Pacing the room back and forth, Buffy was becoming more agitated by the minute. Checking her watch for what seemed like the fiftieth time, she realized that it had been almost two hours since William had left her at The Bronze to go back to Drusilla and end things with her. What the hell was taking him so long? A part of her was terrified that he had somehow changed his mind and decided to stay with Dru after all.
The more rational part of her told herself to just be patient and give him some time, but unfortunately, love and rationality didn’t always mix. Maybe he and Dru had gotten into a huge fight. Buffy didn’t know the dark-haired woman that well, only by rumors, but surely she wouldn’t react very well. Of course, nobody would like being dumped, but Buffy had a sinking feeling that Drusilla would take something like that a lot worse than most people.
The more she thought about it, the more nervous she got. When the door bell finally rang, she let out a startled cry and nearly jumped through the roof. For a moment, she just stared at the closed door, unable to move. Then she snapped out of it and rushed to open. She swallowed as she found herself looking right into the bluest pair of eyes she had ever seen.
It was strange how she and William had been friends for so long without her ever noticing just how beautiful his eyes were. She tried to greet him with a smile, but her heart was beating so fast, she almost feared she would pass out. Instead she just took a step back, allowing him to enter. For a moment, she was afraid he would give her an apologetic look and explain that he wasn’t going to stay. He didn’t. Instead he stepped inside, closing the door quietly behind him.
Drusilla was standing in the middle of the living room, surrounded by what could only be described as total destruction. Her hands were bleeding from where she had cut herself on a piece of broken glass, but she didn’t feel any pain. She had started by taking her fury out on the black leather coat, having carelessly thrown the once expensive piece of clothing to the side after tearing it to shreds with a pair of scissors.
Then she had moved on to the CD’s, starting with the Sex Pistols, followed by the Ramones. After breaking all of them in halves, she had thrown the pieces in a heap on the floor. The rest of William’s clothes, which mostly consisted of black jeans and t-shirts, had received the same humiliating treatment as the coat. And when she couldn’t find any more of his belongings to break or tear apart, she had gotten loose on the furniture.
After everything she had done for him, this was how he would repay her? Well, he was going to regret it deeply, she would make sure of that. Nobody treated her this way and got away with it. When Angel had betrayed her with that filthy whore - Darla, she had become obsessed with the idea of making him see what he was missing. But this time, just moving on to a more attractive man wouldn’t be enough.
No, William hadn’t just betrayed her. He had taken everything she had done for him, everything she had given him, and simply thrown it back in her face. That ungrateful bastard! Drusilla was fuming. Did he actually believe that it was up to him to decide that he no longer needed her? That he could just walk away from her and she was going to accept it? In that case, he was sadly mistaken. Letting out a furious shriek, her eyes darted around the room in search for more things to smash.
“Did you...?” Buffy hesitated, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. She wanted nothing more than to just throw herself in William’s arms, but for some reason, she was afraid of approaching him. So she remained where she was, keeping a safe distance between them, even though her mind was screaming for her to touch him.
William nodded. “It’s over.” He gave her an uncertain look, and she noticed that he seemed to be just as lost as she was. “Didn’t change your mind, did you? ‘Bout me staying here, I mean.”
“No. Of course not.” Buffy bit her lip. This was not how she had pictured their reunion. She glanced at him, wishing he would just take her in his arms and hold her forever. When he did no motion of doing so, she let out a sigh and walked over to the couch. She was almost afraid of asking, but found herself doing it anyway; “So, how did she take it?”
Letting out a bitter laugh, he slowly made his way over to the couch as well, sitting down next to her after a brief moment’s hesitation. “How do you think?”
“That bad, huh?” She gave him a sympathetic smile, pausing for a moment. “Wanna talk about it?”
He didn’t answer at first. Instead he just slumped back against the cushion of the couch. Then he turned towards her, and she noticed how tired he looked. “How did we end up here, Buffy? When did things start to get so bloody wrong?” She opened her mouth, but he went on; “Second thought, don’t have to answer. Already know.”
“It doesn’t matter, anymore. Right?” Buffy ached to take his hand. Still, she didn’t dare. Not yet. She gave him a pleading look, silently begging him to agree. But he remained silent, and she wondered what on earth had happened at Drusilla’s house to make him act this way. Before he left The Bronze, he had seemed hopeful, telling her how everything would be okay. ’We’ll be okay,’ he’d said, and she had believed him.
