He reckoned it was the orgasm-times-two which had made him suggest it. The feeling of being connected with her--being one with her in more ways than one--had been overwhelming. It was the most amazing feeling. Maybe he'd said it because he knew that if they ended the claim, he'd never feel that way again.
That morning, he had pretended to be asleep when he'd heard footsteps from upstairs. He didn't want to go through the God awful pain of explaining why he'd suggested they not go through with the ritual.
Buffy never figured out if Spike had been joking or if he really didn't want to go through with the ritual that could possibly undo the claim. She’d been too scared to even ask and had fled to her room and left him alone in the basement, wondering what was going through her mind.
When she'd left for school that morning, she was relieved to find him asleep. If Spike had been awake, he probably would have asked Buffy what she thought about his idea. If things were as black and white as they’d been before, it would have been one of the easiest and briefest conversations of her life: Spike equals vampire, vampire equals dust. She would tell him that he'd gone insane and that there was no way in hell she would want to stay his. But it wasn’t that simple anymore.
She’d spent all day thinking about what her friends would say if she did like Spike – which she didn't – and convincing herself that if she ever did it would be disgusting and just plain wrong.
“You ready?” Willow asked as she and Buffy walked to Giles' apartment complex.
“Am I ever. But... are you sure it will even work? What if it goes all wonky and does something to me? What if it decapitates me?” Buffy said. She had thought about the possibility of the ritual going awry, but that didn't bother her as much as having all these weird, supposedly nonexistent feelings for Spike which, even after the mental debate she’d had with herself all day long, was still making her have second thoughts.
“Giles isn't too sure it'll work, especially since there was only that one time it was known to have worked, but I don't think decapitation is a possibility,” Willow explained, casting an odd sideways glance at Buffy. She was patently less excited than she should have been, and that made Willow even more suspicious about whatever had been going on between her and Spike. “Besides, it's worth a try, right?”
“I guess. But I thought claims were supposed to be permanent. I'm his mate and he's my mate. Like we're supposed to be together, you know? Like... fate or destiny or--”
“I don't think getting drunk and accidentally claiming each other qualifies as fate,” Willow said as she eyed Buffy.
“You never know,” Buffy muttered, looking away and evading Willow's inquiring eyes.
Willow's jaw dropped and her eyes widened as she stopped walking and clutched her books tighter to her chest. “You don't want to go through with it,” she accused.
“What? No. Don't be silly!” Buffy exclaimed, feigning a disgusted expression.
Trusting Buffy, Willow let out a sigh of relief, chuckling at herself for even thinking Buffy might have feelings for Spike. “Good. You kind of scared me there for a minute.”
Buffy relaxed when she saw Willow completely buying her act. “Pfft. Come on. This is Spike we're talking about, Will.”
“I know. I'm sorry,” Willow chortled at the thought as they descended the steps.
Buffy hadn’t even finished berating herself for those unwanted feelings and for lying to her best friend when she noticed a familiar dark-haired vampire inside Giles' apartment, talking to Xander. She immediately halted, her heart feeling like it wanted to burst out of her chest.
“What's Angel doing here?” she asked.
Willow stopped walking, too, and turned to the surprised Slayer. “You didn't read the text on the ritual?” When Buffy shook her head, Willow continued. “Spike's sire's blood is needed for the ritual and since Drusilla isn't here--”
“Angel's the qualified party,” Buffy finished for Willow as she nodded in understanding.
“I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought you already knew.”
Just as she was about to speak, Angel walked over to them. “Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?” he asked.
Willow smiled faintly at Buffy and gave Angel a 'don't-be-too-hard-on-her' look before excusing herself and going into the apartment.
The moment they were alone outside, Angel immediately asked, “Was it because of Spike?”
Buffy shifted and lowered her eyes, knowing he was talking about that night she'd told him they shouldn't see each other anymore. “It had nothing to do with him,” she answered in all honesty. And it truly didn't. Except maybe he’d helped make her realize what she needed to do.
“Then why? After you told me that we can't see each other anymore because 'what you want, I can't give you'...” he trailed off. “Spike's claimed you. And you've claimed him,” Angel said, more to himself; his eyes focused on the floor as he tried to take in all that had happened. He then glanced up. “You do know that Spike's a vampire too, right?”
She rolled her eyes before meeting his hurt-filled ones. She reached out to him, only to have him step back. Buffy withdrew her hand and shifted uncomfortably. “I didn't want this to happen. You have to believe me. It was an accident. I was drunk and lonely and--”
Angel still couldn't wrap his mind around it. He couldn't even look her straight in the eyes. He wanted to believe her, but it all hurt too much. He shook his head and turned away from her as he said, “Let's just get this over with.”
It was the longest staring game ever. Angel had been extra pensive the minute they'd entered the apartment. And now he was staring at her with his sad puppy dog eyes, which made her feel extra guilty about the events of the past few days.
