Buffy was sitting on the couch in her parents' house in Sunnydale with some random courtroom drama playing on the television. It would have seemed like a fairly ordinary Monday evening if this was a year or so ago. Instead, Buffy was only a guest in this house, and tomorrow morning she would be attending her mother's funeral. It was all so surreal. She remembered her mother complaining that she had a bit of a headache the previous week, but Buffy never would have dreamed that it would end in a ruptured brain aneurysm. Had they been missing the symptoms all along? Should she have known? If her father had been around a little bit more, would he have noticed something was wrong...would he have cared? Buffy had stopped crying after her second day in Sunnydale. She felt so...detached from everything. She kept trying to reason it all out in her head, but nothing seemed to make sense anymore. The ringing doorbell pulled Buffy from her thoughts. She dragged herself off the couch and trudged over to the door. Opening it, she found Faith and Anya standing on her front porch with matching sympathetic grins.
"Hey, Buff, how are you doing?"
Buffy sighed, "I'm fine, Anya. I'm just...I guess I'm doing as well as can be expected. I'm all cried out, I think." She moved aside and gestured for the girls to come into the house. They picked up their bags and stepped into the foyer.
"B, we weren't sure if you'd want us to stay here or not. We can get a hotel room. You and your dad probably—"
"My dad's not here, Faith. I was lucky that he took the time to pick me up at the airport and drive me to Sunnydale. He turned around and drove back to LA as soon as he dropped me off. Left me to figure out all the arrangements. He didn't even show up this weekend."
Faith reached out and gave Buffy's arm a squeeze, "That's rough, B. He's probably just having a hard time of it."
"I guess," she shrugged, "I just wish he would have stuck around a little longer." Sighing deeply, she waived her hand towards the stairs, "Come on up to the guest room and sit your bags down." They followed Buffy up the stairs to a large bedroom with twin beds at either side.
Anya sat her suitcase down on one of the beds and turned back towards Buffy with an uneasy expression. "Buffy, I should probably tell you...I told Spike about your mother."
Buffy's eyes opened wide and her mouth dropped open, "What?! When?!"
"He called the pub on Saturday. I thought he knew, Buffy." Anya gave her a frustrated look, "I didn't mean to just spring it on him like that. You said you told him. I was so rude to him at first, I thought he'd abandoned you."
Taking shallow breaths, Buffy asked, "What did he say?"
Anya snorted, "Nothing for about a minute. Then, he just hurriedly got off the phone. He told me that he hadn't been able to reach you."
"Yeah, I just couldn't deal with anyone right then, but he hasn't left a message since Saturday." She ran her hands over her face.
Anya looked at her sharply, "What? He didn't call you after I talked to him?"
"Guess not," Buffy looked down, "I mean...I'm sure he's really busy...or maybe...maybe he's mad that I didn't tell him."
Shaking her head, Anya huffed, "Well, if he's mad at you, then he's a total jackass. I really can't believe he hasn't called since I told him that your mom...since I told him what happened. Buffy, why didn't you tell him before he left?"
"I don't know." She took a breath and shrugged. "It hadn't really sunk in yet, I guess. And he'd just been so excited about the whole awards thingie with his dad. It's like a really big deal."
Anya regarded her incredulously, "Buffy, this is a really big deal. Didn't you think he'd want to know?"
Faith put a hand on Anya's shoulder. "Look, he knows now, and B can't go back in time and do things differently, so let's stop over-analyzing the situation. I'm sure the professor will come through. He's probably just taking a little time to absorb what he was told." Faith smiled at Buffy, "So, you got ice-cream in the fridge, B?"
Buffy nodded, "Yeah."
"Great! We brought some chick flicks. Anya here told me that whenever you're feeling down, you break out the ice-cream and romantic comedies, and it helps you feel better."
Buffy gave them a sad smile, "I don't know if that will work this time, guys."
"Yeah, but it won't hurt to try." Faith put an arm around Buffy's shoulders and steered her towards the stairs with Anya following close behind.
