“Spike, really, could you stop being so distracted? This is serious, you know.”
“I know it is, love,” Spike replied with a sigh, “But really, Buffy, you have mistletoe hanging over your chest. How can that not be distracting?”
“It wouldn’t be distracting if you’d learn to concentrate on something other than my boobs, dear.”
“You ask too much of me sometimes. You know that, don’t you?”
Buffy rolled her eyes, but according to the directions she’d obtained from a locator spell, they were close to Santa’s hideout. She looked around, then came to an abrupt stop when she saw it. “There.”
“In the alley?” Spike asked, squinting when he saw nothing.
“Yup. I guess this mistletoe and chestnut thing actually works. There’s a forest at the end of the alley.”
“A forest?”
“Yeah.” Buffy frowned. “It’s all dark and foreboding.” She paused for a moment and shrugged. “Oh, well. Let’s get this over with. The quicker we do this, the less time there is for Anya to accidentally blurt out to the kids what we’re up to.”
“Would she do that?” When Buffy simply gave him a look, Spike sighed and mentally answered his own question. “Right then. Point me towards the woods, Slayer.”
Buffy took his hand as she walked towards the strange rift. A shiver passed through them as they entered the woods, and Buffy quickly turned to make sure London was still there.
It was. She breathed a sigh of relief.
Spike peered out over the dark, snowcapped trees, his fingers still entangled with Buffy. “You know, I liked these sorts of scenarios much better when I was the creepy thing lurking in the woods.”
“Okay, now I’m the one thinking naughty thoughts.” Spike looked at her in surprise, and Buffy smirked. “You, me, alone in the woods – with the hunting and the capture? You know that would be hot.”
“Forget about getting home in time to save the kids from knowing the horrible truth about Santa. Let’s hurry this up so I can take you home and fuck your bloody brains out.”
Buffy ran her hand up his arm, caressing him through the leather. “I’m lucky I married such a sweet talker.”
“Yeah, you just wait until we kill Santa, and I’ll show you sweet talking.” Spike paused. “You know, I think that may be the weirdest thing I’ve ever said.”
“Nah, I’m sure you’ve said weirder. I mean, y’know, you’re weird. But it probably still makes the list.”
“Like attracts like, baby,” he teased, giving her a kiss on her temple before he grew serious again. “So what’s the plan, pet? Because I’m thinking wandering aimlessly around the magical demon woods trying to hunt down child-eating Santa is probably not the smartest game plan.”
“Yeah, that does sound a bit like the set up for some demonic version of the Odyssey. Only with less water and more trees,” Buffy replied.
“See, I was thinking more Wizard of Oz.” When Buffy stared at him blankly, Spike elaborated. “You know, the trees? With the grabbing and the apple-throwing? Please tell me you’ve seen the bloody Wizard of Oz.”
“Not as many times as you, apparently.”
“Well, Dru loved it, so…” Spike stopped abruptly at the daggers his wife was throwing at him with his eyes. “Right then. Plan for finding Santa.”
“Well, now that you’ve effectively ruined The Wizard of Oz for me forever, I… Oh, path.”
Spike blinked. “Huh?”
“Path,” Buffy said, pointing off a ways in the distance where there indeed appeared to be a path. A red and white striped path, as a matter of fact.
“Follow the candy-cane road?” Spike asked.
“You’re not getting laid tonight.”
“Yeah, figured as much.”
Still, Buffy didn’t let go of him as she started towards the path, and Spike smiled when she gave his hand a little squeeze, letting him know she wasn’t really upset with him at all.
They walked through the path silently, both keeping their free hands wrapped around a stake. It grew darker the deeper they got into the woods, and Buffy stayed close to her husband, trusting his preternatural eyesight to lead the way. She really hoped the path was genuine and not some sort of trap because she was soo not in the mood.
When she had just about come to the conclusion they were in fact being led on a path to nowhere, the woods began to lighten. They stopped right at the edge of the tree line, staying out of sight as they took in what they’d found.
A cluster of small buildings, all decorated in red, white, and green, was set in the middle of a snowy clearing. Wreaths adorned candy-cane shaped street lamps, while a large, fully-decorated Christmas tree stood in the middle of it all.
“It’s Santa’s Village of the Damned,” Spike whispered, getting a smirk from his wife.
“He’s got to have the kids in one of those buildings,” Buffy said. “Shouldn’t be too hard to get them out and kill one demon.”
Within seconds the words being out of her mouth, Buffy decided she should probably never speak again, unless maybe she enjoyed jinxing herself. One of the doors opened, and several short, squatty demons wearing what looked like red pajamas filed out.
“Balls,” Spike said in a grumbled whisper. “I should’ve known.”
“You’ve seen those things before?”
“Yeah. Once, in Germany. Long story that involves Drusilla and a lot of drinking, so I’ll spare you, but anyway, they’re tomtin. I’d heard before that they were most likely the basis for the myths about Santa’s elves, but I didn’t think they would actually be Santa’s elves.”
“So the elves are evil, too? God, what’s next, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Deathdeer?”
“Would you be surprised at this point?”
Buffy sighed. “No. So, tomtin – you’ve faced them before. Trouble?”
“Nasty little buggers. Big on the disemboweling.”
“Oh great. Just what this Christmas needed to make it even more extra special. Disemboweling.”
“Well, on the plus side, they don’t need anything special to kill them. Just a regular stabbing does the trick.”
“Yay regular stabbing. So are we doing this?”
“We’re doing this.” He cupped her cheek and kissed her, just like he did before every battle they went into. If anything could make him feel like he could take on the whole sodding world, it was a kiss from Buffy.
As soon as they left the woods, the tomtin spotted them, which surprised neither Spike nor Buffy.
They also seemed to quickly figure out they were in over their tiny heads.
