Chapter 14
The warm water felt absolutely delightful against her clammy skin. She stood under the stream and rubbed her face with her hands, relishing the feel of the water as it flooded over her shoulders and down her back, running down every part of her until she was soaking wet. She let out a soft sigh, and while she knew she should start scrubbing herself down, she didn’t want to move or ruin the perfect moment, as her thoughts traveled back to the way Spike had held her, how he’d filled her completely, how close they’d gotten.
And she was trembling again, her core throbbing at the mere thought of what he could do to her. He’d always been able to get her worked up, but now, knowing that he knew how she felt, it made it even more special. She could share herself with him now. There was no holding back, and she didn’t want to change that. She didn’t want to think about the future or the fact that her life was on the line. Her life had always been on the line, and sure, she’d died a couple of times, come close even more, but this time, she refused to let anything happen to herself. Not when everything was finally right.
She heard the quiet creak of the bathroom door, followed by a very discreet click of the latch. Smiling to herself, she ran her hands down her face, her neck, her breasts, and her belly. She bit her lower lip, as she heard the shower door open. Her face began to flush, and the moment she heard the door shut, she turned and was greeted by a pair of mischievous, twinkling blue eyes. He was standing before her, his beautiful, ivory skin dampening from the mist swirling about the shower.
“Thought you could use a hand,” he said dumbly, which brought a smile to Buffy’s face. Without a moment’s notice, she snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, crashing her mouth against his, kissing him feverishly.
He pressed her back against the shower wall, and immediately he slid his thigh between her legs, rubbing against her swollen pussy, so tight and ready for him. He moaned against her mouth, sucking her tongue, causing her to gasp against his lips.
“Spike,” she murmured, as he moved from her lips to gently nibble on her ear, causing her to lean her head back, and he began to suckle at her neck. Her hands moved over his shoulders and down his muscled back before cupping his firm ass, giving it a squeeze.
“Slayer,” he growled, sucking against the hollow of her throat before she arched back, and he took a nipple between his teeth. She closed her eyes, as the water poured over them both.
He was so hard against her thigh, and as he pulled her closer, he pushed into her just a little, causing her to moan, as she leaned into him, taking him all the way inside. For a moment, they could only just stare at one another, both so caught up in the moment, not willing to make it stop, but when she pulsed around him, his knees nearly turned to jelly, and he leaned against her, burying his face in her neck, as he pumped into her desperately. She held onto him for dear life, crying out as her nipples raked against his hard chest. His fingers circled out a rushing climax, as her clit swelled and ached for more of his touch.
“Oh God. Oh fuck. Spike…Spike…yes….oh God. I love…you…” Hearing her say it spurred him on, and in moments, he was spilling into her, the delicious bubble bursting, sending them both into spasms of sheer fulfillment.
The moments that followed here silent, as his hand softly kneaded her breast, and she stroked his back. He closed his eyes, feeling her heart pounding so fast. He pressed a kiss against her heartbeat, and his hands roamed lower, until he felt the fullness of her belly in both of his hands. He felt her stiffen just slightly, and he gazed into her sea green eyes.
“What’s it feel like? Havin’ him inside you?” She smiled a little and shook her head.
“I don’t know. I really…I can’t describe it. It’s…right.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She brushed her lips against his, and their foreheads met. They smiled at each other, both exhausted, yet at a moment’s notice, they knew their passion could ignite once more. “We really haven’t helped the clean factor much, have we?”
“Not really. Don’t really mind though.”
“Mmm.” She kissed him again, and she could feel him hardening between her legs again. “Bad boy,” she laughed.
“Can’t help it. Can’t get enough of you. S’been too long.” He pulled her to him again, his hands fisting in her hair, needing to feel more of her, wanting to feel her so close to him he wasn’t sure where one started and the other ended.
“It’s getting hot in here.”
“Tell me about it.”
“No, silly,” she said, swatting at him. I mean…steamy. We should hurry and…and then maybe…unnh….” His hand pulled her leg up to drape over his hip, and she could feel him sliding against her, waiting for a cue. “Oh God. Spike…don’t stop. Don’t ever stop…” He balanced the two of them, holding her as he slid all the way in. She gasped again, clutching at his back, crying out as he brought them both to a speedy finish.
***
A while later, they both stumbled out of the shower, squeaky clean, but practically inseparable.
“How’d we do it?” Buffy asked, pulling a night gown over her still damp body, deciding to forego the underwear. She didn’t exactly think she’d be requiring them tonight. Spike climbed onto the bed, used to sleeping in the nude anyway. He stretched out, his arms folded behind his head, as he watched her walk around the room, a gentle waddle in her normally stoic slayer gait.
“Do what, luv?”
“Go all those months without jumping each other?”
“You mean, the months I was out of my gourd? That might’ve had something to do with it.”
“I wanted to.”
“Hmm?”
“The night…the night you found me in that house, after Faith took over? You stayed with me, remember?”
“You think I’d forget the best night of my life, luv? Well…second best, now.” He grinned at her, as she settled into bed beside him.
“I wanted you…but I was afraid to make a move. I knew you were scared. I could feel you…you were shaking. I knew that after everything that happened between us, it wouldn’t have been right, but I wanted you. I wanted you to kiss me. That’s all I ever want these days.” He leaned in, kissing her softly.
“I wanted you too, pet. But the night that was really bad for me was the night I saw you with Angel.” Buffy sighed softly. “I know you said it was a hello, but it drove me crazy, because I wanted…” He paused, second guessing his words. Buffy turned herself toward him.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s stupid.”
