Chapter 10
“What the bloody hell is this, Buffy?” he asked, suddenly feeling his anger rising. Buffy flinched at the words that she’d come to expect. She took a deep breath and started to speak, but he didn’t give her a chance. “So you say you love me, and you…you go on with your life shagging whoever comes along? Whose is it? It bloody-well can’t be Angel’s. Who, Buffy? I’ll rip his bloody head off!”
“Spike!” Buffy shouted.
“This is just beautiful. You let me get all soft and act like a complete jerk, telling you I love you like I should have, and you’re…you’re carrying around somebody else’s burden…”
“Spike, stop it!” Buffy demanded, her own anger rising to match his. “You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I get it. I was an idiot to think…” He turned around, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, popping one out, lighting it, and taking a long drag as Buffy watched in silence. She was curious to hear the kind of venom he was about to spit out at her. Maybe it would give her a reason to hate him. Maybe it would make everything a whole lot simpler. Instead, he just stared at her, looking at her coat-covered belly. “Who was it, Buffy? From the looks of it, you didn’t wait very long.”
“I didn’t wait at all!” Immediately, she realized how that sounded, and Spike raised his eyebrows.
“That’s pretty clear,” he seethed. “How long was it? A week? A day? A bloody hour? Oh, perfect. It was that principal git wasn’t it? Let me guess, he lived and you were so upset you jumped on him because he was the first warm body you could find?”
“That’s rich,” Buffy said angrily, though the tears in her eyes showed no sign of drying up. “You think that I asked for this?”
“Somebody sure did.” She reached out, slapping him hard across the face.
“You didn’t even think to ask. You just assumed. You want to think that I said what I said because I knew you were going to die? Well I didn’t, ok? I loved you, and you just…you just gave up!”
“I did what I had to do!” he bellowed. “You know how hard it was for me to stay there, when all I wanted to do was take your hand and get you out of there as fast as I could? I wanted to, but I knew that if I didn’t stay, you might not make it. I had to give you the chance to get out!”
“Well you were stupid.”
“Well, what else is new? You must have some handbook that teaches you to believe that Spike’s worthless. Spike’s a blithering idiot.”
“You were stupid to stay, but you were brave,” she finally said. Her eyes met his, a little less anger flowing between them both now. “You saved a lot of people. You saved the world, and I was still angry. I wanted you back, because you were the only person that could tell me exactly what I was feeling. Even I didn’t know some of those things, Spike. You knew me better than I did, and that scared me, but that’s what I needed. I realized that…too late.” Spike was a little taken aback. How did they get from arguing to her praising him and telling him about his good qualities? That was a head scratcher. “I didn’t want you to find out this way. I just wanted a chance to explain.” Spike sighed heavily and sat down on the leather couch.
“Well, the sun’s out. I can’t go anywhere.” Buffy eyed him, and he made a motion to scoot over so she could sit. As angry as he was, he couldn’t exactly deny a pregnant woman the right to sit down and rest her feet for a while. “Just make it quick. Like a band-aid. Who’s the father?”
“You are.” Her eyes never left his, and she watched the expression on his face change from the angry hurt to surprise to confusion and then momentarily to amusement and then back to confusion.
“You’re jerkin’ my chain. That’s impossible. We haven’t…I mean, you know that it…”
“It’s hard to explain. But…Spike, the long story short is that when I took your hand, something…something happened. Next thing I knew, I had the same look on my face that you have right now, when the doctor told me I was pregnant. Spike, I haven’t been with anybody else since…since we were…” She shook her head. “But there’s more.”
“I don’t understand. Buffy, vampires can’t have children.”
“There’s a prophecy.”
“Brilliant. Another prophecy,” he muttered. “What’s it this time? Something about a chosen vampire? A cup of perpetual torment?”
“What?”
“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head, getting back to the important matter at hand. “What’s the prophecy?” She studied his face, wondering if she should tell him everything. She didn’t want to frighten him or make him go off the deep end and do something incredibly stupid, but she knew she had to be honest. They always had to be honest if they had any chance of making…whatever this was…work.
