Chapter Nine
“Holy Batman.”
Spike’s screaming had stopped after he took a deep breath and a long look at the man on top of him.
A groggy muffled “What?” spoke beneath Spike’s set of lush puppies. A dark haired, masculine muscled arm gripped his tiny little waist, squeezing the life out of him, again.
“What the fuck happened?”
“Grbk schlep Schpike,” the lips moved along his breast, the whispers pumping blood into his swelling heart. And something was swelling against his bare thigh.
“Buffy! Willow’s been taken. Amy set a trap.”
Xander burst into the room, half hoping to walk in on some girl on girl action.
“What the fuck, cockless wonder? Cheating on Buffy already? And who the hell is this guy? How’d he get past my security?”
The naked man draped across Spike’s body sat up and roughly tested his sleep-filled baritone voice by saying, “What guy? Did you say something about Will, Xander?”
“Holy Batman.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Shut up Spike.”
“What is going on here?” The Buffy!man asked.
“Love, go have a look in your mirror.”
Buffy touched the mirror with great trepidation. All she could see was Orlando Bloom. A sandy blonde, hazel eyed Orlando Bloom with her nose. He was pretty hot, she thought until realising she wasn’t watching the flat screen in the Slayer Rumpus room but looking at her REFLECTION in her MIRROR.
“What the HELLBALLS did you do, Spike?” She whirled around away from the creepy but incredibly good-looking picture she made to glare at her man…woman.
“What? Nothing. I mean I rubbed up against your clit—”
“No, I mean what happened to you in LA?” She stalked closer with her largish hands attached to her hips, looking incredibly cavalier.
“I don’t know. ‘S why I was going back to Angel.”
“Not in that body. He’ll get a happy just looking at you.”
Xander decided he didn’t need those images in his head so he quickly reminded Buffy why he had run into the room in the first place.
“Buffy! Willow’s been taken!”
“Oh balls.”
****
Spike glanced over at the strange man-previously-known-as-girl-Buffy he’d fallen for all those many years ago.
“This is bloody bizarre.”
“You’re saying this to the Chosen Slayer who’s been through mental institutions, deaths, resurrections, vampirism, pro-magumnism, invisibility and that time we were accidentally turned into ferrets. Surely a little gender swappage was due.”
“The portal will be open in 10…9…”
“Are you ready for this?” Spike asked as his eyes caught hers. The love in his pretty blues was heart stopping which was totally inappropriate as it wasn’t the time for her to go into cardiac arrest.
“As long as I still have my powers.” Before Buffy could test her strength, Xander rushed up and pointed to the apparatus facing the working witches.
“Buffy! If that thing’s any use it’ll be right away. You’ll jump after and land fighting.”
The witches opening the portal were chanting louder as the ball of energy grew between their fingers.
“I bet your balls are massive. Are they hairy?”
Buffy’s eyes bugged and clamped her hand over Spike’s lips. The soft kisses along her big fingers made her pull away. She needed to concentrate, which was hard when she was…hard.
“Can we please focus on the mission and not my genitals?”
“Get in place! You got zero seconds!” Xander shouted as a strange whirring radiated from the opening portal.
“Do you need to go to the loo first, love? I can show you what to do if you do need to go to the loo.”
“Spike, that’s kinda disturbing and incredibly sweet at the same time.” She pulled his little tank towards her to peck him on the lips. “Now please concentrate on the sitch.”
“Portal is open! Stand back!”
****
“Fire!”
THOOM.
The mirror on the Slayer’s end shot the intense electrical blast right back at the army base.
“Sound off! Who’s hurt? Stay calm damnit!”
Through the swirly mass of baby poo yellow, green algae green, uncooked chicken pink and festering flesh red emerged two fighting figures, cutting their way through the laser beams, bullets, active soldiers, and groaning bodies.
“No.” The man said.
“Panic.” Sneered the woman.
The Major watched as the duo danced around his soldiers like his men were marks on a stage, indicating cues in the deathly tango of scythe and Samurai sword.
They disappeared out of view for a few minutes, reappearing with the Green Witch that the psycho Amy and her deformity of a boyfriend lusted after. The Green Witch stood amongst the bodies and emerald streaked out of her fingers into all of the Major’s broken soldiers.
The man and women apexed a pile of stiffs, splitting up to lithely swing up the metal staircases to the second storey ledge. Right to the exact spot where the Major stood.
Right in front of him was the man holding the infamous Slayer Scythe. His blonde female companion acrobatically landed next to the Major.
“Who are you?”
“Buffy, the government installation killer.” Said the man.
“No you aren’t. We have intel on Miss Summers.” The Major spoke to the blonde woman whose sword edged closer to his neck. The female smirked.
“Yeah, mate, you’re right. Well, we’re here on behalf of Miss Summers as her representatives. You got a message for her?”
“For all you monstrous spawn it all ends very soon.”
“Are you talking about the girls who are protecting the world from—,” Buffy started.
“Evil? Demons? Where do you think Slayer power comes from? Oh, wait: you already know.” The Major looked over at the red headed witch. “You’ve upset the balance, girl. Do you really think we were going to sit by and let you create a master race?”
“This isn’t about demons at all, is it? It’s about women. It’s about power and it’s about women and you just hate those two words in the same sentence, don’t you?”
The Major sneered at the feminist man before turning his gaze back to Spike..
“You’re not human. You’ve been to war with the demons, with the First, but believe me you picked the wrong side. ’Cause God help us, if you win then you’ll decide the world still isn’t the way you want it and the demon in you will say just one thing. Slay. We’re not waiting for that to happen. We will wipe you out. Not just monsters anymore. It’s you,” his eyes bored into Spike’s. “Against the world. You’re at war with the human race.”
“Oh.” Spike said, his perfect lips opening in the lovely vowel shape.
“’Kay.” Buffy finished off for him before swooping down and swinging the scythe at the Major, knocking him unconscious with the red butt.
“Let’s stop patting ourselves on the back till we have extraction. And someone ask Dawn to stop jumping up and down?” Came shakily ordered by Xander through the piece in Buffy’s ear.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Here we see the aftermath of last chapter, fight scenes, confrontations and a search and rescue mission.
Disclaimer: BtVS in all it's forms are not owned by me, but rather Joss, Fox and Dark Horse and all those other Evil League of Evilers.
Spoilers: BS8: Long Way Home #4
A/N: And we're back to the comics warnings though this is probably the last comic spoiler warnings cause after this we're going AU (even more so) from the comic story line. There are lots of lines lifted from the fourth issue of the comics. Thanks for being awsomely awesome Joss. Cause your writing rocks in all forms.
The last chapter of Salty was top of Redband Entertainment.com's list of fanfic (not sure whether it was just Buffy related or not) so whoever made that possible, thank-you :-).
Disclaimer: BtVS in all it's forms are not owned by me, but rather Joss, Fox and Dark Horse and all those other Evil League of Evilers.
Spoilers: BS8: Long Way Home #4
A/N: And we're back to the comics warnings though this is probably the last comic spoiler warnings cause after this we're going AU (even more so) from the comic story line. There are lots of lines lifted from the fourth issue of the comics. Thanks for being awsomely awesome Joss. Cause your writing rocks in all forms.
The last chapter of Salty was top of Redband Entertainment.com's list of fanfic (not sure whether it was just Buffy related or not) so whoever made that possible, thank-you :-).
Chapter End Notes:
I'm going to be out of action for a few weeks because I have exams and I should definitely focus on them rather than desperately want to write you lot chapters. Thanks for the continuous reviews, I'm really happy that people are willing to trust me and keep reading.