Chapter 6
With a flash, as if being hit by lightning, I’m in the cemetery, fairly close to my crypt. A fact that makes me quite nervous that I’ll run into my other self. So I try to move, to get off the ground and run, but I can’t. I’m just too bloody weak to do anything but lay here like an idiot until my limbs decide to work again. All this moving about really seems to be taking its toll.
The place is obvious but the time less so. There’s a possibility I’ve returned to 2001, but something tells me that’s not the case. Something in the air and the feeling I get that while the purpose of this whole time traveling journey isn’t clear yet, I just know it wouldn’t end on that last conversation between me and the Slayer.
I still feel the same as I always did so obviously Buffy didn’t go and declare her feelings to the other me or tell anyone about what’s been happening. It’s fine. I told her I would understand no matter what decision she made and to some extent I do. But there is that part of me that would love to shake her until she sees it from my perspective. Until she understands that we could be a pretty fucking good team if she would just let herself be open to it.
I blame Angel.
Suddenly I feel as though my entire system is being rebooted, there are tiny bursts of pain beneath my skin and I can flex my fingers and toes, thank hell. I’ll admit I’m starting to get a bit nervous about what this means. I’ve noticed that I feel more and more lethargic with each time I jump and it’s taking me longer and longer to get on my feet. Buffy helped by bringing me blood last time but she even said I was out for at least a half an hour.
I need to stop being so concerned about the god damn Slayer and start being more concerned with my own sodding problems.
Getting to my feet I walk slowly, far too slowly for my liking, and make my way towards my crypt. I’m hoping I still live there, regardless of the year, and that there’s some blood stashed there.
Cautiously I open the door, ready to bolt at the first sign of anyone. But I don’t see a soul and I don’t hear anything. I open the door all the way and make my way inside, checking to see if the downstairs has been built, which it has, so I make my way down the ladder.
The first thing I notice is my ridiculous shrine to Buffy. It’s no wonder the girl punched me across the room. Stalking. Not exactly a turn-on.
Seeing all the pictures and pieces of her displayed, I realize that time-wise I must not be too far off from when she brings the fight to Glory. I’m not entirely sure when I’m at but it’s before Joyce’s passing because all this is still here. I wonder what it could be that’s prompted her to bring me to this point. There certainly isn’t a shortage of horrors to choose from.
Finding the blood packets, after some searching I drink down the blood and decide to find her. I usually land close to wherever she is so I’m hoping it won’t take too long. The blood’s working its magic but not fast enough. If I were to come across anyone or anything, I don’t think I’d be capable of going more than a round, two at the most.
Climbing back up the ladder and leaving the crypt, I make my way slowly through the cemetery, trying to sniff her out. I hear voices, shouting, definitely Buffy. I make my way to her, only to stop short when I hear my own voice yelling back. A bloody strange feeling, hearing yourself like that. I hide behind a large stone monument and wait for it to end. She’s upset with me. Which means very little since that could be any day, any month, any time.
“I was regrouping!” I hear her say.
“You were about to be regrouped into separate piles. You needed help.”
I smile at my other self’s wit. I can be very sharp tongued and funny when I want to be.
“I didn’t need you. I never need you, Spike.”
Something in her voice stabs me in the heart and I sneak a look at them. The other me seems to feel it as acutely as I do.
But for completely different reasons.
Other me starts teasing her about Riley flying the coop which isn’t very funny when I see the sadness in her eyes. But here, at this moment, I was all about striking back and hurting her like she would hurt me. I didn’t know any other way. It was always the easiest path to take. For both of us, I’d wager. I had told her as plain as day that she could come to me and tell me the entire situation and things could be different but she didn’t. I remember this conversation…
“You’re disgusting.”
…Too well.
“Rough talk. Maybe that’s what your problem is, you push ‘em away? Or is it the other – maybe you cling too much? Or perhaps, it’s even simpler. Check your breath lately? Or maybe the beauty’s fading. The stress of Slaying aging you prematurely. Things not like they used to be…not as high, not as firm.”
