Chapter 5
I wake to the smell of something delicious and I swipe my hand over my mouth. As my eyes adjust, I see black boots tapping on the floor.
“Took you long enough.”
I look at her, relieved. Not only because she’s holding my favorite mug of Giles’ in her possession - and it’s filled with a lovely AB negative - but because she’s here.
“Year?”
“1999.”
“I didn’t see you – “
“For a while, yeah. I’m in college now.” She hands me the mug. “Figured you would be hungry.”
“Figured right, luv. Thanks.”
“Well, it’s not like you can kill anyone…” She looks at me, eyebrows raised in question.
“Bugger,” I sigh. “Chip’s still active, Slayer. No need to worry your pretty little head over it.”
I drink down the blood, which she even warmed for me a little. Who said she never liked me?
“How did you know where I would be?” I ask. “Did you and Giles figure it all out in my absence?”
“I, uh, I haven’t exactly told Giles…or anyone, really, that you are, you know…floating around, popping up whenever you feel like it.”
“Or whenever you feel like it.” She looks surprised by the truth. “I don’t have any bloody control over it.”
She nods, thinking. “It’s possible, right? I came here looking for Riley – ” She stops talking when a snort escapes me. “What was that?”
“Good, Ol’ Captain Fun. Tried to forget all about his pansy ass – “ And now it’s my turn to stop when she starts to glower at me. “Forget it.”
“He’s nice.”
“Oh, no doubt, pet. No doubt.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me.”
“Ooh, patronize! Learning big fancy words in college, are we? Good on you.”
“What the hell is your problem?” she yells and stands up.
“What’s yours? You haven’t told anyone that I’m still around? I have a bit of a problem here – “
“Yes, I know that! When I didn’t see you again during everything that happened last year, I thought maybe you were gone for good. And since I never told Giles about seeing you – 2001 you - during the Angel badness, he just assumed that the hot spot worked and you were back where you belonged.”
I stand up now too, grateful for the blood she brought because I am a lot steadier on my feet this time around. She’s pacing back and forth and it seems that she has some things to say but she might not know how to go about saying them. I decide the best thing to do is to speed up the process of her yelling and punching me and get on with the day.
“Slayer, if you have something to say – “
“Yeah! I have something to say, Spike. I don’t know how that stupid Circle of Random Time Travel works so I spent most of last year waiting for you.” She looks pointedly at me, before she continues, “In L.A. we both decided it was when I needed you, right? Well, I needed you! I needed you to reassure me that what was happening with Faith was not my fault. That Angel leaving was for the best. I could have used some sort of warning about the insane-o Watcher’s Council not to mention that snake of a Mayor. Pun intended. It sucked. All of it. And you were nowhere to be found.”
I’m surprised. Rarely am I at a loss for words, but I don’t even know where to begin here.
“Buffy – “
“You know what? Never mind. I have things to deal with. As usual, you’re causing all kinds of problems.”
I wrinkle my forehead, confused.
“Not you you. You’re with Adam, all my friends seemingly hate each other. It’s all other Spike’s fault.” She shakes her head, sighing loudly. “How are you so different? How does one year change everything?”
“Would if I could...”
“I don’t particularly need you here,” she tells me, her arms crossing, attempting to keep her face stony and cold but it’s all an act.
“We know how this works, luv, wouldn’t be here if you didn’t need me.”
She looks at me from beneath her brow, refusing to acknowledge that I’m right.
“Look,” I continue. “I don’t know why I never came around last year. Maybe because I wasn’t there in the first place? Maybe you didn’t really need my help - you lot seemed to handle everything quite well.” I point to a chunk of the Mayor on the ground. “You blew up the high school, killed your elected official, sent Peaches packing. All great decisions from where I’m standing.”
She rolls her eyes but I see a smidgen of a smile.
“I’m here now, though,” I coax and she calms down a little. Well, she lets her arms relax, at least.
“This whole year has been really weird,” she admits, “You’re back and you’re dating Harmony which ew, Spike. How did that even happen?”
“Long story.” Not really, but I don’t feel like getting into a discussion about Harmony of all the sodding people.
“My friends and I aren’t speaking, which is your fault, by the way.”
“Evil, pet.”
“But, honestly, we weren’t even getting along all that great, anyway,” she says through an exhale, to no one in particular, even though I’m standing right here, “I haven’t been around because of Riley…” She looks up then, reading my body language. “Don’t look at me that way, okay? I know.”
“I didn’t say anything,” I respond, a smug look on my face.
“You don’t have to.”
I shrug, happy but trying not to show it. “So you were saying you came down here looking for Meat and Potatoes and…?”
“I found you, totally dead to the world.”
I raise an eyebrow.
“You know what I mean. I tried to wake you up. Even slapped you around a bit.”
“Just how I like it.”
“No comment, “ she says, allowing herself to chuckle a little, “Anyway, you wouldn’t open your eyes so I thought some blood might do the trick and since I don’t exactly keep a bag of it on me, I ran to Giles’. I even got your favorite mug.”
“And a thermos to keep it warm?”
“Well, I didn’t want to hear you complain about it being cold. Got enough of that this year when you were chained.”
I smile, until the reality of what she has told me hits me. “How long was I out for?”
“I was gone at least twenty minutes and it was another five or ten before you finally stirred.”
“Seem worried, Slayer.”
Buffy blushes and it’s a beautiful thing. “No…”
“I appreciate it. The blood. It’s funny, I hadn’t even craved it ‘til I got here.” I hand her back the now empty mug. “If other me doesn’t get to use it, he’ll be mightily pissed.”
“Do you want to go and talk to Giles?” she asks as she takes the mug from me. Her fingers brush against mine and I don’t want to think more of it then it is but it seems deliberate. Or maybe that’s just me wishing.
