”William, I…” Buffy slumped back against the pillows with a sigh, not knowing whether to rant or cry, or possibly both. “I just don’t get it. How could this happen?”
William cast a brief glance in her direction before looking away. “What you really mean to ask is, how could I let this happen. How could I sink so bloody low. Right?”
“No, that’s not what I...” Buffy stopped, wanting to assure him, but also knowing he was partly right. A part of her had been thinking it, although she didn’t want to admit it. Biting her lip, she tried to choose her next words carefully. “Look, William, I’m not trying to judge you or anything; I’m only trying to understand. It’s just that I know you. Or, at least I thought I did.”
She continued before he could interrupt; “I guess I just don’t see how you could end up with Drusilla of all people.” He opened his mouth, but she went on; “I mean, if you really did love her, that would be one thing, I guess, but...” Her voice trailed off as she gave him a questioning look, silently begging him to explain.
“Told you; it was safe.” William got a defensive note in his voice. “Made it all easier. I could just...” He hesitated, not sure how to go on.
“Pretend?” Buffy finished, an unreadable expression on her face.
He sat up, facing away from her. “If you think I’m proud of myself, you’re wrong. Don’t have to tell me how pathetic I’ve been. Already know.”
Buffy sat up as well. “Don’t do this. Please, William, just look at me.” When he reluctantly obeyed, she ran her fingers gently through his bleached blond hair. “Why did you let her do this to you? Don’t get me wrong – it looks good on you, but you didn’t have to change.” She swallowed. “It’s like she took away everything that’s you, and just turned you into someone else.”
William tried not to lean into her touch, but it was hard. “Maybe I wanted to be someone else for a while. Ever think of that? Maybe I didn’t like myself very much before. Not like she ever put a gun to my head or anything. Went along with it ‘cause I wanted to.” He was quiet for a moment. “So, yeah, maybe she did turn me into someone else. But I’d lie if I’d say I didn’t enjoy it.” A pause. “Besides, didn’t work now, did it?”
“What do you mean?” Buffy tilted her head to the side and watched him, trying to remember how his hair had looked like before. For one thing, it had been longer. Curly. And, of course, darker. She suddenly found herself missing those curls. Still, she hadn’t been lying. It really did look good on him. For some reason, she was starting to feel sad.
“I’m still me.” William looked her deep in the eyes, wishing he knew what she was thinking. “Let her do her little dress-up act, thinking things would be different. That I would be different.” He rolled his eyes. “Sure as hell changed the way other people looked at me, but that’s all. Still the same person on the inside, Buffy. Can’t you see that?” He gave her a pleading look.
“I’m sorry.” Her bottom lip was trembling now. “If I hadn’t...”
“Don’t.” He interrupted her. “Not your fault; s’mine. Can’t blame you for not feeling the same way.”
“But that’s the thing; I did.” Buffy quickly wiped away a tear. “I just didn’t realize it at the time, and then...”
“Then I went and made things even worse by hooking up with Dru,” William finished, sarcastically. “Seriously, Buffy, I’m the one to blame here.”
Buffy put her hand on top of his. “Seriously, we could go on for hours; arguing about who’s really to blame for all of this. Does it even matter anymore? I mean, we’ve both made mistakes in the past, no point in denying that. But maybe it’s time to move on.”
William looked at her, a hopeful look on his face. More than anything, he wanted it to be true. He was just so tired of walking around feeling like a part of himself was missing. Tired of feeling sorry for himself. And most of all, he was tired of blaming himself for losing the love of his life even before he really had her. Buffy was here now. She loved him. She wanted them to have a future together. Nothing else mattered.
“You’re right.” He managed a small smile, feeling his heart melt when she gave him a weak smile in return. “Know I’m being a git about this, but I just need you to understand. Was never about Dru. I just needed...” Letting out a frustrated sigh, he tried to find the right words. “Just needed to get away. Guess she just made it easy.”
The thing was, a part of her really could understand. She wanted to tell him it was okay, but suddenly feared that she would burst out crying should she so much as open her mouth. For some reason, she felt both miserable and extremely happy at the same time. And it was just so confusing. Not knowing what else to do, she simply reached out for him, sighing in relief when he immediately pulled her into his arms.
“You want me to wait out here? Or should I...?” Buffy nodded towards the large wooden door, leading into Drusilla’s house. She had insisted for William to come here and get his belongings first thing in the morning, just to get it over with, once and for all. He had agreed, although it was obvious that he wasn’t looking forward to facing Dru again. Not that Buffy could really blame him. So, she had offered to go with him.
Of course, he had told her it wasn’t really necessary, but she had been persistent. And she had a feeling that deep down – despite his words – William was grateful for her support. And that’s all it is, she firmly told herself. It wasn’t like she was here to gloat or anything. Surely she would be able to resist the urge to jump up and down with glee the moment Drusilla would open the door. Take that, you bitch!
“Might be best if you’d just wait here.” William gave her an apologetic look, pulling out a key from his pocket. “Kinda hoping she’s still asleep, but I’m probably not that lucky.” He grimaced. “Just wanna get my stuff and be done with it. Not in a mood for another fight.” As the key easily turned in the lock with a clicking sound, he raised a brow. “Huh. Still works. Half expected her to change the soddin’ locks as soon as I left last night.” He opened the door and stepped inside, leaving Buffy on the front porch with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“Dru?” William called out, looking around the room. No answer. Maybe he was in luck after all and she wouldn’t even be home. Then again, she was probably in bed, sleeping. Taking a deep breath, he quickly walked over to the bedroom door, knocking softly. “You in there?” Once again, he was met by silence. He waited a moment, then quietly pushed the door open and stepped inside.
The large bed was empty and made, but Drusilla was nowhere to be seen. Letting out the breath he had been holding, William hurried over to the huge wardrobe at the far end of the room. Opening the door and looking inside, his eyes widened in surprise at the sight that met him. Okay, what the bloody hell was going on here? Where were all his clothes?
“No point in looking. I burned them.”
William spun around at the sound of Drusilla’s cold voice, coming from behind him. His eyes narrowed. “You what?”
“The rest is gone as well.” She let out a giggle. “I already told you, Spike – you’re nothing without me. And now, you have nothing. Just the way it should be, don’t you think?” She batted her long eyelashes at him.
“You really are off your rocker, aren’t you?” William shook his head in disgust. “Fine. Know what? I don’t give a bloody damn. Just means I can get the hell out of here even faster. Here.” He tossed the key at her, holding back a smirk at the surprised look on her face as she caught it.
“Not so fast!” He ignored her and simply walked past her, eager to get out of the room, away from Drusilla and back to Buffy. She hurried after, grabbing his arm to stop him. “I said, not so fast. There’s something you should know.”
“Yeah?” William forced back a sigh, determined not to let anything she said affect him. “Really not interested.”
“Oh, I think this will in fact interest you very much.” Drusilla smiled, although her eyes remained cold as ice, and she ran her hand over her stomach, looking him straight in the eyes as she continued; “Because I still have one thing that belongs to you.”
TBC