Chapter 3
We’re waiting in the cemetery. Buffy stands with her arms crossed, tapping her platform wearing foot. I can tell she’s wishing that she had left when Giles had told her to because now she was stuck with me, trying to find what Giles called a “hot spot”. I wonder where Angel is. Maybe he’s on one of his soul sojourns that must be the most exciting thing in the world to witness. I can see that she is thinking about something. And I’m sure it isn’t where the hot spot will pop up.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, stopping in front of her, knowing my concern is evident.
“What? Nothing. I’m fine.”
“That is not your ‘I’m fine’ face.”
She purses her lips. “Oh. Right. You know me so well.”
“I know your looks, yeah, and that’s an ‘on the verge’ look.”
“Of taking this stake and shoving it someplace, yeah, I’m on the verge of that.”
“You could talk to me, if you want,” I venture. I may never have this opportunity again.
“What am I going to do? Ask you for advice on things you already know…happen.” Her face lights up. “You could totally tell me everything! I know you said you’re not supposed to but what if I don’t do anything to stop it. What if I just know so I’m…better prepared? Wouldn’t you want me to be better prepared?”
It’s my turn to make a face. I won’t be so easily played. “I don’t think it would be possible to continue on with the way things are supposed to happen knowing how they happen. Get me?”
“You could tell me something small.”
“No, I couldn’t.”
“You could tell me about…school!”
I look at her, clearly knowing she could care less about school, but playing along anyway. “You really do something special for graduation.”
She smiles. “I can’t wait.”
“Wish I’d been there for that, actually. It sounded like a good tussle.”
“Why weren’t you here?”
“I leave for a while.”
“If I ever leave, I’m never coming back. Why would you?”
I look at her, not saying anything because what can I say? I come back to try and kill you? I come back because Dru was right in South America? That I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you dancing at the Bronze four years before…or 2 months before for you? I can’t say any of these things and so I say nothing at all.
“What happens with Angel?”
“Oh, absolutely not.”
“Oh my god, he dies!” she yells, horrified, tears springing to her eyes.
“Calm down! He doesn’t die. Unfortunately, he’s still undead and kicking.”
She lets out a deep breath. “Good. I don’t think I could handle that.”
“You do well enough without him, Slayer. You keep that in mind, yeah?”
I can see that she obviously doesn’t like the idea of that and I know I have to try and remember to talk to this Buffy like she’s this Buffy and not my Buffy. This girl loves Angel, would do anything for him…and will be completely devastated in two short months.
“Did you and Giles talk about Angel?” she presses.
“Leave it, would you? I know I’ve already mucked some things up because I don’t know when to quit talking. But I’m not telling you another sodding thing so stop.”
“I heard, you know.”
I panic, trying to think of what I said to Giles, if it would be anything too damaging. But I can’t think of a thing. Except…bugger.
“Oh,” I sigh. “You were supposed to be looking for a book.”
“Yeah, right. Like that was going to happen while I knew you were going to spill the dish.”
“How much did you hear?” I ask, cautiously.
“Mostly all. What happens with Angel?”
“I can’t, Buffy.”
“But if you…love me…like you say you do – “ she starts before stopping when she sees me shaking my head.
“It’s because of all these things, Slayer. It’s the woman you become. Do you understand?”
She nods. “But maybe it would be better – “
“There is no better,” I say, quietly. “You can be a real pain in my ass but it’s the way that things are supposed to be. It’s the way things will be. And I can get back to – “
“You seem to be in quite a hurry to go back to a time that I’m no longer in.”
Damn her.
“I never said you weren’t there.”
“My best friend, who wouldn’t hurt a fly, is doing something that makes a vampire nervous? I’m sorry, and this may seem a little egotistical, but she would only do something like that for two reasons: me or Xander.”
I sigh. “Normally, I don’t give a damn about these things but if I say something here and it changes something for you – any of you – later on and I don’t get to know you the way I do in my time…”
Buffy nods, somehow understanding exactly what I am talking about. “Is it me or does this whole thing make your head just want to explode?”
I laugh, nodding in agreement. “So you understand?”
“Yeah, I understand,” Buffy tells me, her voice quiet.
We stand there, neither saying anything. I don’t want to talk because eventually I know I will get into trouble and I figure she won’t talk without wanting to press me for answers about her future.
I notice her tense and stand up straighter, getting into her fight stance, waiting. I’m not noticing what she is so I close my eyes and adjust to it. I really have to get out of here. It’s occupying my mind too much. I am off my game.
“Do you feel that?”
“Heat?” I respond and she nods. “Suppose that would be a hot spot.”
“But where? I don’t want to get sucked in with you.”
“I don’t think that will happen.”
“But you don’t know that for a fact,” she states, backing away from me to be sure.
I can feel a tingle start at my toes and work its way up. I had been so focused the last time that I hadn’t noticed the signs before.
“Look, Slayer, before I go – “
“Yeah?”
“Know that everything works itself out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just…don’t let yourself get too into the bell jar, alright?” I sigh, not knowing if she has any idea what I’m talking about. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You remember that.”
The last thing I hear her say is “okay” and I’m gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I, once again, land with a thud. I wish they would make the entry a little nicer. I stand, my legs a little shaky from the trip and look around. Definitely not in the cemetery and I wish a big sign popped up saying “Now entering 2001” so I could be sure but that would be too easy.