“Spike.” There was a long pause, before he finally continued. There was no avoiding anything with her. She would find a way to get it out of him, so he figured it was best if he just spat it out, quick and painless.
“I wanted to be the last man you ever kissed.” Buffy felt tears well in her eyes, but she held them back. “I thought we were gonna die. I knew we wouldn’t all make it out, and I wanted…I wanted to go knowing I was the last man you kissed, but I couldn’t get up the nerve. I didn’t want to ruin what we had. It was new. We were close, and I didn’t want to muck it up again.” Buffy frowned a little, but nodded in understanding. She yawned, and Spike reached out for her. She tentatively slid over to feel him wrap his arms around her. She lay against his chest, feeling the rumble there as he spoke. “When you said you loved me, I felt it. I knew it. It just hurt too much to realize I was losing you when I never really had you.”
“You have me now.”
“I do?”
“Mmmhmm,” Buffy murmured sleepily. She closed her eyes, placing her hand against his chest, against the spot where, if he were alive, she’d feel the thumpthumpthump of his heart. She wondered if he remembered the pain. What did it feel like when the world came crashing down, when the sun began to tear him apart, burning him from the inside. She shivered just thinking about it. About the pain he’d gone through so that she and her friends could get out, get to safety. He’d saved the world. He was a hero. And he hadn’t said a word about what it was like being…wherever it was that he had been.
Don’t ask him. You didn’t like to be asked. When she’d first come back, everybody had tried to tiptoe around the subject, but they were so curious. Then there was Anya, who just blurted it out, asking where she was. Thinking back, Buffy wasn’t certain she did remember much of it at all. It was like waking from a really vivid dream. As you wake, you remember everything, but the moment your head clears, it’s all gone. She’d been in that post-dream fog for months, until finally, it was as if all memory of Heaven was gone to her, but the feelings still remained, prickling the hairs on the back of her neck from time to time.
“William?” Frowning at the sudden even-more-serious tone he realized this conversation was about to take, Spike squeezed her shoulder.
“Yeah?”
“What was it like?”
“What?”
“Where you were? I mean, after Sunnydale. After…”
“After the world caved in, hmm?” She glanced at him. “I went, lookin’ for you. Saw the crater...more like a giant landfill now.”
“Yeah,” Buffy said sadly, still waiting for an answer.
“I don’t remember much…just standin’ there, the light real hot against my skin. Felt good at first, feeling that warmth for the first time in over a decade. Then after you left, it started burning. I knew I was gonna die, and I figured that if I was going to, I might as well make the most of it. So I just looked out, watched it all fall down around me. I could feel myself burning up. Hurt more than anything physical I ever felt, but it didn’t hurt more than…than when I lost you.” Buffy felt a lump in her throat. “Next thing I knew, I was standing in Captain Forehead’s office, wondering who the hell most of them were, and why I was there and…and not with you.”
“You mean, it was just like that? You don’t remember being anywhere?” Spike shook his head.
“No, luv. It was like it just happened. No time passed at all. For me anyway.”
“Wow,” Buffy whispered, gently circling her finger around and around on his chest. They lay in silence for a few minutes, and Buffy chewed her lower lip, pondering. He could practically feel the tension rising in her, and he caressed her back.
“Buff?” She smiled a little. He rarely ever called her that, but when he did, it send tingles down to her toes. It was sweet, yet so unlike him.
“Hmm?”
“I…I wish it’d been that way for you.”
“What?”
“I wish you didn’t remember. I wish you didn’t know what you were leaving. Maybe then you wouldn’t have come back…”
“Wrong?” She sat up a little. “Spike, I don’t regret what happened. If I hadn’t come back the way I was, you and I never would have…”
“And I never would have hurt you.”
“Hey, no past. Remember?”
“We’re talkin’ about the past now, luv, aren’t we?”
“That’s different. That was past Spike.”
“He’s still here.” Buffy placed her hand over his heart, and she shook her head.
“Maybe, but he’s different now.” Spike looked away, but she placed her fingertips against his cheek and made him look her in the eyes. They locked gazes, and words were lost to them, but soon, Buffy found herself trembling, but she wasn’t certain why. She closed her eyes, thinking about everything they’d just said. Something inside of her was bursting to come out. Finally, it hit her. She took his hand, and she squeezed it.
“I can’t remember anymore,” she whispered.
“What?”
“When I was with you, I…I was in a fog,” she whispered, looking down, feeling…what? Shame? “I remembered everything, I think. About where I was. I was happy there. I think I was. It’s gone now, Spike. Something happened. One day, it just left, like it was a dream, and I couldn’t remember what had happened. But it’s still with me. It’s here, and I can’t remember it. I just know that it was a good place. Whatever it was that I remembered, I think the fog lifted when I realized I had something to live for here.”
“And it wasn’t me.”
“You helped me through that time, Spike.”
“Or made it worse?”
“Don’t. Spike, please. Just don’t do this. I don’t blame you for anything that happened then. We both did things we regret, but it’s the past now.” She took a shaky breath, and she leaned in, kissing him softly. “I don’t want to think about it anymore. I just want to be with you, for whatever time we have left.”
“Don’t talk like that, Slayer. You’re not giving up on me.”
“No. I know. I just…I want to be prepared for the worst.” She let Spike pull her back into his arms, and she relaxed against him, staring off toward the wall. “I’m scared.”
“Nothin’ to be scared of, luv. Big Bad’s here, remember?” Buffy smiled a little.
“Yeah,” she breathed. Closing her eyes, she submitted herself to sleep, and soon, Spike too fell asleep, exhausted, sated, and happy for the first time in far too long.
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