After explaining and trying her best to answer Spike’s questions, Buffy sat on the same leather couch as Spike, staring at him, waiting for his response. His expression was one she’d seen many times before. He was trying to figure it all out; trying to figure out how he could make this work so that he was happy. It didn’t bother her, because she knew in her heart that he’d only be happy if she were alive.
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know what to think, pet,” he said quietly. “I find out I’m gonna be a father and that because of me, you’re supposed to die.”
“It’s not because of you.”
“Well, it bloody well isn’t because of Angel, is it?”
“Enough about Angel! This has nothing to do with him. This is about us.”
“Well you went running to him, didn’t you?”
“What else did you expect me to do? I didn’t know you were alive. I didn’t know where else to go. Everybody’s scattered to different corners of the world, and when I found out about the prophecy, I didn’t know what to do. Angel was the closest person, and because he’s running things at Wolfram and Hart, I thought he might be able to help.” Spike grew silent at Buffy’s words. She had a point.
“You’re not going to die.”
“Angel keeps saying that. But he hasn’t found anything.”
“We’ll find something.” He shook his head. “And the Slayers? They’ll lose their power?”
“Faith won’t. I won’t. I think it has something to do with natural enemies creating life between them.” She shrugged her shoulders. Kind of sheds some different light on the whole biting and staking thing. Of course, they’re going to be hunted by vampires still. They’ll have the skills, but they won’t have the strength anymore.”
“So we’re looking at potentially….thousands of dead ex-Slayers, and if the prophecy is true, the best Slayer there is…is gonna be taken down by this kid. My kid.”
“That’s what it sounds like, but like you said, it won’t happen. We’ll find a way.” Spike nodded his head. They had to find a way. He wasn’t losing her. As crazy as this all sounded, crazier things had happened, and he wasn’t about to lose her, not when he’d just gotten her back. Things weren’t going to be easy, but it didn’t matter.
“We will,” he agreed. He felt her hand on his shoulder.
“We’ve got a lot to talk about, Spike.”
“That we do,” he said quietly, placing his hand on hers. Her fingers curled around his, and he looked over at her, looking into those gorgeous green eyes. God, how he’d longed to look into her eyes and see such love for him there. He’d dreamed of that look for so long, and now, now it was real. He wanted her so badly it physically ached to feel so much.
He gently grazed his fingers against her cheek, and she leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. She’d missed the feel of his cool caresses that sent shivers and sparks through her body at the same time. He was the only man who could ever do that to her.
“God I’ve missed you,” he breathed, wanting to kiss her again, wanting to make her moan his name.
“Me too,” she breathed, as she leaned in closer, her breath against his soft lips. “Spike…”
“I’ve dreamed about it. Dreamed of touching you. Did you dream about me?” He kissed her soft cheek and then gently placed a kiss on the very spot of her neck that he could feel her pulse the strongest.
“Every night,” she moaned, her body already reacting in ways she hadn’t anticipated it would until they’d talked some more and had worked through everything that had gone down in their separate lives—or in Spike’s case, his unlife—these past several months. But she couldn’t stop herself. She never could with him. He had to stop it, and she hoped he wouldn’t. This just felt so right. “God, Spike…please…”
“I wanna hear you say it,” he murmured, capturing her lips with his, tracing his tongue along her lower and then upper lip, feeling her quiver against his kiss. He could smell her desire for him, and he guided a hand to her thigh, caressing it slowly before reaching down to urge her legs apart. He brushed his hand against the warmth of her, and he began to stroke her through her jeans, causing her to cry out softly in his mouth.
“Please, Spike. I want you to fuck me…please…now.” He needed no further encouragement, as he leaned into her, one hand working to help her out of her coat, as the other rubbed mercilessly against her heat. She nipped at his lower lip, and she pulled back. “Here.” She unbuttoned her coat and slipped it off of her shoulders. For the first time, Spike saw the very evident roundness of her stomach, and he just stared, shock and awe clearly present in his gaze. She eyed him, wondering what he was thinking.
“It’s not weird, is it?”
“No, I…”
“I know I look fat…”
“No,” he breathed. “You’re gorgeous, Slayer.” That passion was still in his eyes, but his gaze was drawn back to the heaviness of her middle.
