William closed the door quietly behind him, wondering if Dru would still be awake. A part of him almost hoped that she wouldn’t be home, that she had decided to spend the night somewhere else. Or, to be more accurate - with someone else. It was the coward in him speaking, of course. He would still have to face Dru eventually, and the sooner the better, for all of them. But that didn’t mean he was looking forward to it.
Meeting Buffy tonight had brought all his feelings for her back out in the open, but even more so, it had made him realize what a sad, pathetic life he had been living. Here he was – in love with one woman and living with another. And now it turned out that Buffy felt the same way about him. If only he hadn’t been so bloody proud and stubborn, then he would have given her a chance to explain a long time ago.
And in that case, a lot of things would have been different now. He couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that it was all his fault. But it was time to do something about it. He and Buffy belonged together. All he had to do now was telling Dru that their so called relationship was over. Now, if he had thought that she actually felt something for him, then he would probably feel a lot more guilty.
She would be upset, no question about it. But not because she loved him. Drusilla just really hated to lose, whether or not it was something she actually cared about.
“Spike? Is that you, darling?”
As he heard her voice calling out to him from the bedroom, he held back a sigh. Here we go... he thought as he entered the dark room. “Yeah, it’s me.”
Drusilla sat up when she saw him, giving him a soft smile. “You came back.”
“Right.” He stopped in the doorway, his eyes widening at the sight of her naked form on the bed. “You, um, expecting someone?”
“Yes. You.” Her smile widened and she patted the bed next to her. “Why don’t you come over here? I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Why?” He stared at her in disbelief. “What are you playing at?”
She pouted. “Come on, Spike. Don’t be like that. I know you want me.”
“First of all – name’s William,” he stated automatically, rolling his eyes. “Dru, we need to talk.”
“Yes, we do.” She batted her long eyelashes at him, running her tongue over her red lips. “I’ll tell you all the nasty little things I want you to do to me, whispering it in your ear. I want you to make me scream. And then, I want you to take me...”
“All right, hold it right there.” William shook his head, more than a little annoyed. “Look at my face, Dru. Do I look horny to you? Listen to my voice. Does it sound like I’m in a mood for shagging you?”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re still upset. I can change that. I can make you see stars. If you’ll just...”
“You’re unbelievable.” He tilted his head to the side. “You really love hearing your own voice, don’t you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She was starting to look upset, clearly realizing that it wouldn’t be as easy as she had expected to win him over this time. “Why are you acting this way?”
William let out a sigh. “Just cut the crap, Dru. You’ve made it perfectly clear that I don’t mean a bloody thing to you. Why don’t we just drop this little charade and go our separate ways?”
For a moment, she just looked at him, her eyes suddenly cold as ice. Then she grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her before slowly getting up from the bed, her eyes never leaving his. “Are you saying you don’t want me anymore? That you want to leave me?” Her voice was way too calm for his liking.
He forced himself to look her straight in the eyes, refusing to be intimidated by her creepy behavior. Suddenly he couldn’t help but wonder what he had ever seen in this woman. Was he really that starved for love and attention? Or had he just been too blind to see that it had never been real? Anyway, enough was enough. He nodded. “That’s right. It’s over, Dru. I’ll come back for my stuff tomorrow.”
As he turned to leave, she seemed to snap out of the shock and rushed over to him, grabbing his arm to stop him. “And where would you go? You are nothing, William. I’ve made you into who you are today. If you think you can just...” Her voice trailed off as realization hit her. Then, much to his surprise, she burst out laughing. “Oh, I see! My sweet prince has gotten tired of walking in the darkness. Now he wants to play in the sun.”
Frowning, William gave her a confused look. “What the bloody hell are you on about?”
Drusilla just ignored him and went on; “Sunshine will make you burn. The flames will consume you, until there’s nothing left. Then you will come crawling back. But then it might be too late.” She reached out her hand towards his face, letting her fingers run down his cheek. “The stars won’t wait forever, my sweet William, and neither will I.”
He raised a brow. “That suppose to make any sense? Look, Dru, m’not in a mood for this.” Taking a deep breath, he decided to try reasoning with her. “Listen, I appreciate what you’ve done for me. I do. We’ve had our fun, but let’s face it. I don’t love you, and you sure as hell don’t love me. We both know it. So why waste our time? We can both do better than this.”
“I told you – there is no such thing as love! You are a fool to believe otherwise.” She glared at him. “This is about her, isn’t it? Your golden goddess. But you will never be good enough for her. She will always look down at you, thinking you’re beneath her. Laughing at you for thinking you could ever be worthy of walking beside her, like you belong.”
“You’re wrong.” William gave her a cold look. “You don’t know her. Hell, you don’t even know me.”
“But I do.” Drusilla smiled a little, however, her eyes remained cold. “In fact, I know you better than you know yourself. You think you’ve changed, that you are a different man. But it’s all a lie. Inside, you’re still the same insecure little boy who’s secretly begging for acceptance. Praying that someday you’ll find someone who will see you. Dreaming about being loved. It’s disgusting!”
It was hard, not to let her words get to him. Deep down, William couldn’t help but feel sorry for Drusilla, for having such a twisted way of seeing things. Maybe she really did believe her own words about love, or maybe it was just her way of trying to protect herself from getting hurt. Either way, it couldn’t be a healthy way of living.
Still, he hated her for trying to put him down like this. Even more so, he hated himself for allowing her to treat him that way. “I’m leaving.” He kept his voice calm, but his tone clearly said that it was the end of the discussion. The question was, would she accept it?
To tell the truth, he didn’t care. A part of him almost wanted her to object, giving him a reason to lash out at her. Finally he was able to see things clearly, and he didn’t like it one bit. He was ashamed of himself for letting Dru make him into a pawn in her sick little game, for allowing himself to be used and not even care.
Not even two months, and he had let her take control of his life completely. The worst part was that he had been okay with it. He had enjoyed the attention, not to mention the sex. That was, until it was over. Then he always felt empty. But he had convinced himself that it was supposed to be like that. He wanted to blame Dru. But the truth was – depressing as it may be – that he had willingly allowed her to turn him into her personal sex toy, nothing more than an object. And it made him feel sick.
He had tried telling himself that this was the life he wanted, that he and Dru belonged together. That love and true feelings weren’t really necessary; it was so much better when your heart wasn’t really in the relationship. But he could only fool himself for so long. Dru had made it clear that he wasn’t enough for her, and it hurt, even though he didn’t love her.
It made him feel worthless. And it made him realize that he wanted more in life. He had to deserve more. Right? And now, everything had changed. Buffy loved him. She wanted to be with him. And he’d be damned if he would screw things up again. It was time to finally stand up for himself and move on.
Shrugging out of the expensive leather coat she had bought him, while they still hadn’t been going out for a week, he held it out to her. “Here.” Suddenly he felt dirty for having accepted it in the first place. He really wasn’t anything more than her whore.
Drusilla’s eyes darkened. “You don’t wanna do this.” She crossed her arms over her chest, clearly indicating that she wouldn’t accept his attempt of a peace offering. “You can’t just walk away from me.”
“You know what?” William let out a sigh as he let the coat drop to the floor. “Just watch me. Goodbye, Dru.” Before she got the chance to protest, he turned around and walked out the door.
TBC