I am an ass.
“You know, Spike, the more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn’t.”
It’s silly to say but I felt like she could have been talking to this me when she says that. I am itching to talk to her, to have her not be angry with any version of me.
“Or maybe you just don’t hold their interest.”
Her face falls and previous Spike stalks off, happy with himself for really nailing her good. I remember being so proud of that. She walks toward me and as she passes, I reach my hand out to her take her arm. She’s quick with the stake, full of piss and vinegar, and I raise my hand to knock her arm out of the way. I’m careful not to hurt her because the last thing I need is a splitting headache. Her brow furrows and she looks back to where she had been standing and looks back at me, eyes narrowed.
“Hi,” she says, finally, putting her stake into her pocket.
“Hello yourself.”
“You’re a real jerk, you know that?”
I nod, not feeling that any explanation or apology is necessary.
“Not just because of that whole thing. That’s typical of you.”
“Okay…”
“It’s been months.”
“Guess you didn’t need me.” And I pause for a second before continuing, “Seems you never did.”
She purses her lips at me, clearly annoyed. “You’re taking it out of context.”
“Am I?”
“Well, yeah, that Spike I never needed.”
“Luv, we’re the same. Me and him. Accept that right now because you do need him, whether you want to believe it or not.”
I can see that she doesn’t get it right away and when she does, I can tell she doesn’t like what I’m saying. Not because we’re now the same Spike but because she knows that it can only mean one thing. That her time is coming to a close.
“So soon?” she asks. “I thought…I don’t know. I thought it wouldn’t be – “
“You have time, pet. All kinds of it.”
“I’ve wanted you to come. There was this one time when I thought he was you.”
I know immediately what she’s referring to.
“But then I saw the shotgun and kind of figured it out.” She slumps against the cold stone and looks up at me. “The Council is here.”
“Is that why I am?”
“It could be anything, I suppose. I haven’t felt like this since…since that summer in L.A.”
“You’re dealing with it a lot better.”
“I’ve grown.”
“Good for you,” I say, grinning encouragement.
“Dawn’s a key. Any insight on that?”
“Nope.”
“Liar.”
“Pretty much.”
“So, Glory…”
“Nothing on that, either.”
“You answered too quickly so I know she has everything to do with the thing we’re not supposed to talk about.”
“Buffy – “
She smiles. “I like the way you say my name.” Her hand moves under her eye and I see that it’s wet.
“Don’t do that,” I tell her, taking her hand in mine, my thumb rubbing away the tear on her finger. “You have to focus, pet. You have to deal with the Council and…” I pause, hating to admit this next part, “I’m going to cause some problems – “
“Great.”
“I wish I could tell you everything. Every detail.”
“But you can’t.”
“Maybe I will. Fuck it all.”
She looks at me, surprised. “Would you?”
“Yes.”
And then it’s all black and I hear her yelling my name but I can’t see anything, or feel anything and I am overcome by the strangest sensation that it’s me, that I’ve done it this time. Even though I want to tell her everything and save her from that fateful day, I know, deep down, that I can’t. That everything that happens to her, to me, to everyone, needs to happen. And it all happens for a reason.
I have to tell myself that. I have to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This time, it’s obvious that I’m in my crypt, definitely below, but everything is different. There is an oriental rug, a bed, a coffin and what looks to be a very strange looking red chair. I don’t have time to think about it because I can smell her. Everywhere. All around me and in everything.
I hear footsteps on the ladder and I turn to see her jump down, landing effortlessly on her feet. Her hair is darker, shorter and she’s much too thin. She doesn’t look at me as she passes, but I know she sees me. She flings her coat off and sets herself down on the bed.
“I don’t have all night.”
“I’m sorry?”
“I have to get to work.”
“Slaying?”
“No, Spike. Making cow and chicken become one. What is wrong with you?”
“I’m sorry, luv. I’m…” I trail off, not able to finish. I feel downright woozy and I crumble to the floor, hating all of this. I don’t know where I am. I don’t know this at all. What have I done?
