Chapter Thirteen
The glass was thrown off its hinges as the three super-males burst through the door; Spike held between Buffy and Angel, dripping blood onto the private practice’s floor.
Angel, in his broody glory, roughly demanded an immediate appointment to the demon receptionist.
Spike, in Buffy’s arms, was taken into a surgery room and a thing with six arms appeared, taking tests before fixing and stitching the wounds. Spike yelped when he was injected with a serum. He shot a look at Buffy to make sure no quip left her delectable manlips.
Angel was quarantined away from the couple, who found themselves greeted by Mr T.
“Salutations. I’m your doctor, Lethlemparger. Feel free to call me Dr Lem.”
Even in Spike’s sleepy Demerol glace, Buffy could pick up the amusement in his eyes.
“Congratulations, you’re the parents of two rows of human cells.”
That woke Spike right up.
“I’m having TWINS? Can we see it on the machine?”
“No silly. Baby’s don’t appear in the womb fully formed.”
“Your mate is right. It is one embryo.”
“So no A Team?” Buffy couldn’t help it. Her sniggers confused the good demon doctor.
“So I do got a womb? And the baby’s alright?”
“Yes, for the rest of your puny human existence. And yes.”
“You mean to say I’m going to have a womb the rest of my life? Will I still be able to get a stiffy?”
“Yes. Yes. The baby has exceeded its expected gestational growth. This is because of your tripping gender functions.”
“So what you’re saying is that our baby has advanced in growth because of Spike’s return to penishood?”
“Are all slayers this dense? Are either of you unable to understand what I say without additional reinforcement?”
“So you mean to say…” Trust Spike to still crack jokes under immense pain. Buffy added some more when she slapped his arm, causing Doctor A-Team to throw her a grateful glance.
“It’s a mutated demon virus.”
“WHAT? Our baby is a WHAT?” Mr T or not, she wasn’t having him tell her her child was dysfunctional…yet.
“Oh, no. Baby’s all ugly and human. I mean your gender change is a strain of the Alkaline Copulalus Changerus evolved from the fields of demon dead here in Los Angelus.”
“I’ve got Ebola of the penis? Why doesn’t Spike have Ebola of the boobs anymore?”
“No. Because Ebola needs something that’s animated to—,”
“What do you mean animated?” Spike was pushed back down to the bed by an assistant Buffy hand.
“To catch this strain of virus, the receiver had to be dead.”
“Oh. My. I’m dead?” Buffy’s ass hit the half-comfortable chair perched next to the doctor’s desk. Her hand scrambled to feel for her pulse. She poked her neck a few times until Spike caught her hand. She looked into his pretty eyes that washed her with calm and sexiness. She liked being washed by him. Hmm…Spike in shower.
“No, pet. I was. In the big LA battle.” Right, back to the topic.
“He caught the virus. He changed. He passed it on to you.”
“So why is Spike all back to his mansexiness?”
“The baby.” Mr T said.
“What about it?” She unconsciously leant over her love’s body and rubbed his rapidly healing stomach.
“It’s absorbing the salt from his body.”
“Huh?”
“Do you know anything about pregnancy?”
Buffy shook her head. Last time she had anything to do with one, she was being pushed out of the birth canal.
“The birther needs an increased salt intake to sustain the offspring during the gestation period.”
“Why salt?”
“It is what is the catalyst of the virus.”
Buffy slapped Spike’s arm again.
“What?”
“If you didn’t love those stupid, salty onion things…”
“So how is Buffy cured?”
Spike’s hand had crept into Buffy’s and squeezed lightly. His wound was almost closed. If only he hadn’t yelped during that injection. He knew Buffy was waiting to call him on that.
“She shall have to consume a great amount of sugar.”
“HELL NO! I don’t want to be fat!”
“Do you want to be female?” Spike asked gently.
Buffy looked down at her manly body. She liked being a man. It felt as natural as being a woman. She felt herself, regardless of gender. And that was what truly felt right. Being herself. It was time to be the one girl in all the world again, fatness aside.
“Yes, baby. I’ll be your girl.”
“I suggest you return to your habitat and consume tonnes of sugar products. Return in two days, once you are female. I shall preform the spawn transfer.”
He ripped off a sparkly chain around his neck and handed it to Buffy before walking out of the door.
She had no idea to do with it, until Spike noticed it was a prescription for sugar. She peeled back the golden wrapping and took a bite, grinning at the chocolate.
Buffy helped Spike stand once the nurse had checked on the healing progress and roughly plastered a bandaged over the once gaping hole.
They were walking out of the surgery, Angel trailing silently behind when Spike turned and said, “Well wasn’t that exposition hour?”
“Meh. Wanna have sex now?”
“Buffy!”
“What? I have an erection!”
“Don’t you want to digest everything the doc told us?”
“I did. Got me horny. And, aren’t you still the girl? Digest everything.” She made that noise that Spike would forever claim was a scoff.
“I am the one carrying our child.”
“Yeah, only till tomorrow.”
“Oh god, you’re going to look so good with a big gorgeous belly, Slayer.”
“Yeah well, I still think we should actually get me knocked up next time.”
A dream smile flitted across Spike’s face. Too bad it was quickly wiped off by a pissed off manslayer.
“I hate you! I’m going to have to eat Xander’s weight in Butterfingers.”
Spike decided sniggering wasn’t and the kid’s best option, so he ran his hand down Buffy’s back until clasping her hip and drawing her to him in order for Spike to tickle her lips in a cheeky kiss.
“Can we hold off the mood swings until you got the kid?”
She smiled. She’d be pregnant tomorrow, with her and Spike’s child. It was weird that that made her insanely happy.
“Nope!”
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Well lovely ladies and those gorgeous gents, I'm still out of internet at home so yet again I bring this chapter to you from university on my summer holidays. I look smokin' today and I wrote a chappy to top! I realised, two seconds after I posted the last chapter, that Angel didn't have a reaction to Spike being male again. Woops. Well I did warn you it was a 'written when I've had no sleep, it's 3 in the morning and I'm really horny and where's my chocolate' chapter. Just pretend Angel went 'What's happen--Spike's a man!" To which Spike and Buffy ignorned him and went back to almost smooching. Well, two chappies after this one. Almost done