As Buffy and Spike dispatched with the tomtin who had rushed them first, the rest scatted back into the woods, shrieking in a language neither of the two intruders understood.
However, no sooner were they rid of the tomtin than did Buffy and Spike develop much larger problems.
They heard him before they saw him, his booming battle cry shaking the whole village and sending Buffy stumbling back into Spike’s arms.
“Ho! Ho! Ho!”
“You have got to be kidding me,” Buffy groused as Spike helped her steady herself on her feet again. “Is there anything about Christmas this demon isn’t going to ruin?”
The demon stomped through the snow, narrowing his dark, beady eyes at Buffy and Spike. Other than the fact he was indeed wearing a red suit trimmed with white fur and had a long, white beard, he looked nothing at all like the Santa Claus Buffy had grown up with. His skin was gray and wrinkled and his teeth were long, sharp yellow fangs, glistening from beneath his matted beard. Pointed ears stuck out from beside a red and white cap.
“Who dares disturb me on this night?” he hissed, his demon eyes flicking over Buffy and Spike.
“That would be me,” Buffy replied, her arms crossed over her chest with her stake gripped tightly in her right hand. She nodded her head towards Spike. “And him. We’re here to take the kids you stole back to their homes.”
“You will not disturb my feast!” demon Santa announced.
“Yeah, that feast isn’t gonna happen,” Buffy replied. “Because you, Bad Santa, are going to die.”
“I don’t think so, little girl. You might be too old to eat, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be on my naughty list.”
“No, see, you’re not going to be making that list or checking it twice this year,” Buffy said, lifting her stake.
The Santa demon hissed in response, and then charged at Buffy, holding up his fang tipped hands. She raised the stake, but he was quicker than she expected, and with a sudden turn, she found herself pressed into the snow, her stake out of her hand and Santa looming over her.
“Now’s the time to tremble in fear, little girl,” demon Santa hissed through dripping fangs.
Buffy rolled her eyes and counted in her head. As soon as she hit three, Santa was lifted off of her and tossed into the trees with a roar to rival the one the demon had bellowed a few minutes earlier.
“God, you’re sexy when you’re saving me,” Buffy said as she stood up and wiped the snow off her. Then, she pouted. “Now I’m all wet. Stupid demon.”
“He’s about to be a dead demon,” Spike snarled as he tossed Buffy an extra stake he’d had in his duster. “It makes me cranky when demons who aren’t me knock you down.”
“Yeah, not one of my favorite things either,” Buffy said, moving closer to Spike as they watched the woods for movement.
Soon, Santa emerged, his eyes flashing with anger as he came towards Buffy and Spike. “How dare you?!” he yelled, shaking snow from the trees. “Naughty, naughty children! But you will not ruin my Christmas feast! Fly to me, Rudolph!”
“Oh, no. Please no,” Buffy groaned. “He really is going to ruin Rudolph for me, isn’t he?” She looked up in the sky and saw a red light in the distance, though it was rapidly approaching. Knowing she had to move quickly, Buffy ran towards Santa again.
Seconds before she reached him, he touched his finger to the side of his nose, then disappeared.
“What the…” Buffy stopped when she heard cackling, and turned to see Santa now standing several feet away. This was not the best new development…
Before she could try to make a move again, a giant beast landed in the snow. Buffy supposed it bore some resemblance to the reindeer from her beloved animated special, only it was three times as big and significantly meaner looking.
And Rudolph’s nose did not so much as glow red as breathe fire. Rudolph the Fire-Breathing Reindeer… Not what she’d been looking forward to dealing with.
Demon Santa leapt onto Rudolph’s back and the reindeer immediately took to the skies, flying away too fast for either Buffy or Spike to have a chance to catch him. Santa’s cackling followed behind him until he was well out of sight, and Buffy slumped in defeat.
“I can’t believe I just got my ass handed to me by freaking Santa Claus.”
Spike put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. “To be fair, love, neither one of us were counting on him having reindeer reinforcements. Or for him to be able to do that weird little teleporting trick.”
“Damn wily red-suited bastard.” Buffy turned around quickly, almost knocking Spike over. “Do you think the kids are here in the village?”
“I hope so,” Spike replied. He took her hand. “Come on. If they are, we’ll find them.”
They walked closer to the small buildings, both keeping their eyes out for any more tomtin – or giant, fire-breathing reindeer for that matter. Suddenly, Spike came to an abrupt stop.
“Spike, what’s…”
“Shh. I think I heard something,” he replied, stopping her from saying anything else. He closed his eyes, concentrating for a moment before he opened them again and smiled. “This way,” he said, tugging on Buffy’s hand.
She followed him to one of the buildings, breathing a sigh of relief when he opened the door to reveal three frightened children huddled inside. Buffy crouched down, peering in at the kids. “Come on, it’s all right. We’re here to take you back to your families.”
One little girl who looked too much like Anne for Spike’s liking crawled out first, asking as she stared up with big, blue eyes, “You can take me back to my mummy?”
“We sure can, sweetling,” Spike replied, and the girl suddenly jumped at him, throwing her tiny arms around him in a fierce hug.
The two other children filed out then, and Buffy really wished this could be the end of their showdown with Santa Claus.
She knew she wouldn’t be so lucky.
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Chapter End Notes:
Hopefully, there’s only a couple of chapters left of this, and I can get them finished and posted before I go to visit internet-less relatives. (Yes, there are still people with no computer in their home, and I happen to spend Christmas with one. Three days with no e-mail…*twitch twitch*) I’m working on trying to get this finished before Christmas, but I’m also visiting with my parents and sister right now after not seeing them for a year, so that’s taking top priority for me. If I don’t get it finished before the 25th, then hopefully, I can at least get it done before New Year’s.
Reviews please!
Reviews please!