”Buffy?”
“In here.” Spike peeked into the room and found Buffy sitting on the floor, her back resting against the side of Billy’s bed and her head leaning back on the mattress. He raised a brow and she tried to smile, although it came out more like a grimace. “I didn’t wanna leave him,” she explained in a low voice.
Instead of answering, Spike slowly made his way over to the bed and slumped down on the floor next to Buffy. He glanced at Billy, who was lying quietly on his side under the covers. “He asleep?”
Casting a glance at the boy as well, Buffy nodded. “Not very deep, though.” She hesitated. “Wanna go downstairs?”
Spike shook his head. “Don’t wanna leave him, either.” She nodded in understanding. For a moment, they just sat there in silence.
Finally Buffy spoke up, quietly; “Are you okay?” He opened his mouth, but she cut him off, rolling her eyes; “Pretty stupid question, I know.” She watched him for a moment, then put her hand on top of his. “Wanna talk about what happened at the police station?”
Shrugging, Spike laced his fingers through hers, watching their entwined hands. “Not much to talk about. Asked me all these questions, and then told me to go home.”
“Is she...?” Buffy lowered her eyes to the floor, not sure how to ask the next question. “Drusilla, I mean. Is she...?”
He nodded, fully aware of what she was asking. “Dead even before the paramedics got here. Heard one of the cops say her neck was broken.”
“I’m sorry.” Spike looked at her. Buffy shrugged, blinking away tears. “She was your wife. And Billy’s...” For some reason, she couldn’t finish the sentence.
Spike cast a brief look at his son to make sure he was still asleep. Then he let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah. Some mum she turned out to be.” A pause. “Well, if he didn’t hate me before...”
“What?” Buffy interrupted him, an incredulous expression on her face. “What are you talking about? Billy doesn’t hate you. He loves you!”
“Promised myself I’d never let him get hurt again.” Spike looked away as he went on; “If Dru would’ve taken him, or if he’d slipped up there...” His voice cracked and he was unable to continue.
“Spike, please...” She gave his hand a squeeze. “It’s over. Billy’s fine. You saved him, remember?”
“Right.” He let out a miserable sigh. “Never should’ve left here in the first place. Then none of this would’ve happened.”
Buffy ran her hand softly up and down his arm. “Sweetie, you didn’t have much of a choice; you had to go. Not like you actually wanted to.”
“Damn right I didn’t.” Spike snorted. “Could’ve handled things better, though. Should’ve known she’d never sign those bloody papers. If I’d just let the lawyers deal with...”
“Don’t do this.” She gave him a pleading look, the sympathy written all over her face and her hand still caressing his arm, soothingly. “Spike, you can’t blame yourself for what happened. You couldn’t possibly have known Drusilla would lure that idiot into sneaking her out of the hospital and coming all the way here.”
She paused as a thought occurred to her. “By the way, what’s gonna happen to him? Please tell me they’ll lock him up for good! Jail or an institution, I really don’t care which. Just as long as they’ll keep him where he’ll never be able to hurt anyone again.”
“Good idea. Wouldn’t count on it.” Spike rolled his eyes. “Cops arrested him, but I doubt they’ve got enough on him to keep him very long. Bet he’ll be a free man again by morning.”
Buffy shook her head, angrily. “That’s crazy!”
“Bloody right it is.” Spike nodded in agreement. Then his shoulders slumped and he gave her an apologetic look. “How’re you holding up, luv? Never even asked. I’m sorry.”
“I’m fine.” She rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Maybe ‘fine’ was a bit of an overstatement, considering how she still hadn’t been able to quite stop shaking, but she thought she was getting there. At least she felt a whole lot better now that Spike was back.
She realized a part of her had to still be in shock, and that it would probably take some time for her mind to fully take in everything that had happened. But right now, she didn’t want to think about it. Billy was safe, and Spike was back. They were together again, all three of them, and for the moment, that was all that mattered. Any deeper thoughts right now would probably drive her crazy.
“I love you.” She pulled back a little, giving him a surprised look. Her heart started beating faster when she saw the serious expression on his face. Spike stared her right in the eyes, although he suddenly looked more vulnerable than she had ever seen him before. “Just wanted you to know that.”
“I do,” Buffy hurried to assure him, knowing as soon as the words were out of her mouth that it was the truth. Smiling almost shyly, she quickly added; “I love you, too.” And she meant it, from the bottom of her heart. Never before had she felt such a strong connection to another person. It was all new to her. And suddenly, she wondered how she had ever survived this long without it.
