Spike was silent for so long that Buffy started to fear that she had gone too far. She lowered her eyes, suddenly feeling very stupid. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked...”
“No, s’okay.” Spike interrupted her, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Can’t blame you for wondering. It’s just...” He hesitated. “All right, look... It’s a long story, and it’s not pretty. But if you’re sure you wanna hear it...” He left the rest of the sentence hanging.
Buffy nodded, eagerly. “I do.”
“Right, then.” Spike paused. “There’s another bottle of wine in the fridge. Mind getting it, and wait for me in the living room? Just need to check on Billy, then we’ll talk, yeah?”
Letting out a sigh of relief, she nodded again, giving him a small smile. “Sure.”
Hurrying up the stairs, Spike knocked softly on Billy’s door, silently promising himself not to lose his temper again, no matter what happened. Sometimes, it seemed like not a single day went by without at least one huge argument, and he was sick and tired of it. He had tried, again and again, to be a good father and make up for his mistakes. But for some reason, no matter what he did, it was just never enough.
When more than a minute had passed without any response from Billy’s room, Spike rolled his eyes and opened the door, peeking inside. “Billy?”
The boy was lying on the bed, now turning to look at his father with a bored expression on his face. “What?”
“You okay?” Spike slowly made his way over to the bed, hesitating for a brief moment before sitting down.
Sitting up, abruptly, Billy glared at him. “What do you care?”
Spike took a deep breath, refusing to take the bait and snap back. “You know I care, so don’t give me that crap. I didn’t come here to argue, I just wanna talk to you.”
Lowering his eyes to the floor, Billy was quiet for a moment. Then he looked up again. “Talk about what?”
“Well...” Spike glanced at his son. “Buffy says you can stay with her when I go to LA.”
Billy got a hopeful look on his face. “Really?”
Spike nodded. “Yeah. But you better not...” He stopped, not wanting to use the phrase ‘cause any trouble’. I really need to learn to be a little more positive, he thought.
Even though he hadn’t finished the sentence, Billy seemed to understand perfectly well what he meant. “I’ll be good.”
“All right, then.”
Spike got up from the bed, about to leave, when Billy suddenly spoke up; “Do you like Buffy?”
Eyes widening, Spike stared at his son. “Do I... what?” Billy just looked at him, an expectant expression on his face, and Spike cleared his throat. “What do you mean, like?”
Billy rolled his eyes. “Buffy said the same thing. Why is it so hard for grown-ups to admit that they like each other?”
If possible, Spike’s eyes widened even more. “Buffy said...? Wait a minute. What exactly did you and Buffy talk about?”
The boy shrugged. “I asked her if she liked you. She got embarrassed.”
“Oh, bloody hell!” Spike got a horrified look on his face. “Billy, you can’t just go around asking people stuff like that! What were you thinking?!”
“What’s the big deal?” Billy looked confused. “I told her you liked her, as well.”
Spike’s mouth opened, then closed again. He was silent for a moment. “Please, tell me you’re joking.” Billy shook his head. “Great! Just... great.”
“Well, don’t you?” Billy suddenly looked uncertain. “Buffy’s nice. And she’s lives all alone. If you got together, she could move in here.”
Staring at his son in disbelief, Spike let out a groan. “Oh, bollocks! Don’t you ever, and I mean ever mention any of this to Buffy. Ever! You’d scare her away for sure.”
Billy was quiet for a moment. Then he asked; “Are you and Mum gonna get back together?”
“What?” Spike stared at him in shock. “No! Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know.” Billy suddenly wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Maybe she doesn’t wanna sign the divorce papers. What if she wants us to come back?”
“Not gonna happen!” Spike let out a snort. “Look, Billy, it doesn’t matter what she wants. Our home is here now. And your mum’s not gonna be a part of our lives anymore. Do you understand?”
Billy didn’t look totally convinced, but nodded, nevertheless. He got a thoughtful look on his face. “Can I get a divorce, too? I mean, you’re getting a divorce so Mum won’t be your wife anymore. Can’t I sign a paper so she won’t be my mum?”
Spike closed his eyes for a moment, suddenly feeling very tired. He sighed. “Doesn’t work like that. She’s always gonna be your mum; no paper’s gonna change that.”
Thinking about it for a moment, Billy then changed the subject. “Buffy still here?”
“Yeah.” Spike hesitated. “That’s another thing I wanna talk to you about. Buffy asked me about your mum before I went up here. I’m gonna try to explain some things to her. About what happened in LA.”
Billy looked surprised. “You gonna tell Buffy what Mum did?”
“I am.” Spike paused. “You okay with that?” The boy got a thoughtful look on his face, then nodded. Spike let out the breath he had been holding. He didn’t exactly look forward to having that particular conversation with Buffy, but knew that he needed to be honest with her. Of course, there was a possibility that she wouldn’t like him very much after hearing what he had to say. But that was a risk he would have to take.
He wondered, and not for the first time, why his life had to be so bloody complicated. Then again, if it was hard for him, it had to be even worse for Billy. He was just a kid, and shouldn’t have to worry about things like divorce papers. Spike had tried to be frank with the boy from the beginning, and explain what was going to happen, but sometimes he wondered if Billy wouldn’t have been better off not knowing.
It seemed simple enough; no kid should have to deal with their parents problems. But on the other hand, unfortunately, Billy had been aware of what was going on for a long time. It was Spike who had been oblivious, and Billy had been the one to pay the price. Thinking back now, Spike realized that he should’ve seen what was happening right in front of him. But it had been so much easier to just keep living in denial. However, the bubble always had to burst sooner or later. And no matter how far you would run, it was just not possible to escape from the past.
And now, Buffy was waiting for him downstairs, waiting for him to reveal things that he just wanted to forget. For the first time, he was actually going to share the whole, tragic story with another person. Suddenly, he couldn’t help but wonder how he would ever be able to look Buffy in the eyes again after telling her. For all he knew, it was quite possible that she would end up hating him. And he couldn’t blame her. After everything that had happened, Spike didn’t like himself very much, either.
TBC