“So. Captain Forehead's invited to the party,” Spike said as he leaned on the wall beside Buffy. “Planning to do some celebrating with him after, are you? Just don't celebrate too much or I'd have to like him again.” Buffy only turned to him, breaking her and Angel's gaze. “What? No snappy comeback?”
She knew he was being extra annoying because he could feel she was not in the mood and oh joy, payback for running away from his stupid little suggestion. “I'm not in the mood, Spike.”
“Is it that time of month?”
Buffy plopped her arms at her side with aggravation and glared at Spike. “God! Don't you ever shut up?”
“Why don't you make me shut up?” Spike challenged her as he raised a brow and bit his lip suggestively.
“I so can not wait for you to get the hell away from me.”
Spike opened his mouth, scrambled for something as hurtful to say, but all he could come up with was “Me too!” He huffed, turning away from her as he rolled his eyes at his pathetic retort.
Buffy's lips curled into a grin as she watched Spike try to pretend he wasn't brassed off. Their banter made her completely forget about the brooding vampire who was still watching them. All she could focus on was Spike.
His lips were pursed and boy, did they ever look so kissable. She wanted to jump on him and ride him senseless – which, she almost did last night. With her mom just upstairs. It was a wonder how they didn't wake her up with all the noises they'd made.
The thought made her giggle and Spike turned to her. “What?” he growled.
“Nothing. Just remembered last night,” she said, smiling innocently as she rolled back on her heels.
Thinking she was poking fun of what he'd said, Spike grumbled, “What about it?”
Buffy leaned toward him, her arm brushing against his ever so lightly and sending all sorts of chills through Spike. “The expression on your face when I was deep throating you,” she whispered to his ear, her breath giving him shivers. She then pulled back, smiled, and batted her eyelashes innocently.
Spike's eyes immediately darkened with desire and glazed over with the thought of taking her right then and there. “Well now,” he started, but then all he could do was breathe heavily. He gulped as they continued to stare at each other with lust-hazed eyes.
“Right then.” Giles' voice broke the two's trance. Both of their heads shot up to Giles' direction.
“Let's do this,” Xander exclaimed as he clapped his hands and rubbed them together.
Buffy's eyes then fell to Angel, who shot her an incredulous look. He'd seen and heard everything. He shook his head, wondering if she’d intentionally did and said those things just because she knew he could hear them. He looked away first, walked towards the center of the room and stood beside Spike.
“You don't really think you have a chance with her, do you?”
Spike only clenched his jaw. The git was actually suggesting he wanted to be the Slayer's boyfriend. It might have been the damn funniest thing he could have said. But he wasn't going to deny it. He did have feelings for her. Pure, lustful feelings. Maybe a little liking, but that was it. It was far from love, far from anything he'd felt for Drusilla, but it wasn't impossible that it could lead there.
As the others walked into the circle Willow had drawn, it dawned on him why he wanted things to stay the way they were – he could be falling in love.
He was a vampire, a demon; a monster to others. But he also felt the basic human impulse of not wanting to be alone. Like the Judge said, he and Dru reeked of humanity. Seemed only right that he'd want to fill the need of being with someone like him; someone he could connect with. And sure, he could bite some poor, helpless chit and sire her, but he didn't want that. He wanted something real. That was the reason why he hadn't gone after Dru again in the first place.
Not that he and the Slayer were in love.
But because as bad and wrong as what he and Buffy have is, it was real. It wasn't pretty, pretty damn crazy though, but it was real. He could feel it in his gut.
As he was about to call out to Buffy standing across the room and have her stop this whole thing, Willow began chanting.
“Bollocks,” he groaned to himself.
That was it.
In only a matter of minutes, Buffy would have to pretend to be glad that it was all over when she felt the exact opposite.
Mind you, it wasn't that she wanted to be with Spike for all eternity, because one, she wasn't immortal and two, there's only so much Spike one could take. She just wanted to be with him now; explore the feelings she had for him - and by explore she meant have lots and lots of amazing sex. Also, possibly, get to know Spike a little more.
The lust was definitely there. The hate? Not so much anymore. The like? Maybe a little. The love? Not yet.
Not yet. But maybe. Possibly. Someday.
She wasn't going to just let that 'maybe love' go. “I'm sorry,” she muttered. At first, Spike and Angel were the only ones who heard her. Spike smiled widely at her while Angel scowled, obviously angrier than before. Louder than the first time, she repeated with an air of finality, “I'm sorry, but I can't do this.”
Xander shook his head, his mouth hanging open. He looked around the room, utter perplexity painted on his countenance, as he waited for someone to say – or do – something. It had to be a spell. Buffy had to be under a spell. Or he was, and he was seeing and hearing things.
Giles could only conclude that it was the effect of the claim. Buffy was drawn to him, surely, because of the claim. She had hated Spike since they first met and her falling for him would be out of the question.
Willow muttered an, “I knew it” as she walked out of the circle and dropped the book onto the table, grumbling about how she missed the signs.
“Hah!” Spike finally exclaimed, breaking the deafening silence, pointing and waving a finger at Angel.