They walked into the flat late Wednesday evening after two flights and an unexpectedly long layover in Denver. Buffy hadn't been very vocal the entire day, but Spike knew that was to be expected. He was just thankful that he'd managed to get some food in her even if it was only a meager amount. Unfortunately, he knew from experience that it was unlikely that the full impact of her mother's death had hit her yet. All he could do was hope that she would accept his support and eventually work through her grief as much as she could. He sat their bags down in the living room and glanced over at her. She seemed to be in a trance, standing motionless in front of the couch. He started to open his mouth to get her attention but thought better of it. It was probably wise to give her a moment to process being back in the city. He dumped the pile of mail that had been crammed in his box on the table and began sifting through it. Junk...junk...junk...hmm, invite to a special evening seminar on Middle Eastern Literature. Could be interesting.
Buffy observed Spike from her place in the living room. She bit her lip when she took in the mountain of mail before him. "I'm sorry I forgot about your mail. I was supposed to pick it up while you were gone. I should have asked someone to do it before I left. It's just...everything happened so fast. I'm sorry I—"
"Luv, stop. You have nothing to be sorry for. You couldn't have predicted this would happen. You have a lot on your mind. Just try to take it easy. Okay? When do you plan on going back to work?"
"I told Lindsey that I'd be back Friday."
Spike's eyes widened, "Friday! That's in two days. Don't you think you should take a little more time off?"
"No, I just need to get back into a routine. If I stay home, I'm just going to dwell on everything." She clasped her hands together under her chin. "I just...I just need something else to think about for awhile." Almost as if on cue, her mind seemed to drift off onto the topics that she had hoped to avoid. She turned blank eyes towards one of the many paintings on the wall.
"Buffy, luv?" Spike said trying to get her attention. "Would you like me to run you a bath?"
She was silent for a moment before turning to him. "Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you."
He smiled and approached her. Kissing her forehead, "No problem, luv, only the best for my girl. Why don't you sit down and relax while I start the water running?" Buffy nodded absently and curled up on one corner of the couch. Spike headed down the hall to prepare her bathwater.
As she listened to Spike's footsteps fade down the hallway, Buffy couldn't help but shake her head. Was it this time last week that they were so happy, enjoying the city, enjoying each other? Then just a day later, everything changed. Well...not really everything. Buffy supposed she was being over-dramatic, but it was hard not to be given the circumstances. If she was completely honest with herself, the only thing that had changed was her. Spike was still his wonderful, caring, supportive self. She couldn't help but lo—appreciate him, but she also couldn't help the distance she felt. Distance that she knew she was solely responsible for. She was doing her best to remedy that by agreeing to move in with him and by being receptive to the physical comfort he continued to lavish on her. Not that she minded his little hugs and kisses, but suspicions regarding his motivation made her feel mildly uneasy. She knew Spike felt extremely guilty about leaving the country, but she had to remind herself that he was also a kind man and would probably treat her the same regardless. Everything just seemed so mixed up in her head. She tried to reassure herself that once she was fully moved into Spike's flat—their flat, she would begin to regain the comfort level she had prior to the phone call last Thursday.
"Buffy, Sweetheart," Spike began as he returned to the living room, "your water is ready. I put some of that girly stuff in it you like so much."
She graced him with a little smile, "Thanks, honey."
He raised his eyebrows. "Honey? I like that."
"Yeah, well, you have so many little names for me, I thought I should try some out on you."
A playful smirk crossed his face, "Well, by all means, try away."
"Hmm...all right, then...sweetie, sugar, darling..." she began as she stood and crossed the room towards him. "And let's see, how about...baby...dear...lover..."
"Mmmm...I like that one," he murmured as she reached him and he pulled her into his arms. He bent down and began placing soft kisses across her neckline. She seemed to relax for a moment before stiffening in his embrace. He leaned back, but didn't release her. There was a vacant look in her eyes again. "You all right, luv?"
She gave him a tight smile and gently pushed away from his body. "Yeah, I'm just gonna take that bath now." She opened her mouth as if she was going to say more but closed it a second later and disappeared down the hallway.
Spike closed his eyes and took a breath. Her pain was still fresh, but Spike was certain that with time, they could work through it together.
Buffy watched the green glowing numbers on the clock as the minutes ticked away. She had been so exhausted that she was certain she would drop off to sleep instantly, but that hadn't been the case. Spike had been much luckier. His breathing had evened out almost the second his head hit the pillow. She desperately wanted his rhythmic sighs to lull her into a dreamless sleep. She glanced over her shoulder. Spike had his body wrapped tightly around her own, spooning her from behind. The errant lock of hair invading his forehead gave him an almost innocent, boyish look. But his shaft, rigid even in slumber, was nestled between her cheeks making him seem much more like the grown man he truly was. Part of her wanted to press back against him, stimulating his length until he had no choice but to wake and take over. She sighed. If only she could stop thinking so much.
Why did she feel so...alone? Here she was with this amazing man that thought she hung the moon, and she felt like she had no one left. She just wanted a family so badly. Her father had never been around very much. She was just starting to get closer to her mother, calling her every week, and now she was gone forever. All of her grandparents had passed away. She had a few aunts and uncles and cousins and their families, but she was never very close to any of them. When she left home to be on her own, she never thought that she would truly be on her own. She would be forever grateful to her friends, but there was nothing quite like family. She wondered if her mother's passing had signified a complete loss of her father as well. She had a sick feeling that he would sell the house and move to LA full-time. That hurt to think about, but she really couldn't blame him.
With a groan, Buffy buried her face in her pillow. I can't believe I'm about to resort to counting sheep.
The light of late morning shone through the window. I'm all alone in the world. That was the thought Buffy awoke to at 10am after a restless, dream-filled sleep. It seemed like one smooth continuation of the night before. She figured she would, at least, be granted a brief respite from her loneliness in her first blurred moments of wakefulness. But no, she instantly woke in the same sorry state she fell asleep in. She groggily rolled over to leech some reassurance from Spike before she forced herself to face the day...and discovered that she actually was alone. Climbing out of bed, she stretched before pulling on the t-shirt Spike had worn the day before. She wasn't all that surprised to wake up without him by her side. She had found that, unless he drank the night before, he rarely stayed in bed past 8am. She figured he had yet to break out of his university schedule.
She wandered off towards the living room, figuring Spike was probably lounging on the couch, drinking his coffee. As she exited the hallway, she noted that sure enough, he was sitting on the couch with the television on low in the background. He was resting on the larger couch, so his back was to her, allowing her to slip into the room without him registering her presence. When she stepped closer, she realized that he was holding a phone to his left ear. I guess he's checking in with Oz or his father. She silently crept towards him.
"No, I think that's a wonderful idea.............it's no problem.............absolutely, pet." Buffy stopped abruptly. Pet? Maybe his sister? "When's good for you? I'm thinking maybe 6pm or so.............great. I'll see you then, Dru." Buffy inhaled sharply. Dru? Drusilla?!