Glancing at the clock again, Buffy noted that it was already 1am. She had been rolling around in bed for the last two hours. The funeral was at 10am. She had elected to have only a graveside ceremony, and she wanted to make it out to the burial site by 9:30am. After the funeral, her friends and family were invited to come to her parents' house and help her eat the many casseroles that had been dropped off over the weekend. Willow and Tara were supposed to be arriving on an early flight and would most likely go directly to the funeral. All of the girls, except for Buffy, would be flying back out to New York on the evening flight. She was thankful that they all wanted to be there to support her, but she had insisted they get back to their regular lives as soon as possible. Buffy would be returning to the city on Thursday. Then, only another week until Spike returned. Spike. Buffy had tried to force him to the back of her mind as much as possible. She knew that if she thought about him for very long, she would realize how desperately she wanted him by her side. She found it was much safer living in denial. Though, right then, she couldn't help but think of him. She was sure that if she was wrapped up in his arms, she could finally get some sleep. God, I miss him. She sighed and rolled over onto her stomach, clutching her stuffed pig. You'll have to do for now, Mr. Gordo. Before she knew it, the alarm was going off signaling it was time to start her day. Buffy rolled over and turned it off. After taking a moment to gather herself, she got out of bed and began the process of preparing herself for the funeral. She gave a quick knock to the guest room door to wake Faith and Anya and continued on to the bathroom for a shower. Once the girls were dressed and Faith had forced Buffy to eat a couple pieces of toast, they made their way to the cemetery in Buffy's mother's car.
They were the first to arrive at the site but were followed shortly by the minister and a moment later by Willow and Tara. By 10am, a few dozen close friends and family were gathered around what would be the final resting place of Joyce Summers. As the minister spoke, Buffy stared blankly at the coffin that would soon be lowered into the ground with her mother inside. Oh, mommy, why did this have to happen? Why did I have to move so far away? I should have been with you. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Suddenly, it was like a dam broke. Buffy no longer felt detached, in fact, she was feeling very much attached to the situation. Tears started streaming down her face and her body shook more and more as she thought about her mother dying all alone. Her friends surrounded her, holding her, whispering their support. She was so thankful to have them with her...but then, as quickly as they had embraced her, they were gone. She started to look up in confusion when she felt herself being enveloped in a single set of strong arms. She tilted her head back and met the beautiful blue eyes of the man she lov—of the man she missed so much. Oh my god, I'm so distraught that I'm having hallucinations. Hallucination or not, Buffy was so relieved to have Spike holding her in his arms that her sobs soon became whimpers as she buried her face in his chest.
As the ceremony droned on, Buffy continued to clutch Spike, being consoled by the warmth of his body through his suit. Soon, she felt people patting her on her back, squeezing her shoulder, and talking quietly. She assumed this meant the ceremony had ended but didn't make any move to alter her current position. Finally, when all she heard was the sound of two people breathing, she raised her head. "You're here. I can't believe you're really here."
Spike smiled down at her, "No place I'd rather be, luv. Thought you knew that."
Buffy's lip trembled, "I ruined your trip."
"Oh, Sweetheart, you haven't ruined anything." He smoothed a hand over her hair, "I can go to London anytime. You need me now. I'm so sorry this happened, luv, but I'm really glad to see you." Kissing her forehead, he continued, "You mean so much to me. Don't ever keep anything this important from me again. Please, promise me you'll tell me if you need me."
A single tear slid down Buffy's cheek. "I'm sorry...I just...I wanted you to be happy. I didn't want to—"
"Luv, we'll talk about this later, okay? Right now, I just want to hold you as much as possible."
"Okay," she swallowed, "thanks." Looking around the cemetery, she shrugged, "I guess everyone is back at the house. I gave Anya a key, in case...in case I wanted to stay out here with my mom a little longer."
"Do you want me to leave you alone for a bit?"
Buffy looked up alarmed, "No! Don't leave me!"
Wrapping his arms tightly around her, "Not going anywhere, Sweetheart. Just tell me what you want to do."
Buffy's lips formed a wry smile, "I want to wake up and have this all be a terrible nightmare. Since I'm not going to get that, I guess we'd better head to the house. Everyone will be expecting me to make an appearance."
Spike put a hand on her cheek, "You know, if it's too much for you, we could go somewhere and hide until they all clear out."
"No, no, I need to do this. Besides, I'd like to spend some time with the girls before they head back to the city." She took a deep breath, "Okay, let's go."