But now, he seemed like a completely different person. In fact, his entire body screamed of dejection, and it was starting to scare the hell out of her. Although a part of her couldn’t help but wonder if he was having second thoughts about leaving Dru, she knew deep down that wasn’t the case. No, William loved her, of that much she was certain. So, what was the problem?
“William?” She lowered her eyes, suddenly afraid of looking at him. “Please, talk to me.” For a moment, she feared that she would start crying.
“I’m sorry.” His voice was barely more than a whisper, and she raised her head, her eyes meeting his. “Just hit me, is all.”
“What?” She did reach out for him this time, and nearly wept with relief when he immediately took her hand, bringing it up to his lips to place a soft kiss on her knuckles. For a brief moment, she almost thought she saw tears in his eyes, but he looked away before she could tell for certain.
William hesitated for a moment, not knowing how to begin. It seemed like he – finally – had everything he had ever wanted within his reach, and suddenly he was terrified of accepting it. He feared that if Buffy would find out how twisted his relationship with Drusilla had really been, it would change the way she saw him. Although he had stubbornly pushed it all to the back of his mind at the time, it didn’t change the fact that he felt disgusted by himself for letting Dru use him like that.
It was quite possible that Buffy would feel the same way. He didn’t like to think that would be the case, but a part of him couldn’t help but doubt. Thinking back at how he had allowed Drusilla to seduce him with sex, money and power made him feel sick. Sure, he may have felt something for her, but it had never been about love. He had known it all along, and still, he had greedily accepted everything she offered him.
He had told himself it was a good thing that he didn’t really love Dru, because then she wouldn’t be able to hurt him. But it turned out that he had been wrong. Finding out that she had been shagging another bloke behind his back had been more painful than he liked to admit. It meant that he hadn’t been good enough for her, and the realization hurt, because loving her or not, he had been trying.
Realizing that Buffy was waiting for him to say something, anything, he tried to push the dark thoughts to the back of his mind, along with Drusilla. That part of his life was over now. Of course, knowing it in his head, and in his heart, was two different matters. He sighed, knowing that he would have to be honest with Buffy, should they ever have a chance of working things out between them. “Sure you wanna hear this, pet?”
She watched him for a moment, and he knew she wanted to say no. Hell, he wanted her to say no. But she nodded. “I do.”
“Right, then...” William nodded, slowly, trying to figure out how to explain to her. The truth was, he didn’t really understand it himself.
“Wait...” Buffy raised a hand to prevent him from continuing. “Before you start, just tell me one thing.” He gave her a questioning look, and she swallowed. “You still love me?”
His eyes widened in surprise. “Yes. God, yes.”
She was terrified of asking the next question. “Still wanna be with me?”
This time, he did no attempt of hiding his tears from her. “More than anything.”
Letting out the breath she had been holding – and silently thanking any powers that may be listening – she climbed onto his lap and slid her arms around his neck. “Then nothing else matters.”
For a moment, he just looked at her, his eyes desperately searching hers for some sign that she didn’t really mean it. Then, obviously finding nothing, he finally wrapped his own arms around her, and she could feel the exact moment when he finally gave in and allowed himself to relax. To hope.
His eyes never leaving hers, William leaned in and kissed her, his whole body suddenly shaking with a desperate need to be inside her, to make her his for real. To assure her how much he wanted her, but even more so to assure himself that this was real.
The last thing he wanted was to screw things up by moving too fast, but it was like he was no longer in control of his own actions. Gently pushing her back against the couch, he shifted a little so he would be on top of her. To his great relief, Buffy did no motion of stopping him. In fact, it was like she had just been waiting for him to make the first move.
Unable to keep a pleading whimper from escaping her throat, Buffy started tugging on his clothes, almost desperately. Not caring the slightest how needy she would appear, she grabbed William’s hand and placed it over the button of her jeans, her eyes screaming at him to take them off. His hands were trembling, but he managed to obey after a brief moment’s struggling.
“Please...” William didn’t know whether it was him or her who had spoken the word, or maybe it was both of them. Maybe their minds had become one, united along with their bodies. All he knew was that he finally had the woman he loved in his arms, begging him to take her. And he never wanted to let her go.
TBC