“Spike? Do you…do you want to feel him kick?” Great, Buffy. Way to ruin the mood, she thought. But he didn’t seem to be put off.
“I…”
“It’s alright,” she said quietly.
“Does it hurt? Havin’ your skin stretched like that?”
“No,” she said with a slight chuckle at his lack of knowledge. Vampires never really had to think about pregnancy and the things that came along with it. Until now, anyway. “He’s kicking. You can…you can feel him if you want.” She stared at him, trying to gauge his feelings. “You don’t have to.” He couldn’t help but ask the next question.
“What if he’s…Buffy, I mean, the child of a vampire? What does that mean anyway? Are you sure he won’t come out with…with fangs or with three heads or something?”
“I’ve had lots of ultrasounds. He’s human, Spike.” She placed her hand on his. “He has a soul.” She gently took his hand and placed it on her belly, and she watched as his sparkling blue eyes lit up with wonderment, just as she’d dreamed. “Our son is human.”
“He’s…he’s really kicking, isn’t he? It doesn’t hurt?”
“It’s not always comfortable, but it lets me know he’s ok.” She smiled a little. Who’d have ever thought it? A vampire and a slayer discussing the fetal movement of their unborn son.
“This is because of me. I did this to you.” He smiled a little. “And didn’t even get to the fun part.” Buffy chuckled and shook her head.
“Yeah.” With a soft sigh, she traced her fingers over his knuckles and watched him smile ever-so-softly as he felt the baby moving inside of her.
“Spike Jr. is it?” he asked.
“What? I’m not naming our son Spike! And don’t you even think about putting it on the birth certificate. Or William the Bloody Jr. William? Maybe.”
“I think one William is enough for one slayer, don’t you, luv?” he asked, the passion re-igniting in his eyes. “Or do you still want to see me and Captain Forehead wrestle it out in…what was it? Some kind of oil?” Buffy couldn’t help but grin at the memory.
“I think I’d rather have just you,” she said softly.
“Yeah? How come I have a hard time believing that?”
“Because you’re a dumb vampire,” she replied. “You don’t get it. You don’t want to believe that anybody could love you…”
“No, I think maybe it’s because you can’t shag Angel, so you’ll have to settle…”
“Hey,” she interrupted. “No settling for Buffy. I was a girl when I fell in love with Angel, ok? I was excited by him…he was mysterious and sexy, and…”
“At what point do I start listening again?” he asked. Buffy rolled her eyes.
“My point is that I’m not a girl anymore.”
“Right you are,” he murmured, gazing at her form, noticing how the miracle of pregnancy had also enhanced parts of her that had already been perfect to him in the first place. He had to admit that he was turned on by the swell in her breasts, and there was something arousing, something primal about seeing her carrying his child safe inside of her.
“My feelings for Angel…I…I’ll always love him, Spike, but he’s not who I want. Not anymore. I Storieswant you. I love you.” She placed her hand against his cheek. “Call me a fool, but I can’t help myself.”
“You’re sure? This is what you want? Because so help me, Buffy, I couldn’t bear it if you…”
“Trust me, Spike. There’s not a doubt in my mind. I feel this way. I have for a long time, and I can’t make it stop. For a long time…I tried. I tried, because I thought it would make things easier. But…I realized there was no use fighting it. Things happen for a reason. No one knows why we love those that we do.”
“You’re starting to sound like the old man.”
“Giles?”
“Hmm.”
“Yeah,” she said thoughtfully. With a sigh, she let out a soft groan. “Sorry. I kinda ruined the mood, didn’t I?”
“S’alright.” He cleared his throat. “Well, I’d ask if you wanted to get out of here, do something else, but since the sun’s out, we’re a little limited on recreational activities. I think there’s a Playstation upstairs.”
“Spike.”
“I think there’s two controllers, and…”
“Spike!”
“What?”
“Just shut up and kiss me.” With that, she pulled her arms around him and pressed her lips against his, kissing him hungrily until she felt him kiss her back. This time, there would be no interruptions.
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