Chapter 4
Giles stopped his pacing. “That’s hardly my problem, Spike.” Facing them, and resisting the need to take off his glasses and wipe them, he added, “What worries me is… where did you come from?”
“From. The. Past.” It was obvious that Spike was making an effort not to comment on the Watcher’s intelligence.
“What I mean is… what happened to that past, after you left?”
~~~~~*~~~~~
The significance of things is rarely apparent at the moment they occur. People don’t know it’s the last time they’ll be making love with a significant other, the last time they’ll be seeing a friend, or the last time they’ll be leading a group, until that moment has come and gone. It usually happens gradually. Lovers will grow distant, friends will drift apart, and there’ll come a point where you may just cease to be necessary. The first time Rupert Giles felt he wasn’t needed he wanted to cheer. His Slayer was in college and had gradually learned to handle things on her own, and that only reflected on his abilities as her Watcher. Little did he know that what he felt so proud for at the time would slice right through him and hurt him to the core when it became a regular occurrence.
Even though they’d reached a balance as soon as she realized her new college friends - let alone her almost mentor - hadn’t been what she thought they were after she came back from her second death, he’d believed she backtracked and once more came to depend on him a little too much. So he left her. He knew that was far from a stellar decision now, but at the time it had seemed right. When he returned, he inadvertently tried to slide back into the spot he used to occupy, but it was too late. Never, not once, had he thought this will be the last time she needs me, and now, after all they’d been through, he wholeheartedly wished he had. Maybe he could have helped more. Maybe he could have rethought his choices and not try to strip her of a powerful ally because of his own prejudice, losing her trust in the process.
He thought of a lot of ‘maybes’ these days, as he tried to help Kennedy be her best, wishing he had a chance at a do over. Buffy was treating him like a mere acquaintance, and his hurt over that was being transferred to not being the best he could be for Kennedy either. He resented her for not being Buffy and he resented himself for being unfair to her. Many a night when he sat in front of the fire place, brandy in hand, he reminisced over the good old days, and berated himself for considering near-Apocalypses as good. He missed the way he’d felt constantly on edge, the challenges he’d had to go through with his Slayer and the kids that were the closest he’d ever come to having a family, but most of all he missed being a father figure for Buffy.
The moment he’d yelled at her about responsibility and making a wish to the Immortal, he wished he could take it back, that he could be more open, more understanding. His questions weren’t about judging her, but about getting a better grasp of the situation they were facing. He needed her to trust him again, craved to be part of her life as he’d once been. The news that one of the Spikes were from the past sparked something inside him that he wanted to nurture to full flame; the need to research, to act.
He would become useful to her again, would help her, would be needed, and if that was his second chance at a last time, at least he’d know to do his best.
~~~~~*~~~~~
Buffy wanted not to have gotten up that day. She was careful not to make a wish for it – because who knew how that would have gone down – but she wanted to have stayed in bed, with her lovers, and not have heard the so very logical arguments Giles had presented for researching the presence of Spike by her side.
“Them both being here clearly indicates they are not from the same time-line,” he said, and when everyone did nothing but stare, he went on to say more things that scared her. “If Spike is here from the past, then everything that transpired to, or because of him, since his time to when he got here wouldn’t have.” He looked at the group around him and threw his hands in the air. “Soul, people. William would have. No. Soul. So he wouldn’t be here. Never mind the fact that he wouldn’t have stopped the Sunnydale Apocalypse.”
“So what? He’s from another Universe?” Xander felt he had to clarify that and then pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t in one of his Star Treck dreams, the likes of which had been making frequent appearances in his sleep since he started spending more time with Andrew.
“Yeah, one that got destroyed ‘cause Buffy needed to get laid,” was Kennedy’s helpful contribution, but her snark lacked its usual bite. She looked worried, concern over the fate of a Universe overcoming her personal feelings towards Buffy. Willow elbowed her, and Dawn threw her a killer look, and she looked really contrite.
“That’s ridiculous.” The moment the word left Buffy’s mouth, she knew she was being silly. She could lift a truck single-handedly, had died twice, three times if you counted the time Warren had shot her, fought more Apocalypses than she cared to think about, had slept with two vampires and a Hell God, her best friend was an all powerful witch and her sister was a green ball of energy. Nothing could be considered ridiculous anymore, so she shut her mouth.
William was completely silent, on occasion chancing a glance at Spike.