“Spike?” she asks, concern in her voice, but she doesn’t get up from the bed. She stays and I can feel her watching me.
“I need,” I begin, having trouble focusing and getting the words out.
“Spike?”
“What, Slayer?” I yell, annoyed that she has done nothing but say my name.
She flies off the bed and her arms are around my neck in an instant. All I can smell is her and I can feel the pulse in her neck rapidly beating against my lips. I try to push her away but she holds strong until she finally pulls away, putting her hands on my face and it’s so intimate that I’m even more confused.
“What do you need? Blood? I think he has some around here…upstairs in the fridge, maybe.”
“He?”
“You.”
“Bloody hell.” I can barely shake my head in disgust. I am going to rip Behnri’s head off his fucking neck and I don’t care if my head explodes from it or not.
“You don’t look too good.”
“Not feeling too good.”
“I’m sorry.” She says it like I should have an idea of what she’s talking about. I shoot her a confused look and she shrugs. “I needed to see you. I didn’t know if it would work. I’ve been…hoping you’d come for months now and,” she stops long enough to look at me again, “maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe this was too much.”
“What was?”
“What was the last thing you remember?”
“I…I was going to tell you everything.”
She smiles. “You didn’t.”
“Figured as such, pet.”
“That was scary. You just went down, kind of like now but you weren’t conscious at all and then you were gone,” she finishes, brushing her hand down my cheek, “Let me get the blood.”
“Wait,” I say, grabbing her hand. “Did something happen? Did I change something? I don’t know this place. I mean, I know this is my crypt. But the furnishings…and you. Your hair and…just you…something’s off.”
“I don’t doubt it. Let me just get you what you need, Spike. I’ll be right back.”
“No,” I tell her, strongly. “Tell me now. You didn’t…you’re all right?”
“I’m far from all right.”
“You look…tired.”
“Is that a euphemism for saying I look like shit? Not very nice.”
I try to smile but I feel like I want to vomit, which is not something I ever feel.
“Buffy – “
“I came back. They brought me back.”
My head hits the cement floor and everything is black once again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smelling the blood opens my eyes and I find her holding a cup under my nose. She presses it against my lips and I open them, gulping it down but she pulls it away suddenly and I follow it, desperate to have more. Buffy’s thumb wipes against my lips, taking an errant drop of blood with her. That’s new.
“Feeling better?”
“Little. Is there more?”
“Not much. You don’t want to drink too much all at once.”
“Don’t care.”
“I do and I want you to be steady on your feet before we leave.”
I ask where we’re going and she gets up and starts to pace. Never a good sign.
“I don’t know when he’s coming home. We…we had a thing to do.”
I raise an eyebrow in question. She shakes her head and I drop it. Although it’s bloody well killing me to do so.
“Why’d you need me here, Slayer? When am I?”
“It’s 2002. I’ve been back for about six months now.”
I start to ask her again why she would have wanted me here when I feel those blasted pins and needles and the burning start again. I know I don’t have long now and I look at her, my eyes pleading with her to tell me as I ask, “Are you happy?”
A single tear rolls down her cheek and she shakes her head. “No.”
“Luv, I don’t have much time here. Tell me – “
“Just know that I’m sorry. Please. Just know that I am.”
I stare at her. “For what?”
“For all that I’ll do…for everything. Spike,” she walks over to me and kneels beside me, her fingers stroking my cheek so gently it makes me feel like I’m breaking in two, “I needed you to know that. Okay? That when it comes time for you to see me again in your time…just understand.”
“Understand what, pet? You need to – “
“Would if I could,” she teases me with a smile. “Isn’t that what you said?”
“If that’s what you want – “
“It’s what I’ll need, Spike, and you always do what I need.”
“There are reasons for that.”
“I know.” She kisses me lightly on the lips, her warm breath gliding over my skin. “Know that I know.”
And I feel her lips on mine again briefly, and then she’s gone but I can still feel them lingering.
tbc...
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to Tee and Ali for the beta. And thank you for all the kind comments.