Author's Chapter Notes:
a nice long one for you now...sorry for the late late update! wnna know what's been burdening Spike...well you find out in this chapter.
Chapter 10: Time to Tell You

Buffy walked Spike into her house and up to her room in silence. She didn’t bother asking him what it was about because she knew he would tell her once in the comfort of her home…which was really close to feeling like their home. Spike had been spending more and more time there, and less and less time at his own place. Buffy didn’t mind though, she enjoyed having someone else in the house.

Buffy didn’t push or ask anything, she waited until Spike was ready to start talking. They moved about her place grabbing some wine, and getting comfortable in the living room. Once seated, Spike finally said something. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had to talk about this so bear with me, please.” Buffy could tell that he was already getting choked up.

She placed her hand I his and squeezed gently. “It’s okay, William.” She didn’t call him by his real name often, but whenever she did a sense of calm would wash over him.

Spike took a deep breath before continuing. “When I was in high school, I was in a band. Lindsey was vocals, Oz was the bassist, Devon was on drums and I was the electric guitarist. We called ourselves ‘Living Proof’, because we were proof that four people from different social statuses could come all together and overcome high school hierarchy.” Spike rolled his eyes at their silly seventeen year old logic. “Every weekend we would play a set at ‘Nikki’s lounge and earn a couple of bucks.” He paused to swallow the lump in his throat. “One night…We loaded up the van to go, but one of the amps was left at Oz’s house.” His voice was shaky. “Oz offered to go, but I insisted…I grabbed my guitar and told them I’d meet them at the club.” Spike squeezed her hand a little tighter but she didn’t mind. “I was pissed because I was going to miss out on warming up and setting the stage.” William looked at Buffy and sent her a wry smile. “That’s what always got me pumped before a show.” He looked away again. “So I tried to hurry up, I grabbed the amp and headed towards the club, but when I got there I didn’t see the van. They weren’t inside and the manager said he hadn’t seen them. So I waited…and I waited. Half an hour goes by and they’re still not there.” Buffy watched the tears pool in his eyes, and she watched as he forced them back. But she didn’t say anything; she just let him continue to tell the story that she knew was going to end badly. “So I called Oz, then Lindsey, and Devon…I left numerous angry messages, but I never got a call back.” Spike clenched his jaw. “I was pissed because I thought they flaked out. So I went home to find two cop cars parked outside. My mom was talking to them on the front porch, and I could tell she’d been crying. That’s when I knew something went horribly wrong.”

Spike didn’t stop the tears from falling this time.

Six Years Ago

Spike jumped out of his car and raced towards his mother. “What the hell’s going on?” he demanded.

“Is this your son?’ One cop asked pointing at him. Joyce just nodded. “Hi, William, I’m Constable Bedouin, I’d like to talk to you for a moment.” He started. “Do you know Daniel Ozbourne, Lindsey McDonald and Devon Kinsley?”

“Yes…they’re my band mates…what happened to them?” He asked eagerly.

The cop sighed, he never liked doing this. “I’m afraid there was an accident. Earlier this evening your three friends stopped for gas at a station a couple blocks away from Nikki’s, which I’m told is where they were headed tonight.”

Spike’s eyes were wide with horror at what couple have possibly happened. “Yes, I was suppose to meet them there.” He divulged.

“There seemed to be some kind of gas leak and when Mr. Kinsley went to light a smoke…” the officer left the statement on the air, not really knowing how to break to the young man that he may never see his three friends again because of a leak the gas station should have fixed to protocol.

Spike shook his head. “No…no I just saw them not nearly an hour ago! Is every- are they okay? Did they-” he couldn’t finish his sentence.

“Mr. Ozbourne is in critical condition at the moment. He has third degree burns and no use of his right leg, and sight gone in both eyes. I’m sorry to say things aren’t looking very good for him right now.” The cop continued.

“And, Lindsey…and Dev-Devon?” he stuttered.

“Devon was pronounced dead at the scene and Lindsey on the way to the hospital. I’m so sorry for you losses.” Constable Bedouin watched with sad eyes as the young man broke down in sobs, his mother and father holding him as he cried. “I’m sorry to ask this at this time. But we’ll need to ask you a few questions…while their still fresh in your mind.”

Joyce glanced at the cop. “Maybe tomorrow would be better…something tells me this is a night he won’t forget.” Joyce wiped away her son’s tears before wiping her own. Those boys had become like family to her, with them always over to practice.

“Very well, Mrs. Giles. I’ll be sure to call then.” He noticed that William didn’t seem to be paying any attention to the conversation he was having with his mother, so he continued on. “I suggest you take him to see Mr. Ozbourne…the boy doesn’t have much time.” With a single nod, he and his partner left the house where a man a woman and their son cried.


Spike was wiping away the tears again. “I don’t remember how long it took for me to get up and get to the hospital, but I got to see Oz one last time.” He sniffled. “He was a mess. He didn’t even look like my friend anymore. His face was all burned up, and he was covered in bandages. He was on a respirator because he couldn’t breath on his own.”

Buffy had to wipe away her own tears. She couldn’t believe what the man in front of her had to go through. How strong he was to live on, and live a content life after such an ordeal.

Spike ran a hand through his hair. “I remember he said something to me before I left. I could barely make it out, I didn’t even I believe he said it until I figured out what he meant. ‘Don’t let the anger be you’. It made no sense. I thought about it over and over and over again, until I realized…he wasn’t saying ‘don’t let the anger be you’. He was saying ‘don’t let the anger BE you’. He didn’t want me to beat myself up about it…their death wasn’t at my hands. I shouldn’t blame myself for not being there because if I was I’d be dead too.” He shook his head at his own stupidity. “But it took me years to come to that conclusion…actually I figured it out on my way to get you today.” He said sheepishly. “I wrote a song after their funerals…but I never had the courage to perform it, or to even let anybody else hear it. I couldn’t even play without feeling guilty…like I should be playing with them. So I took my guitar and Oz’s amp and locked it away at my parent’s house.” Spike picked up his case, and took out his guitar. “I’m gonna play you that song, Buffy. It’s gonna be the first time I’ve played it in over five years, and I’m kinda nervous about it.” He admitted. He took a deep breath as he plucked the strings to make sure they were in tune.

“Don’t be nervous, baby…I’ll love it no matter what, because you wrote it.” Buffy assured. She was surprised she could say anything without her voice cracking completely. She was so heart broken listening to everything Spike had to say, but she was glad that he could finally open up to her about it.

Spike plugged a cord into the amp and into his guitar, and adjusting the volume so it wasn’t too loud.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing thats beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til' then I'll walk alone


Spike had his eyes closed as he sang and strumed his strings. A passion in him came out as he came to terms with the emotions and pain of his younger self.

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I'll walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til' then I'll walk alone


When the song was over...William didn’t say anything…Buffy didn’t say anything…she just took the guitar out of his hands, gave him a sweet lasting kiss, and curled up next to him. Nothing needed to be said right now. Now was a time for comfort.


Chapter End Notes:
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