“An alternate Universe where everythin’ was the same as this? Not likely, mate. Hence the word al-ter-nate. Plus, I have all of this one’s,” Spike pointed at William with his thumb, “-memories”. He didn’t sound as sure as his words were meant to be.
“No, not an alternate Universe, not per se.” Giles went on to explain how plucking Spike from his own time, the way the wish did, could have created a kind of fork in time. Time, and the Universe, could have split into two branches; one where things had happened the way they all remembered and one where they, well, hadn’t.
He was now saying “It makes sense,” and Buffy’s head was about to explode. William had gathered her to his side, but she felt Spike withdraw. His hand was still in hers, but his body was stiff, rigid, not melting into hers like it had every chance he got for the past few days.
“I thought I was just fast-forwarded,” the bleached blond mumbled, his ever expressive face indicating an internal battle that Buffy refused to acknowledge.
“Well, it’s still just a theory. We’ll have to research. Dawn,” Rupert looked at the young girl who was nodding vigorously. “You and Xander start looking into it. Willow, you contact the Coven. I’ll talk with Spike to clarify some things and then join you.”
The three did as they were told; Dawn with an encouraging smile thrown over her shoulder at the three blonds, and Kennedy tugged along. The look on Spike’s face had unsettled her more than she wanted to admit. He didn’t have a soul; he wasn’t supposed to look so heartbroken.
As soon as Giles had asked all the questions he felt he needed to, in order to spot the exact moment Spike had left his own time, the door was thrown open. Buffy and the vampires turned, automatically assuming battle positions, but it was only Andrew, who ran inside, calling, “Buffy is here? Why did nobody tell me?” He froze in his tracks, doing a double take at Spike. “You came for her? Oh my God, you came for her!” he screeched. “I knew you weren’t on the bad guys’ team! I told Giles you still loved her, but no! Wise Obi-One had to know better.” He completely ignored the Watcher’s repeated call of his name in a warning tone and threw himself in the un-souled vampire’s arms.
Buffy looked from him to Spike, to Giles, to William. Where Andrew completely ignored her, and Spike seemed too preoccupied with getting away from Andrew without hurting him, the other two avoided her eyes.
“Okay, that’s it.” She took hold of the back of Andrew’s neck and easily peeled him off her lover. “Time for some splainies. Now.”
~~~~~*~~~~~
Dawn chewed on the back of her pencil, her mind obviously not on the research at hand. “Do you think he’ll stay this time?” she asked Xander who was fiddling with his eye-patch.
“Which one?”
“Both. Do you think she’ll be happy?”
Xander reached out and ran his fingers through her hair, settling a lock behind her ear. “She has to be. It’s about time.”
“So, you’re ok with it?” She hated how young she sounded to her own ears. She was a woman now, damn it.
“Yes. And I think we all are.” He chuckled when Dawn raised her eyebrows and tilted her head towards the door to Willow and Kennedy’s room. “All who matter to her are. And if Spike has to go back, at least William is here to stay.”
She nodded and turned her eyes back to the page she was reading.
~~~~~*~~~~~
Sofia lay awake, eyes closed, snuggled against the side of the man who had become her prison and that of her mother’s before her, all her life. Even with her eyes shut, she could see him in her mind, lying sprawled on his back, a smile on his lips, an arm wrapped protectively around her. Or it just seemed protective, she thought. It was probably habit, or just the way he was comfortable. She sighed, but he didn’t stir.
Sometimes it was hard not to love him. He was beautiful, and smart, and fun to be around, and life with him meant she was showered with riches and all her whims were catered to. At least until… she refused to think about that. There was time yet, and maybe something would happen. Her right side was numb from laying on it, so she tried to turn to her stomach, careful not to wake him up. His grip tightened around her and he whispered “Buffy”. Sofia felt a pang, but one too brief to credit with jealousy. An idea started forming in her head; one that she didn’t dare dwell upon at the moment. It wasn’t long until sleep claimed her.
~~~~~*~~~~~
Spike was worried. More worried than he’d ever been.
If Giles’ theory was proven right, then his happiness could be at the expense of an entire Universe, and it bothered him beyond words that he cared about that. Yes, it was Buffy – his Buffy, the one that still hated him – he was most concerned about, not the Universe she was stuck with, but still, that was a woman who hated him… and it weighed on him, in a manner it shouldn’t.