It doesn’t take me long to realize where I am. The grounds of the high school. A high school that still stands. I groan. I didn’t quite make it to where I wanted to go. I don’t understand. If Giles was right, I want nothing more than to get back to my time, so that should have worked.
I figure I have no choice but to go back to the library and talk to Giles and try to figure this out before I attempt it again. I make my way across the lawn so caught up in my own thoughts I don’t hear her running at me until it’s too late and she’s tackled me to the ground, the point of her stake digging into my chest.
“Didn’t I cripple you?” she asks, her voice hard.
I frown. I didn’t get very far. “Yeah, luv, you did and I am but I’m not…”
“Damn it,” she yells. “I thought I was done with you!”
“Believe me, so did I.”
She punches me in the jaw so hard my head swings to left before she punches me again, forcing it to go back to where it was.
“Ow,” I say. “Feel better?”
“Not at all! You could have told me! You could have warned me!” She throws her stake to the ground and grabs my t-shirt, lifting my back off the ground. “You should have. I should have known!”
“I don’t know how many times I can tell you that I couldn’t, Slayer. There’s no discussion here.”
“He killed Giles’ girlfriend!”
“I know,” I say, softly.
“And what are you doing? Just sitting around in your wheelchair, not helping, not doing anything!” She pushes me back to the ground and stands up, pacing angrily.
“What do you want me to do, Buffy? I’m not who I am now…here.” Off her confused look, I growl in frustration. “You know what I’m saying. That Spike…he still wants you dead.”
“Great,” Buffy comments sarcastically. “That’s really comforting.”
“But he hates Angelus.”
“Yeah?”
“That’ll get him into action. Trust me on that.”
“And what do I do in the meantime? Just hope he doesn’t kill any more people I love? That he doesn’t get my mom? Or Giles? My friends?”
“I know it’s hard – “
“It doesn’t have to be.”
I push off the ground and grab her upper arms and make her look at me. “I’m only going to say this one more time, Slayer, so open the ears and listen up. Most of the time, I’m a fairly selfish prat and I would bloody well love telling you everything in order to get you where I’ve always wanted to because I think I easily could – “
“Oh, please, “ Buffy huffs, rolling her eyes. “Wait, did you say always?”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes. Now isn’t the time for this. “I’m trying to be noble and it’s not something that comes real easy. I’m not bloody Angel, knight in shining soul armor. This isn’t the position I want to be in because I want to tell you, pet, I want to tell you everything so you’re safe and fine and with me…”
I let go of her, knowing I’ve said too much. Knowing I’ve shown way too much of my hand. She doesn’t say anything but extends her hand and pats me on my upper arm. I look at her, confused and she shrugs.
“I’m sorry.”
My eyes widen and I choke on a laugh. “You’re what?”
“I’m…sorry, okay? I get it.”
“That’s what you said about ten minutes ago when I left you before.”
“Well, I guess I have a better understanding of where you’re coming from now.”
I nod and I suppose that’s true. I’m sure at this point in it all, even with the Watcher’s dead girl, she’d still do anything to get her Angel back.
“If it helps, Slayer, it’ll get easier.”
“Having to kill people you love?”
“There’s that, yeah,” I agree, “but I was thinking more along the lines of the pain.”
“How old are you?”
“Now? A young and handsome one hundred and twenty-seven. Why?”
“You’ve probably lost a lot of people over that time, not counting the ones you’ve eaten.”
I laugh. “Sure.”
“And you’re still standing.”
“Sure am.”
“Well, there’s no way a vampire can do it and I can’t. I’ll just have to get tougher.”
“You’re pretty tough. Don’t do that. Don’t doubt yourself.”
“Why am I talking to you about this stuff?”
“Because I’m here?” I shrug. “I don’t mind.”
“Maybe I do. I don’t exactly like vampires.”
“You liked Angel well enough,” I say and I know I sound like a jealous prat but I don’t care.
She glares at me but for once she doesn’t hit me, which I have to admit makes me a little sad.
“Do you want to see Giles again?” she asks.
“Was planning on it. Not sure he’s going to want to see me.”
“He’s doing better.” She pauses. “He’s doing as well as he can.”
“You go in first and tell him. I remember his attack on Angelus. It wasn’t pretty and I don’t want to be in the line of any swinging fire bats.”
She nods and we start walking towards the school and I notice that her breath is hitching and her heart rate has sped up and she’s nervous and I don’t know why.
“Something up?”
“I want you to tell me one thing.”
“Slayer – “
She stops and grabs my arm, forcing me to look at her, pure determination in her eyes. I stop protesting.
“He doesn’t get my mom, right? You have to tell me if he does, Spike. You have to. He came after her…he drew pictures…”
“I promise you, he doesn’t. As long as you just keep doing what you’re supposed to be doing, she’ll be just fine.”
She smiles, slight and sad and lets go of my arm which I find unfortunate. She looks at me and says nothing else and starts to walk in front of me and I feel suddenly hot again and I don’t have time to say anything.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to Tlace and Ali for being the best betas ever. I'm posting 2 chapters today because 3 is kind of short. I hope you like them :)