Chapter Eleven
“How you going, Sally? And who the hell are you?”
Spike had forgotten about the appraising glances Angel had sent his way during Amnesia '05. And now the stupid git was jealous of Buffy. Everything in the world was topsy-turvy and Spike lost his tiny amount of composure.
“Bwahaha…Angel….bwhahahaha…this is…hehehe…oh my god you stupid…it’s…hahahahahahaha…oh I can’t breathe!”
Buffy pushed the laughing hyena aside and faced Angel, willing him to look into her eyes. Surely he’d know it was her.
“Angel, it’s me.”
“Who?” Buffy’s palm went to her forehead. She had forgotten how stupid Angel could be.
“It’s Buffy.” Her exasperated sigh seemed to be infused within those two words.
“What?” Could she slap him yet?
“And Sally is Spike.”
Spike hadn’t stopped cackling and now he had even more reason to laugh. Angel hit the dirty airport floor with a thud.
“And the geezer is OUT!” Spike swished his delicate arms through the air in a mock umpire’s signal.
****
Angel woke up with a slap.
“What happened?” He was thoroughly sickened. The first thing he smelt as the pair had stepped off the plain was their activities emanating from their private regions.
“You passed out. Spike needs to visit a doctor tomorrow. Can we swing that? Will the doctor be able to take urine samples?”
Angel did not like this one bit.
And Spike began to snigger. Again.
“What’s so funny now?”
“Didn’t your dog start medical school after art collage? Wanted to help the helpless like her big hero? Can she take my urine sample or she still giving hers free out to the neighbourhood on those big moon nights?”
Did Spike really have to talk about Nina in front of Buffy? Oh, God. Conner was back at the motel. Why didn’t he think of that when Xander called to say he’d have two visitors?
Would anything ever go right for Angel?
“Oi, poofter, get your lard ass over here and help a girl out.”
Obviously not. Spike was struggling with his luggage because Buffy’s fingers had crept their way into the waistband of Spike’s mini skirt.
And Angel’s pants tightened.
There was noway this was real. He was having a nightmare.
“Oi! Slayer.”
Angel winced. Spike’s voice could break glass he was so screechy.
“What? I’m just doing what you did to me when I was with the wombiness.”
“Gotta let me have a lil’ bit of girly dignity or else people’ll think I’m a slut.”
Buffy’s hand grabbed Spike’s ass. Angel groaned huskily. And then watched in shocking fascination as the absurd argument unfolded in front of his gelled and styled fringe.
“BUFFY!” Spike yelped and dropped his luggage. “What the bleedin’ fuck did you do that for you horny woman?”
“What? Like you aren’t up for it? Please, you’re hornier than a moose.”
“They don’t got horns, Buffy.”
“Yeah, neither do you anymore.”
“I have no problem being in this body.”
“It wasn’t like that when we were HUMPING!”
“Buffy, can you please just pick up my luggage?”
“But I thought you were all, ‘oo I’m a Slayer now and I can be as strong as you because I’m so sexy and ooo Buffy you are so big!’. What happened to that, huh?”
“You bitch! I didn’t say those things. If anything that was you when you were all ‘I died and got brought back from heaven and then proceeded to fuck the life back into me by using Spike as my big dildo that’s bigger than anything the sex company my school of girls runs direct lines to can manufacture’. Take that!”
“Oh, for god’s sake, Spike. Just tell everyone in bleeding San Francisco that I’m a paedophile, why don’t you? Do you want me in jail?”
“With all those horny men, heaven no. They’d buggar you faster than a bleedin’ cattle train.”
“Cattle…what the hell, Spike? ARE YOU CALLING ME A COW?”
“Buggar.”
“Not tonight, I won’t.”
“Oh, pet, don’t be like that. I didn’t mean to insinuate anything. I love you.”
“Oh, Spike.”
They met in a fierce embrace that had Angel saluting the mounted security cameras. Mounted. His mind did not need to lead to that place.
“Okay, break it up. Hey! I said…get your tongue out of…Spike!”
They broke for air and Angel latched onto their biceps.
“Come on, we’re going back to the hotel.”
He needed to get the pair out of public and demon eye pronto.
Buffy muttered something beneath her breath, Angel barely able to pick up the words.
“What was that?”
“I said, I should have dragged Spike into the restrooms and finished the freakin’ job. I’m so horny I could bust a hole in this corduroy.”
And now Angel was thinking about Buffy’s penis.
And he needed some gaffa tape for the faulty switch in his brain. Maybe the brain continued to deteriorate as it aged even when you’re undead.
****
Angel had stared in disbelief as the duo related a PG version of their tale. He honestly couldn’t believe the garbled cockney that was extruding on the blonde bombshell’s vocal chords.
“Sally, are you sure you aren’t playing a trick on me? Xander didn’t, perchance, send you, did he?” His eyes didn’t stray once to the pretty blondish man in front of him.
“No, for the last time, Angel, I’m Buffy.”
He sighed in defeat. Angel really loved the look of Sally. She had been just his type: hot, powerful, damsel in distress.
“Look, do you have a room for us? I’m really tired from the flight and we’d really appreciate if you tell us what happened last June in the morning.”
If that didn’t sound like Buffy to a tee, he was Moses. As long as he didn’t get too close to that tree on fire, he’d be fine. He’d just take deep, unneeded breaths and he’d be fine. Hopefully. At least the meeting with Conner went okay.
“Oh, um sure, umm…Buffy. I’ll go see if there is a doctor to see Sally…Spike. Right, um, goodnight.”
As he made his sway out of the door, Angel heard Spike softly exclaim, “I hope Peachbum doesn’t start brooding while we’re here.”
Damn, definitely Spike.
****
The next morning, Buffy woke in Angel’s Hyperion hotel room cuddled against a form she hadn’t felt in almost two years.
“Spike, wake up.”
And he was out of the bed and into the bathroom like a stream of Mentos and Coke spurting out of a cola bottle.
Spike’s insides erupted up and out of his oesophagus.
Spike looked into the toilet bowl.
“Oh bollocks.”
Spike looked up into the mirror.
“BUFFY!”
He knew he felt something strange in his pants.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I UPDATED YESTERDAY. DON'T FORGET TO READ CHAPTER TEN. Four chapters left after this!