“Feel like I should. Don’t particularly want to.”
“What do you want to do?”
I smirk, knowing what I’m conveying without having to say anything and her eyes do their classic dance. She shifts on her feet and opens her mouth to say something but shakes her head, deciding against it. She takes a deep breath and starts again.
“Tell me,” she begins, “about Adam. Give me something, Spike, because I don’t know where to even begin here. Demons, fine. Slay, slay, slay. Engineered demons? A little out of my realm of understanding.”
I sigh, disappointed but I go along with it because it’s what I do for her. “A little out of mine, too, luv,” I say, pointing at my head. “If I knew why they thought it would be a good idea to try and corral us like farm animals, I’d let you know.”
“How long’s it been… since you killed someone?”
“Couple years now.”
“But it doesn’t change who you are.”
The way she says it is strange to me. It’s not exactly a question, not exactly a statement and I’m not sure what she’s looking for here or where she’s going with this.
“It’s curbed some things but, Slayer, don’t think you know anything about who I am. Just what. You’ve only seen me as a killer. You’re not interested in delving deeper than that.”
“I delve!”
“With Angel, maybe.”
“He has a soul, Spike. That means something to some people.”
“Doesn’t mean much to me.”
“Thus the difference between us.”
“Angelus is still a killer, with his soul or not. Now he just feels all gloomy about it. I’d rather not.”
“Exactly! That’s why it’ll never work.”
I shake my head, confused again. “What won’t work?”
“Nothing.” She grabs the thermos from the floor. “I really should get going. I’m not sure where Riley is, I have to talk to my friends, figure out a way to stop – “
I grab her arm before she can turn to leave and pull her closer to me. I can feel her pulse speed up and the sweet smell of her sweat breaking through her skin. She’s looking at me, her eyes wide in surprise but she’s not scared.
“What?” she asks.
“You tell me. You’ve been on edge since the moment I came to. Now you’re huffy and running.”
“I am not huffy!”
I sigh at that and give her a look that begs to differ.
She wrenches her arm from my grip and takes a step back, “I think I’m mad at you.”
“You think?”
“It’s weird. It’s like I don’t want to be angry but I am and I can’t exactly figure out why I’m feeling so grrr, you know?”
I nod, trying to follow.
“I think I kept waiting for you to show up again and then you never did so I thought it was all over and I got on with my life and I started to just do the things I would normally do and now you’re back. I don’t know how long you’ll be here and to be honest, I kind of still hate the other you because it’s not you but I also remember what it was like during Willow’s spell – “
“Ah, Red’s spell. Think about that often myself, pet.”
“Well, I don’t want to think about it! I just want to go about my life and date normal boys and kill demons! I don’t think it’s too much to ask, you know? And yet, there’s something…nagging at me and because now me should hate now you and it’s really confusing and…am I always supposed to pretend?” she asks, her voice filled with emotion.
“You always do,” I answer, my eyes staring into hers for a moment, “You’re not making a lot of sense here, luv.”
“I just…I think you made a mess of everything.”
“Sounds about right.”
“You kept coming around, helping me and don’t you get it?”
“No, Slayer, I’m sorry but I don’t under – “
I’m interrupted by her lips on mine and I’m bloody well not going to stop her from doing what she wants to so I kiss her back, knowing this could be the only one I ever get from her. Well, there was the kiss after Glory kicked my ass but that wasn’t this. Or was it? Maybe it was her little way of letting me know that she was letting her guard down to the other me and why in the hell am I thinking about all this bullshit when I have the Slayer, here and now, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth?
I wrap my arms around her and I hear the thermos clatter as it hits the ground and rolls away. She’s clutching the back of my coat and I hear a wonderful moan escape her before she forces herself to pull away from me. I want to reach for her, convince her that continuing to kiss me is detrimental to destroying Adam, but I do nothing and watch her as she takes a few steps backwards.
“You shouldn’t come back again.”
“Moment of weakness, luv. We’ll never mention it again.”
“So we don’t?”
“Believe me, that…has never happened in all the time I’ve wanted it to, and you have never even hinted that it had at any point. And you need to keep it that way. Remember, your Spike doesn’t know any of this is happening. Not for another year.”
“You’re my Spike,” she tells me softly and she finally looks at me, tears brimming in her eyes. “I have to go.”
“You’re always running.”
“What’s the difference if I stay? Nothing will change. We’ll still go on hating each other, beating each other up and then I die. And then this will start all over for you again and you can still see me but me…I’m always getting the crap end of the deal.”
“Tell me, then.”
“Tell you what?”
I shake my head. “Not me, the other…tell him what’s going on. You want to – “
“It’s different.”
“No, Buffy, it isn’t. How I am here and how I am in a year, it’s not all that different. This time next year? We both know that I love you. That’s the only thing that changes.”
Her eyes go wide and “oh” slips between her lips.
“You do what you want, pet. You can continue to act like none of this has happened, and I will understand. Or you can take a chance for once and see.”
She doesn’t say anything and I don’t know what that means. I would think that if she actually did turn around and do something differently, that I would feel the change. That my memories would contain things I wouldn’t remember experiencing. But nothing changes and the longer we stand here not talking, the more time she has to build her guard back up and begin her act.
I do the only thing I can think of.
“Call the scoobies. Get them together. You can’t beat Adam without them.”
She smiles and opens her mouth to speak but I’m gone before I hear a word.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to Tee and Ali for the beta.
Chapter End Notes:
I try to be computer free on the weekends so there will not be a new chapter until Monday. Thank you for reading and commenting! It's so nice to hear that you're enjoying it as much as I loved writing it. I appreciate the feedback!