Their lips met in a soft, tender kiss. Although they quickly pulled away from each other when Billy stirred on the bed. “Dad?”
Spike jumped up from the floor, carefully sitting down on the bed, next to his son. “Right here, buddy. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
Billy sat up, appearing to be slightly disoriented, and looked around. “Buffy still here?”
She got up as well, failing to hold back a yawn. “Yup. Think I’ll go to bed now, though. Feel like I haven’t slept for a year.” Of course, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to go to sleep tonight, unless Spike would join her, but Billy didn’t need to hear that.
The boy gave her a strange look. “You gonna sleep in the bed? In Dad’s room?”
Buffy’s eyes widened in alarm and she cast a helpless look at Spike, who seemed to be just about as lost as her. “Um... Yeah?”
Billy looked from his father to Buffy, and she could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he was putting two and two together. “And where’s Dad gonna sleep?”
“He... I don’t... We...” Buffy stuttered, her face turning bright red. “He’s your son - you explain it to him!” she finally blurted out before rushing out of the room, beyond embarrassed.
Spike was quiet for a moment, watching Billy in silence. The realization how close he had come to losing his only son was starting to hit him, and suddenly, he just wanted to break down and cry. Instead he took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay strong.
Billy tilted his head to the side, a somewhat curious look on his face. “You and Buffy in love yet?”
Not able to stop himself, Spike let out a humorless chuckle. After everything that had happened, that was the first thing Billy wanted to know. Deciding to be honest, he nodded. “Yeah. We are. You okay with that?”
“M-hm.” Billy nodded as well. “You gonna get married? Are we moving in with Buffy, or is she...?”
“All right, hold it...” Spike raised his hand to stop him. “We’ll deal with that later, yeah? Right now, we need to talk about what happened here tonight.”
Billy’s face darkened as understanding hit him, and he lowered his eyes. “Is Mum dead now?”
Closing his eyes for a moment, Spike silently cursed the unfairness of it all. A ten-year-old boy shouldn’t have to go through any of this. And they sure as hell shouldn’t be forced to have this conversation. Still, lying wasn’t an option. “Yes.”
“That’s good.” Billy raised his head. “Then she won’t come back.” At a loss for how to respond to that, Spike just nodded, numbly. The boy went on; “Not going away again, are you?”
Swallowing hard, Spike shook his head. “Not going anywhere.” He didn’t miss the relieved look on Billy’s face, and got the sudden urge to leave the room and smash something. Mixed emotions were welling up inside him; relief, guilt, frustration, and he had no idea how to deal with it.
Oblivious to his father’s inner struggle, Billy continued, suddenly looking worried; “You mad at me?”
“What?” Spike snapped out of his troubled thoughts and stared at his son in disbelief. “”Why the bloody hell would I...?!” He stopped himself, rolling his eyes. “Why would I be mad at you? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I lied.” Billy looked down at his hands, clearly ashamed. “Mum wanted us to jump together. Said I’d do it. But I didn’t mean it.”
“Fuck!” Spike’s eyes widened in shock. Suddenly he felt like he was going to be sick, wondering how long it would take – if ever – for Billy to truly get over what happened up on the roof. Also, the boy’s reaction to it all was seriously starting to worry him. He didn’t seem eager to let any real feelings out any time soon, and Spike didn’t know what to do about it.
At the same time, he knew this was not something he could run away from, hoping it would all disappear. It was time for him to start acting like a father and actually listen to his son, whether Billy was actually interested in talking to him or not. No matter how difficult and awkward it would be.
“No, m’not mad at you. Course not.” Spike struggled furiously against the tears, determined not to start bawling in front of the boy. It was just so bloody hard. How was he supposed to explain to Billy that lying at that point had probably been the smartest thing he could do? He probably wouldn’t understand. Hell, he shouldn’t even have to understand.
“All right, look...” Spike hesitated for a moment. Billy remained silent, waiting patiently for him to go on, although he had to blink to keep his eyes open and it was obvious that he was exhausted. Spike couldn’t really blame him, being about to drop himself, and he could only imagine how Billy must be feeling.
Still, he didn’t want to wait until morning. For some reason, he felt an almost desperate need to finally clear the air between them, once and for all. And judging by the way Billy kept waiting expectantly, without objection, he felt the same way.
TBC