And then there was this Buffy, next to him, who hadn’t said a word since that little snot Andrew had let on that Giles knew William had come back after Sunnydale, and hadn’t helped him and Angel with the Apocalypse in Los Angeles. She’d just turned and walked out the door, leaving him and his souled self run after her in the darkness.
Now they were all at her apartment, and William was fussing over her, asking her if she needed anything, apologizing again and again like it was his fault her Watcher betrayed her, while Spike was heating up some water to make her hot chocolate. If that didn’t make her talk to them, he’d bite the bint.
It did. She said “Thank you”, and then turned those huge eyes of hers to William and asked, “Did the others know?”
“No, pet, they didn’t. Not to my knowledge. You saw their reactions.” He placed a hand on her knee reassuringly, and wiped a tear off her cheek with the thumb of the other.
“Yeah, Li’l Bit was all over us. She wouldn’ be like that if she’d thought he’d gone bad again, yeah?”
The Slayer nodded. “And the others?” There was a plea in her voice, a need to know the betrayal wasn’t as huge, as complete as she thought. Spike’s un-beating heart broke. “They didn’t. It was just old Rupes. And he had good reason at the time.”
She snapped at him. “How can you defend him? After… After everything?”
“I have to, ‘cause he was only doin’ what he thought was best for you.”
William didn’t speak. He didn’t forgive the Watcher for letting Fred, Angel, and all the others die when he could have helped, and he was sure Spike wasn’t as forgiving as he let on either. He squeezed next to Buffy on the sofa and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her curl’ against his side. Taking his useless glasses off and putting them on the table by the sofa he nuzzled her neck.
“He loves you, kitten,” Spike went on. “And you need the people who love you on your side.”
There was something in his tone that made William afraid for what his younger self had in mind. He looked a question at him, but Spike just shook his head, indicating now wasn’t the time for it.
“Does he love me, though? Or does he just want me to be his perfect little killing machine?” Buffy mumbled against William’s shirt, wiping her nose on it in the process.
William laid a kiss on the crown of her head and whispered, “You know he does.” Even he couldn’t deny that.
Spike cupped her face and turned it towards him. He knew what his Slayer needed. “We all do.” He kissed her, not with the slow tenderness she expected, but with a fiery passion that reminded her of the grunting, wild couplings they once shared. He pulled back when she needed to catch her breath, only to pull William in for a kiss just as urgent and passionate.
~~~~~*~~~~~
Giles once again paced the length of the living room over and over, trying to settle his thoughts before joining the rest and finding out what, if anything, they’d come up with. He’d sent Andrew home, having done his best not to bash his head in. It wasn’t the boy’s fault. He was the only one to blame, and he didn’t want to avoid that blame. He wanted Buffy to know he realized how much he’d hurt her, and that he would do everything within his power to never cause her pain again, and to ensure she was happy with her choices. Only he wasn’t sure letting the three of them know about the possibility of another Universe, another Buffy at risk of perish was step to that direction.
Finally making a decision, he walked briskly to his study and sat behind his mahogany desk. It never ceased to amaze him, the wealth and resources the Council had at its disposal, or how easily he’d adapted to using them. Ripping a sheet of paper out of his personalized correspondence block, he started putting everything he wanted to apologize for on paper.
My dearest Buffy,
~~~~~*~~~~~
When Spike pulled both his older self and Buffy up and walked backwards towards the bedroom, gracing the two of them with his sexiest leer, William had one of those moments of realization that rarely occur except for hindsight. He knew at that moment if that night wasn’t the last, it was one of the last the three would spend together. Spike meant to tell them goodbye.
Tbc.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you Im_bloody_English, for being faster than a speeding bullet and so incredibly awesome as to manage to beta everything I sent you despite your back pain. I can never repay you for how nice you’ve been to me, boo, love you! Thank you Blackoberst for test reading and for being there for me when I’m at my craziest. I love you, baby!
Thank YOU all for reading, and thank you so very much for your response to the previous chapter. I really needed it, you made me happy! *huggles*I will be going to Andrei tomorrow (WOOT), so won't be around for about a week. I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve and that 2009 is way better than 2008 for all of us!
Thank YOU all for reading, and thank you so very much for your response to the previous chapter. I really needed it, you made me happy! *huggles*I will be going to Andrei tomorrow (WOOT), so won't be around for about a week. I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve and that 2009 is way better than 2008 for all of us!
Chapter End Notes:
Hope you liked. Please, please, please let me know! *bites nails*