbibe alcohol or have sex. I think their ideas appealed to her after hundreds of years watching carnage caused by all of those things on a daily basis.

Except for the vegetarian part, we never got vengeance calls due to vegetables. Although I do recall after the turn of the century there was this one very graphic wish caused by fried okra and a ladle.”

“Anya, forget about vegetables and the uh, ladle. Tell me more about the Hothis.”

“Right. Well, I don’t think they’d really be a threat to anyone, unless you got in the way of their quest. It’s terribly important to them.”

“Quest? What kind of quest?”

“It’s really two quests combined into one. You know, like that commercial for Orbit breath mints that Xander likes with the hot British girl that becomes covered in mud? I’ve decided to meet him at the door some night covered completely in mud. It would probably make for ‘fabulous’ sex, although I can’t really decide if it’s the mud or the accent. I’m hoping it’s the mud, I’m not good with accents.”

“Anya, the quest?” Buffy tried to keep the impatience out of her voice while she scrubbed that visual out of her head.

Anya looked around briefly again. “Okay. First of all, they’re searching for the reincarnation of Ba’an Hothis, their murdered leader from the banishment time and secondly, they want to go back to Samshara, which is their original homeland. They consider it to be heaven on earth.”

Buffy waited while Anya glanced over her shoulder again. She realized Xander had coached her on proper spy behavior. “Anya, its okay, no one’s watching us. Go ahead and finish your story. Please.”

“I visited my friend once after she’d joined the sect and she couldn’t seem to talk about anything else. It was an extremely boring visit, all except for the cucumber sandwiches. Those were excellent, very sweet and crunchy. I don’t think I’ve ever had any that good since. The Hothis certainly do know their veggies. Aside from that, my friend had become very intense, very focused on the quest. I didn’t visit after the one time, I don’t enjoy cucumber sandwiches that much.”

“Do you have any idea why some of them might be working on the ship?”

“Well, it could be because Samshara is supposed to be an island.”

Buffy mouth dropped. “Are you telling me that they think they’ll find their homeland by riding around on this cruise ship?”

Anya shrugged. “I have no idea. Why don’t you ask one of them? My friend was open about her beliefs. Very boring, but open.”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. The two that we’ve encountered don’t seem the open type, more of the pushy, sneaky type, although I haven’t seen any evidence that they’d try to keep us from returning the bracelet. Besides, none of us has a clue how to find their homeland and I doubt very much that Aria Demaris does either.”

“Well, it’s your decision. After all, you’re team leader.”

“Huh?”

“Xander explained that when spies work together undercover on a case, there’s always a team leader. You’re our team leader. I believe you’re supposed to have some sort of code name, like alpha one.” Anya glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get back to work so I can earn seven more dollars, which will actually turn out to be a dollar ninety after all the taxes and my employee lunch expenditure has been deducted. I’ll see you later Buffy. Give some thought to that code name. According to Xander, it’s vitally important if our mission is to be successful.”

Buffy watched Anya glance once more over her shoulder before entering the store. Her head swirling with Anya’s information, she replied belatedly. “I’ll think about it.”

A cool hand was placed on her shoulder. “Think about what pet?”

Buffy looked up. “A code name.” At Spike’s raised eyebrow, she roused herself and filled him in on the conversation with Anya, ending with her decision to leave the demon sect alone for now. “I don’t think we’ve really even made an impression. It’s just typical demon rudeness, nothing else.”

Spike lit a cigarette. He liked the Malfeasance’s obvious aversion to enforcing clean air rules. Passengers smoked anywhere and everywhere while dirty ashtrays filled every nook and cranny. He snapped his lighter shut. “On the contrary, I think we’ve made a definite impression.”

“What do you mean?”

“Someone didn’t take into consideration the heightened senses of either a vampire or a Grundy. That bloody steward came back while we were at dinner and searched every inch of our cabin. His scent is all over the place. Empress had a fit. It was all I could do to keep her from rushin’ out to find him.” Spike blew a smoke ring. “In fact, if we didn’t have to make an appearance up on deck to keep from blowin’ our cover, I would have taken her myself.”





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