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Author's Chapter Notes:
title and lyrics from the song Shadow On The Wall by Brandi Carlile
A/N: wow! Thank you guys so much for reviewing especially CallMeKitten! Also for those who were wondering, Angel and Buffy broke up because one she shut him out a lot, to they started to lose the love in the relationship and Angel didn’t want kids. More will be explained later. They did end on okay terms but there was a lot of pain there for both of them…anyways I hope that helps now on with the fic!



Chapter 7: I Could Never Sleep When You’re Gone…


Gone, it's hard for me to say when I'm wrong
It's hard for me to weep when I'm strong
But I can never sleep when you're gone
Oh, but still, if you are gonna crucify me
I wouldn't want nobody to see
'Cause you could kick me hard when I'm down
Down, down, down


After letting her ex husband drain his pain out through his tears, Buffy led him to the couch where he sat staring at the floor. Buffy sat silently, knowing that when Angel was ready to talk he would.

“Who was that guy?” his voice was hoarse from sobbing.

Buffy wasn’t expecting that to come up so soon. She frowned. Might as well tell him the truth. “He’s my boyfriend.” she hoped he wouldn’t delve into it.

He nodded as if he already knew. “I didn’t even see it coming, Buffy.” he changed the subject. “She’d been going to the hospital for the past week to run some tests…the doctors thought she might be anemic. She would faint from time to time…and when she was doing laundry this morning…she fainted again. She was standing at the top of the stairs…and she fell down.” his last words got caught in his throat.

Buffy didn’t realize the tears flowing from her eyes until one dropped on her hand. “Oh my God, Angel…” he didn’t have to continue for her to know what happened. “I’m so sorry.”

“She was all alone, so no one was there to find her until I went to the house a few hours ago for dinner. And that’s how I found her…she had broken her neck on the way down.” Now Liam looked closed off…his eyes were empty and his voice was cold. Liam loved his mother more than anything, and now that she was gone he was dead inside. Buffy pulled him into her embrace, and didn’t feel hurt when he did nothing to reciprocate. He rested his head on her breast, and sighed. “You were the only person I could talk to. You’re the only one that would understand.”

Buffy had lost her mother also. Shortly after Buffy and Angel got married over two years ago, Buffy’s mother Jenny died of complications of a simple surgery. To say Buffy was shocked would be an understatement. She went in thinking that she was getting the ligament in her thigh repaired, but the doctor made a cut that would change her life. Jenny started bleeding excessively, which turned into blood clotting. She died only a few hours after. The hospital was greatly apologetic and because it was their fault, they paid away all of Jenny’s medical bills and insurance.

But that wasn’t enough. All the money in the world wouldn’t shut her up about the accidental death of her mother. And Angel was there…through everything. From talking to the police, and speaking for her when she was too angry to bring the words out. He took care of everything while she mourned, and now it was time for her to do the same.

“I’m here, Angel okay. Whatever you need, I’ll be here. Why don’t you stay here tonight? I don’t want you walking or driving around like this.” Angel didn’t say anything as she led him upstairs and into their old room. “You can sleep in here, I’ll just be in the guest bedroom.” She moved about the room, turning down the sheets and grabbing some of his old sweat pants from the back of the closet. “Here.” she handed them to him and he just turned them in his hands as if he didn’t know what to do with them. “You left them behind…I thought you might come back for them.”

She watched Liam sit on the bed and hang his head. “When did everything get so fucked up? I thought we were happy?” When he first spoke Buffy thought that he was talking about the most recent events, but with his next words she froze…he was talking about them.

Buffy came and sat down beside him. “We were. We just wanted different things…I wanted kids and you didn’t. And I had troubles let you in after my mother died. I get that now…and I’m trying to change that about myself, with Joyce’s help.” she concluded, rubbing Angels back in comfort.

“I can give you children, if you want them.” Angel said quietly. Before she could say anything, he continued. “Buffy I miss you…no one got me like you did.” he gently grabbed her hand and held it between his two larger ones. “I feel so lost right now…seeing you again made me feel like I had one thing right in my life.”

Buffy closed her eyes. It hurt to see him like this. She wanted so much to help him…but she couldn’t help him in that way. “Liam, we got divorced for a reason. We would just end up back in that same position. And I’m seeing someone now. I’m sorry, but you’re only saying this because of your mom. You wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t-” she cut herself off. “You want this because it familiar…because you know what to do here. But it’s not going to solve your problems. I’ll be here for you…as a friend. You can call me, come over whenever you want, and we can talk but we can’t be more than that. It’s not fair to you, me or William if we do otherwise.” Buffy didn’t have to elaborate on who William was; Angel got it.

He took a deep breath and let it out. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Buffy.” he wiped his hands over his face, and started taking off his shoes and socks. “Is this guy good to you?”

Buffy smiled. “Yes…treats me like a Queen.”

Angel nodded. “Good. You don’t deserve any less than that.” he stood and started unbuckling his belt. He was feeling comfortable. She wasn’t exactly okay with him changing in front of her…but she didn’t want him to feel more awkward, so she let him. “Seems a little young though.”

Buffy laughed. “Yeah, but he’s wise beyond his years.” she tried not to look at him while he shucked off his jeans and pulled the sweat pants on over his boxers.

Angel walked back over to the bed, and sat down again. “Just as long as he makes you happy. I’d like to meet him sometime…you know when I’m not sobbing my heart out at your feet.” he joked. He didn’t smile but she knew he was trying to make himself feel better.

Buffy smiled. “Yeah…that would be nice. Just don’t scare him away.” she joked back.

“I won’t.” Angel got himself under the covers and pulled them over his stomach. “Thanks again, Buffy.” she smiled and placed a kiss on his forehead before grabbing her pajamas and heading to the guest bedroom for the night.

When she got changed and into bed, she gave spike a ring, who had sent her a couple of text messages asking her to call him later and that he hoped everything was okay.

She told him that, that was Angel; her ex husband, and he had just lost his mother. She said that she was just heading to bed now, and she would call him in the morning. When she hung up the phone, Buffy found it hard to get some sleep. Angel’s mother Fiona was much like a mother to her as well. Fiona took her under her wing after Jenny died, and hearing about her death broken a piece of her heart. The blonde held it in for the sake of Angel…but now she couldn’t let the tears.


Chapter End Notes:
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